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Old 07-15-2017, 11:02 AM   #361
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I like to be treated well
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Old 07-15-2017, 12:37 PM   #362
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This is difficult to find these days. Especially the latter part. No one has attentive time or interest. So many are constantly absorbed with themselves, social media and what is always going on with everyone else. Some don't understand what substance really is, at an intimate level, at least to a girl who has a very active & deep multi-faceted mind and soul.

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I like old school manners and someone who is capable of engaging with me on many levels.
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Old 07-15-2017, 12:42 PM   #363
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This is difficult to find these days. Especially the latter part. No one has attentive time or interest. So many are constantly absorbed with themselves, social media and what is always going on with everyone else. Some don't understand what substance really is, at an intimate level, at least to a girl who has a very active & deep multi-faceted mind and soul.
i totally agree. if i feel i have lost someones attention to social media or a cellphone, while on a date, i check out.
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Old 07-15-2017, 12:43 PM   #364
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It would be nice to be on an actual date. I don't think I've ever been taken on a real date before. I'm not hard to please, but spontaneously stopping at local fast food doesn't count anymore.
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Old 07-15-2017, 01:31 PM   #365
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Treat me like I'm Waterford Crystal ......
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Old 07-15-2017, 01:34 PM   #366
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Treat me like I'm Waterford Crystal ......
You mean delicately or spray a bit of Windex on ya to shine ya up......
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Old 07-15-2017, 01:37 PM   #367
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You mean delicately or spray a bit of Windex on ya to shine ya up......
Thou shalt not spray any windex on me, like in the film, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, *LOL*

<<<<~~ Delicate, very delicate (but durable).
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Old 07-15-2017, 02:13 PM   #368
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I enjoy old school chivalry with the flowers and door-opening and a fancy dinner and a certain "formality".

But I also enjoy super casual dates in jeans and heels where we are eating chicken wings and drinking beer and watching the game.
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Old 07-15-2017, 05:39 PM   #369
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thinking on this it depends on who the date is with.

One common thing is being able to have a decent conversation and have a laugh..
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Old 07-15-2017, 11:05 PM   #370
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Question

I've never been on a date before, so I don't know what use I'd be answering this.
My favourite is if they were really respectful, that would make me so happy!

I would also like

ermm ...

Good manners/politeness to the staff, wherever we go.
No loudness.
No drunkness.
Someone who doesn't keep looking at their phone (I hate this, it makes me feel like shit ).
Someone who can keep a conversation going (because I don't know how to).
No butting in/talking over me when I eventually do manage a sentence out.
...
No constant bragging/showing off/me me me.
No looking at other women, ever (instant deal breaker)!
No extravagance (unless it's a mutual decision), I cannot handle it. I'd be so happy going to McDonald's, or the likes, and always splitting the bill. I also really hate surprises, of any kind (they freak me out).
....
Make sure I got home safely.

.......

I can't think of any more, at the moment. Just to get to know each other and hopefully fall in love.

I really don't know. No one's ever treated me special, in that way. I think it might weird me out a wee bit.
I think I'd cope with 'normalness'(?).



Omg, I've just re-read what I've written and I sound so bossy! .. Dreading posting this.
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Old 07-15-2017, 11:09 PM   #371
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Exclamation

Whenever my Mum would go on dates with her ex, he would always order more food whenever it was his turn to pay. She didn't like this.

She wants to be put on a pedestal, and to feel like number 1.
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Old 07-16-2017, 04:41 AM   #372
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he would always order more food whenever it was his turn to pay. She didn't like this.

OOPS! I meant to write "whenever it was HER turn to pay". It won't let me edit it, sorry!
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Old 08-04-2017, 02:06 PM   #373
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I'm not dating right now (just being single for the moment).

I don't date people I don't know. So I don't do blind first dates. Got sick and tired of meeting people for the first time on a first date.

So, we will be hanging out (just having a meal together, or coffee, talking - talking is a big part of getting to know you, maybe doing a couple things of shared interest), not dating, till I know you well enough to know if I *want* a date with you and you with me.

Dates I like?

Shared interests:

science stuff! - visit the particle collider at UBC, go to the science museum, get tickets to Nerd Night, or tickets to any of the science shows or lectures, history of science or medicine, or philosophy.

anything to do with museums, galleries, planetarium, or aquarium.

go to a lake for a swim, or wading at Spanish Banks or any UBC beaches.

cinema at the Rio/Cinematique (alternative cinemas that show non-hollywood or "B" flicks).

go to a sci fi fan light show at the planetarium or a documentary at the IMAX.

take out sushi lunch on the rooftop garden of my building.

Please don't get drunk or smoke pot during our date (or before). Have a drink or two, sure - but anything past a bit tipsy is a turn off. Save the joint for when you are with your mates or on your own - if you can't, then I'm not a person to date for you.

Please don't expect me to talk with you every day. Please have your own life, your own friends, your own hobbies. I want to share some of those with you, not merge into each other.

My job is really physical (so physical the government guidelines are no more than 24 hours of work in a week) so I don't want to hike a mountain or go snow shoeing on my days off.

If we get to know each other well enough that I think we'll get on for longer blocks of time together, then I'll be happy to go on three day "camping" trips that don't require me sleeping on the ground. Cards, board games, and movies in those evenings; swimming, snorkeling, lake, forest or beach walks in the afternoons. Tea in bed with books and sex in the morning. I LOVE a lay in! Lovely brunches with a view.

3 day city breaks are fun too! Exploring new cities.

I'd love to have a week holiday in Istanbul or Marrakech.
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Old 08-31-2017, 09:58 AM   #374
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As I was reading these, it struck me I hadn't had a first date at all. Ever. My dates were usually extended visits to me and not a single, "let's do this on this date and time." That made me sad.
I don't expect a gift unless we've been communicating for long enough for you to know what might be appropriate. Best gift I ever got were door pulls in the shape of a pink heart and a pink star.
Please don't bring flowers. You probably won't know that I love carnations. Also, if I have a cat (I don't at the present time) flowers are a nuisance as I don't know a cat that doesn't love them.
Be clear up front. I was brought up that the inviter paid unless something else was agreed upon in advance. I don't mind going dutch given the price of everything these days.
You should be sparling clean; it's not necessary that the exterior of your car match. The interior should be clean (I'm never driving on a date. Oh wait, I only have a scooter now. Never mind.)
Please don't plan to spend a lot of money. This is a first date. I'll be more impressed by you than by what we do. Please make it somewhere we can talk and hear each other. You know the restaurants you can't hear yourself think much less anyone else speak; avoid them. No coffee houses please; I don't drink coffee and the scent of coffee does not appeal to me.
What you do and how you do it will factor in to the decision on a second date.
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Old 08-31-2017, 01:30 PM   #375
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It would be nice to be on an actual date. I don't think I've ever been taken on a real date before. I'm not hard to please, but spontaneously stopping at local fast food doesn't count anymore.
:::thinking somebody should remedy this:::
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Old 10-04-2017, 11:04 PM   #376
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I was talking to someone in the chat room the other night and I made the remark that I can't afford date anyone right now. The femme I was talking to asked me why I feel that it takes money, and for me it comes down to how I treat a femme on a date.

I personally would really like to know how to be a better date so that someday, if I ever can afford to date again, I can do it better. Thanks in advance!

It really doesn't take money to date a person. If I was interested in dating anyone (I'm not)
these are... Dates I would enjoy, that I'm writing about because you can use them in your situation.

movie night at home (a nice film - or just a great tv show, bowl of cherries, plate of cheese and crackers). Cost- maybe $10? You can leave the cherries out if you like.
The price could be less just by having dinner at home with the movie - salad fixings are cheap.

going for a hike where it may be scenic
(bring water and a snack, and a blanket to sit on). With some great conversation and maybe birds nearby or wildlife.


How would I want to be treated?

Hold the door open for me, help me be seated at the table. Intellectual conversation. Absolutely no sexual moves (it would be too early in the dating time period), look into my eyes, act like what you genuinely are - a person of class and taste.

Years ago, this butch in Malibu I was interested in would use scented dryer sheets when doing laundry.. and his shirts would be soft and the scent was nice. I'm saying this as an idea for the butches reading this.

Just some ideas for you...
Here's wishing you all the best.

Deborah
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Old 10-05-2017, 07:47 AM   #377
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I was talking to someone in the chat room the other night and I made the remark that I can't afford date anyone right now. The femme I was talking to asked me why I feel that it takes money, and for me it comes down to how I treat a femme on a date.

For *ME*, it takes money to date a femme properly. No, I would never take a femme to McDonald's for a date. I may not take her to the fanciest place for dinner, but it should be nice. 60$ is not an unreasonable amount to spend on a nice meal with a girl. Then there is all the grooming. A fresh haircut every 2 weeks; getting a car wash before each date because who wants to be picked up in a dirty car??; Having freshly cleaned and pressed clothes that are dress-casual to dressy. (Jeans are fine if you have a dress shirt and tie to go with them.) And, bring her a small gift with each date, usually flowers, but it could be something else that she likes, such as candy or something else. Buy her drinks if you are at a bar.

Things that don't cost money but are essential to me are: Be freshly showered before each date! Open every door for her; pull out her chair for her; allow her to order her food first; ask her first if you want to hold her hand or kiss her (that's just good manners). If you like how she looks or her smile or how she smells or the things that she says, or wears, then tell her. Let her talk about herself, and don't dominate the conversation with things about you. Don't use a lot of swear words. Don't talk about your exes!! Don't be in a rush to get into bed; try to get to know her, who she is and what she is like. Listen to her. Ask her what kind of things she enjoys doing, what kind of food she likes, etc. so if she agrees to another date, you can plan your next date around things she enjoys. Don't do the same thing every single date - try to plan a variety of activities. Thank her for spending time with you, and if you really like her and want to see her again, don't wait more than 2 days to call her. Don't call her the very next day, either. Give room, but not too much room. Don't blow up her phone with text messages either, but saying you had a good time is important.

The person I was discussing this with said she had never been treated this way on a date, and I was kind of surprised. She told me I should start a thread about dating, so here it is:

Femmes, how do you like to be treated on a date? I think all of us people on the masculine spectrum should know what you ladies would like and what you think is important. I know not all femmes are the same and like the exact same things, so having as much feed back as possible is really appreciated! Also, some feed back about what NOT to do would be helpful too! Stories about both good dates and bad ones are welcome! I personally would really like to know how to be a better date so that someday, if I ever can afford to date again, I can do it better. Thanks in advance!
so basically all the things you said are spot on what I would expect as far as taking the time with you appearance, having a clean car and just overall showing that level of respect to your date. I know that a lot of girls do like to be spoiled and I am guilty as charged..however romantic gestures and putting a lot of thought into something will get you far even if you aren't spending a lot of money. maybe a quick drink followed by some romantic sight seeing or exploring a beautiful place in nature
i've always been the most impressed when a date remembers something i said or an interest of mine and then plans our time together around that. just the fact that you care that much to please me is a turn on. nothing is more attractive than a women with a plan not just a "what do you wanna do", uhhh idk"
, especially in the very early stages this really impresses me. say she loves horror films ? maybe visit a pumpkin patch and pick one to carve followed by netflix binging on scary movies after . complete with popcorn and of course cuddling. femmes loves that shit lol
remember even though the gold star femmes are out there many of he girls ur dating have been with men before aka extremely thoughtless for he most past when it comes to this stuff so you have a lot to work with and it usually doesn't take much more than thoughtfulness to really wow them and have them how romantic and considerate you are.
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Old 10-11-2017, 07:45 PM   #378
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I like for the girl I'm with to have everything planned out, and be creative with it.
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Old 01-01-2018, 01:34 AM   #379
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I want to be treated like a lady. I want the door opened for me, I want the chair pulled out for me, if we're at a restaurant, flowers would be a nice touch but not necessary, good intelligent conversation. Of course (it's obvious therefore I shouldn't even have to write this) a clean car- inside and out is important.

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Old 01-01-2018, 07:08 AM   #380
Esme nha Maire
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I think it depends on the type of person you're dating. The original poster remarked about their inability to date due to finances. Well, there are many things in life that are easier with money, but also many that are necessary for ones well-being, money or no.

If the kind of person that turns you on is a full-on high-maintenance Femme that you know expects (demands?) to be wined and dined, well, you have your situation clearly laid out for you, don't you? If you haven't got the finances then your chances with them may be limited. But not every femme is like that.

I'd say courtesy and a reasonable degree of adaptability are more important - for both people involved in the date. And yes, make an effort with your appearance by all means, but make sure it's YOU that you're presenting, not some stereotype that is purely for the purpose of luring 'em in.

Butch or Femme or wherever one is on the spectrum, not everyone has money to spare, but everyone needs affection, and it pains me to see people believing that they have to be rich to go seek that special someone. I've experienced being wined and dined, but the person I fell deeply in love with was as poor as I, and the simple pleasure of being in their company and doing things together sufficed, for me, be that watching a video at their place, or having a cuppa in a cafe after some window-shopping and a walk in the park.

Just being with Them, and knowing that They are as interested in you as you are in Them is magical - for me. Dating is not just for the rich. Money can make life easier - but it doesn't create affection, and ultimately, that's what dating is about, no?
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