Labels - Page 2

D-Money · 11-09-2009, 04:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Words

Well, since you're eating crackers made of poor little goldfish then you're obviously not a vegetarian, which rules out the possibility of your being a lesbian, (because everyone knows that lesbians only eat hummus and tabouleh), so...I have to wonder....

Do you only eat goldfish crackers or do you sometimes eat other types of crackers as well (in which case, you must be bi-sexual because everyone knows that bisexuals are indecisive and lack the ability to choose one type of cracker and stick with it)?

Well?

Words

i'll eat them all *weg* ...

not because i'm indecisive ... but because i love them all!!

(you're use of stereotypes is cracking me up!)

little man · 11-09-2009, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D-Money

i'll eat them all *weg* ...

not because i'm indecisive ... but because i love them all!!

(you're use of stereotypes is cracking me up!)

so, you're saying you're an omnivore?

Mitmo01 · 11-09-2009, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Words

Do they make you fart?

If they don't, then you're obviously a femme because everyone knows that femmes don't fart.

Seriously.

Words

ahhahahahahaha lmfao that is hilarious the ones i know can blow louder than i can lol

Jett · 11-09-2009, 04:17 PM

...on one hand it's is useful to have something to say "in a nutshell this is what I am". Still I don't like the confining feel that comes with them, because whether you like it or not, people are going to use their lens and paint you with their interpretation of your label.

It use to bug the crap out of me... at this point in my life I really don't care as much... I am who I am and those who truly care will take the time to get to know me.

D-Money · 11-09-2009, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little man

so, you're saying you're an omnivore?

and then some, Mister!

although i do have my faves ...

back to serious again ... i have lately had a lot of folk attempt to slap the "bi-sexual" label on me ... i will fight that tooth and nail!

for some reason, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to who you fuck.

as we know, this is crap.

little man · 11-09-2009, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D-Money

for some reason, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to who you fuck.

damn...i'm nothing? does that mean i have special invisibility powers?

D-Money · 11-09-2009, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little man

damn...i'm nothing? does that mean i have special invisibility powers?

oh no, my friend ... you are amazing!

as i said, we all know this is crap!

maybe i should have said "for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to who you want to fuck.

little man · 11-09-2009, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D-Money

oh no, my friend ... you are amazing!

as i said, we all know this is crap!

whew! i am kinda bummed about no special powers, though.

Words · 11-09-2009, 04:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D-Money

okay, back to serious ...

for years, claiming 'femme' was very much a part of who i thought i was.

on other butch/femme sites (i don't feel the need to specify) i was that bitch who grilled non-label-lovers who came to the site claiming they didn't label themselves. "this site is for butches and femmes! if you don't identify, wtf are you doing here?! go find your own site, you ... you LESBIAN!" i didn't even realize my own need at the time to label them ... or even that i was doing it.

i was so wrapped up in how important my own label was to me that i didn't even listen to where they might have been coming from- i was blind to everything but what i perceived to be an attack on my own labeling of myself.

in light of the course of my own journey in recent years, i can see myself on the other side of that controversy. i probably deserve it ... (i really was a bitch)

I agree that in many cases, it's for our own benefit that we want/expect others to ID one way or another. I have to say though that one of the reasons I prefer to know how someone IDs is that I don't want to offend them by referring to them in a way that makes them uncomfortable and I would imagine that that's fairly common. So, in a way, it can be a no win situation. Ask them how they ID and make them feel pressured into IDing one way or another, or not ask them, and possibly insult them by assuming?

Make sense?

little man · 11-09-2009, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Words

I agree that in many cases, it's for our own benefit that we want/expect others to ID one way or another. I have to say though that one of the reasons I prefer to know how someone IDs is that I don't want to offend them by referring to them in a way that makes them uncomfortable and I would imagine that that's fairly common. So, in a way, it can be a no win situation. Ask them how they ID and make them feel pressured into IDing one way or another, or not ask them, and possibly insult them by assuming?

Make sense?

perhaps best to ask for pronoun preference?

D-Money · 11-09-2009, 04:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Words

I agree that in many cases, it's for our own benefit that we want/expect others to ID one way or another. I have to say though that one of the reasons I prefer to know how someone IDs is that I don't want to offend them by referring to them in a way that makes them uncomfortable and I would imagine that that's fairly common. So, in a way, it can be a no win situation. Ask them how they ID and make them feel pressured into IDing one way or another, or not ask them, and possibly insult them by assuming?

Make sense?

yes, it does make sense ... i can see what that might look like.

but i do think that the discomfort that may be caused by asking is likely to be less than the discomfort caused by labeling without asking.

D-Money · 11-09-2009, 04:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by little man

perhaps best to ask for pronoun preference?

ah, but there are SOOOO many other gender/orientation/sexuality/identity assumptions that are made besides that!

little man · 11-09-2009, 04:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D-Money

ah, but there are SOOOO many other gender/orientation/sexuality/identity assumptions that are made besides that!

i try always to spell and pronounce someone's name correctly. i try to use proper pronouns. after that, i don't much care. i'm not going to refer to someone's other stuff unless i know them well. i guess i really don't care about all that too much....in so far as speaking with someone goes. if a friendship develops, then there will be opportunity for those conversations to be had.

Words · 11-09-2009, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by D-Money

and then some, Mister!

for some reason, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to who you fuck.

as we know, this is crap.

I think it goes even further than that. I would say, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to not only who you fuck, but how you fuck.

For example, I'm a femme submissive. The assumption being - as far as many are concerned - that I'm some kind of pillow princess unable to adopt anything but a totally passive role in bed. Which of course, is absolute bullshit because as a submissive, my desire is to please, not to be pleased, including sexually. So although my Top definitely calls the shots, if you will, in bed, as elsewhere, if pleasing Hym requires my pretending to be a big, bad leather daddy and fucking Hym senseless until Hy begs for mercy (which it doesn't, but hey, it could), then that is what I will do.

Pillow princess? I don't think so. Not that I have anything against those who do ID that way but do you see where I'm coming from?

Words

bonne-maman · 11-09-2009, 06:14 PM

I love gender threads.....

it seems one thing that might be tweaked out here...is the similarity between defining oneself and not defining oneself...

I have known butches who feel the word "butch" very much captures their gender, because their definition of "butch" is either:
1) a person who is both male and female,
OR
2) a person who is neither male or female; but a third gender, that combines elements of both male and female

I also have friends who use the word "genderqueer" and to them it means either #1 or #2 above.

On the other hand, I think I hear some people, on this thread, saying they do not want to use a label or word for their gender precisely because they think of themselves similarly to numbers 1 or 2 above. They think of themselves as between or combined, and do not feel a word or label adequately expresses this for them.

I very much love when people do different things for the same reason, or do the same things for different reasons, or arrive at the same place using various paths, or use the same path to arrive at different places or......well, this is crystal clear, right?

little man · 11-09-2009, 06:28 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Words

I think it goes even further than that. I would say, for a lot of people, who you are all comes down to not only who you fuck, but how you fuck.

Words

i think this is my sticking point, right here. i just don't think it's any of my business. perhaps it's because i tend to be a private person, that i use privacy as a default for others.

unless you and i decide to engage in some sort of intimacy, what's it to me? nothing, really. i am eternally curious about most everything, but don't always inquire or feel that someone is obligated to let me know these things.

Andrew, Jr. · 11-10-2009, 02:24 PM

I don't care for labels. Never have. The brain is the most important sex organ, not what is in my pants if you ask me.

Andrew

Jet · 11-10-2009, 02:36 PM

I like my label and I like using it to describe myself: Transgendered (and pre-T FTM.) For me, my label provides a sense of order, clarity and a solid identification of what I am. It also signals boundries of what I will and will not tolerate within my own community; discrimination being the first.

Darth Denkay · 11-12-2009, 10:43 PM

I feel similarly. I appreciate labels for a couple reasons. One, they give me a starting point. They don't map out the whole entity but I've got something to start with. Secondly, my identity allowed myself to find a community, to realize there is a name for someone like me. Butch doesn't box me in - it allows me to be free to be me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Metropolis

...on one hand it's is useful to have something to say "in a nutshell this is what I am". Still I don't like the confining feel that comes with them, because whether you like it or not, people are going to use their lens and paint you with their interpretation of your label.

It use to bug the crap out of me... at this point in my life I really don't care as much... I am who I am and those who truly care will take the time to get to know me.

Diva · 11-12-2009, 11:07 PM

When I first came out, my friends were trying to set me up with one who later became my partner for 8 years.....but when she first saw me, she leaned over to our mutual friend and said, "She's not a lesbian, she's somebody's Mother!"

She got it half right. I like that label, too......

I have evolved since then..... <smile> Though I'm still using the Mom Label.

~Diva

11-09-2009, 04:17 PM	#24
Jett Member How Do You Identify?: Hardcore bullheaded grown-ass Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: she loves my shaggy hair Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The backroom of a night cafe plotting world domination Posts: 1,028 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,054 Thanked 3,299 Times in 568 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Big love hate relationship with labels... ...on one hand it's is useful to have something to say "in a nutshell this is what I am". Still I don't like the confining feel that comes with them, because whether you like it or not, people are going to use their lens and paint you with their interpretation of your label. It use to bug the crap out of me... at this point in my life I really don't care as much... I am who I am and those who truly care will take the time to get to know me.

11-09-2009, 06:14 PM	#35
bonne-maman Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: All right SPA. I am single. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minneapolis Posts: 147 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39 Thanked 158 Times in 61 Posts Rep Power: 2493	I love gender threads..... it seems one thing that might be tweaked out here...is the similarity between defining oneself and not defining oneself... I have known butches who feel the word "butch" very much captures their gender, because their definition of "butch" is either: 1) a person who is both male and female, OR 2) a person who is neither male or female; but a third gender, that combines elements of both male and female I also have friends who use the word "genderqueer" and to them it means either #1 or #2 above. On the other hand, I think I hear some people, on this thread, saying they do not want to use a label or word for their gender precisely because they think of themselves similarly to numbers 1 or 2 above. They think of themselves as between or combined, and do not feel a word or label adequately expresses this for them. I very much love when people do different things for the same reason, or do the same things for different reasons, or arrive at the same place using various paths, or use the same path to arrive at different places or......well, this is crystal clear, right?

11-10-2009, 02:24 PM	#37
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	I don't care for labels. Never have. The brain is the most important sex organ, not what is in my pants if you ask me. Andrew

11-10-2009, 02:36 PM	#38
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,646 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	I like my label and I like using it to describe myself: Transgendered (and pre-T FTM.) For me, my label provides a sense of order, clarity and a solid identification of what I am. It also signals boundries of what I will and will not tolerate within my own community; discrimination being the first.

11-12-2009, 11:07 PM	#40
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,180 Times in 5,238 Posts Rep Power: 0	When I first came out, my friends were trying to set me up with one who later became my partner for 8 years.....but when she first saw me, she leaned over to our mutual friend and said, "She's not a lesbian, she's somebody's Mother!" She got it half right. I like that label, too...... I have evolved since then..... <smile> Though I'm still using the Mom Label. ~Diva