What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

[kittygrrl]

I think everyone should have at least a few things that they have to have (in a realtionship) to keep the home fires burning and have a little slice of joy in your lives together. I have a few and I know, my S.O. does also. But our have-to's are very different. I'm interested in what works for others. Please share your thoughts of what works and/or would work for you. Thanks

ps. will share mine a little later, i'm late for an appointment) but thinking about how these can change as we become older..

[*Anya*]

My 3 non-negotiables, learned the hard, painful way:

1. Total, absolute honesty-no matter how difficult it may be. Not the kind of honesty that says: "Why yes, your ass looks as wide as the Golden Gate bridge in those jeans". This actually could be said differently and still be honest- " I just love how you look in those jeans you wore the other day- so hot on you".

I digress: honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy, functional relationship. To me. Period.

2. Fidelity. Once the "I love you, only you, no cheating in this relationship" has been stated: Honor it or get the fuck out. Note to self: make damn sure you actually follow through with consequences, if this should rear it's ugly head in your next relationship. No more second, third (lost count in last long-term relationship) chances. Zip, nada. I have regained my balls, so-to-speak.

3. Kindness, affection, empathy, sense of humor, flexibility, mutual respect and regular, hot sex- are all rolled into #3. They are all equally important to me.

This is not asking for too much is it?

[kittygrrl]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

My 3 non-negotiables, learned the hard, painful way:

1. Total, absolute honesty-no matter how difficult it may be. Not the kind of honesty that says: "Why yes, your ass looks as wide as the Golden Gate bridge in those jeans". This actually could be said differently and still be honest- " I just love how you look in those jeans you wore the other day- so hot on you".

I digress: honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy, functional relationship. To me. Period.

2. Fidelity. Once the "I love you, only you, no cheating in this relationship" has been stated: Honor it or get the fuck out. Note to self: make damn sure you actually follow through with consequences, if this should rear it's ugly head in your next relationship. No more second, third (lost count in last long-term relationship) chances. Zip, nada. I have regained my balls, so-to-speak.

3. Kindness, affection, empathy, sense of humor, flexibility, mutual respect and regular, hot sex- are all rolled into #3. They are all equally important to me.

This is not asking for too much is it?

Totally agree Anya, I think honesty is one of the most important

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

"Why yes, your ass looks as wide as the Golden Gate bridge in those jeans".

Hey! I resemble that remark! LOL!

Only 3? Crikey! ….Umm….

No smoking, heavy drinking or use of illicit or prescription drugs where they are an addiction and not for genuine medical purposes. This IS a dealbreaker!

Good personal hygiene….that includes clothes, shoes as well as your body!

Honesty and open intimate communication….I don’t just mean sexually intimate communication, but, about feelings, thoughts, opinion, ideas, hopes, dreams, desire, fears, etc. Don’t twist what has been said to suit your own means because what I’ve said has triggered a past event or you don't like it!

I don’t want perfection (that’s boring!), but, accept that we are all a work in progress in life and that we all make mistakes and not to be afraid to openly talk about them with me….I WILL NOT reject you! (Unless you are abusive, but, that's a given!)

….Sneaking another 2 in here, if I may….?

Faithfulness…. I might not be the most beautiful or the sexiest woman. I may not have the perfect body, yet, I am a GREAT choice. I don't pretend to be someone I'm not – I’m not perfect, yet, I am me! If that is not good enough, and you feel the need for ‘extra’ in your life, I have no problem ending the relationship.

Respect….If you cannot respect yourself, you won’t respect me or anyone else and I will not be disrespected!

[Apocalipstic]

My 3 things....

Kind/Nice

Respectful

Funny

I don't care about cheating, money, even honesty any more...I need someone who is nice, funny and treats me with respect and is really really really laid back.

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

1. Total, absolute honesty

I digress: honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy, functional relationship. To me. Period.

2. Fidelity.

3. Kindness, affection, empathy, sense of humor, flexibility, mutual respect and regular, hot sex- are all rolled into #3.

Them.

I'd like to point out that 'fidelity' also applies in open relationships. I don't want to be left in the dark if you decide to play away.

Kindness is far more important to me now than it ever was, so I think I'd give it it's own category.

And 5. Must like chocolate.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Quintease

And 5. Must like chocolate.

The importance of chocolate must not be ignored!!

Chocolate is medicinal....even at times, better than boobs.

[Rockinonahigh]

Just three?Life isnt that simple at all,I wish it was.

First it would have to be..Honesty, integraty and truthfullness.

Second...Its a big must..be a grown adult that takes responsablity that includes a job or incom with a bank account that u can use.Beleave me when I say I dont need your suport or access to ur bank account,I have my own thank u.

Thirdly-If ur r a cheeter or player or big old drama queen....please dont apply fore this relationship.I am not big enought nor do I want to ride that rollercoaster u r on.I can deal with normal stuff but this dramaramma stuff is a no go.
Forth-I told u it had to be more than three.I have my disablities to deal with,understand I wont all ways be 100% or even colse to it,I will be glad to discuss it with u anytime...I will also do the same for u if u have a issue u need to talk about.

More later.

[weatherboi]

a healthy heart
a hungry soul
a critical thinking brain

This boy got lucky!!!

[1QuirkyKiwi]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

The importance of chocolate must not be ignored!!

Chocolate is medicinal....even at times, better than boobs.

What about boobs covered in chocolate....? That's medicinal and therapeutic, right?

[OS Butch]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

The importance of chocolate must not be ignored!!

Chocolate is medicinal....even at times, better than boobs.

Well, dang.... I guess that means we won't ever date .... I am not a chocolate lover....Odd but true....Hey wait.... Does giving chocolate count

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by 1QuirkyKiwi

What about boobs covered in chocolate....? That's medicinal and therapeutic, right?

I love it! Yes!

Originally Posted by OS Butch

Well, dang.... I guess that means we won't ever date .... I am not a chocolate lover....Odd but true....Hey wait.... Does giving chocolate count[/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT]

Hmmm, must ponder....

is not enjoying chocolate normal?

[LexiLove]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

Chocolate is medicinal....even at times, better than boobs.

GASP!!! I didn't realize there were things that were better than boobs...(and I am a chocolate fiend.)

[ButchKnight]

good communicator
loves to kiss
loyalty means something

[girl_dee]

Being a responsible adult, not rich but has their life in order. They vote, pay taxes, have insurance... you know, adult stuff. i need to respect you and i cannot do that if you have an excuse for why you cannot be a functioning adult.

Must not have an addiction. Everyone has a cross to bear, i just can't be that caring, supportive partner who understands but wants things to be better, only to have it backfire on me.

Must be Dominant, take charge kinda person 24/7 and not just when it's convenient. i need that stability. Someone who commands respect, not demands it.

Must love dogs, can't leave that out.

[pajama]

Responsibility - both personal and financial.

No children in the home. Sorry just not my thing and I know it. So why pretend otherwise.

Love and be adventurous about food.

These are only the first three that come to mind. I have many more, probably why I'm happy being single. LOL

[juliebrave]

no yelling
no pushing me into doing something I have made clear to you I won't do
no hate

[cinderella]

No, Anya, absolutely not that you're asking for too much. I feel the same way, and my must-haves are the same as yours, with a few extry points...

Must be a NON-boozer, drugie, smoker, and must be squeaky clean about hygene - esp. oral/dental hygene.

Intelligence, integrity, character, a sense of self-assurance, and humanity for all living things, are also characteristics important to me. All sprinkled with a good sense of humor, esp. someone who can laugh at themselves and not take themselves or life so darn seriously.

Originally Posted by *Anya*

My 3 non-negotiables, learned the hard, painful way:

1. Total, absolute honesty-no matter how difficult it may be. Not the kind of honesty that says: "Why yes, your ass looks as wide as the Golden Gate bridge in those jeans". This actually could be said differently and still be honest- " I just love how you look in those jeans you wore the other day- so hot on you".

I digress: honesty is the cornerstone of a healthy, functional relationship. To me. Period.

2. Fidelity. Once the "I love you, only you, no cheating in this relationship" has been stated: Honor it or get the fuck out. Note to self: make damn sure you actually follow through with consequences, if this should rear it's ugly head in your next relationship. No more second, third (lost count in last long-term relationship) chances. Zip, nada. I have regained my balls, so-to-speak.

3. Kindness, affection, empathy, sense of humor, flexibility, mutual respect and regular, hot sex- are all rolled into #3. They are all equally important to me.

This is not asking for too much is it?

[Passionaria]

I told you I would be a serial poster here. There is just one more I would like to add, and forgive me if this turns into a bit of a rant. I believe we all desire a person of character, attraction, intelligence and hygiene that treats us in a way that brings joy (lol, except maybe emotional masochists). But this one point has been blaring, screaming, pulsing through my mind and heart and I need to express it. My personal feelings here so please take no offense.

Someone who understands and lives the ways of love:

We all want love, as humans we need love. So much seeking for love and so few really finding it. So I have to ask myself why that is, and after much reflecting I believe it is partly because we live in a superficial society, that rides the wave of don't get to close and real. We have become separated from our hearts and emotions and our humanness. I think this is also cultural. There are some cultures that the way's of love are more built in. I'm an honest woman so I am going to speak my heart here. I find this to be especially true in Gay culture. No absolutes here, just what I have seen. We want true love, but do we know how to live true love?

When I think of the ways of love here are some thoughts that come to my mind:

How do you hold the heart of someone you love, or someone who loves you? Even in friendship, what is their heart worth? In my crazy mind peoples hearts are sacred, they hold worth, and should be treated with care. Caring is the action of love, in my mind because it spurs one to create beauty together, and curbs the actions that would tear us a part. A thread of creative action that grows togetherness and intimacy. These actions in my mind weave a tale of integrity, making space for creation of beauty between two people, and a love that can with stand the tides of life. There are endless expressions of love, why not focus on those?

Even when someone turns out to not be right for you, how do you hold their heart? Especially if that person has really loved you? Is their value in their feelings or are hearts disposable as something that can be taken out with the trash? I am asking this in all honesty, because of the ways I see people treating each other.

I do believe that we have to have this relationship with ourselves first, to be able to share it. And I am not professing to be a master of this, only a student on the road. I do know though, that is is the road I choose for my life. I have a basic list, not to complicated. I desire those qualities delivered by someone who who understands and lives the ways of love.......

I know all this sounds flowery, and serious, and that are those in life we should protect ourselves from rather than opening our heart to. But if one is seeking true love, I have to ask you as well as myself what will you do with it once you find it??? Ok I'm done.

[kittygrrl]

Mine~

1. Daddy-Girl (but I'm no pushover, I have to RESPECT you)
2. Able to manage finances (this does not mean you have to have a lot of money, but good at managing however much we make)
3. Passionate/Intense




Hys~

1. Good cook
2. Affectionate/Thoughtful/Obedient
3. Good Hygiene