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03-08-2013, 09:22 PM
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#801 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
cleverly disguised as a responsible adult* Preferred Pronoun?:
wild woman Relationship Status:
No, thank you. 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: in my heart I'm going to Carolina...but I'm in MA for now
Posts: 7,558
Thanks: 14,861
Thanked 27,369 Times in 6,858 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858   |
My miniature poodle, Jacques...I'm giggling recounting this.. went out to do his poodle doodle....went to walk "on" the snow...as he has been accustomed to...since it WAS packed and very shallow in the yard..
..he didn't realize we had just gotten a FOOT of fresh powdery snow....and when he jumped up onto the snow...he just fell in like it was water...and it was instantly up over his head...he jumped out of the snow immediately and shook himself off and looked SO confused...the funniest thing is he just disappeared in the snow..figuratively and literally...since he is white... LOL...he is originally for NC...this is wayyy more than he's accustomed to....poor Jacquesy....he is cuddling nicely on the couch now 
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03-09-2013, 11:43 AM
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#802 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
FTM Preferred Pronoun?:
guy ones Relationship Status:
... Join Date: May 2011
Location: chillin' in FL
Posts: 3,690
Thanks: 21,951
Thanked 9,678 Times in 2,875 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
I farted and the dog was sniffing around afterwards. hahahahaha!
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03-09-2013, 04:12 PM
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#803 |
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Timed Out - Permanent
How Do You Identify?:
butch stone Preferred Pronoun?:
masculine ones work best... Relationship Status:
♥ engaged to spritz ♥ 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: bangor, maine
Posts: 3,344
Thanks: 20,720
Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Yesterday while in the kitchen at work
 staff: so I hear you're some kind of super hero director: oh shit here we go again me: yes, why yes I am staff: and what super hero are you and where is your phone booth? director: let me guess, your booth is the pantry? me: yes, why yes it is and I am a super hero pirate if you must know staff: pirates can't be super heros director: *backs out of kitchen* hmmmm... not sure I'm ready for this me: I have my cape to prove it staff: is that all you wear super hero pirate? me: of course not. I will wear a pirate hat and even an eye patch director: will your people be approving this? me: remember, you are my people now, so will you? staff: and you have all this already? me: well, except for the hat. it has to be the right one staff: please say you will wear tights!! director: if I have to approve this I'm waiting for your response to the tights thing me: pirates don't wear tights, they wear buccaneers director: whew: your approved!! me: both of be gone now *waving my spatuala* Yes we are this odd there. I will be the super hero pirate for Halloween this year  They just don't know it yet!! 
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03-09-2013, 06:21 PM
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#804 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
TG Preferred Pronoun?:
He Relationship Status:
once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am! 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Down on the farm
Posts: 5,492
Thanks: 9,850
Thanked 14,400 Times in 4,049 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
A lady at the shooting range had a brand new gun. She shot her first five shots and the brass wouldn't come out of the gun when she opened it up. She was like omg omg, is my gun defective. We got the biggest laugh our of her reaction. She had never shot a pistol before and her husband went out and purchased this pistol for her. She had never even had it out of the box.
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Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it. |
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03-09-2013, 07:06 PM
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#805 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
GQ Butch Daddy Relationship Status:
A Very Protective BIG Daddy... 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 2,657
Thanks: 7,597
Thanked 5,873 Times in 1,530 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853 |
So today I wake up cursing the morning since I didn't sleep well last night. I rise, shower, get ready for my day and drive 2 hours away for the BIG exam. I know I can only take in my drivers license so self-consciously take current and previous because the current doesn't look like me with my goatee and short hair. I go in and am greeted by a woman handing me a list of rules and regulations. She directs me to the foyer I just came through to sit down and read both sides. After reading both sides, I take it back in and she tells me to go over to the other desk and sign in. A picture is taken of me and the girl hands me both licenses and tells me that she technically should keep my old one but since I cannot get any information off of it and she is returning my current one she sees no need to keep it because that would be senseless. *chuckles. She then tells me that I need to empty all pockets and turn them inside out. Oh good Lord...*insert eye roll here. Why Oh Why on this day did I decide to wear carpenter jeans with a shirt with a gazillion pockets?? Hell! She found pockets I didn't even know I had and that had NEVER even been used! Wth!?! After this she told me to lift my pants so she could see my socks and ankles. *smh. THEN she used a metal detector wand over my entire body and informed me that if I had to go on a break this entire process would happen again. OMG! *Gulp. Ok. A four hour exam with no breaks or bathroom times. I hope the body will hold up now considering I am nervous. Bottom line? I completed the four hour exam in 2 and a half and got the hell out of there before they had me do a strip search! LOL! That is what cracked me up today!
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03-09-2013, 07:51 PM
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#806 |
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Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Jersey
Posts: 16,642
Thanks: 2,529
Thanked 12,321 Times in 5,198 Posts
Rep Power: 21474867 |
__________________
Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait  .........Hope you enjoy it!________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work  Click on flashing smilie to see my websiteTo look at my Daddy/girl erotica book  Click on pompom girl to see Elbows on the Table, Palms Flat
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03-12-2013, 07:09 PM
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#807 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
TG Preferred Pronoun?:
He Relationship Status:
once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am!
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Down on the farm
Posts: 5,492
Thanks: 9,850
Thanked 14,400 Times in 4,049 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
Great day for crack ups today!
Mom text me to tell me my niece was replacing a strip off of the edge of her counter, in her kitchen at 11pm last night and super glued her finger to the counter, while waiting on the glue on the tile to dry. She pulled the strip back off, went and got her phone and called my sister to come help her. My sister looked it up on the internet, to see how to get the super glue to let go of the finger without tearing flesh. LOL Finally they used fingernail polish remover with acetone to remove the super glue and separate her finger from the strip of countertop. Funny thing was that she was in a panick to begin with because she thought she was going to have to let it wear off. She told my sister, she couldn't go to work like that, a judge would think she had a weapon. LOL OMG she is so silly.
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Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it. |
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03-12-2013, 07:21 PM
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#808 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
TG Preferred Pronoun?:
He Relationship Status:
once in a while someone amazing comes along...and here I am!
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Down on the farm
Posts: 5,492
Thanks: 9,850
Thanked 14,400 Times in 4,049 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
Crack up number 2 today
I enjoyed a nice homemade supper this evening with Mom, my sister and her boyfriend. After supper I had a little baby belch and said excuse me. My sister "V" said be glad it wasn't "J" her boyfriend...."J" said ME! You are the worst and you go at both ends all the time. Me and Mom got tickled at this point because my sister has always been gassy even as a little kid. "V" said I pooted in bed one night and "J" was sound asleep and he sat straight up in bed. It woke him up out of a dead sleep. "J" said yeah it sounded like a jake break on a big truck. Mom and I get more tickled. At this point "J" says I don't have it on this phone but my other phone I recorded her farting and set it as her ring tone. OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought Mom and I would die at this point. I had to get up, I thought I would wet my pants before I could get to the bathroom. When I came back to the livingroom, I told Mom....You might be a redneck if you have your girlfriends fart as a ringtone
__________________
Yeah so what if I'm triple dipped in awesome sauce? The best way to predict the future, is to create it. |
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03-12-2013, 08:49 PM
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#809 |
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Timed Out - Permanent
How Do You Identify?:
butch stone Preferred Pronoun?:
masculine ones work best... Relationship Status:
♥ engaged to spritz ♥
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: bangor, maine
Posts: 3,344
Thanks: 20,720
Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
It was something she said just before drifting into slumberland... The twilight moment between awake and sleep!!
 It was fucking hilarious!!  If only I could camp out in her dreams.......... 
Last edited by jac; 03-12-2013 at 09:01 PM. |
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03-13-2013, 03:17 PM
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#810 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?:
Yes Boss Relationship Status:
Chillin out with awesome women 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: San Francisco
Posts: 1,376
Thanks: 4,018
Thanked 4,185 Times in 1,179 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852 |
Cracked me up
I laugh at myself all the time. Im such a pervy nerd.
__________________
Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles. |
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03-14-2013, 02:35 PM
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#811 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
femme-ish Preferred Pronoun?:
she Relationship Status:
taken
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: somewhere, out there....
Posts: 263
Thanks: 675
Thanked 795 Times in 231 Posts
Rep Power: 4979163 |
I'm still cracking up about my Pre-Munch conversation with my hair the other day. We weren't sure if I was going to be done working before it was time to go, so we didn't think we'd make it in. But I did, so we were able to go.
Spousal Unit: wanna go to the thing tonight? Me: sure! Let me put on real clothes. gets dressed, combs hair, starts to pin it back SU: cool, I'll PM and let them know we're gonna make it. My Hair: DOOOOD! Know what would be fun? if we had a Stoooopid Hair Day! We haven't had a Stooopid Hair day in oh, days! Me: NO. We are going to have a Polite, Well Behaved Hair Day. Stooopid Hair day was yesterday. And Saturday. And Friday... Hair: WHHHHEEEE! SPROING! okay, you curls go that way, we'll go this way. Anyone wanna stand straight up now? Me: Nononononono! Every one obeys the Law of Gravity, ALL the curls go the same Direction, and we look like proper grown-up hair tonight! attacks with comb, spray bottle of water, more pins Hair: LALALALALALALALA! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! Me: dammit Hair! I swear to Dog, one of these days I'm gonna shave you ALL OFF. Hair: Yeah right! You'll take one look at the clippers and cave! begins doing the Time Warp Skin: why's the Hair getting all the attention?!? What do I have to do to get some love here? I know, HIVES! Me: Stop it, all of you! We are not 12, you are not allowed to act 12, now behave! Spousal Unit: are you ready yet? Me: NO! Spousal Unit: what's taking so long? You were just gonna get dressed and head out. Me: Apparently, we're having a Stooopid Hair Day today. Spousal Unit: sighs You look great! I"m sure it's not Stooopid Hair Day today. Um sweetie, we do need to go... Me: Just a minute... takes 2 benadryl, applies allergy cream to hives, combs hair, mercilessly pins it back, stumbles out of the bathroom Spousal Unit: by the way, the presenter wants you to say a few words about negotiation from the Sub side. I told her you'd set it up when we get there. Me: AAAARRRGGGHHHH! |
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03-14-2013, 02:57 PM
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#812 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Sapiosexual Femme Relationship Status:
Mrs. Grumpy Cat
 Tournaments Won: 4 Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: 8,660 feet high in the Andes
Posts: 2,640
Thanks: 10,519
Thanked 11,662 Times in 2,292 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851  |
This.
This cracked me up:
Company Immediately Calls Job Applicant after Seeing BA in Communications on Resume The Onion makes my life better.
__________________
Small business owners around the world use microfinance to help expand their businesses and provide for their families. You can help! Click here to learn about Kiva. |
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03-14-2013, 03:09 PM
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#813 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
All Femme
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: \
Posts: 364
Thanks: 231
Thanked 1,174 Times in 282 Posts
Rep Power: 7129096 |
My son: Mom, why are you always so soft and warm? (snuggles me)
Me: Because moms are supposed to be soft and warm... Youngest daughters walks by and hears the questions and responds: Yes, Moms are supposed to be soft and warm, they have to sit on the eggs and keep them warm until they hatch. .gif "Say What?")
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03-14-2013, 03:27 PM
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#814 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 8,258
Thanks: 39,306
Thanked 40,800 Times in 7,290 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
My 8-year GD always makes me crack-up.
Recently my GF and I went to watch her roller derby practice in LA. We made plans to take her out to lunch after practice (which I loved, btw! You haven't seen anything until you have seen a bunch of 7-year-olds, on up, roller skating around the big girls rink. Beautiful sight!). Anyway, she says to my GF, "Are you L. (My long-term ex) or are you D"? My sweetie says, "I'm D". GD: "Well, both of your names have 3 letters and both of you look alike"! We cracked up because they don't look alike at all but they do have the commonality of both being very butch and I guess that was what threw my GD off!
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~Anya~  Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner |
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03-14-2013, 03:33 PM
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#815 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Female.. and it's pronounced "cah-leen", not cay-lin Preferred Pronoun?:
You Relationship Status:
In one 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 872
Thanks: 979
Thanked 2,630 Times in 739 Posts
Rep Power: 15791748 |
Me.. forgetting my bag at home, complete with wallet- and running out of gas on the way to the gas station. I love me some days, and today, I was in love with me. I crack myself up.
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De reir a cheile a thogtar na caisleain |
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03-15-2013, 06:44 AM
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#816 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Femme Relationship Status:
. Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: .
Posts: 5,530
Thanks: 4,478
Thanked 12,949 Times in 3,419 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856 |
Yesterday - woke up highly "distracted" and when making my coffee I put the usual amount of coffee in my percolator but only half the water...WOW! Talk about rocket fuel...NASA should try that...LOL
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03-15-2013, 09:20 AM
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#817 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
ultra femme princess Preferred Pronoun?:
she, lady..whichever Relationship Status:
waiting for the right one 
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Don't follow me, I'm lost.
Posts: 807
Thanks: 2,627
Thanked 2,731 Times in 632 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849 |
The thoughts in my head cracked me up. I know that makes me sound crazy but I'm really not.
__________________
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's about learning to dance in the rain. |
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03-19-2013, 05:47 PM
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#818 |
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Timed Out - Permanent
How Do You Identify?:
butch stone Preferred Pronoun?:
masculine ones work best... Relationship Status:
♥ engaged to spritz ♥
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: bangor, maine
Posts: 3,344
Thanks: 20,720
Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Two boys chatting....
boy 1: nah, what's bad is going down a spiral staircase and farting. boy 2: huh? boy 1: think about it. your face will be where your ass once was. boy 2: ohhhhh yeh I get it! Only fart going up a spiral
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03-19-2013, 05:50 PM
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#819 | |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Pansexual/Sapiosexual femmey dyke who likes to crossdress now and then Preferred Pronoun?:
She/her OR ze if I'm crossdressing Relationship Status:
Floating and walking My path, happy in life. 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: On my Merry Fairy way! , Canada
Posts: 3,630
Thanks: 8,727
Thanked 8,694 Times in 2,987 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851 |
Quote:
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03-19-2013, 06:38 PM
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#820 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
just JC Preferred Pronoun?:
hy Relationship Status:
the hardest to learn was the least complicated
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: NE Ohio getting ready for a move though
Posts: 412
Thanks: 2,681
Thanked 1,157 Times in 318 Posts
Rep Power: 13500136 |
grinnnn
coffee quest...
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Linear Mode
