Butch Femme Planet  

Go Back   Butch Femme Planet > GENDER AND IDENTITY > The Butch Zone

The Butch Zone For all things "Butch"

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 09-01-2016, 10:40 AM   #101
*Anya*
Infamous Member

How Do You Identify?:
Lesbian non-stone femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her
Relationship Status:
Committed to being good to myself
 

Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: West Coast
Posts: 8,258
Thanks: 39,306
Thanked 40,815 Times in 7,290 Posts
Rep Power: 21474856
*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation*Anya* Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by *Anya* View Post
I agree Cheryl.

I have posted about my mother (and father) before.

I begrudge no one their good and loving mother. All children do deserve this.

Unfortunately, not all of us get one.
No self-pity here (maybe more than a touch) but mostly deep sadness at what never was and never will be.

My dad's funeral is Friday and my daughters and brothers gently suggested I not go.

I realized that somehow my mother has always identified with me and projected herself into me with a boatload of self-hate. She has no insight and always refused therapy.

I got my brother to tell me where my dad's grave will be, I will pay my respects after they are gone.

You must be thinking, "She must have done something awful". No, I never did.

As my mother told me once, my dad cried when I was born because I wasn't a boy.

It can only go downhill from there and it did.
__________________
~Anya~




Democracy Dies in Darkness

~Washington Post


"...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable."

UN Human Rights commissioner
*Anya* is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to *Anya* For This Useful Post:
Old 01-03-2017, 05:47 PM   #102
JDeere
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Transgender
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/him/his
Relationship Status:
Single
 
JDeere's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 17,752
Thanks: 31,018
Thanked 28,873 Times in 9,718 Posts
Rep Power: 21474863
JDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I have pulled away from my birth mother, these last few months, I had no idea and was not told by my half siblings, about who she truly is.

It's kinda sad that she is a bitter, ignorant, racist old woman. I can not associate with this in any shape or form, so I had to pull away.
__________________
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Albert Einstein
JDeere is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to JDeere For This Useful Post:
Old 01-03-2017, 07:06 PM   #103
RockOn
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
sitting over there ----->>>>> :)
Preferred Pronoun?:
....
Relationship Status:
....
 

Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: ....
Posts: 3,522
Thanks: 9,081
Thanked 10,310 Times in 2,609 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854
RockOn Has the BEST ReputationRockOn Has the BEST ReputationRockOn Has the BEST ReputationRockOn Has the BEST ReputationRockOn Has the BEST ReputationRockOn Has the BEST ReputationRockOn Has the BEST ReputationRockOn Has the BEST ReputationRockOn Has the BEST ReputationRockOn Has the BEST ReputationRockOn Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I loved my mother.

My mom was a whoring drunk.

She was very supportive of me being gay. After I told parents I was gay, my mom got drunk and told all the relatives in the small, racist town where I was born.

I moved back to the city where parents lived and took care of my mom through her extended terminal illness. She passed in 84 at 49 years old. I left no stone unturned in helping her through her illness so I have no regrets there.

That's about all I know about that.

oh well ...
RockOn is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to RockOn For This Useful Post:
Old 01-03-2017, 07:54 PM   #104
Breathless
Brat Extraordinaire

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her
Relationship Status:
Happy
 
3 Highscores
Tournaments Won: 23

Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: Alberta Canada
Posts: 1,412
Thanks: 7,549
Thanked 4,101 Times in 958 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
Breathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST ReputationBreathless Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I love my Mom. She is supportive of my sexuality, and lifestyle decisions.

We will never see eye to eye, but I let her think that we do, just to keep the peace.

I have tried many of times to talk to her about some of the issues of my childhood, and even when I was coming out about things - I found I was constantly having to console her, that it wasn't her fault to an extreme that I felt I wasn't heard..at ..all.

So, the conclusion I have come to, is that she is not able to handle or comprehend or even discuss the items that need air. So we won't.
She comments to me that I am her favourite, I am the oldest. The actual truth is that I save her emotional ass when she gets herself in to hot water and doesn't remember how to swim. Many times she has commented to me that she feels like our relationship is backwards, as I am more of a mom to her than she has ever been to me. I would have to say she is correct on that one.
__________________
BE the change you wish to see in the world. Gandhi

Last edited by Breathless; 01-03-2017 at 08:06 PM.
Breathless is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to Breathless For This Useful Post:
Old 01-03-2017, 09:39 PM   #105
Stone-Butch
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Stonebutch
Preferred Pronoun?:
she
Relationship Status:
single
 
Stone-Butch's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 3,172
Thanks: 12,115
Thanked 8,417 Times in 2,607 Posts
Rep Power: 21474851
Stone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST ReputationStone-Butch Has the BEST Reputation
Default Mother

my mother was the sweetest, kindest, gentlest woman I could have been blesses with having for a mother. Although she did not agree with my way of living she was always kind and generous to my gf of 22 years that also got to call her mom as her own mother was an alcoholic. I never saw my mother have more than one glass of wine, never smoked and never uttered a swear word to my knowledge and her mother was the same way. I was very blessed to have had them both in my life as well as a wonderful father. I lost my dad in 2000 and my mom in 2015 , 2 weeks after her 90th birthday , which was a huge bash with family and friends. Thanks mom for waiting for that last big hurrah.
Stone-Butch is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 17 Users Say Thank You to Stone-Butch For This Useful Post:
Old 08-25-2017, 07:09 PM   #106
Tuff Stuff
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Butch Woman
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Married
 
Tuff Stuff's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2013
Location: California
Posts: 695
Thanks: 904
Thanked 1,318 Times in 506 Posts
Rep Power: 9408452
Tuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST ReputationTuff Stuff Has the BEST Reputation
Default Treat Her Good

Mother's Rock!... I love them all.

I miss mine a bunch
Tuff Stuff is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 4 Users Say Thank You to Tuff Stuff For This Useful Post:
Old 08-25-2017, 10:55 PM   #107
hopelessromantic69
Member

How Do You Identify?:
FTM
Preferred Pronoun?:
all male
Relationship Status:
Single but unavailable
 
hopelessromantic69's Avatar
 

Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Eugene OR
Posts: 394
Thanks: 108
Thanked 478 Times in 195 Posts
Rep Power: 3686582
hopelessromantic69 Has the BEST Reputationhopelessromantic69 Has the BEST Reputationhopelessromantic69 Has the BEST Reputationhopelessromantic69 Has the BEST Reputationhopelessromantic69 Has the BEST Reputationhopelessromantic69 Has the BEST Reputationhopelessromantic69 Has the BEST Reputationhopelessromantic69 Has the BEST Reputationhopelessromantic69 Has the BEST Reputationhopelessromantic69 Has the BEST Reputationhopelessromantic69 Has the BEST Reputation
Default

We get along. She will be living with me after Christmas.
__________________
Stefan
hopelessromantic69 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to hopelessromantic69 For This Useful Post:
Old 08-26-2017, 08:36 AM   #108
Gayandgray
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme-ish, tomboy lesbian
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Together a really long time
 
Gayandgray's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2016
Location: In my mind? On a tropical island
Posts: 4,857
Thanks: 13,579
Thanked 12,914 Times in 3,079 Posts
Rep Power: 21474849
Gayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST ReputationGayandgray Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Much better relationship now than we had years ago. We don't discuss the past anymore. I feel this way: You only get one Mom in this world & when she is gone, that's it. So I try my best to have a good relationship with her.
__________________
Gayandgray is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 7 Users Say Thank You to Gayandgray For This Useful Post:
Old 09-19-2017, 09:37 PM   #109
JDeere
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Transgender
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/him/his
Relationship Status:
Single
 
JDeere's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 17,752
Thanks: 31,018
Thanked 28,873 Times in 9,718 Posts
Rep Power: 21474863
JDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I have just about completely pulled away from my birth mother. I am grateful that she had me and all but I don't need the bs in my life.

My adoptive mom, we have our days, but boundaries are one thing that she needs to be respectful of.
__________________
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Albert Einstein
JDeere is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to JDeere For This Useful Post:
Old 09-19-2017, 11:48 PM   #110
imperfect_cupcake
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
feminine dolly dyke
Preferred Pronoun?:
Your Grace
Relationship Status:
I put my own care first
 
imperfect_cupcake's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: In a gauze of mystery
Posts: 1,776
Thanks: 2,426
Thanked 9,727 Times in 1,613 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
imperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputationimperfect_cupcake Has the BEST Reputation
Default

my mum, my "real" mum, ie the one who raised me: it's always been difficult. But she has the start of dementia now so the entire relationship went through a tough upheaval. She was a very tough, independent woman with two long term relationships and two long term careers. She could be emotionally abusive, gaslighting, controlling and utterly horrible. But she is also very generous, hilarious, protective, gregarious, and caring. She's a human. She's flawed. I can't imagine trying to raise kids and going through all what she did.

I've forgiven her past behaviours, it's a bit late in the game. Her memory is slipping. She's turning into a different person. It was hell for a bit while she tried to hide it and she was terrified and thus was nasty as fuck to everyone around her because she was so scared. But, I might, and probably will, lose my memory at some point in my future. And I won't have a daughter to help me. So, I'm trying my best. We get along pretty good - comparatively - these days. we have our ups and downs, as always. Our fights have always been horrific and gut clenching - they reminded me of the horrific abusive arguments with partners - same weird gaslighting twists in them where you suddenly doubt reality, and my face starts going numb.

But these days I take her around downtown on walks, get coffee, we watch netflix costume dramas, and I listen to the same story 16 times over. I go over and do odd jobs for her twice a month.

My birth mum is crazy in the desert in a trailer. She moved the trailer so, have no idea where she is now.

My step mum is good. It's nice to know she'll be around for a while. She's only 20 years older than me so she's more like an older sister and I like her. I imagine she'll be the only one left after a while. We get along great as we have the same sense of humour and same interest in medical history, travel, socialism, and women's rights.
imperfect_cupcake is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to imperfect_cupcake For This Useful Post:
Old 09-27-2017, 10:42 PM   #111
JDeere
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Transgender
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/him/his
Relationship Status:
Single
 
JDeere's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 17,752
Thanks: 31,018
Thanked 28,873 Times in 9,718 Posts
Rep Power: 21474863
JDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST Reputation
Default

BUMP BUMP BUMP BUMP!!!!

__________________
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Albert Einstein
JDeere is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to JDeere For This Useful Post:
Old 09-28-2017, 01:44 AM   #112
Esme nha Maire
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Tomboyish eccentric antique femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She/her
Relationship Status:
single
 
Esme nha Maire's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 642
Thanks: 2,196
Thanked 2,091 Times in 541 Posts
Rep Power: 19310768
Esme nha Maire Has the BEST ReputationEsme nha Maire Has the BEST ReputationEsme nha Maire Has the BEST ReputationEsme nha Maire Has the BEST ReputationEsme nha Maire Has the BEST ReputationEsme nha Maire Has the BEST ReputationEsme nha Maire Has the BEST ReputationEsme nha Maire Has the BEST ReputationEsme nha Maire Has the BEST ReputationEsme nha Maire Has the BEST ReputationEsme nha Maire Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I have no idea whether my mother is alive or dead, nor do I care. I greatly respect that she raised me single-handed after my father died when I was young, and in every way but emotionally, did a good job of it. And also that she was accepting of my being rather unusual, even though she didn't really understand it.

But I will never forgive her for utterly disregarding my wishes, when I was adult, in the most important things in life, like the death of my Nan, her mother. I was halfway across the country, in hospital, and aware that my Nan had taken ill. I was closer to my Nan than my mother. I wanted to be sure to be able to say goodbye to her, and had checked with the medics that they'd be happy to release me for a couple of days to go see her, and they were. I phoned my Mum explaining and asking her to tell me if it looked like Nan wouldnt pull through. She promised she would. No phone call, no letter, so I remained in hospital for another two weeks to return home to find that Nan had died and been buried, where I still do not know.

Mum said she thought it had been for the best. My express wish to say goodbye to Nan despite being ill myself meant nothing to Mum - all she cared about was what she thought was for the best. That wasn't the only time she did that sort of thing to me, but it was the worst - the more important the situation, the more likely my Mum would ignore my wishes and lie to me.

The final straw between me and her came one day when I went to visit Mum, and her first words to me having opened the front door were "are you still wearing that old coat?" - it was a perfectly good coat, I loved it, and I still have it 20 years later again. But no hello, so good to see you, just straight in with criticism. Always the criticisms from Mum, never any praise or respect for me or my wishes as an adult. I just said goodbye, turned around and took an early coach home.

I reckon I must've been an accident, I can't imagine she actually wanted children.
Esme nha Maire is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to Esme nha Maire For This Useful Post:
Old 09-29-2017, 11:05 PM   #113
JDeere
Practically Lives Here

How Do You Identify?:
Transgender
Preferred Pronoun?:
He/him/his
Relationship Status:
Single
 
JDeere's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 17,752
Thanks: 31,018
Thanked 28,873 Times in 9,718 Posts
Rep Power: 21474863
JDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST ReputationJDeere Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I haven't heard from my birth mother in over 6 months, no birthday call, etc. So it just made it easier for me to pull away.
__________________
Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.

Albert Einstein
JDeere is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 10:32 AM.


ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018