Unconditional Love... is it really unconditional?

[SassyLeo]

I was listening to NPR last night; Fresh Air with Terry Gross. She had Karl Rove on.

Talk about a hard interview. He talked over Terry, didn’t listen well…and was quick to disagree with practically EVERYTHING she said.

Sometimes I am fascinated by people whom I don’t understand. Sometimes I’m annoyed to the hilt…but last night I was intrigued. And especially when he was talking about his father.

He talks a lot about the media’s obsession with whether his father was gay or not.

http://www.npr.org/templates/transcr...ryId=124597241

Here is an excerpt:

GROSS: Later, the question seemed to arise: Was your father gay? And you write: Could Dad have been gay? I didn't see it. I know he had gay friends and volunteered for years at the Desert AIDS Project in Palm Springs, but having gay friends or being concerned about whether someone who is sick gets driven to a clinic appointment or gets a delivery of groceries doesn't make you gay. To this day, I have no idea if my father was gay, and frankly, I don't care.

I know you hate this connection, but I can't help but wonder, if there's any chance that your father was gay, did you ever think that your style of politics, that your running against gay marriage - and I would argue, against...

Mr. ROVE: Running for traditional marriage.

GROSS: ...that that might have had a negative effect on his life.

Mr. ROVE: Well, I wrote about this in the book because - I didn't want to, but it - people, journalists and liberal commentators used allegations that my father was gay to attack me, to suggest - and I'm not suggesting you're exactly like it, because you're much more restrained in your rhetoric than many of them were - that somehow or another, it was hypocritical and inappropriate for me to defend traditional marriage when my father was gay.

Well, first of all, I don't know whether he was gay or not, and frankly, I never saw it and I don't care. But it's also, I think, hypocritical for people to suggest that if you have gay relatives or gay friends that you have to be in favor of gay marriage or you're somehow hypocritical.

*snip*

GROSS: So but one more thing. When you say that you didn't know if your father was gay and that you didn't care, I guess I'm just kind of curious why you didn't want to know, because you say you didn't want to know. And it just seems to me if someone's gay, it's kind of who they love, who their partner is, it's partly at the essence of who they are. And why wouldn't you want to know that?

Mr. ROVE: Because, first of all, it's my father's decision to tell me. I mean, my father was an art collector. It was up to him to say I'm an art collector. I mean, it was up to my father - my father was a very private man. He was a taciturn Midwesterner, a Scandinavian to boot.

GROSS: Uh-huh.

Mr. ROVE: And, for example, when my wife asked him about my mother late in his life, I was amazed. I was overcome when my father began to describe my mother and the relationship in intimate terms and to talk about her in a way that was so powerful about how much he loved her, and to begin to weep.

I mean, I was taken aback because it was - my father was a very private man. So, you know, it's not like I need to know my father's private views or private actions in order to know that I loved him. And, you know, it's sort of like -it was his business. And if he was, fine. If he wasn't, fine. But it was up to him to tell me what he was comfortable telling me, not for me to pry - and particularly since, look, this was not a question until people began, in the aftermath of his death, to make allegations about him.

*snip*

Not that it should make sense *at all* - coming from Karl Rove. But how can ANYONE reconcile this? How could he *not care*? Either his father was not gay or he is in complete denial.

Here is what it got me thinking about: can he or anyone else *really* love someone totally unconditionally when they potentially vehemently disagree with the other person’s identity, beliefs, how they operate in the world, etc. When you unconditionally love someone, do you *not care* if they are gay or an art dealer or a street peddler – if those are descriptors that they use to define themselves and feel are a part of their identity? As Terry said “And it just seems to me if someone's gay, it's kind of who they love, who their partner is, it's partly at the essence of who they are. And why wouldn't you want to know that?”

For example: My father is gay. He came out in 1986. At one point he told his parents (my grandparents) and they didn’t speak to him for 3-5 years. They eventually became in touch again (after he initiated contact –partly his guilt because they were aging and ill), but they NEVER talk about his orientation or his partner whom he has been with for 12 years. My grandfather passed a couple of years ago and my grandma has been ill. I made a choice not tell them about me…it’s just easier. I know they are homophobic. Did they love my dad unconditionally? I doubt it.

I wonder if I could love someone unconditionally if they did not accept me for who I am as a Queer person.

I’m interested in others thoughts…