Showing scars: what are your relationship fears?

[JDeere]

Dating is easier when it is just dating, but when it reaches more than dating, that is when all things that could go wrong, go wrong. I say stupid shit or do something stupid and not realize it and it causes issues.

[TruTexan]

I've already faced 1 of my fears: was told my ptsd and anxiety was a deal breaker for a relationship. OUCH!! that really hurt me deeply. I can't help that I have it. It's not like I went out and said that I wanted to have PTSD and anxiety and I got it. GEEZE

I've always been afraid of someone rejecting me because of my disability status and I was rejected. I can't work anymore because of physical disablement with my lower back and then there's my ptsd, anxiety, and depression that goes along with my back injury. I already feel less than, I surely didn't need to be rejected and told that.

I guess I'm just not good enough anymore. I don't know. Sometimes I just can't seem to feel any other way.

[homoe]

Being totally waylaid once again

[Turas]

Currently, my biggest relationship fears are:

* Moving too quickly and not first developing a deep and abiding friendship (ie not taking the time to REALLY get to know someone before jumping in the deep end)
* Losing my sense of self
* Not being accepted for all of me, just the way that I am (I don't want to feel like I have to hide any of my many facets in order to be loved)

[ksrainbow]

I have none showing and no fears.

[cinnamongrrl]

I fear being smothered and losing myself....

[Shystonefem]

Originally Posted by TruTexan

I've always been afraid of someone rejecting me because of my disability status and I was rejected.

I guess I'm just not good enough anymore. I don't know. Sometimes I just can't seem to feel any other way.

I truly believe that you attract the things you focus on. I know so many people that can't work for one reason or another, it doesn't make them less of a person. Try to stop focusing on things you don't want and "not being good enough" and try to focus in what you want.

Where thoughts go, energy flows.

Just my unsolicited advice.......

[MysticOceansFL]

Is that my partner mistaking my concerns of her well being as if I'm playing a role of " mothering her " and that's not the case at all that's just part of how I am as well as " mis-spelling a few words once or twice" I think people trying to get to know each other online or real time it can be done everything takes time and trust and both people compliment each other not signaling one out from the other but yet they both should intertwine with each other as vines coming together to form a solid foundation of oneness but yet not losing a part of each other. Lots of trust and love plays a huge part for me and you don't have to agree on everything nor do you have to have every common interests I think it's best to have a little of both that way no one feels neglected or suffocated.

[Venus007]

I tend to lean toward the rational and being overtly emotional is sort of a second, or hell perhaps a third, language to me. I mean of course I do display emotion but the issue is that it doesn't seem to be enough for most people. As an added issue I tend to be a very independant person and enjoy nee require solitude to recharge.

My fear is that this will be taken as not loving the person I love "enough" or over time it will weaken the bond I have with someone.

The whole romantic thing doesn't come naturally to me, I have to set reminders on my calendar or create a plan in advance to execute. This, I fear, comes across as forced sometimes or it is insufficient to satisfy the required dose of romance.

So often it feels like I am from another planet in a relationship and don't understand the required customs and social expectations, I sometimes hurt their feelings and don't know how it happened. I guess my fear is that I will never learn the culture of their bird to my fish.

[imperfect_cupcake]

So many in the past year. People seem to want to go far faster than I do, in terms of how often to see someone or how often to talk. I'm shattered (extremely tired) most of the time with school a don't often have the energy to go out. My classmates and I send each other texts teasing each other about how often we are in bed.
I am scared of people pushing me to be more emotional, more available time wise, more care taking.
Having been through so much co-dependant re-learning and counseling and learning about healthy boundaries... I find most people I date respond poorly to boundaries. For example I'll say I'm sick and can't make a date, got sent home from school so very ill. I will contact you when I'm feeling better.
I'll get, from people I barely know and have only met once or twice

Can I come over, I'll look after you
An email 15 hours later asking if I'm better and would I like to meet up
How about now? Are you feeling better now?
Long winding emails talking about their day when I've said im sick and will contact them when I'm feeling better.

I could go on. What I find is, people don't listen to me. And the thing that turns me off the most is someone ignoring me and just barreling ahead with what *they* want from me. I find that turns me off someone now in seconds. If I have to repeat myself, about needing time/space for whatever reason... I find the damage is just kind of done.

So I fear not being able to have my own space without fighting for it, I fear having to look after someone else to the detriment of my own needs.

[JustLovelyJenn]

Mine is always that my family will be too much. It usually is. Our life isn't easy, and even if we get along great as a two... when I let the kids in, that usually ends the pursuit. Whatever the reason that's given... "we just aren't compatible" "I'm in a different place in my life" "I think we will be better friends." ... I'm always worried that my overwhelming life (yes, its even overwhelming for me sometimes) is the biggest reason behind it all.

[Electrocell]

I find that I try to stay away from people that demand things of me. Had an ex of ten years would demand I do things and instead of being grateful for what I did would just demand something else of me. When I was doing it she would stand there and tell me how to do to do it. I'm one of these people it doesn't matter how you get the job done as long as the end results are right. If you have ideas fine, then tell me before not after I'm in the middle of the task ,when I have my own ideas figured out on how I'm going to proceed with a project. I'm doing the work after all.

[JDeere]

Fear of abuse! That is all that needs to be said on that one!

[cassiopeia67]

My relationship fears are someone who needs me in their life specifically for the benefit of financial gain. Another is being cheated on, that has happened to me more than once. To be honest, that is why I am single to this day (since 2012).

[Mel C.]

Baggage...
I think most of my baggage is related to self-esteem. I'm afraid of being the only person "in" the relationship. I'm afraid that I won't be enough....funny enough, smart enough, wealthy enough, young enough, thin enough, etc. I'm afraid that I will be abandoned. I'm afraid that I will be financially or emotionally abused. I think I am afraid of relationships in general

As for how to deal with the baggage in a new relationship, I haven't reached that level of enlightenment yet. I do try to be honest and upfront but I am still trying to figure out how much is too much and when is too soon.

[Tuff Stuff]

Originally Posted by Tuff Stuff

You know what hurts and left a huge hole in my heart...a Femme saying she's your soul mate and during some of the hardest times in your life she leaves you..not even a letter,a phone call,nothing...u just never hear from her,again.

I haven't moved on from loving her...i'm still here if she ever wants to come back.

No,i'm not here anymore.

[RockOn]

My biggest fear of all is to fall for another active alcoholic/addict. I turned 59 years old this past summer and I am totally "relationshipped out!" Did that make sense? I mean I am finished with that portion of my life and do not miss it. I will not get involved ever again. I am quite content with this posture. When I am 80, old and gray, chewing a wad of tobacco and spitting it off the side of the porch, their will be probably a half dozen or so dogs under my porch snoozing. Sitting there just thinking of my pack, the love I have for them will be more happiness than I could ever dream of.

[socialjustice_fsu]

Investing time, energy, money into a "relationship" only months later it's met with "I guess there is no chemistry." Being misled. Hopes and dreams being dismantled. Perhaps I don't need to have even one. single. expectation.
It is the road to heart-ache and resentment.

[JustLovelyJenn]

That I am the loyal... maybe too loyal... so loyal that I will not see their... disloyalty... it wouldn't be the first time.

[ForestGirl88]

Fear that no-one could really want a freak like me (I've been gay forever, tried to be stright, and everyone could smell it on me and didnt like me - heavily baptist/bigotted area and social circle/family).

Still working on this one, it is the root of all the others.

Also, that I am really just sick in the head and that is why I'm not streight. That comes from far too much hateful shit growing up.