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Old 08-06-2013, 10:30 AM   #21
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Default One of the other case managers just told me this one ...


Why do so few melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe!
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Old 08-06-2013, 11:30 AM   #22
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Iíve got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect!
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Old 08-06-2013, 11:33 AM   #23
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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Why the long face?"
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Old 08-06-2013, 11:34 AM   #24
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What time is it when Sir Lancelot sees his belly button?

The middle of the KNIGHT.
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Old 08-06-2013, 11:35 AM   #25
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Default

Why was the tomato blushing?

It saw the salad dressing.
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Old 08-06-2013, 12:40 PM   #26
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Default

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.
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Old 08-06-2013, 02:05 PM   #27
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Default

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar.

And I love shaggy dog stories (pointless jokes that go on and on...)

#1: Two big turtles and one little turtle decide to go to a soda fountain and have sarsaparillas (like root beer). While they are waiting for their drinks, it begins to rain.

One big turtle turns to the other and says, "Let's send Little Turtle back for our umbrellas!"

"No", said the little turtle. "If I leave, you will drink my sarsaparilla".

The two big turtles promise not to drink his sarsaparilla, and so the little turtle started out for the umbrellas.

A week goes by, and one big turtle says to the other, "Come on, let's drink his sarsaparilla".

A little voice from the back of the shop yells, "You do, and I won't go for the umbrellas!"

#2

A man goes to a bakery and ordered a cake in the shape of the letter "S". The baker says " Come back in a week".

When the man comes back, he looks at the cake and says, "This is all wrong. You made a print "S". I wanted a script "S"."

So the baker says "Come back in another week".

When the man comes back, the baker shows him a cake in the shape of a script "S". "It's perfect!", says the man.

"Would you like me to box it up for you?", says the baker.

"Oh that's all right. If you have a knife and fork, I'll eat it right here!", says the man.
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Old 08-06-2013, 04:19 PM   #28
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What is brown, has 8 legs and carries a suitcase? A spider going on vacation!!!
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Old 08-06-2013, 05:11 PM   #29
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Default

What's green and sings???

Elivs Parsley of course!
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Old 08-06-2013, 05:15 PM   #30
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Default

What time was it when the elephant sat on the fence? Time to get a new fence!!!

What's black and white and read all over? A newspaper!
What's black and what and red all over? A zebra with a sunburn!

A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "got any gwapes?"
The bartender says "No! Get out of here!"
Next day the duck walks into the same bar and says "Got any gwapes?" The bartender says "No! I already told you I don't have any grapes. If you come back, I'm going to nail your duck feet to the counter!"
Third day the duck walked back into the bar and asks the bartender "Got any nails?" The bartender says "No!" "Good" says the duck! "Got any gwapes???"
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Old 08-07-2013, 10:13 AM   #31
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Default

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldnít find any.
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Old 08-07-2013, 10:36 AM   #32
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Default ^^^ that one reminds me of this one ...


Why was the belt arrested?

It held up a pair of pants.

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Old 08-07-2013, 10:46 AM   #33
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Default

Guy and a giraffe go into a bar. The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor.
Next guy comes in and says, "who's that lyin' on the floor?"
Bartender says,"that's no lion, it's a giraffe."
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Old 08-07-2013, 11:42 AM   #34
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Default

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Cause if it had 4 doors it would be a chicken sedan.
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Old 08-07-2013, 03:45 PM   #35
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Default

What did one mushroom say to the other mushroom at the end of their first date?

You're a fungi!
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Old 08-08-2013, 08:29 AM   #36
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Default

Why are there gates around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in.
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Old 08-08-2013, 11:19 AM   #37
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Default

I went to a seafood disco last weekÖand pulled a muscle.
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Old 08-09-2013, 04:22 PM   #38
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Default

what do you call a camel without any humps?

Humphrey
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Old 08-10-2013, 06:52 AM   #39
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Default

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say apple again?
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Old 08-10-2013, 07:12 AM   #40
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Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wrang1er View Post
You stay here. I'll go on a head.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gaige View Post
Whatís Irish and stays out all night?

Pati-o furniture :-p


Quote:
Originally Posted by Hollylane View Post
What does a mermaid wear to math class?

An algae-bra.
I worked at my part time job last night. I told my client the first three jokes from this thread. She loved them! She laughed so hard I thought she was going to spit out her meds.

Thanks for all the jokes everybody - keep them coming!

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