Waldo's Guide to Being a Singular Sensation

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by popcorninthesofa

I will definitely dine alone somewhere if the environment and food is pleasant, where there is a sense of comraderie, and compliments are freely received and given, and the femme waitress does'nt mind a dirty old Italian butch patting her behind for a job well done

RUDE!!!!!!!!

That kind of behavior will get your bootie thrown out the restaurant!

[Waldo]

Originally Posted by MsW8ing

Umm what happened to #2 did I miss it?

It's up there: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...1&postcount=24

[msW8ing]

Thank you I appreciate it

[Diva]

This is a nice thread.....

I don't care for dining out alone, but I have. I've never noticed anyone staring, but if I notice someone staring (anywhere, not just a restaurant), I usually stare back. It's a fun sport.

My voice teacher called me on my inability to accept a compliment in college. She told me if she ever heard me deny a compliment she would fail me for the semester. That sorta gets Your attention!!! And besides ~ if I deny someone that compliment ~ I am basically saying, 'You don't know what You're talking about!'.........an insult. So when it was explained to me like that, I learned [the very difficult lesson] to be gracious.

I've been living alone now for 4 years...... I have received great happiness being back in my childhood home and nurturing myself.

Thanks for this thread, Waldo!

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Waldo

Hey you fabulous people!

I'm sorry people, I've not been feeling all that Fabulously Singular lately. Well, mostly I've not been singular and there have even been a few days when I've not been feeling fabulous. But I'm back in the saddle.

Lesson #3: Learning to take, and give, a sincere compliment.

DISCLAIMER: I am not speaking about a compliment from a stranger or some lecherous random you've just met. I'm discussing compliments from friends, family, lovers or acquaintances.

Compliments are hard to hear because they come from a lens that we don't have the privilege of seeing through. Someone else is accessing you and making a comment they believe imparts worth. We can choose to "pshaw" the compliment and degrade the person making it, or we can choose to believe that they see something in or about us as valuable.

Let's just give people the benefit of the doubt and accept the compliment with grace, even if you don't feel that way about yourself. "No, I'm not", "Oh, not really", "Don't be ridiculous" or my personal fav "You HAVE to say that!" are not acceptable responses when someone compliments you.

A simple "thank you", "you're too kind" or "you're kind to say so." will, however, convey that you value their kindness without appearing to be too vain. If you're really just not feeling it you can even go as far as saying "you're a dear for saying so, but I'm just not feeling it today".

Until next time...

W

My Grandmother told me the same thing when I was 11. Always accept the compliment with grace and say "Thank you!"

Originally Posted by pajara2

Lesson #4 (?) If you're into the arts. If there's an exhibit that you really like, find out what time they have guided Docent tours of it and go. It gives you someone else (or sometimes several someone elses) to discuss pieces and their interpretations.

Same with book clubs. Every local library usually has some kind of monthly book club.

I'm too big a people watcher to give a rat's ass if people look at me 'cause I'm alone somewhere. I am really good at giving sincere compliments, part of what makes me such a successful flirt I think. And I'm getting better at accepting them.

A

Great ideas! I am jealous you will be close to the Murfreesboto Library, I love it!

and

You are one of the sweetest complimenters I know and yes, a successful flirt. Pondering my own flirtational skills and planning to dust them off someday. Heh.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

My Grandmother told me the same thing when I was 11. Always accept the compliment with grace and say "Thank you!"



Great ideas! I am jealous you will be close to the Murfreesboto Library, I love it!

and

You are one of the sweetest complimenters I know and yes, a successful flirt. Pondering my own flirtational skills and planning to dust them off someday. Heh.

Gahhh Murfreesboro

[Zimmeh]

I am enjoying being single and having fun. I am learning how to accept compliments and give them.

Thank you Waldo for starting this thread!

Zimmy

[SweetJane]

I have no problem dining alone. I've done that on business and it was an easy transition to being single. I did see something recently when I took myself out for my birthday--alone. A gentleman in a booth near mine had brought a small portable DVD player and I swear he was watching a recorded soap opera! it made me chuckle but it also made me realize that a DVD player was a different option.

However, the messages I got from that were interesting. 1) It showed me that he wasn't interested in enjoying his food. For me dining out usually is a peak experience, unless it's just fuel. So watching a movie was like plunking myself down at home in front of the TV. 2) This also put a big neon sign over the gentleman's booth, saying, "Don't disturb me." Sometimes, dining alone allows you to interact with wait staff and sometimes with other diners. I've had some interesting conversations with wait staff and also with fellow diners seated at the next table---short but interesting none the less.

[Kätzchen]

Originally Posted by Waldo

You've got two options when you're single:

1. Sullen and Single
2. Singular Sensation

I'm working on #2 (shut it 'Dusa) and finding new and interesting ways to enjoy the single life.

Lesson number one: How To Dine Solo In Public

I actually honed this skill years ago when I began traveling for work. Now I can walk into any restaurant in any city in the world and proudly request a table for one with my head held high and a smile on my face.

It's easiest to accomplish this daunting task by bringing a magazine, a book or a journal. Bringing a laptop to "work" only makes you look like you're a workaholic (not that I would know ANYTHING about that!). This allows you to focus your attention on something other than "what are they thinking about me?"

Eventually you may find yourself able to just bring the book or journal and leave it closed on the table. It's kind of like a security blanket. It's just nice to have there. The bonus here is that you can start to pay attention to the people around you. My favorite part of this phase it that you pick up on conversations. I happen to make up entire histories for couples around me. Sometimes I blog about those stories. If I did this more regularly I'm certain I could write a best seller!

After this stage you might be able to move into the advanced stage where you seek out restaurants with "community tables" or dining bars where you can dine with others and open up opportunities to meet new people. Do not attempt this advanced maneuver if you are prone chewing with your mouth open or spitting when you talk. It's poor form and will only cause people to stare and whisper.

Whether you're hoping they are fleeting or not, enjoy your single days while you've got them.

Originally Posted by Waldo

Lesson #2

Handling the Holiday Season With Singular Ablomb

Even for me and my bachelor loving ways the holiday season presents a unique challenge. How to gracefully accept or decline all of those invitations to parties where the happily coupled are the norm?

Event triage is the answer. Quickly slice and dice an event for the likely percentage of those going stag. Is it a dinner party? It's likely to be couples. Is it a cocktail party? There's a better than average chance there will be *some* solo folks there.

Once at an event if you find yourself unexpectedly surrounded by couples don't freak out. There are great times to be had with couples and they don't even involve taking your clothes off!

First find the most unlikely looking couple and sidle up to them. Don't you wonder how they got together? Find out! Ask them how they met, who asked who out and more importantly, what was it thaat made them realize they were smitten?

Next find the couple dealing with some turmoil. They aren't hard to find. There's always some couple with barely contained hostility bubbling under the surface. Be a good sport and help to diffuse the situation. Engage one or both of them in a conversation that will help them remember why they are together.

If all else fails there's always the option of leaving early and heading to the local watering hole for a cocktail and flirtation with others who've been in the exact same position as you all night.

Whatever you choose, keep a smile on your face and never let them see you crying into your beer!

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I like this thread.

Where is Lesson #3?

Originally Posted by Waldo

Hey you fabulous people!

I'm sorry people, I've not been feeling all that Fabulously Singular lately. Well, mostly I've not been singular and there have even been a few days when I've not been feeling fabulous. But I'm back in the saddle.

Lesson #3: Learning to take, and give, a sincere compliment.

DISCLAIMER: I am not speaking about a compliment from a stranger or some lecherous random you've just met. I'm discussing compliments from friends, family, lovers or acquaintances.

Compliments are hard to hear because they come from a lens that we don't have the privilege of seeing through. Someone else is accessing you and making a comment they believe imparts worth. We can choose to "pshaw" the compliment and degrade the person making it, or we can choose to believe that they see something in or about us as valuable.

Let's just give people the benefit of the doubt and accept the compliment with grace, even if you don't feel that way about yourself. "No, I'm not", "Oh, not really", "Don't be ridiculous" or my personal fav "You HAVE to say that!" are not acceptable responses when someone compliments you.

A simple "thank you", "you're too kind" or "you're kind to say so." will, however, convey that you value their kindness without appearing to be too vain. If you're really just not feeling it you can even go as far as saying "you're a dear for saying so, but I'm just not feeling it today".

Until next time...

W

Dear Waldo,

It's been nearly a year since you've been here to lend us timely advice on what to do on improving our singular sensational selves and I was wondering, as did Dapper (because I too like this thread), if you had any new ideas for us during the up and coming holiday season.

I ask because although I don't mind eating alone, it would be nice to know what to do next: For instance, what if you're not eating by yourself alone and find yourself next door on some dance floor, dancing by yourself, when out of nowhere some handsome and completely adorable person takes you off guard by dancing along side of you? I mean, what then???

I've been in this situation before and of course, found myself smiling til it hurt; but then I froze up and couldn't get past the smiling stage.

If you're around still and have the time to resurrect this thread, with new and timely advice, I would be so appreciative - just in case I find myself dancing on some floor again this holiday season.

Thank you so much,

Kätzchen