"Adult Only" or "Childless Weddings"

Medusa · 08-26-2013, 09:14 PM

I was looking at Facebook earlier and someone I know had posted about how they wouldn't be attending someone's wedding because they "didn't have a babysitter and couldn't go to the "adults only" wedding".

It read a little like the person was feeling irritated about the wedding being "adults only".

I'm curious, what do you think of "adults only" wedding space? I know we have a thread about kids in restaurants but this discussion feels different since people paying for a wedding are paying to create an experience for themselves (and their guests) and not just buying a plate of food (more of a short-term investment both in time and money).

Do you think people get to dictate who is attending their wedding if they are paying for that? Or do you think it's classist to say "no children" at a wedding? Have you attending an "adult only" wedding? Was your experience different than attending one with kids?

Curious! Curious!!

candy_coated_bitch · 08-26-2013, 09:28 PM

I will preface this by saying I do not have children, nor do I ever want any. I am not entirely child friendly LOL.

I do not see anything wrong with having an "adults only" wedding. I think that a wedding (depending on the people, but whatever) is a very personal event. Period. Whoever the couple wants or doesn't want at their wedding is their prerogative. Some people have big weddings and some people have very small weddings with only very select people in their lives. That's their choice. But people get so butthurt over weddings.

I personally find loud, unruly, screaming children very intrusive. Especially if it's an evening/night wedding? OMG, add overtired to that? I'd be miserable.

Classist? Meh. Maybe. It sucks if you're strapped and can't pay for a babysitter, or find one, and you can't go to an event. But again, it's a CLOSED, personal event. They don't HAVE to make it accessible for everyone. Even if it's classist, or racist, or ableist or any -ist--the couple gets to decide that. They get to decide that they want only clowns at their wedding.

I often have to miss things I want to go to because I'm actually extremely poor. It's hard. But that's life. I think not being able to go to every single thing you want to attend is kind of the sacrifice you make in being a parent.

Bard · 08-26-2013, 09:29 PM

our reception was audults only because of the cost we still had some kids and that was fine but desd comes from a very large family and with lots of young cousins it could have been to much and we were limited on how many people we could have. the wedding was open to all and on the invite we had a adults reception it worked out well for us but we were worried about offending family. but people understood heck at 40 a person its hard. the kids that were there for both my daughter and our ring bearers and one close friends little girl they had a blast and were well behaved. the kids that came to the wedding also were well behaved

DapperButch · 08-26-2013, 09:44 PM

I see nothing wrong with having an adult only wedding.

MsTinkerbelly · 08-26-2013, 09:57 PM

Personally i wanted all of my friends and family at my weddings...for *me* i think marriage is about family and that includes the kids.

I also get limited incomes and not wanting unruly children....truly a personal choice. I don't judge anyone's choice.

always2late · 08-26-2013, 10:02 PM

I don't see anything wrong with having an "adult only" wedding. Actually not including children is practical if you are having your wedding at a venue where you are paying per person. Including everyone's children can be very costly. Also, most of the wedding receptions I've attended didn't begin until the early evening, and continued on until the early morning (not exactly child-friendly hours).

Kelt · 08-26-2013, 10:00 PM

I also see nothing wrong with it. The people paying for the party get to pick who comes whatever their criteria. I would however stipulate that if they invite parents who cannot or don't wish to bear the extra expense of having a sitter choose not to attend, they should not be offended.

I don't think an invitation should be seen as an obligation. That is what the R.S.V.P. is for.

LaneyDoll · 08-26-2013, 10:03 PM

I have three kids and I am not offended by an "adults only" wedding. Weddings are expensive and if someone forks out all that cash for one, they should get the dream wedding they want.

I attended a wedding once where the flower girl and the ring bearer stole the show by kissing as they sat on the steps leading to the staged area. Yes it was cute. But they started kissing more intently, mouths closed obviously, and the entire audience was in hysterics.

The bride told me later that she was pretty troubled over all the laughter because she did not know that was going on. She only heard the people literally laughing at her wedding. And, that commotion translated to the video so she lost $$$ on that investment as well.

People get so offended easily these days. It is not that someone hates "your" children. It is merely that they want their day to go smoothly.

"your" as a general term

EDIT TO ADD: and realistically, my kids would probably prefer to be at their grandmother's house anyway

Gráinne · 08-26-2013, 10:07 PM

I too have three kids (one with Downs') and would not be offended. I've attended several adult weddings, and enjoyed not having to corral the kids everywhere or watch their behavior.

In my own wedding, I hired a babysitter and a room for all the kids to go color/play. Two of my bridesmaids had nursing babies, so they had to come.

not2shygrrl · 08-26-2013, 10:39 PM

It seems that no matter the intent for leaving kids out of invites for a wedding....inevitably someone(s) in the family are insulted. In my family, and I stress ~my family~ leaving the kids out is something we don't do. The celebration is something when discussed at a later time the kids can also add in their good time and memories. Most caterers will accommodate kids if its a deal breaker. It was tried unsuccessfully once and has not been tried again at this point. I don't have kids, but if I did and if they were not invited....I would not attend. This includes the informal weddings up to the most formal. Nor would I be nasty about it.

thedivahrrrself · 09-02-2013, 10:55 PM

I got married many years ago in a church that had a room for kids, and we provided free childcare to those attending. Worked out really well - many of our friends would not have come with a baby, or they would have had to pay a sitter, and it just seemed easier to have one there.

No crying kids, no hurt friends. Win-win.

Personally, I would not take my children under a certain age to a wedding. For the child's sake more than anyone else's. Those things are usually pretty boring for kids.

not2shygrrl · 09-03-2013, 12:28 AM

I would venture to say most weddings are not free of the drama, or embarrassment and/or shenanigans that are unwelcome! I am speaking of those who create drama, or by drunkenness can take the spotlight from the intended couple. Yup.....the adults!! Sometimes the adult drama is worse than if kids had attended. I agree with some statements in that separate accommodations for kids can be a deal breaker for attending or not, and I think its a great way for the happy couple to say we really want you to attend and share our day! Of course it is totally the choice of the couple who are getting married, that is a given! But they have a guest list for a reason, so as not to share this day with only each other! The chicken dance is absolutely no fun without kids participating IMO!!

Yanno, I went through the complete smiley list.......and not one wedding smiley exists!?? <le' sigh>

08-26-2013, 09:14 PM	#1
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,870 Times in 7,835 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	"Adult Only" or "Childless Weddings" I was looking at Facebook earlier and someone I know had posted about how they wouldn't be attending someone's wedding because they "didn't have a babysitter and couldn't go to the "adults only" wedding". It read a little like the person was feeling irritated about the wedding being "adults only". I'm curious, what do you think of "adults only" wedding space? I know we have a thread about kids in restaurants but this discussion feels different since people paying for a wedding are paying to create an experience for themselves (and their guests) and not just buying a plate of food (more of a short-term investment both in time and money). Do you think people get to dictate who is attending their wedding if they are paying for that? Or do you think it's classist to say "no children" at a wedding? Have you attending an "adult only" wedding? Was your experience different than attending one with kids? Curious! Curious!! __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

08-26-2013, 09:29 PM	#3
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	our reception was audults only because of the cost we still had some kids and that was fine but desd comes from a very large family and with lots of young cousins it could have been to much and we were limited on how many people we could have. the wedding was open to all and on the invite we had a adults reception it worked out well for us but we were worried about offending family. but people understood heck at 40 a person its hard. the kids that were there for both my daughter and our ring bearers and one close friends little girl they had a blast and were well behaved. the kids that came to the wedding also were well behaved __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

08-26-2013, 09:44 PM	#4
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,896 Times in 5,773 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I see nothing wrong with having an adult only wedding. __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

08-26-2013, 10:02 PM	#6
always2late Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: m'lady Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NJ Posts: 2,000 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,834 Thanked 6,231 Times in 1,462 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I don't see anything wrong with having an "adult only" wedding. Actually not including children is practical if you are having your wedding at a venue where you are paying per person. Including everyone's children can be very costly. Also, most of the wedding receptions I've attended didn't begin until the early evening, and continued on until the early morning (not exactly child-friendly hours). __________________ Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I'll meet you there ~ Rumi

08-26-2013, 10:03 PM	#8
LaneyDoll Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Girly girl femme Preferred Pronoun?: She; Ma'am; Miss ;) Relationship Status: Pitbull protected. Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Birmingham, AL Posts: 2,204 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,892 Thanked 7,689 Times in 1,610 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I have three kids and I am not offended by an "adults only" wedding. Weddings are expensive and if someone forks out all that cash for one, they should get the dream wedding they want. I attended a wedding once where the flower girl and the ring bearer stole the show by kissing as they sat on the steps leading to the staged area. Yes it was cute. But they started kissing more intently, mouths closed obviously, and the entire audience was in hysterics. The bride told me later that she was pretty troubled over all the laughter because she did not know that was going on. She only heard the people literally laughing at her wedding. And, that commotion translated to the video so she lost $$$ on that investment as well. People get so offended easily these days. It is not that someone hates "your" children. It is merely that they want their day to go smoothly. "your" as a general term EDIT TO ADD: and realistically, my kids would probably prefer to be at their grandmother's house anyway __________________ There are beauties who stop traffic and then there are beauties who grow obsessively in the hearts of the susceptible. Last edited by LaneyDoll; 08-26-2013 at 10:06 PM.

08-26-2013, 09:28 PM	#2
candy_coated_bitch Pixie Stick How Do You Identify?: The arteest formerly known as musicfemme. Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Happily taken. Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Northampton, MA Posts: 11,293 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 31,723 Thanked 32,098 Times in 6,125 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I will preface this by saying I do not have children, nor do I ever want any. I am not entirely child friendly LOL. I do not see anything wrong with having an "adults only" wedding. I think that a wedding (depending on the people, but whatever) is a very personal event. Period. Whoever the couple wants or doesn't want at their wedding is their prerogative. Some people have big weddings and some people have very small weddings with only very select people in their lives. That's their choice. But people get so butthurt over weddings. I personally find loud, unruly, screaming children very intrusive. Especially if it's an evening/night wedding? OMG, add overtired to that? I'd be miserable. Classist? Meh. Maybe. It sucks if you're strapped and can't pay for a babysitter, or find one, and you can't go to an event. But again, it's a CLOSED, personal event. They don't HAVE to make it accessible for everyone. Even if it's classist, or racist, or ableist or any -ist--the couple gets to decide that. They get to decide that they want only clowns at their wedding. I often have to miss things I want to go to because I'm actually extremely poor. It's hard. But that's life. I think not being able to go to every single thing you want to attend is kind of the sacrifice you make in being a parent.

08-26-2013, 09:57 PM	#5
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,958 Times in 5,020 Posts Rep Power: 0	Personally i wanted all of my friends and family at my weddings...for me i think marriage is about family and that includes the kids. I also get limited incomes and not wanting unruly children....truly a personal choice. I don't judge anyone's choice.

08-26-2013, 10:00 PM	#7
Kelt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Beach Butch Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: SoCal Posts: 2,751 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 19,765 Thanked 15,379 Times in 2,541 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I also see nothing wrong with it. The people paying for the party get to pick who comes whatever their criteria. I would however stipulate that if they invite parents who cannot or don't wish to bear the extra expense of having a sitter choose not to attend, they should not be offended. I don't think an invitation should be seen as an obligation. That is what the R.S.V.P. is for.

08-26-2013, 10:07 PM	#9
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,818 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,010 Thanked 7,246 Times in 1,416 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I too have three kids (one with Downs') and would not be offended. I've attended several adult weddings, and enjoyed not having to corral the kids everywhere or watch their behavior. In my own wedding, I hired a babysitter and a room for all the kids to go color/play. Two of my bridesmaids had nursing babies, so they had to come. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

08-26-2013, 10:39 PM	#10
not2shygrrl Member How Do You Identify?: as a Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: under the cover of starry starry nights...enjoying a warm fire in the pit ! Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: in a cabin in the woods Posts: 636 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,068 Thanked 2,454 Times in 546 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	I have been to both..... It seems that no matter the intent for leaving kids out of invites for a wedding....inevitably someone(s) in the family are insulted. In my family, and I stress ~my family~ leaving the kids out is something we don't do. The celebration is something when discussed at a later time the kids can also add in their good time and memories. Most caterers will accommodate kids if its a deal breaker. It was tried unsuccessfully once and has not been tried again at this point. I don't have kids, but if I did and if they were not invited....I would not attend. This includes the informal weddings up to the most formal. Nor would I be nasty about it.

09-02-2013, 10:55 PM	#11
thedivahrrrself Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Sapiosexual Femme Relationship Status: Mrs. Grumpy Cat Tournaments Won: 4 Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: 8,660 feet high in the Andes Posts: 2,640 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10,519 Thanked 11,662 Times in 2,292 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I got married many years ago in a church that had a room for kids, and we provided free childcare to those attending. Worked out really well - many of our friends would not have come with a baby, or they would have had to pay a sitter, and it just seemed easier to have one there. No crying kids, no hurt friends. Win-win. Personally, I would not take my children under a certain age to a wedding. For the child's sake more than anyone else's. Those things are usually pretty boring for kids. __________________ Small business owners around the world use microfinance to help expand their businesses and provide for their families. You can help! Click here to learn about Kiva.

09-03-2013, 12:28 AM	#12
not2shygrrl Member How Do You Identify?: as a Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: under the cover of starry starry nights...enjoying a warm fire in the pit ! Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: in a cabin in the woods Posts: 636 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,068 Thanked 2,454 Times in 546 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Just another point I am making..... I would venture to say most weddings are not free of the drama, or embarrassment and/or shenanigans that are unwelcome! I am speaking of those who create drama, or by drunkenness can take the spotlight from the intended couple. Yup.....the adults!! Sometimes the adult drama is worse than if kids had attended. I agree with some statements in that separate accommodations for kids can be a deal breaker for attending or not, and I think its a great way for the happy couple to say we really want you to attend and share our day! Of course it is totally the choice of the couple who are getting married, that is a given! But they have a guest list for a reason, so as not to share this day with only each other! The chicken dance is absolutely no fun without kids participating IMO!! Yanno, I went through the complete smiley list.......and not one wedding smiley exists!?? <le' sigh>