03-06-2010, 06:02 AM | #161 | |
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I'm so sorry that you have been having to go through all of this. The price of loving those feline deities is their life span is so much shorter than ours and we are destined to live so much of our lives missing them. I love you and hope that today is at least a break from the sadness and grief. All my love, the girl
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03-06-2010, 06:03 AM | #162 |
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March 6
The Price of Today’s Ride Much of my spiritual awakening has been spent separating myself from the nightmare of the past, reassuring myself that in fact, it the horror, is over. As my present has improved my reactions are still invested with the hide or fly coping of a child dealing with terror. Things get better yet barricades are erected, departing flights secured. Disengaging the clutch of fingers wrapped so tightly around the escape hatch takes a great deal of my short supply of faith and confidence. Laying down my anticipatory reluctance in favor of optimism has had the breathtaking feel of pain, though in fact it was only the separation from a poisonous crutch and the vacuum it creates. Allowing myself to see beauty at the same time as I deal with the truth of the past; standing in the full light of morning and not blocking out the brilliant pain of night is the outstanding gift my spiritual path affords me. Open stored creativity * ECHOES OF ACTION Squares of light outline a patchwork on walls and ceiling. Ripples of water formed this ancient glass. Three hundred years these waves have shone through those panes. Three hundred years these waves have held, Like stability in a world of change. Looking through the window The City rams life down it's own throat. The ripples are invisible, Caressing currents imbed the glass The wavelengths shining projections only with the street lights. How much mundane activity is captured, Only revealing itself surreptitiously. What is not echoed from year to year comes to final rest. My voice does not terminate at my mouth How therefore can I consider a blunted end to my behavior?
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03-06-2010, 07:47 AM | #163 | |
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Dusty was happy and healthy looking when I went there I went to pick him up and take him to the Vet for his diagnosis. . Knowing death will be scheduled when he turns the corner of health is just weighing heavy. Was Dr. Death so wrong? We can put animals to sleep....what about it .hearinig you song about algae ...and I smile. Thanks for the love, the daily inspiration above and the poetry below it. I love having dessert with my coffee. All my love backattcha. PS.. I saw that Greyson is signed up for the Reunion. Should you stop in here, just WaVvinnng at you.. Hi Greyson, HEllo anyone that stops in to read. Jump in the water's fine. One hell of a week....so, Oscar Movie Preview day is today. The music will be good.. |
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03-06-2010, 09:36 AM | #164 |
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Waving "Hiya" to Tommi and Lefty. I don't know why, I am just partial to calling you "Lefty."
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03-06-2010, 12:13 PM | #165 | |
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I have to tell you a million years ago when I was creating my screen name it never once occured to me that I was going to spend my life being called "Lefty" ..........lol Waving HI back at you, Greyson!!!!!!
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03-07-2010, 02:24 AM | #166 | |
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Friends of Bill, Lois and ...meetings in Little Rock
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Friends of meetings! Cold embers to a Fire Within. That's how many of us felt, caught between conflicting moralities, maladaptive behaviors, and little understanding, support, or hope of finding it. We had to break our personal block to transcendence. Many of us found it in 12 step programs (Friends of Bill). Meetings will be held on Friday____ and Saturday at ____ and on Sunday at _____. All meetings will be in the ___ Room - "Our Place". No meeting is scheduled for Thursday. If you are interested in leading a meeting, speaking, volunteering in some way, send a PM. |
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03-07-2010, 08:17 AM | #167 |
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March 7
Migration Why does an alcoholic leave the drink behind? To go where it’s warm, because drunkenness has become cold comfort, because the climate has changed. The wind resists the flight from the bottle and the initiative to break the flow is rotated among the flock. Though each member of the band plays their part, the one diverting the air just ahead of me and the one just behind trumpeting still hold the majority of my attention. Flocking is my primary purpose because survival is the intention of life, demise the intent of my illness. One more sober day is all I can ask, it’s all I ever need, it’s all that’s ever offered. Put wheels under procrastination * POPCORN FLAVORED LOLLIPOP I can't know it, I can't believe it, The world of popcorn flavored lollipops Is now being visited upon me. Both a surprise and a comfort, A popcorn flavored lollipop Given to me by a gas station attendant. A blast of sugar and salt wake my tongue. What can a mind do In the face of buttered-salted bonbon on a stick? I wouldn't have thought of it, no in a million years. This is somehow a source of hope to me, There are open minded people living in the world around me. I often pray for creative thinking on the part of my Higher Power I inadvertently dismiss the populace Who are producing prodigies of ingenious originality and cunning. I want the world to be gifted with what sobriety has given me. Candy is not world peace But many great things start with a little sweetness
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03-07-2010, 10:27 PM | #168 |
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Friends of Bill W.
I just wanted to say ty for creating such a great thread! As you already know,you never know who is watching. Or who might need to hear what you have to say.
I am happy to say my daughter just celebrated her first birthday on the 15th. It is nice to get her back...Smile October 10th will be my 20th birthday since I quit. I am a rocovering addict. Have a Blessed Day! |
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03-08-2010, 05:17 AM | #169 | |
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You are right I have no idea who is reading but I am always so glad when what I write helps. Have a great day, Sherrie
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03-08-2010, 05:18 AM | #170 |
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March 8
Résistance Resisting tough love is approaching long run action with short run thinking. I hate to set the toddling babe down lest he fall, but in the end if I do not put him down he and I will both be the worse for it. Whether I see a forest or I see trees depends so very much on my perspective, also on my willingness to delay the prevention of minor scrapes to eliminate the need for permanent scaring. The theme is greater personal responsibility and less irrational fear. Guarding tomorrow’s possibilities by not hamstringing them today through the resistance of tough love saves lives, it saves mine. Raise the roof on your thinking * PICTURES & FRAMES I paint my way into the corners of the frames. Each picture I fill diligently, Color, texture, all the tricks I use. I work hard to get the desired effect. I hold nothing back, I put heart and hopes forward. I load my brush with pigment, I propel my tongue out of my mouth, I use it for balance like a kangaroo uses it's tail. Stroke after stroke I layer the image My depiction is fresh to me, I bring the green, the red, the blue, All of them flow from me. The canvas fills, my soul soars through the tinctures Then the disappointment begins, The complaints, the lamentations, The perspective is off. I can't seem to contain this scene Within the confines of this gilded prison. I readjust, I tilt my head I paint from the bottom up, then the top town, No---No. I must pick up a new canvas and frame. The oak, burnished and honeyed brown. I cast to the side the gilt and sculptured casing. I lay it along the wall with the others. The many discards of my life As yet the obvious has escaped me. The tint, the hue, the angle Size may diverge but that is all. I have recreated the same scene In all the frames, In all my attempts, I have painted only one picture.
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03-09-2010, 04:13 AM | #171 |
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March 9
Revelations And I, Sherrie, had a new freedom and a new happiness for the first freedom and the first happiness were passed away. And there were no more tears. This is how it should be and for the most part this is how it is. Hell’s gates hang broken on their hinges and I walk free. The world is mine to explore and I am happy. More than a notion, my life is a fact; sounder than a bank note and I am on an emotional foot race to keep pace with my recovering self. Could it be lost? Lost like paradise, lost like I was lost before? Why, yes, all could be lost and that is what makes this freedom truly free and this happiness truly happy, they are mine, mine to keep and mine to lose, they may not be in my control but they are within my reach. Voir dere contempt * VOLUNTARY MUTE I have learned I don't have to answer just because someone asks. I have learned to change subjects. I have learned it is better to say nothing. Repeating the phrase, "It's just my opinion." Followed with, " I could be wrong." Has proven insufficient. Somehow things frequently turn out worse than I expected But as of yet none have turned out better. This upsets. People become angry when I am correct. They are less angry when I'm silent. I tell the truth and trouble follows. I didn't get sober to lie so I keep my mouth shut. There is no reason to distress folks And reality has a way of doing that. Silence is my new defense I hide in it And find my new freedom. Unless it's my sponsor, my sponsee or my cherished friend Battening down the hatches saves me from a tempest And spare others their outburst.
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03-09-2010, 06:29 AM | #172 | |
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and , again my thanks to LeftWriteFemme for keeping the light on and her daily inspiration and poetry. |
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03-09-2010, 11:08 PM | #173 |
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Just a small share. |
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03-10-2010, 05:18 AM | #174 |
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March 10
Isolation I isolate from you, I isolate from others, I isolate from friends, isolate from G-d, I practice connecting by connecting with my sponsor, practice connecting with my friends, practice connecting with G-d, finally I am able to connect with you, the first thing I do is isolate us from them, my sponsor, my friends, my G-d, they are all now on the outside of the bubble of us and I must start again, only now I must try to maintain the you and me connection while at the same time connect with the rest. Are we still us if I am connected with them? Are we still us if we are in the midst of the crowd I think of, the crowd I call, them? Just because they see us as us, refer to us as us, are we still us if we don’t feel like us to me? If I don’t know us in the landscape of hordes are we still we? Isolation is an attempt at preservation, how can we best be preserved without being pressed in a book or jarred or jammed? You say let us be, and I say that’s how I got us are you sure that’s how I keep us? And you hug me tight. Bloom with or without a garden * THE WALL OF PLEASANT How quickly I am protected by a sweet smile A disarming countenance and gentle phrase Save my skin and psyche. No longer do I defend my reputation as a wit or critic I let it all flow by. The simpler I appear the more effective the facade. The energy I conserve not fighting loosing battles Is well spent in the company of like minded sober friends In the pursuit of sober lives. I stay out of the fray and behind this partition It's insides are posted with announcements proclaiming my opinions And the lunacy of the person on the other side. The reading of these notices Does not persuade me to dismantle the enclosure But encourages me to keep it sound. Many year of shelter behind this vine covered fortification Allow restraint of my words spoken and written To safeguard my sanity When I am gifted with comment I am spared the desire for credit Boundaries are a blessing And living within them a saving grace.
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03-11-2010, 05:07 AM | #175 |
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March 11
Conception 2 My active voice is the elixir of fire my addiction would have me snuff in order to keep us hidden from each other, me hidden from you, you hidden from me and no one noticing you or I pouring the drinks. Minus my active voice I slip easily into unconsciousness, my effectiveness doused. My active voice is the light in my room the candle in my window, the glow within me, which illuminates my days as well as my nights. Moving ever forward the gyroscopic precision of this voice never fails me if I keep my “listening ears” turned on and tuned in. My active voice is and will always be the live wire connection of my Higher Power uniting with me through people, places and things. My effective conscience is everything that results from this bond. I run at an unfathomable rate of efficiency when my active voice is on, my feet fail to touch the ground as I fly to right action, the nature of my effective conscience is just that, nature, as natural as if I were not carrying a fatal malady, but instead possessed the secret to serenity, which in fact I do: sobriety. Try not to confuse available with empty * SPIRITUALITY The bedpan of spirituality Was shoved under my ass Early in sobriety It kept me from increasing the mess With which I surround myself. The cold smack of enamel got my attention. The old timers showed me there is a place for my shit It was not any of the places I had been using. My side, your side, all sides were strewn with my waste Fragments, tatters and fearful reminders Were all there for me to clean up. Amends as the shovel And willingness as its handle Is what I use to clear my past. Sweat is refreshing when progress is being made I've made inroads, paths of travel help me more easily From the past to the present without regret.
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03-11-2010, 07:38 AM | #176 |
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La lalalal la
GOOOOOOD MORNING Everyone. Sing it with me..
[ame="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmZqb2VVc48"]YouTube- Hair - Good Morning Starshine[/ame] |
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03-12-2010, 05:21 AM | #177 |
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March 12
Creed We have a long standing family tradition of viewing miracles as tragedy; this custom has afforded us many a fine escape from the unknown. Most things in life are bad; people, places, things, this belief is protective though useless. Ultimately I feel this belief is not what colors the dynastic impression of the miraculous, but the apprehension is due to the limited nature of the thing. I come from a line of dissatisfaction; miracles are provided when what is desired is panacea. If everything is not imperially resolved then it is all for naught because the same psyche which cannot begin a process without a guaranteed outcome can’t pickup the slack after a triumphant start. Give it all to me tied with a bow, I will begin the critique from there though I will accept, offer me a beginning fraught with uncertainty and I will decline. A secure entrenchment is preferred to inexact risk. I will die with my boots on, but I mustn’t leave the house. Respect your age * FRIENDS My sweet, dear, funny friend Steeped in beat Whose hand I can no longer hold. I yearn for the wildly flying words, like feathers in a snow The shock of hair and glinting eyes I see so clearly In my shivering mind. I must let go. I miss all the friends who for reason or no Have traveled down the yellow brick spiral to who knows where. My arms feel open and starved But there is no way for me to retain myself And follow them. Some are lost, altogether Some are lost only to me But my arms remain empty nonetheless. My ruined heart is sore and sad But chasing this friend or that Will not heal it. The lonely path before me is the answer for me. Possibly only for me among our former group And will the paths cross later in this day or next? I don't know and am better not knowing. My path requires me to release outcomes As well a kindred. I must travel with my arms open Some fall out of them And others find their way in.
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03-13-2010, 07:22 AM | #178 |
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March 13
Wax On “Sometimes a dish is just a dish,” I said to my sponsor. “Yes and sometimes it is the world away, which you hold in your hand,” her reply. I stand at the sink and try to wash the dishes when I am washing the dishes. I try to drive the car when I drive the car. These simple acts of concentration focus and sooth the jagged mental sutures where I am supposed to be coming together, but ultimately come apart. Anything to break my frenetic gyrations is a blessing, anything to cut away to a closer view and a clearer understanding of where I really am; anything to derail the speeding blur of a life of my creation, is good. What I do and who I am are secrets and mysteries when I don’t know how to pay attention and ironies when I do. And if you doubt me, just go ask Arnold. Contrast confusion * BLUE CROWS Blue crows streak across my dreaming minds sky They take up their post in a line of trees I stand at the edge of a burning field I feel nauseous at the thought of glorifying an 'active' life. Everything is burned, scared and crumpled The flashy crows call from the hedgerow. I know it's time to fly The fire is out and I have work to do. To keep the sparks and dormant embers from ruining another harvest. I must travel with these strange birds And live an odd but regimented life I needn't scorch my feet on this ground again. Like my companions I must spend sometime in survey If I do not fully assess this damage I might not fully embrace this dawn.
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03-14-2010, 05:58 AM | #179 |
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March 14
Patricide I never killed my father. Why finish a job that someone is completing all on his own. It’s not that I didn’t wish him dead; I did and do for that matter. Don’t misunderstand me, I wish him no harm, it’s just that he is like a creature so tortured that he is nothing but a danger and a misery. Left to live he is a hazard to everyone he has contact with, an agony to live inside. What can I wish for him, but departure and rest, something he can never give to himself. I don’t plot, don’t scheme, I only know; know in part, the terrible lie he lives and hurt he drags from place to place acting like it is not there and nothing matters; let’s just get by. So, if he is not dead he should be. He is the embodiment of the hurtful impotent god and I don’t kill that man but I kill the image, perish that thought. Provide for the future of your sanity * PRETTY FEET I look at the line on my heel Where I must stay vigilant with pumice and the moisturizer My toes clean and straight but nothing more. I see my feet as passable, it's hard to see them as beautiful, Well cared for is the best I can do But there is a beauty in that. I think of myself, I am an alcoholic There is nothing beautiful about alcoholism either. The care I take in tending my sobriety The nurturing I see others use in their own lives There is a certain loveliness to it. Crusted over hearts Scraped and oiled Fit and ready to beat anew. Polluted minds, drained and reformed To turn lives upright Step work and making meetings Is just a functionary thing But gorgeous in its own way Efficacy is a pearl not to be disregarded.
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03-15-2010, 04:09 AM | #180 |
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March 15
Three Card Monty When I learn to excel at the good games and learn to leave the bad ones alone I think I will be all right. Simple enough to do when I can take off this blindfold and see the long term consequences of my pursuits. Engage this pastime and have no future; abandon that play and squander hope. Eyes open wide, I see what there is to see, but around the corner I am lost for anticipatory sight and must guess at destinations let alone intention. Tricky, tricky, is this life which toys with me. I think I have the bow in hand, though as life rubs me wrong then right, I see I am played upon as much and as often as I play. I take up the reins, but must also be led, I can lay out the deal, but sometimes, I just have to roll the dice. Speak with your friends * ANGLE OF RETURN As in a hall of mirrors, it is sometimes hard to tell If I am moving forward in my recovery Likewise, as promises are fulfilled Their obtuse arrival is a quandary The juxtaposition of acute homecoming Of former faculties is also startling How the light reflects itself from sober face to sober face From open heart to open mind, is the spectral of hope to me. My soul seeks me day after day Though I left it so far behind It brings to me the person of God's intent And my new acquaintance. Patience, never my virtue, finds me stacked with packages Delivered in piles so high I can't keep up with opening them Never in my life have I known less about my future Or felt more assured.
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12 step recovery, acoa, al-anon, alcoholic, alcoholics anonmyous, coda, on-line meeting |
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