Under 30 - Coming Up and Coming Out

Admin · 11-04-2009, 02:14 PM

ButchFemmePlanet has been fantastically blessed to have esteemed member, Selenay, accept the position of Youth Ambassador.

To kick off the discussion, she has written up a blurb to get us all thinking:

"Dyke" "Butch" "Femme" "Trans" "Queer" "Transsensual" "Gay" "Intersexed"

What happens before you're sure you're any of those things? Gender and sexuality are a constant evolution, a constant cycle. For some, they know that they are gay their whole lives; for others, it's a learning process that takes years, if not decades. Being young and queer--or even young and questioning--is probably the hardest place of all to be. Not only do you have to contend with school and friends, work and pleasure, but you have the added struggle of trying to figure out who you are, and who you love... As well as what that means.

Nobody is born with all the answers, and nobody finds them overnight. Taking the first step is where everyone starts.

Selenay · 11-04-2009, 02:26 PM

Just passin through to say heyo.

If you've got questions, comments, suggestions, love notes, or hate mail for me then you are welcome to post in this thread. If you'd prefer you can send me a PM.

Zimmeh · 12-09-2009, 06:50 PM

Hey Selenay,

Even though I am over 30, I wanted to post something if that is ok. Growing up, I knew that I was gay and living with my dad who was homophobic, was hard. When I was 28 years old, he passed away and I felt like I could finally be myself. I officially came out to everyone when I was 31 and I have never had any regrets about waiting so long. I was able to find out who I was and what I wanted out of life.

Thanks to you and the Admin for starting this thread.

Have a good night,

Zimmy

Selenay · 12-09-2009, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZimmygLrL

Hey Selenay,

Even though I am over 30, I wanted to post something if that is ok. Growing up, I knew that I was gay and living with my dad who was homophobic, was hard. When I was 28 years old, he passed away and I felt like I could finally be myself. I officially came out to everyone when I was 31 and I have never had any regrets about waiting so long. I was able to find out who I was and what I wanted out of life.

Thanks to you and the Admin for starting this thread.

Have a good night,

Zimmy

Of course you, and everyone else, are welcome in this thread! We don't check people's ID when they walk in the door

I'm very glad that you were able to find peace in yourself, and that you could start your journey.

cerys · 01-26-2010, 08:42 PM

I always kind of knew that something was up, but I didn't think I was gay because the thought of kissing someone wearing lipstick was SO not an attractive idea to me. See, that's what TV does to you - rots your brain!

I was in college before I ever met a butch, so I was in college before I knew I was gay. That's all it took. She was my roommate my junior year of college for a semester. Yep, I seduced my roommate and then went abroad to China. After that, I knew what I was looking for. Before then, I just had no idea what was out there or what was possible.

bright_arrow · 02-17-2010, 02:46 AM

I'm sorry for the length of this post. It is late and my train of thought isn't spectacular, so I hope you can follow along.

I was 12 when I realized I liked girls. Sure, I could admit boys were physically good looking, but I was in no way interested in dating them. I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone, a school with no diversity (two African American students and three Chinese students, the rest Caucasian) , so being gay was a big no-no.

We moved to Arizona that summer since my father was stationed there, and I told my new group of friends I was bisexual. The guys thought it was cool, and the sister of one of my new friends identified bisexual as well. I was accepted.

Fast forward to our move to Washington (the state, yes I was a military brat). New friends again, I dated a few guys, but had longer and more satisfying relationships with girls. I came out as a lesbian at the age of 13. My parents told me it was a phase.

When I was 17 I told my mother again that I was a lesbian, and that I was dating a girl and had feelings for her beyond the 'friends' feelings. I just remember her not looking at me as I slid down the wall in tears and cried on the floor as she denied me recognition.

At 18, I went to college and met a guy 32 years old. I moved out of my house without telling my family I was leaving and started living my own life. We got engaged, and later on I became pregnant.. After miscarrying a short time later (something I have never told him), I admitted to him I was a lesbian. He told me that he always suspected I was, and gave me a month to move out. We had already been drifting and we were both talking to someone else, so it was a mutual ending. I moved in with my gay boys, later met a girl, and ended up moving in with her.

One day on the phone my mother asked me if I was living with her, and I told her yes. After many many conversations with my mother, and her seeing that I was happy and still had a "normal" life, my mother accepted me being a lesbian, sort of. My father was still against it and tried to pair me up with men regardless.

Now, at the age of 22 and almost 23, both of my parents have embraced it, and me. They no longer try to set me up with men. They absolutely love my girlfriend and her child, and even my father calls her my girlfriend, whether he is talking to me about her or if introducing her to extended family/friends of the family (Shocking, extremely).

So for those who may feel discouraged, sometimes it takes a very long time, just have to roll with the punches and keep ahold of who you are, because only you can live your life and make yourself happy.

Happiness can't be found, it's something you create.

P.S. A big thank you to my little sister, she has been my #1 supporter since I came out at 12 (when she was 6). Try and speak ill of LGBT folk and my sister will kick some serious ass. Anytime my folks would mention guys my sister would say something like "Oops, nope, she's still gay!" I love her.

bright_arrow · 02-17-2010, 02:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cerys

I always kind of knew that something was up, but I didn't think I was gay because the thought of kissing someone wearing lipstick was SO not an attractive idea to me.

Amen to that - Viva la butches!

Captain Franki · 04-28-2011, 05:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cerys

I always kind of knew that something was up, but I didn't think I was gay because the thought of kissing someone wearing lipstick was SO not an attractive idea to me. See, that's what TV does to you - rots your brain!

I was in college before I ever met a butch, so I was in college before I knew I was gay. That's all it took. She was my roommate my junior year of college for a semester. Yep, I seduced my roommate and then went abroad to China. After that, I knew what I was looking for. Before then, I just had no idea what was out there or what was possible.

I totally get this. I'm most attracted to boyish spirits and growing up most girls seemed to be feminine, so i didn't consider it for a long while, and even when i did i didn't think i crushed on any girls (although looking back i suspect an unresolved tension with one friend). I can appreciate feminine women now, but really i'm all about boyish women and gqs. I <3 Bois. After years of straight relationships with boyfriends, I'm looking forward to having queer fun with a boifriend one day.

I suspected bisexuality at 15, came out as Trans* and queer at 19, now at 20 I'm still a newbie.

12-09-2009, 06:50 PM	#3
Zimmeh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Me Relationship Status: I am a human and not a possession Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Volusia County, FL Posts: 6,746 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 23,549 Thanked 13,441 Times in 4,316 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Hey Selenay, Even though I am over 30, I wanted to post something if that is ok. Growing up, I knew that I was gay and living with my dad who was homophobic, was hard. When I was 28 years old, he passed away and I felt like I could finally be myself. I officially came out to everyone when I was 31 and I have never had any regrets about waiting so long. I was able to find out who I was and what I wanted out of life. Thanks to you and the Admin for starting this thread. Have a good night, Zimmy __________________ "A loving heart is the truest wisdom" -Chinua Achebe

11-04-2009, 02:14 PM	#1
Admin Administrator How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She/Her Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: The Planet Posts: 1,686 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 394 Thanked 5,633 Times in 1,013 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Under 30 - Coming Up and Coming Out ButchFemmePlanet has been fantastically blessed to have esteemed member, Selenay, accept the position of Youth Ambassador. To kick off the discussion, she has written up a blurb to get us all thinking: "Dyke" "Butch" "Femme" "Trans" "Queer" "Transsensual" "Gay" "Intersexed" What happens before you're sure you're any of those things? Gender and sexuality are a constant evolution, a constant cycle. For some, they know that they are gay their whole lives; for others, it's a learning process that takes years, if not decades. Being young and queer--or even young and questioning--is probably the hardest place of all to be. Not only do you have to contend with school and friends, work and pleasure, but you have the added struggle of trying to figure out who you are, and who you love... As well as what that means. Nobody is born with all the answers, and nobody finds them overnight. Taking the first step is where everyone starts.

11-04-2009, 02:26 PM	#2
Selenay Member How Do You Identify?: A soul for a compass and a heart for a pair of wings. Preferred Pronoun?: All I ask of living is to have no chains on me. Relationship Status: All I own are the strides I spend to the finish line. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Somewhere in between here and gone. Posts: 662 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 110 Thanked 1,450 Times in 370 Posts Rep Power: 6344714	Just passin through to say heyo. If you've got questions, comments, suggestions, love notes, or hate mail for me then you are welcome to post in this thread. If you'd prefer you can send me a PM.

01-26-2010, 08:42 PM	#5
cerys Junior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Malden, Massachusetts Posts: 23 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 0 Thanked 17 Times in 7 Posts Rep Power: 15	I always kind of knew that something was up, but I didn't think I was gay because the thought of kissing someone wearing lipstick was SO not an attractive idea to me. See, that's what TV does to you - rots your brain! I was in college before I ever met a butch, so I was in college before I knew I was gay. That's all it took. She was my roommate my junior year of college for a semester. Yep, I seduced my roommate and then went abroad to China. After that, I knew what I was looking for. Before then, I just had no idea what was out there or what was possible.

02-17-2010, 02:46 AM	#6
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: strong, independent, badass redhead Preferred Pronoun?: babygirl, buttercup, sugah Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: east bay, cali Posts: 2,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,643 Thanked 9,359 Times in 2,295 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I'm sorry for the length of this post. It is late and my train of thought isn't spectacular, so I hope you can follow along. I was 12 when I realized I liked girls. Sure, I could admit boys were physically good looking, but I was in no way interested in dating them. I grew up in a small town where everyone knows everyone, a school with no diversity (two African American students and three Chinese students, the rest Caucasian) , so being gay was a big no-no. We moved to Arizona that summer since my father was stationed there, and I told my new group of friends I was bisexual. The guys thought it was cool, and the sister of one of my new friends identified bisexual as well. I was accepted. Fast forward to our move to Washington (the state, yes I was a military brat). New friends again, I dated a few guys, but had longer and more satisfying relationships with girls. I came out as a lesbian at the age of 13. My parents told me it was a phase. When I was 17 I told my mother again that I was a lesbian, and that I was dating a girl and had feelings for her beyond the 'friends' feelings. I just remember her not looking at me as I slid down the wall in tears and cried on the floor as she denied me recognition. At 18, I went to college and met a guy 32 years old. I moved out of my house without telling my family I was leaving and started living my own life. We got engaged, and later on I became pregnant.. After miscarrying a short time later (something I have never told him), I admitted to him I was a lesbian. He told me that he always suspected I was, and gave me a month to move out. We had already been drifting and we were both talking to someone else, so it was a mutual ending. I moved in with my gay boys, later met a girl, and ended up moving in with her. One day on the phone my mother asked me if I was living with her, and I told her yes. After many many conversations with my mother, and her seeing that I was happy and still had a "normal" life, my mother accepted me being a lesbian, sort of. My father was still against it and tried to pair me up with men regardless. Now, at the age of 22 and almost 23, both of my parents have embraced it, and me. They no longer try to set me up with men. They absolutely love my girlfriend and her child, and even my father calls her my girlfriend, whether he is talking to me about her or if introducing her to extended family/friends of the family (Shocking, extremely). So for those who may feel discouraged, sometimes it takes a very long time, just have to roll with the punches and keep ahold of who you are, because only you can live your life and make yourself happy. Happiness can't be found, it's something you create. P.S. A big thank you to my little sister, she has been my #1 supporter since I came out at 12 (when she was 6). Try and speak ill of LGBT folk and my sister will kick some serious ass. Anytime my folks would mention guys my sister would say something like "Oops, nope, she's still gay!" I love her.