Salon de Femme--aut delectare aut prodesse est

[Arwen]

From Wikipedia:

A salon is a gathering of intellectual, social, political, and cultural elites under the roof of an inspiring hostess or host, partly to amuse one another and partly to refine their taste and increase their knowledge through conversation. These gatherings often consciously following Horace's definition of the aims of poetry, "either to please or to educate" ("aut delectare aut prodesse est"). The salons, commonly associated with French literary and philosophical salons of the 17th century and 18th century, were carried on until quite recently in urban settings among like-minded people of a 'set': many 20th-century salons could be instanced.

Now, I don't know that we are the cultural elite, but I do know that we amuse and inspire one another by our similarities and differences.

Let's use this thread as a way to gather with one another and learn from one another.

I'm sure we will have other threads pop up for sporty femmes and high femmes and femmes with high heels and femmes in sneakers. How about we make this thread a place to welcome one another in all our guises of femme?

We can throw out questions for discussions and move from there. Sound good?

First question:

So if femme is a label, what does that label look like on you? Not what do you think that label should look like, but how do you express the uniqueness of being femme in our community?

P.to the S. Any one of us can pitch a question so please do. Answer the ones you like. Ignore the ones you don't.

So come to the Salon! There's tea, coffee, wine, cosmos and more at the virtual bar. Food too.

[IrishGrrl]

Oh lordy...you mentioned cocktails..Pinkie will be here realllllllll soon!

[Arwen]

I know, right? So jump in! What does femme look like on you, darlin'?

[IrishGrrl]

Oh! Femme on me looks like...........whatever the cat dragged in at this very moment. LOL I stayed up ALL night...for some reason. My head is banging away, and my eyes they are a burnin'.

I'll be back later this evening, and by that time hopefully femme will look a helluva lot better on ME!


Pass the wine sister!

[Arwen]

LOLOLOL

Femme on me usually looks like no makeup and comfy clothes. So I'm good with what the cat drug in.

No more wine for me today. I had plenty last night!

[PinkieLee]

Did someone mention cocktails?! hahaha

Arwen, the Salon de Femme is a fabulous idea! What better way to come together by celebrating our differences and basking in our similarities. Femme bonding is so good for the soul...

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

Did someone mention cocktails?! hahaha

Arwen, the Salon de Femme is a fabulous idea! What better way to come together by celebrating our differences and basking in our similarities. Femme bonding is so good for the soul...

Darlin', I agree. I have to tell you that when I first saw you in person I was like "Oh chit. I'll never ever look that good. I'm toast. I'm not femme. SHE'S FEMME."

Grin. And then eventually I realized we are all femme in our own way and our own right! So that's what this is about.

I think it is safe to say femmes drive Mercedes and Vans and VW's and Tractors and Buses and whatever the heck we want to drive.

Femmes wear dresses and pantyhose and crew socks and hockey shirts and baseball caps and whatever the heck we want to wear.

Femme Manifesto is that we ARE the femme. So there!

[PinkieLee]

Let's see, what femme looks like on me...

PHYISICALLY ~ I'm a master of the many different looks of Tonya. Whether whored up in hair extensions & heels, a baseball cap & blue jeans or capris and flip flops. That's the beauty in being femme! Your outward appearence may always change ~ but the essence that is femme will always shine through like a bright light!

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

Let's see, what femme looks like on me...

PHYISICALLY ~ I'm a master of the many different looks of Tonya. Whether whored up in hair extensions & heels, a baseball cap & blue jeans or capris and flip flops. That's the beauty in being femme! Your outward appearence may always change ~ but the essence that is femme will always shine through like a bright light!

I think this is well said, Tonya. It's what's inside that makes you femme. And honey, you are one gorgeous woman from the inside out!

[blush]

Originally Posted by Arwen

First question:

So if femme is a label, what does that label look like on you? Not what do you think that label should look like, but how do you express the uniqueness of being femme in our community?

Eh, it's not a label for me. It's not really my gender either. It just is, yanno. And it looks pretty damn tired today!

[Puplove]

Merde! Maintenant je dois apprendre le français!

Je suis femme, donc femme, c'est moi.

Où est le champagne?

Amour de Chien

[Selenay]

Originally Posted by Arwen

First question:

So if femme is a label, what does that label look like on you? Not what do you think that label should look like, but how do you express the uniqueness of being femme in our community?

P.to the S. Any one of us can pitch a question so please do. Answer the ones you like. Ignore the ones you don't.

The femme label is stamped right on my ass so that if you don't like it, you don't have to go far to kiss it. You can see it in the heels I buy but never wear, you can see it in my hair--especially when my hair is frizzy and untamed.

My femme looks like a "What-Are-You-Lookin-At-Asshole?" smirk, and like a quirked eyebrow. My femme oozes sexuality and humour. Half the sugar, twice the spice.

My femme is the kind that people laugh at when I comment about crying over a broken nail, but the kind that can be counted on to pick you up when you're down.

I live like so.

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by blush

Eh, it's not a label for me. It's not really my gender either. It just is, yanno. And it looks pretty damn tired today!

I have to admit that I've never grasped the concept of femme as a gender. But if it is not a label for you and it is not a gender, what is it?

Originally Posted by Puplove

Merde! Maintenant je dois apprendre le français!

Je suis femme, donc femme, c'est moi.

Où est le champagne?

Amour de Chien

Danged show off. Yes, we are helping you keep up your French lessons. Can you tell us more about what is and isn't femme to you? Booze is on the bar. And I love the Puplove too.

I have no idea how wrong or right I am. lol

Originally Posted by Selenay

My femme is the kind that people laugh at when I comment about crying over a broken nail, but the kind that can be counted on to pick you up when you're down.

I live like so.

And this was a FABULOUS manifesto, Selly. Really liked this.

I love that we are all here and we are all so different in how we approach this question!

[Puplove]

Originally Posted by Arwen

Danged show off. Yes, we are helping you keep up your French lessons. Can you tell us more about what is and isn't femme to you? Booze is on the bar. And I love the Puplove too.

I have no idea how wrong or right I am. lol

I have an idea on how wrong you are....you are just....wrong. I am just....kidding. Hooker.

I said I am femme; femme means me - or something like that. I could be saying my mother is a sausage.

To me femme is who I am - more than a gender, it is an orientation that transcends queer. Is femme defined by being the counterpart to butch? I think in some ways it does, the same way lesbian defines as being the match for another lesbian...??? But it means much more than that - it is an awareness of self, a strength, an existence that is much more powerful than being a female because I earned my place by working toward, growing into and proudly taking ownership of the mix of loving butch, being girly and being strong and capable all at once. And femme does not necessarily include "girly" because the power and strength of femme is defining who you are by what is right for you. And being loved and appreciated for it. And it could mean owning the proud title hooker.

Comprenez-vous? Le hee hee hee

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by Puplove

To me femme is who I am - more than a gender, it is an orientation that transcends queer. Is femme defined by being the counterpart to butch? I think in some ways it does, the same way lesbian defines as being the match for another lesbian...??? But it means much more than that - it is an awareness of self, a strength, an existence that is much more powerful than being a female because I earned my place by working toward, growing into and proudly taking ownership of the mix of loving butch, being girly and being strong and capable all at once. And femme does not necessarily include "girly" because the power and strength of femme is defining who you are by what is right for you. And being loved and appreciated for it. And it could mean owning the proud title hooker.

Comprenez-vous? Le hee hee hee

You hit on something I was thinking about on my drive home.

Am I femme because I am attracted to butch energy.

And my end thought was no/yes. No, I am not femme simply because I am attracted to butches. Yes, I am femme because butches just do it for me. But I would still be femme even if there were no butches in the world.

I'd just be lonelier, but still femme. I would not change who I am.

[Arwen]

Question du Jour:Who inspires you? This is not about femme per se but then again it is. Who inspires you to be the woman that you are?

Is it someone you know? Is it a relative? Is it an author? An artist?

Perhaps it is none of that but something else.

So tell the Salon de Femme.

Who inspires you?

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by Arwen

Question du Jour:Who inspires you? This is not about femme per se but then again it is. Who inspires you to be the woman that you are?

Who inspires me?

I think that this list could go on and on and on but I want to just talk about one right now.

My mama. She was such a strong woman. She divorced my dad when I was 3 (she'd found out he was gay--long story.) Then she raised my sister and I. I learned a lot from her but the one thing that stands out is that she taught me to love without reservation.

That inspires me. It inspires me to be the woman I know I can be.

[blush]

Originally Posted by Arwen

And my end thought was no/yes. No, I am not femme simply because I am attracted to butches. Yes, I am femme because butches just do it for me. But I would still be femme even if there were no butches in the world.

We all hate it when we are reduced down to who we fuck. And it happens so often to femmes in a way that it doesn't to butches/trans. Too often, our "femme-ness" is automatically tied to which type of masculine energy we prefer. It is so debasing.

For me, femme is my descriptor for my energy.

[Arwen]

Originally Posted by blush

We all hate it when we are reduced down to who we fuck. And it happens so often to femmes in a way that it doesn't to butches/trans. Too often, our "femme-ness" is automatically tied to which type of masculine energy we prefer. It is so debasing.

For me, femme is my descriptor for my energy.

Femme as a descriptor for your energy.

Brilliant. Simple and complex and really suits my worldview, blush. Thanks.

I am not sure I agree with you about hating it when I'm reduced down to who I sleep with. In a way, there is some part of me that craves that kind of simplicity.

For me, it's like when I went home when Mama was still alive. I slipped into my labels of daughter/eldest and knew what was expected of me.

There is a part of me that really craves knowing what is expected of me. Now I realize intellectually that's not going to happen all the time. but when I can be around friends who understand what femme is (or at least some version of femme), I find myself just a bit more comfortable in my skin, ya know?

[Boots13]

I had a long post , spell checked it and it all disappeared
and now I lost the momentum to throw it all down again !
But in a nutshell
I believe in femme energy. It is that intangible "thing" that draws me. It is that energy that comes from digging a stiletto in, to avoid being trampled or overlooked in a harsh and critical world.
Whether from a femme having to develope a deeper confident sense of self because of the invisibility issue, or simply how she moves in the world
based on her OWN beliefs, desires and interactions. There is that
femme energy that cannot be faked or pushed or canned that is
so wildly attractive and desireable to me.

Desireable as in wanting to be a part of it. Not controlling or assuming (as in assimilation) but as an overlay to who a femme is. And as an overlay to who I am. Friends, lovers, chance meetings ... that femme energy is unmistakeable and a part of my connectness in the world.