Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[gaea]

Originally Posted by Nomad

i agree with Tattoogurl. dont ask me where i want to go. have a plan so that i know you gave the date some thought. do your homework if you want to take me somewhere you know i like or somewhere i havent been. just give me a ballpark idea of what i should be wearing (shorts & a sweater or something less casual). as an aside, if you asked me out that means you pay. if i ask you out that means i pay. if we agree to share beforehand, no problem, but i'm not into fighting over the check. it reduces things to blech.

and just an FYI to the less financially fluid folks, a LOT of us are not impressed by money and flash. sure, they're nice on occasion but we're more interested in what you can conjure up out of $5. why? because it means you're interested in US and not in IMPRESSING us. besides, anyone can create a date by throwing money around. what you do when you're broke tells us a lot about you because we're ALL broke from time to time. (some of us more than others! )

the best "date" i've ever been on (and yes, it was the best then and it's still the best now) was one that involved coffee made at my place and a shared pastry at a local bakery that was only a block from my apartment. it was the conversation, the sharing the paper, the long walk afterward and the amazing amount of laughter that made it perfect.

I second this and applaud it....

I don't care what kind of car you drive or the job you have, are you kind? are you considerate? are you courteous? are you giving just for show or because that's who you really are, be respectful before and after and mean it don't just play a game I have feelings and they matter if to no one else than me they matter....respect is huge in my book.

A picnic on a beach would suit me more than some stuffy high end restaurant.....

a trip to the dog park, a walk along the river even fishing or camping ..

be good to me and ill be good to you, it kind of works like that or so i would like to believe in or at least hope for.

[LadyRieinAL]

I'll probably be from out of town and you'll pick me up at the airport -
You meet me with a grin on your face and you reach out to give me a warm welcoming hug.
My suitcase is light because I know I am only going to be here for the weekend - if it is chilly out side you offer to help me with my jacket or coat. You reach to take my luggage from me, and we walked to your car and drive to your place.
You get out of the car, come around and open the passenger's door for me, you take my hand and kiss it gently.
You open the trunk and take out the luggage.
Once inside the house, you introduce me to your four legged babies.
You take my luggage into the guestroom, you show me around your house, you have a large cozy bathrobe in the bathroom for me.
We take a few moments to sip coffee, chatting, the babies are helping to make this an easy transition in getting to know one another -
You've made plans for dinner, Italian.
I could sit and talk with you all night, your smile is genuine and your laughter infectious. But there are dinner reservations.
While helping me with my coat, you ask if you may kiss me, a soft sweet gentle kiss. You open the door for me and you tell your babies that we will be back shortly.
At the restaurant you pull out my chair and kiss my cheek. You sit directly across from me because you want to look into my eyes while we chat.
Since I haven't eaten in this restaurant before and we have discussed over the phone I only eat chicken and some fish, you ask if you can order for me.
You're so handsome, and you have made me feel like a princess. After a wonderful meal we leave the restaurant and you take me to your special place - a blanket of stars and fresh air surrounds us - could be a park, a river bank, a mountain parkway, - it is a safe place and we take a moon light stroll, I interlock my arm around yours. Everything is so romantic.
When we get back to your place, we sit and watch a movie and laugh - and time comes to go to sleep, you ask if I would be more comfortable sleeping in the guest room, or if I would like to sleep with you, you promise to be on your best behavior, but it is a strange place and I might be more comfortable cuddling with you. I have only one answer, and we drift off to sleep with your arm wrapped around my waist.
Morning comes and I awaken to the scent of a delicious cup of coffee right next to me on the night stand.
Good morning, you're in a very good mood -
I realize how very safe I feel with you -
this weekend is going to go way too quickly. You're the perfect gentle person - doesn't mean I will always want you to behave so perfectly, - but this weekend, this first date, I know I will be back because I want to know more about you and I want more of you.

[Dance-with-me]

I'm responding before reading all the other suggestions, so forgive me if they're repeats!

First, THANK YOU for asking this question! And your list of things that you do that don't cost money are fantastic -- with all of those in place, well, I can't speak for all femmes but I know that for myself there wouldn't have to be a penny spent and I'd have a delightful time.

Overall I'm WAY more impressed by someone who is honest about living within his/her means and who is making the effort to find creative and enjoyable things to do than someone who backs off and does nothing because she can't currently afford the type of date she's like to go on, or someone who gets themselves into debt to "impress" me.

Just don't make a big deal about it being a low-cost date - don't act embarrassed, don't keep apologizing, in fact there's really no reason at all to say to her that you're trying to keep the costs down, because that just puts your date in an awkward position.

I will tell you that one of the very best dates I've ever been on in my life started with a simple picnic lunch while sitting on standard beach chairs at the beach -- with foods direct from the grocery store or scavenged from her kitchen, packed in a basic canvas bag, and an inexpensive bottle of wine -- followed by ice cream at the boardwalk and a walk around town. It was the best date because at every moment I was made to feel pampered and special (all those "don't cost anything" things in place), but at the same time I was fully respected for my intelligence (lots of different conversational topics as we ate and sipped wine), I was allowed to be surprised by it (I like to not have to OK every plan), I didn't feel pressured for anything, it was light and romantic and fun instead of more formal and constrained, and I enjoyed every single moment of it.

And while not every date needs to be (or should be) a surprise, still don't be going to her and asking her to ok every part of the agenda - if you don't know her well yet, maybe check in and verify that she likes doing that sort of thing (some folks just don't like art museums or sporting events, for example) but work out the details on your own - she'll appreciate you for it!

Some no/low cost ideas that I personally would very much enjoy include museums, free outdoor plays/concerts in the summer, bike riding or walking through a park or along the beach, festivals/parades (ethnic, holiday, small town, etc.), a small-town or college ball game, fireworks, or even just getting together with a couple of friends who you know to be compatible and easy-going to do a bbq or play cards.

I know that in some cities, they have a weekly email that goes out that lists all kinds of plays, concerts and other events for that upcoming weekend for which you can get typically half-priced tickets. Maybe see if there's something like that around you?

Don't be afraid to plan a deliberately casual date with a Femme -- I'm guessing that most of us enjoy those jeans/shorts and t-shirts kind of dates just as much as the dress-up ones! But especially if she doesn't know going into it exactly what you'll be doing, please be sure to give her a general idea of what to wear. For that date on the beach, my date told me in advance that shorts or a simple sundress and sandals would be best, and I really appreciated that.

With an attitude like yours, you're going to make some Femme very happy to be dating you.

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by Nomad

i agree with Tattoogurl. dont ask me where i want to go. have a plan so that i know you gave the date some thought. do your homework if you want to take me somewhere you know i like or somewhere i havent been. just give me a ballpark idea of what i should be wearing (shorts & a sweater or something less casual).
...
a LOT of us are not impressed by money and flash. sure, they're nice on occasion but we're more interested in what you can conjure up out of $5. why? because it means you're interested in US and not in IMPRESSING us. besides, anyone can create a date by throwing money around. what you do when you're broke tells us a lot about you because we're ALL broke from time to time. (some of us more than others! )

THIS. Exactly, especially the part I highlighted.

[Electrocell]

Ok ladies have a ? maybe I'm a little out of date when it comes to dating. I usually bring flowers when I first meet a lady is this wrong?If I am meeting her for dinner at her place I bring flowers and a bottle of wine again am I am I out dated on this?

[imperfect_cupcake]

these days? I'd rather it not really be a date, to be honest. I'd prefer to just hang out and see how we get on as mates and if there's chemistry and attraction there. I'd like to talk before hand a bit to see where we both want to go, and the most important thing to me is how we get along, chemistry wise. Is there lots of laughing? banter? questions and curiosity? I'd like to be treated like a friend with possibilities. I don't want flowers, I don't want candy or stuff like that. I want you to be relaxed, confident, able to talk naturally, banter with me, and be totally honest like you would a friend - without fearing judgement. I don't want us on our best behaviour. I just want us to be very very realy about who we are. Still a bit hung up on a ex? Don't care. Tell me about it. Not for hours mind you, you'll put me into a coma, but tell me what you think and what you'd like to do about it.

I do webcamming work - I'll have told you a bit about that before we meet up - to put me through school. Don't treat me like a slag. I'm not. I won't bed you just because I can talk about sex easily on a camera. It's work and it's dull, don't fetishise me. Make jokes, sure, but the jokes should be about my clientelle (follow my lead hey?) and the rediculousness of the work, not some lame filthy bullshit I hear when I'm *at* work, you'll remind me of a service user. My job is convenient for study and half decently paid but very dull and a long shifts gives me headaches from having to be "chirpy, bubbly, smiley and up" and dealing with dickheads very swiftly with little or no reaction. I've got very thick skin and a very little tolerance for fuckwittery. But I have a very wicked sense of black humour, I love smart assing back and forth with people and I love a playful insult between friends. And I hope you do too. To me it shows intimacy, playfulness and ability to keep things from escalating past a certain point in debate.

I expect that to be there as a solid backbone - playfulness - especially if we decide to sleep together. I want our dates to develop as we do. I want romance expressed as a deep friendship and affection. We'll know how to express that to each other as we learn each other. If that happens quickly because there's shitloads of chemistry, I'm fine with that. But don't rush it. It should happen mutually.

[gaea]

Originally Posted by Electrocell

Ok ladies have a ? maybe I'm a little out of date when it comes to dating. I usually bring flowers when I first meet a lady is this wrong?If I am meeting her for dinner at her place I bring flowers and a bottle of wine again am I am I out dated on this?

flowers are nice and so is wine provided she isn't allergic to either of those and if she is well then substitute you know...ofos ways are impressive it means your thoughtful....and sometimes the best flowers to receive are the ones where someone hand picked them out weather at a florist or a garden or what have you...

just my opinion.

[ScandalAndy]

I have to agree that I would prefer not to be asked where I want to go if I've been asked out. If I take the initiative and ask someone out (it happens from time to time) I make sure to plan food and an activity, and leave some time after for hanging out/coffee if needed. I value creativity so someone that puts the time and effort into planning something I've never done before will win major bonus points.

The best date I've ever had was when they picked me up from my house, brought me a pretzel they had made that said E=mc2 and two little beaker-shaped ones (i'm a biologist), opened the car door for me, and we got ice cream down the street from my house which we took to a little park nearby and looked out over the river while we talked. I never stopped to think about how little the whole thing cost until just now, lol!

[thedivahrrrself]

I've had great dates both with and without money. Museums are cheap, parks are free, and those are two of the best date spots in the world! A fancy dinner can be presumptuous, especially if neither of you would normally eat there, then it can actually be uncomfortable.

The point of a date is to get to know someone, not to impress them!

That point cannot be stressed enough.

The best date spots are places where you both feel comfortable enough to talk, in a place that is not too noisy for you to listen. That's all dates are really about.


Save the expensive spots for later dates. The first date should be about the conversation.

(IMHO)

[thedivahrrrself]

And normally, I'd say no to flowers, but truthfully, they are starting to grow on me.

I still hate roses.

and carnations

[Bèsame*]

I used to think flowers were a waste of time and money. Why? They didn't last long they die. Perhaps as I've gotten wiser ( not older, of course!), I really am tickled when I get flowers. Maybe it was a materialized feeling, thinking I didn't need flowers, cause that was the norm. Now, I love the fact, there was a thought, a reaction, and the EFFORT involved. That is what I love the most. The feeling of receiving at that moment lasts longer, makes me smile all the while I see them, long after the gift of flowers were given.

[*Anya*]

Just treat me the same way you want to be treated!

First dates for me are always a meeting at a coffee house for coffee-dutch, of course. When we make arrangements, I always suggest either morning or afternoon. Never a fancy dinner at a restaurant. I like to keep it low-key with minimal expectations for either of us.

If I don't feel a connection for any reason, it is easy to keep the date short and sweet and be on my way.

If there is any sort of connection, we will know it and can take it from there to arrange other dates.

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Uniqueswtfemm

I used to think flowers were a waste of time and money. Why? They didn't last long they die. Perhaps as I've gotten wiser ( not older, of course!), I really am tickled when I get flowers. Maybe it was a materialized feeling, thinking I didn't need flowers, cause that was the norm. Now, I love the fact, there was a thought, a reaction, and the EFFORT involved. That is what I love the most. The feeling of receiving at that moment lasts longer, makes me smile all the while I see them, long after the gift of flowers were given.

I was never too impressed with them, but lately I've seen some more exotic varieties that are really stunning.

I'm starting to think it wasn't the flowers, but the type of flowers that are generic and unimpressive.

[stepfordfemme]

Open the door for me.....its taken me years/and I still dont always let someone do this, but I think its a sweet gesture.

Smile. If you're smiling, its a good sign.

Let me pick up the bill from time to time, especially if you've A) travelled any major distance to see me. B) It was my idea.

Be creative. If you come up with a special date night, I'm probably going to love it. It really doesn't matter whether it's expensive or cheap, thought matters.

Try and sneak in the smelling (yeah I usually smell like something nice)/hand at the back/hand behind my chair/hand holding gestures. I love it.

Thank me for coming out. I will normally thank you as well.

Tell me I look nice if I do. Dress well. I don't mean fancy, I mean clean/put together/take a shower. A girl should not be able to take her eyes off you

I wish I could go on a date sometime soon!!

[Fatale]

Originally Posted by thedivahrrrself

I was never too impressed with them, but lately I've seen some more exotic varieties that are really stunning.

I'm starting to think it wasn't the flowers, but the type of flowers that are generic and unimpressive.

I'm with you on that one. Please don't show up with carnations!

[Bèsame*]

Originally Posted by Fatale

I'm with you on that one. Please don't show up with carnations!

Star gazer lilies and you can have me now!!

[lusciouskiwi]

I think what everyone else has written is great. It's hard to add anything else but one thing I will say - don't spend all evening talking about yourself. I want my date to ask me questions about myself - questions that show an interest in me and are somewhat thoughtful not some huge vague question like "How's it living in Asia?" Yeah, that was well thought out. It's not that I don't want to hear about you, I do, believe me, but I don't want a one-way conversation that only consists of me asking you questions about yourself and you never returning the favour. If you can't be bothered to learn a bit about me, then don't bother me.

I think for the first, where ever it is (the park, a restaurant, the beach), I want it to be somewhere cosy and relaxing where we can easily talk. Mind you, that doesn't mean we couldn't go to a concert, but you get the general drift right? I want to feel that you want to get to know me and I want to get to know you.

I'm not used to having doors being opened for me so you'll have to stay on the ball. I'm not used to being fussed over so please, be patient. Just show me that you're interested in me and I'll show you the biggest sun-shiny smile possible.

I thought of one other thing - even if we've been together for 10 years, I still want you to ask me out on a date.

[gaea]

Originally Posted by Fatale

I'm with you on that one. Please don't show up with carnations!

for me carnations (being my favorite flower) would be so much better than roses any day of my life......

[lusciouskiwi]

Originally Posted by gaea

for me carnations (being my favorite flower) would be so much better than roses any day of my life......

Please don't show up with a tatty bunch of has-been flowers from 711. I'd much rather have a card that you spent hours agonizing over than cheap left-overs. Poor flowers!

ps I love the smell of carnations and always disappointed when roses don't smell like .... roses.

[gaea]

Im not interested in all of your exes......at this stage in the game we would both be single and even though your exes are a big part of who you are there is no need to talk about them constantly.

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are every minute or so it gets ridiculous and id become bored quickly with your over sized self inflated ego trip if i think your good looking ill tell you that however that wouldn't be why i chose a date with you.....looks fail as we age however kindness, respect, integrity all the good stuff stays....given the fact that im 42 I would rather date someone with a heart full of respect over a good looking butch any day of the week.

how "hot" someone is has never impressed me at all.....period. It has been my experience that feeding someones ego on a daily basis has only proved them to be insecure with who they are inside.

I also don't need to hear how hot i am every minute either that too will bore the shit out of me....that would scream you have no brain or ability to have a real conversion.....or your just avoiding something all together. It would also fall on deaf ears, i know im pretty but i don't use that to boost my ego and i wouldn't want you to do that either.

If your interested in dating me then understand upfront i have 3 grown kids and 2 grand babies that light up my life and that family is most important to me.

ps the terms "you " and "your" are generalized words and not targeted for anyone here.