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Old 01-26-2020, 11:04 AM   #481
Chad
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Default Caregivers

A lot of my dear friends are posting on FB about their broken hearts and missing their mother's. I still have mom. So I will shut up now and take care of mom. May be a while from here but mom comes first.
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Old 01-26-2020, 03:30 PM   #482
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These days I miss me.
I miss my privacy.

I miss my life before I became a caregiver. I miss season tickets to the opera. I miss plays and symphonies with lovely ladies on my arm.

I miss me.
I totally understand my friend. November 1st of last year my mom had a stroke and itís changed my life forever. My siblings and I flew to Louisiana immediately and I realized she was going to need someone full time. I flew back to Connecticut and in 8 days I gave away almost everything I owned, put the condo into short sale, had the place cleaned and packed my car with the things I treasure the most. I then drove 24 hours to Louisiana stopping only a couple times for a quick nap in my car. For the next month I slept in a recliner next to her bed and lived out of my car.

During this time my siblings and I had an overwhelming list of things to do. Among them we had to find a place for her and I to live. We found the perfect place and had to move her townhouse stuff to the new apartment. Things are just now beginning to calm down and weíre finally getting into a routine.

Iíve never been through such an emotionally and physically draining experience. It continues to be challenging every day. Iím back in Louisiana where I swore I would never move back to. I miss home, which is still Connecticut, I miss my friends, my job, snow, having NYC an hour away, the freedom to do what I want and my privacy. I miss the me I used to be but Iím thankful my mom is alive and getting stronger. Iím thankful for my siblings.

I canít imagine how you do it alone. I know, like you, I have to remember to take time for myself but itís tough. Hang in there buddy.
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Old 01-27-2020, 02:56 AM   #483
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Default Burnout

The past five years I have went from caring for my grandmother, my mom and now my spouse. 6 months ago our lives as we knew them flipped upside down and sideways. Life is truly put into a different perspective when your told your spouse has a terminal diagnosis. Roles changed and new routines are our new normal. My love is fighting hard and and trying to beat the odds. I however am exhausted. I was in the process of dealing with my own health issues both mental and physical and most has been put on hold. But thru it all we're doing our best to try and push forward.
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Old 01-27-2020, 10:31 AM   #484
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Default

I so understand the stress of being a caregiver. My father passed Christmas of 2016 and within 3 months my mom was fighting for her life. She spent almost a month in the hospital. I made the decision to move from TX back to GA to care for her. My job let me work from home during that time. I also found another job, so I was working 3 jobs at the time. Mom started getting better and I got promoted which meant I had to move to be in an office she refused to go. My brothers, her and I came up with a plan where she would be with one of the three of us for 6 months at the time. She went to live with one brother and within 2 weeks she was with the other. In June of 18 he took her back to her house and dropped her off without telling anyone. She didnt tell us for over a month.

She has been there by herself for over a year and half. All of us check on her daily.

I would move back however I have since been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and I am unable to. She would be more of my caregiver and I won't let that happen. My wife and I are doing fine.

My job lets me work from home with only a couple of trips to an office.
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Old 02-07-2020, 07:49 PM   #485
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Originally Posted by Jar View Post
I totally understand my friend. November 1st of last year my mom had a stroke and itís changed my life forever. My siblings and I flew to Louisiana immediately and I realized she was going to need someone full time. I flew back to Connecticut and in 8 days I gave away almost everything I owned, put the condo into short sale, had the place cleaned and packed my car with the things I treasure the most. I then drove 24 hours to Louisiana stopping only a couple times for a quick nap in my car. For the next month I slept in a recliner next to her bed and lived out of my car.

During this time my siblings and I had an overwhelming list of things to do. Among them we had to find a place for her and I to live. We found the perfect place and had to move her townhouse stuff to the new apartment. Things are just now beginning to calm down and weíre finally getting into a routine.

Iíve never been through such an emotionally and physically draining experience. It continues to be challenging every day. Iím back in Louisiana where I swore I would never move back to. I miss home, which is still Connecticut, I miss my friends, my job, snow, having NYC an hour away, the freedom to do what I want and my privacy. I miss the me I used to be but Iím thankful my mom is alive and getting stronger. Iím thankful for my siblings.

I canít imagine how you do it alone. I know, like you, I have to remember to take time for myself but itís tough. Hang in there buddy.
Buddy, you are the best. Thank you for hearing me. Yes, I am alone. My dad and brother left years ago. It is a struggle, sometimes I win and sometimes I fail but I keep fighting every day. This year mom will be 89 years old.

I think my personal life is mostly gone now.
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Old 02-07-2020, 07:51 PM   #486
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Originally Posted by Jar View Post
I totally understand my friend. November 1st of last year my mom had a stroke and itís changed my life forever. My siblings and I flew to Louisiana immediately and I realized she was going to need someone full time. I flew back to Connecticut and in 8 days I gave away almost everything I owned, put the condo into short sale, had the place cleaned and packed my car with the things I treasure the most. I then drove 24 hours to Louisiana stopping only a couple times for a quick nap in my car. For the next month I slept in a recliner next to her bed and lived out of my car.

During this time my siblings and I had an overwhelming list of things to do. Among them we had to find a place for her and I to live. We found the perfect place and had to move her townhouse stuff to the new apartment. Things are just now beginning to calm down and weíre finally getting into a routine.

Iíve never been through such an emotionally and physically draining experience. It continues to be challenging every day. Iím back in Louisiana where I swore I would never move back to. I miss home, which is still Connecticut, I miss my friends, my job, snow, having NYC an hour away, the freedom to do what I want and my privacy. I miss the me I used to be but Iím thankful my mom is alive and getting stronger. Iím thankful for my siblings.

I canít imagine how you do it alone. I know, like you, I have to remember to take time for myself but itís tough. Hang in there buddy.
I am here, only 6 hours away. If you need a buddy. I will make that drive. Take care buddy.
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Old 02-16-2020, 02:10 PM   #487
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Default Caregivers

This life experience is harder than I could have imagined. I spent my life making a great career and now that is a burden instead of a celebration. Being a full time caregiver to my mom and having a career has become too stressful. I have made a lot of mistakes by leaking my misery out loud in many directions.

Folks say get help with mom and enjoy your time with her. Those are good ideas but not the reality. I have no time and no help. The cost of taking care of mom will put me in the poor house. Unfortunately, there is no viable answer. I plan to suck it up and make mom's life the best that I can and figure out the rest later.
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