Come again?

[Jett]

Originally Posted by SoNotHer

And when we say "baked a cake," we mean...

Ha... I have no idea what it means, but I'm pretty sure it caused a cerebral hemorrhage when I watched it so I couldn't resist inflicting it upon others xD

[SoNotHer]

That made me laugh out loud.... Thank you! ;-)

Originally Posted by Jett

Ha... I have no idea what it means, but I'm pretty sure it caused a cerebral hemorrhage when I watched it so I couldn't resist inflicting it upon others xD

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by persiphone

more classics

I found myself singing this chorus today as I was fixing my femme hair *What can I say, they can't stay away...d.i.l.d.o!*

I sure hope I don't accidentally start singing it out loud @ work today!

Great one Persi, thanks!

[SoNotHer]

I kinda hope you did start singing it out loud, Anya. Maybe you gave your co-workers something good to thing about. ;-0 lol...

Originally Posted by *Anya*

I found myself singing this chorus today as I was fixing my femme hair *What can I say, they can't stay away...d.i.l.d.o!*

I sure hope I don't accidentally start singing it out loud @ work today!

Great one Persi, thanks!

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by ruffryder

A Co worker (straight Lady) and I decided to have a date and go to dinner. Days later she had to go out of town for work and we talked on the phone. I asked her what she was wearing in bed she described some lingerie. When she got back we had a couple more dAtes. The flirting, brushing against each other was definitely there. We made another date at my place. I cooked, we had drinks and watched 9 1/2 Weeks. After that it lasted 5 years.

Usually she will know I want her! I tend to look her way a lot, give compliments, and tease her playfully.

Love this! Way back when (1978), I had a similar experience and it lasted 21 years.

[SoNotHer]

You had a "9 1/2 weeks" experience that lasted 21 years, AtLast? I'm changing your name to TheEnergizer or maybe just LongLasting. ;-)

Originally Posted by AtLast

Love this! Way back when (1978), I had a similar experience and it lasted 21 years.

[Apocalipstic]

Off subject, but after 9 1/2 Weeks came out you could not have sex without raiding the fridge for YEARS. To this day I cringe at the thought of food related sex.

My dog even ended up with blue tempera paint on him.

No sticky stuff.

[SoNotHer]

I'm laughing hard, Apocalipstic. That film embedded itself in the collective psyche, didn't it? And in intended and unintended ways.

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

Off subject, but after 9 1/2 Weeks came out you could not have sex without raiding the fridge for YEARS. To this day I cringe at the thought of food related sex.

My dog even ended up with blue tempera paint on him.

No sticky stuff.

[Passionaria]

Did someone just tell you they had sex and how?

Ears perked, people do share their stories, yes. I have voyeuristic tenancies, so please do tell. I will certainly listen. Ask for details even. Does that make me illicit? I certainly am bent that way. I tried being good, really tried. The pay offs are not fabulous. I read a quote by Joan Rivers on a friend of mine's blog that went something like this;

No Butch will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum - "My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch."

Life experience has taught me this is true. It's better to be naughty, you have more fun.

What are your favorite expressions for sex, and how do you let them know you're ready to go?

Teasing, is always good, it breaks the ice.

Dancing is a good way to find out a lot of things *smirk* Then there are certain types of eye contact, especially when dancing that can give people clarity, with no words.

One of my favorite expressions is writing poetry and erotica. If I fancy someone I will invite them to read my blog, and see if they still talk to me. Best get this settled early on. I write what I feel and desire, so it's a window into me, for them. A chance to see if we have common desires, for me. If I really have feelings for someone I will write a special collection, poems and stories, just for them. May even voice them. There is a flip side to dating a poet though....... you understand that right? *blink blink*

I love it when a Butch can meet me there, in some fashion, passionate creativity is HOT.

Lot's more, but most things are best experienced privately.

[SoNotHer]

So much fun and wisdom in this post, Passionaria. Awesome quote from Rivers, and I couldn't agree more about dancing. Dancing tells you a lot. And poetry, well, there's a world there.

Passionate creativity? Oh, yes indeed. That's fire itself.

Thank you for this!

Originally Posted by Passionaria

Did someone just tell you they had sex and how?

Ears perked, people do share their stories, yes. ... I read a quote by Joan Rivers on a friend of mine's blog that went something like this;

No Butch will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum - "My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch."

Life experience has taught me this is true. It's better to be naughty, you have more fun.

What are your favorite expressions for sex, and how do you let them know you're ready to go?

Teasing, is always good, it breaks the ice.

Dancing is a good way to find out a lot of things *smirk* Then there are certain types of eye contact, especially when dancing that can give people clarity, with no words.

One of my favorite expressions is writing poetry and erotica. If I fancy someone I will invite them to read my blog, and see if they still talk to me. Best get this settled early on. I write what I feel and desire, so it's a window into me, for them. A chance to see if we have common desires, for me. If I really have feelings for someone I will write a special collection, poems and stories, just for them. May even voice them. There is a flip side to dating a poet though....... you understand that right? *blink blink*

I love it when a Butch can meet me there, in some fashion, passionate creativity is HOT.

Lot's more, but most things are best experienced privately.

[Cin]

Originally Posted by Passionaria

No Butch will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum - "My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch."

Well, maybe cleaning won’t do it for butches, but, speaking for this butch, grammar queens make me wet.

I love a woman who can handle an apostrophe. One who can wander unafraid into the grammar fray, tossing commas where they belong and semi-colons where they are needed, striking down those dangling modifiers and indefinite articles in the process. She will settle all subject-verb disagreements. She is always on guard when confronted with long winding writing. She gets the dangers of mismatching modifiers or tenses in complex sentences where adverbs and adjectives abound. Untangling what modifies what, as well as whom, when, and where is no problem at all.

I’m a long winding writer from way back. That’s probably why I married an editor. Well, there are infinitely more reasons why I married this particular editor, but it was certainly a part of the attraction. Proper syntax is just hot.

She doesn’t just edit for money or for pleasure. She edits because she cannot NOT edit. She edits as she breathes, effortlessly, naturally, habitually. Editing is like religion. She believes in it. It is for her, both an absolute necessity and an enjoyable romp.

She will wink at gerunds. But understands where to draw the line. The following sentence is a good example. Licking her clit, I plunged my tongue deeply inside. If confronted with this sentence, regardless of the circumstances, my wife would feel compelled to explain that unfortunately this cannot happen unless one possesses two tongues. You cannot lick someone’s clit at the same time as you insert your tongue into her vagina. It saddens me to say this, but it can’t be done. However, to be loved by someone who can find, explain, and correct these kinds of grammatical errors is for me both miraculous and incredibly hot. I think I’ll go find my wife now so we can practice our syntax. Perhaps I’ll dangle a few particles to get her attention.

Oh, just for the record, and to my obvious detriment, my wife does not edit my posts.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

Well, maybe cleaning won’t do it for butches, but, speaking for this butch, grammar queens make me wet.

"You cannot lick someone’s clit at the same time as you insert your tongue into her vagina. It saddens me to say this..."

Oh, just for the record, and to my obvious detriment, my wife does not edit my posts.

Oh MT!!

Where do I start? OMFG! Love the writing, the humor, the proper grammar and the punctuation!

Well-written erotica will always do it for me, though well-done visual, queer porn has been known to turn me on, too. Actually, I recently aquired a new nickname that I rather like but only allowed to be used by one: Porn Princess.

Sex should always possess a sense of humor!

Speaking of erotica, SNH, written anymore lately?

[Passionaria]

I was not quite sure where to share this, but I thought YOU might appreciate this article. And this thread seems just right! It's long, but damn inspiring! Hmmm it might even tickle.

Why the Sexual Woman is Going to Save the World

by Jennifer Posada on December 10, 2011

I was wearing my leopard-print jacket for the first time. I had been lusting for one for over a year and had finally found the perfect one, and tonight, was its debut. Its faux fur was so soft and comforting, and made me way too hot in a delicious way as I waited, in the packed theater, for the show to begin.

All along the front and second rows were our friends and acquaintances. Of course we all, also the ones who dressed up in an especially fitting way for the occasion, would want to be front row at the world-famous burlesque performance that had come to town. Mixed into the rest of the crowd were people of all ages and many backgrounds it seemed. I was so excited to see how everyone would react.

As it turned out, I have never, ever, heard so much screaming from such a relatively small crowd, in…my…life… Though the screaming was exquisite, (as was the woman who threw her bra up on the stage) it wasn’t my favorite part. My favorite part was the enchantment. The air was thick with it. At any moment nymphs, satyrs, and unicorns could have skipped through the room and I think everyone would have found it perfectly fitting.

Though each performer that the fabulous and incomparable Miss Indigo Blue introduced (an incredible artist herself!) was a gem of self-loving exuberance and overflowing beauty, one really illustrates my premise today. Her name is Lily Verlaine, and she entered the stage, a vision, nude but for her panties made of flowers and a huge bunch of multicolored roses held up to her chest with an arm whose hand reached around to cup her other, naked breast. She wafted across the stage and then around the room like a fragrance, and indeed she left the strong and sweet aroma of flowers in her wake, trailing along behind her as she moved.

She approached an older couple, taking one of the roses from her bouquet and brushing it along his face, and then giving it to the woman beside him. She offered a rose petal to my husband with her mouth, while I happily watched. She sat in a friend’s lap for a moment and then, as she stood above another man, he rose toward her as if he were levitating in her direction without even meaning to…like a cartoon character lifted along by the scent of a nearby fresh-baked pie. She was that magnetic.

I thought, as I watched her, back up on the stage pulling one rose at a time from her bunch and throwing them, littering their petals everywhere and then filling her mouth with them and blowing them out like a sprinkling, sparkling rain from heaven, that she looked just like the goddess. Not because she had a beautiful body, but because she radiated abundance, fruitfulness, and gracious giving of her beauty. She exuded it, she beamed it…she let it pour off of her in waves. She didn’t hide her delicious secrets. She gave them generously without reservation to all who were in her presence, just by being and allowing it.

We have been taught, through terrible methods and with traumatizing results, not to radiate this beauty. All genders are taught this, but especially women and those who identify as women or have a strong feminine side. We have, by every institution and individual who wished to gain power over us by supplanting our own, been taught not to get in touch with the most powerful force of creation…the pleasure of our bodies.

Nothing can ever truly win over that power, unless we never access it. This is what those who wished for false power realized. They picked a long-term plan to rob women, the greatest keepers and leaders of this bodily pleasure, of their self-esteem and self-confidence, and shame them out of feeling pleasure and joy. They took actions that made women feel unsafe and caused them to equate pleasure with danger and pain.

I know very well that creating a feeling of safety again is what will allow women to blossom in the way that will cause the earth to rumble with the kind of change that will set everything right, the way that nothing else is powerful enough to fully do. So my advice is not that every woman out there start running through dark alleys in their panties throwing roses (a little laugh is always good. : )

You see, we have a revolution to embody and to bring to the world. And it is the revolution of the sexual woman. She is coming back, and she will be better than ever before (even in the wild and wonderful goddess-worshiping days of old.) She will access the answers…deep inside her. And she will know just how to lead us into the new world with them. She won’t doubt herself anymore, or hide her vibrant sunrise-beauty anymore. She will glow, and beam, and heal and make whole. She will be the return of the goddess. The return of the divine feminine. She will bring it back for all of us, and the world will be restored, and reborn.

So…here is the brave edge beautiful women…here are the raw beginnings. Look for the cracks…we don’t hide from or fear them. We lean in toward them and push them wider open and make things that are no longer of service crumble and fall apart. We have always done this. Then we can help better things grow.

Yes, we start by finding the cracks that are the little places where light comes through. These cracks are the moments when we feel safe enough to radiate our beauty and let ourselves feel pleasure. Even if they are only when we are alone for now. We make these spaces grow and then we let ourselves be fully aware of them, enter into them, and get our glow back on. Only you know what makes you glow, what opens up the cracks for you where the light comes in and you can see freedom…and it may have been a long time since you felt it…but do whatever it takes to seek and find it. It will be more valuable than gold, and give you blessings and beauty for the rest of your life.

Once you have found what makes you glow, find more and more spaces where you are comfortable revealing it. I know it is scary. It has taken me so long to fully allow myself to do it, even though I have been pretty darned good at it my whole life, and I still find further ways to radiate and open even now, finding new safety and space to blossom more every day.

For as soon as you make the room, you will blossom into it. That is how nature works. And while an actual flower also wilts and drops its petals and eventually dies, we are ever-living and ever-blooming flowers. We only get more beautiful as we grow. That is also why there is a youth-crazed disassociation with the beauty of the older-aged in our world, to dissuade us from finding the unparalleled beauty and power there. We only get better with age…if we know pleasure.

We may think pleasure is out of our reach…that there has been too much pain for too long. But there is always room for pleasure when we invite it back in, even one little drop at a time at first. Really it is a vast ocean and all we have to do is take our finger out of the dam. We just need to find those cracks and help them crack open a bit more, and pleasure will flood the safe spaces we have made for it to fill. It starts with attempting to open and relax into safety when we feel pleasure. Later we begin to blossom at even the tiniest prompting, and every level of pleasure, so long as we feel truly right and good about it, feels completely safe and freeing, and wildly wonderful.

This is a whole new language we are talking about. Even though it is ancient. It may seem so foreign at first that we would rather run back to what we know. But we have the goddess living inside of us. All of us. And we women have a special way to let her shine, to let ourselves shine, and to ignite the world. With that light we illuminate every dark space that ever was, every hidden corner and forgotten knowing.

We have the return of magic right within our reach. It’s in your hands right now, and deep in the pulsing tissues of your heart. You access it when you trust your knowing and spend time finding out what that really is again. You access it when you love yourself, and believe in yourself no matter what anything outside of you says or does in response. You access it when you say yes to your body, and pleasure, and no to what denies your very being.

My name is Jennifer Posada, and I am a sexual woman. I am a sexy, juicy creature and I am letting my light shine. I am a beacon on a mountaintop calling out to you because I know you can hear me. Stand with me, even if only when you are alone and you stand naked in front of your mirror and decide to love what you see. Stand with me when you decide to take the afternoon off, just for you, and have your secret happiness all to yourself. Stand with me when you take the risk of blooming, when you feel safe and it feels natural, and to let others see your beauty and your sass and your gorgeous, rippling, radiant light…

Find that armful of multicolored roses and play with them, touch them, feel them…love what you are. And share that only when and if you want to, because it would increase your pleasure and your joy. Go out on a limb. Let yourself be more alive, perhaps, than anyone around you and apologize to no one for it. Let go of the ropes and the ties that are holding you back, and soar. We are the ones who will change this world by loving ourselves and modeling it. We are the ones who will find bliss in a field full of flowers, giggling like a child, just when the rest of the world is falling apart. And we’ll be okay with it when we need to fall apart ourselves. We will be able to cry when we need to, and even feel desperate, because we won’t be afraid to feel. And that is what will save us. We are the only ones who know that great ocean, and deep within, are not afraid of it.

Make contact. Make contact again with the part of you that feels. Not the part of you that feels what everybody else feels. That will just fragment you if you go there first. Go to only what you feel, and indulge in it the way you would the most divine latte with the perfect foam. Even if the feelings hurt, if you give yourself over to feeling them fully and completely that will change. Just do it over and over again, until you become an artist of feeling.


If you can’t find what you feel anymore, turn off everything else. Step away from your obligations, relationships and commitments for even an hour at a time. Find the place where you can hear your own heart beat again. Use that time to do something that feels good, whether it is taking a walk or watching a funny movie. There is no right or wrong choice. There is only what feels good to you.

I will say that again, because it applies to life: There is no right or wrong choice. There is only what feels good or right to you.
That is the mantra of the sexual woman. For there is no right or wrong way for you to be sexual either. You can be sexual for only the rarest moment, alone on the sofa once in a while, or sexual with the wind and the trees, or very actively sexual with partners. Sex doesn’t make you a sexual woman. The goddess made you a sexual woman, and you are the goddess, so you did that. You could be celibate for the rest of your life and still be a sexual woman. You are not just sexual when you are doing or thinking about something you think is sexual…you are sexual when you look at the moon, when you do the dishes, when you cry, when you drive your car or read a book. You are sexual because you are alive and the creative divine. The entire universe was born of this creative “sexual” energy and it is what fuels everything in your life, whether you know it or not.

Being turned on is being truly alive. How can we function properly if our power switch is turned “off”? We need to be turned on!
So just imagine, now that you really know it, what can happen next. You could become unleashed. You could get your energy back and become empowered as never before. You could have everything you wish for, and more. You could leap tall buildings in a single bound (so to speak…or maybe literally…who knows!) You could overcome whatever is holding you back. And then you could do it again and again.

When we all spilled back out into the lobby for intermission that night at the performance, everyone looked flushed and full of life. Movements expanded and voices and gestures were wider and louder. You could feel the life force pulsing through the room. There was more laughter. In the long line for the ladies room, woman of all ages chatted like happy birds, full of life and eagerness. You could feel the buzz moving through everyone. A few women danced their way out of the bathroom stalls in front of the big mirror playfully, while others in the line cheered them on. This is how the life was brought out in people…the life, and the play, and the joy.

This is how the sexual woman heals. This is how the sexual woman brings light, and vibrancy, and ecstasy back to the world. And just like Lily Verlaine didn’t do it alone, we won’t either. We will be surrounded by a supportive cast of other luminaries, each of us like a rose in that multi-colored bouquet…unique, and celebrated, and collaborative. There will be other sexual women alongside us, as well as the beautiful and awakened men who are ready and cannot wait to stand by the sexual woman, and those of other gender identities who have come to bless the world with gifts we have yet to even fully imagine. If you are looking around and wondering where your beautiful cast of fellow radiant revelers is, just wait…they are coming. We are rejoining more and more every day.

I can’t tell you everything here. It is too much. But I have told you everything that I can right now that matters most, and I will spend the rest of my life telling you more. I stand as a sexual woman. I will not fear my light. I will love myself radically and unconditionally and take care of myself like a fiercely protective and loving mother, and make sure I feel safe so I can glow. I feel you now. I feel the light growing ever-stronger as we speak…for you and I are speaking right now. I know you stand with me. I know, together, we will light up the world again.
Love,
Jennifer

[EnderD_503]

Funny enough I was gonna come (har har) into this thread to make a "come again? Yes, please!" epic phail joke. Lo' and behold, the thread actually ended up being about sex! I don't know who's mind was in the gutter more, but I am incredibly amused by this thread either way

[clay]

Originally Posted by dixielady

Hmm...perhaps I'm not as subtle as most. I think just grabbing a fistful of their shirt and a forcefully whispered "fuck me" across their lips does the trick. *shrug*

that is so fuckin' hawttt Ms. Dixie!!!

[SoNotHer]

Some great posts have "come" in, and EnderD 503 has inspired me to stir the honey pot, so to speak, here again.

So here's a sampling from a delightfully robust website full of the euphemisms. Top favorites of mine include Flute Solo, Yank the Crank, Manual Override and Choke the Sheriff and Wait for the Posse to Come, which makes me smile ear to ear.

MALE MASTURBATION


Backstroke Roulette
Bash the Candle
Beat Off
Beat the Bishop
Beat the Dummy
Beat the Meat
Beat the Stick
Bleed the Weed
Blow Your Load
Bludgeon the Beefsteak
Bop the Baloney
Box the Jesuit
Buff the Banana
Burp the Worm
Butter the Corn
Choke the Chicken
Choke the Sheriff and Wait for the Posse to Come
Clean Your Rifle
Crank the Shank
Crown the King
Cuff the Carrot
Diddle
Drain the Monster
Fist Fuck
Fist Your Monster
Five Against One
Flog the Dog
Flog the Hog
Flog Your Dong
Flute Solo
Fondle the Fig
Gallop the Antelope
Give It a Tug
Grease the Pipe
Hack the Hog
Hand Job
Hand Work
Have It Off
Hitchhike Under the
Big Top
Hump Your Hose
Jackhammer
Jack Off
Jazz Yourself
Jerk Off
Jerk the Gherkin
Lope the Mule
Make the Bald Man Puke
Manipulate the Mango
Manual Override
Milk the Lizard
Mount a Corporal and Four
Nerk Your Throbber
Oil the Glove
Onan's Olympics
One-Man Show
Pack Your Palm
Paddle the Pickle
Paint the Pickle
Paint the Ceiling
Please Your Pisser
Plunk Your Twanger
Pocket Pinball
Pocket Pool
Polish the Rocket
Polish the Sword
Pound Off
Pound Your Flounder
Pound Your Pud
Pull Off
Pull the Pole
Pull the Pope
Pull the Pudding
Pull Your Prick
Pull Your Taffy
Pump the Python
Ram the Ham
Ride the Great White Knuckler
Rope the Pony
Rub Off
Shag
Shaking Hands With the Unemployed
Shine Your Pole
Shootin' Putty At the Moon
Slakin' the Bacon
Slammin' the Salmon
Slam the hammer
Slam the Spam
Slappin' Pappy
Slapping the Clown
Sling the Jelly
Snap the Monkey
Snap the Rubber
Snap the Whip
Soldier's Joy
Spank the Frank
Spank the Salami
Squeeze the Lemon
Stroking it
Stroke Off
Stroke the Dog
Stroke Your Poker
Take Yourself in Hand
Tease the Weenie
Tenderize the Meat
The Five-Knuckle Shuffle
Thump the Pump
Tickle Your Pickle
Toss Off
Tweak Your Twinkle
Varnish the Flagpole
Visiting Rosie Palm And Her Five Daughters
Walk the Dog
Wank
Wax the Carrot
Wax the Dolphin
Whack Off
Whip Off
Whip the Dummy
Whip the Wire
Whip Your Dripper
Whizzin' Jizzum
Wonk Your Conker
Work Off
Wrestle the Eel
Wring Out Your Rope
Yang Your Wang
Yank Off
Yank the Crank
Yank the Plank
Yank the Yam
Yank Your Strap

http://www.uta.fi/FAST/GC/sex-scat.html

[genghisfawn]

I had a coworker in the adjacent cubicle who would "sext" her husband at work, but what she didn't realise (not to mention we all enjoyed it too much to tell her, cruel as we were,) was that she had a habit of murmuring texts aloud, then dictating them syllable by syllable in a monotone drawl. I can't describe it. You had to be there.

My favourite way to initiate sex has to be subtle. I do not ask for it. The words go dry in my mouth (that said, I have no trouble vocalising what I need once we're there!) My main methods include putting on something to show off my bum a little, giving an intent look while biting my lip, or asking for a hug, then holding on a little long and gently stroking or kissing a sensitive place on the neck as I shift around a little bit, very slowly. Hasn't failed me yet!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by SoNotHer

Some great posts have "come" in, and EnderD 503 has inspired me to stir the honey pot, so to speak, here again.

So here's a sampling from a delightfully robust website full of the euphemisms. Top favorites of mine include Flute Solo, Yank the Crank, Manual Override and Choke the Sheriff and Wait for the Posse to Come, which makes me smile ear to ear.

MALE MASTURBATION


Backstroke Roulette
Bash the Candle
Beat Off
Beat the Bishop
Beat the Dummy
Beat the Meat
Beat the Stick
Bleed the Weed
Blow Your Load
Bludgeon the Beefsteak
Bop the Baloney
Box the Jesuit
Buff the Banana
Burp the Worm
Butter the Corn
Choke the Chicken
Choke the Sheriff and Wait for the Posse to Come
Clean Your Rifle
Crank the Shank
Crown the King
Cuff the Carrot
Diddle
Drain the Monster
Fist Fuck
Fist Your Monster
Five Against One
Flog the Dog
Flog the Hog
Flog Your Dong
Flute Solo
Fondle the Fig
Gallop the Antelope
Give It a Tug
Grease the Pipe
Hack the Hog
Hand Job
Hand Work
Have It Off
Hitchhike Under the
Big Top
Hump Your Hose
Jackhammer
Jack Off
Jazz Yourself
Jerk Off
Jerk the Gherkin
Lope the Mule
Make the Bald Man Puke
Manipulate the Mango
Manual Override
Milk the Lizard
Mount a Corporal and Four
Nerk Your Throbber
Oil the Glove
Onan's Olympics
One-Man Show
Pack Your Palm
Paddle the Pickle
Paint the Pickle
Paint the Ceiling
Please Your Pisser
Plunk Your Twanger
Pocket Pinball
Pocket Pool
Polish the Rocket
Polish the Sword
Pound Off
Pound Your Flounder
Pound Your Pud
Pull Off
Pull the Pole
Pull the Pope
Pull the Pudding
Pull Your Prick
Pull Your Taffy
Pump the Python
Ram the Ham
Ride the Great White Knuckler
Rope the Pony
Rub Off
Shag
Shaking Hands With the Unemployed
Shine Your Pole
Shootin' Putty At the Moon
Slakin' the Bacon
Slammin' the Salmon
Slam the hammer
Slam the Spam
Slappin' Pappy
Slapping the Clown
Sling the Jelly
Snap the Monkey
Snap the Rubber
Snap the Whip
Soldier's Joy
Spank the Frank
Spank the Salami
Squeeze the Lemon
Stroking it
Stroke Off
Stroke the Dog
Stroke Your Poker
Take Yourself in Hand
Tease the Weenie
Tenderize the Meat
The Five-Knuckle Shuffle
Thump the Pump
Tickle Your Pickle
Toss Off
Tweak Your Twinkle
Varnish the Flagpole
Visiting Rosie Palm And Her Five Daughters
Walk the Dog
Wank
Wax the Carrot
Wax the Dolphin
Whack Off
Whip Off
Whip the Dummy
Whip the Wire
Whip Your Dripper
Whizzin' Jizzum
Wonk Your Conker
Work Off
Wrestle the Eel
Wring Out Your Rope
Yang Your Wang
Yank Off
Yank the Crank
Yank the Plank
Yank the Yam
Yank Your Strap

http://www.uta.fi/FAST/GC/sex-scat.html

How can that list have 'snap the monkey' but not 'spank the monkey'?

Revolt!