Caregivers and Stress - Page 20

girl_dee · 01-31-2018, 05:40 PM

they are keeping my mom another day. i am relieved. i worry about her going home when she should still be getting treatments and care

girl_dee · 02-02-2018, 05:20 AM

my ma went home yesterday. The doc told her she has got to slow down and breathe. There is new concept!

Shoots, it sounds like i am talking to myself.

We really do pick up traits from our parents

GeorgiaMa'am · 02-04-2018, 07:45 PM

I spent this weekend with my mom. She was really down about some things. Several times she expressed how frustrated she is when she can't think of a word. I told her, I do that too; my doctor told me it's menopause. Another time I told her, I sympathize; it's frustrating to not be able to think of the word you're trying to say, but it's even more so to not even be able to describe the word you're trying to say.

She did seem somewhat relieved that I understood what she was talking about. But her relief only lasted a short while - you see, she forgets what she has said, and sometimes says the same things over and over again. This symptom hasn't gotten really bad. It's possible to carry on a conversation with her. It's just that occasionally she'll bring up the same thing again, or tell the same story she told the night before, or a couple of hours ago.

What really hurt this weekend, though, was the number of times she said, "You all are going to put me in a home if I keep this up." I know this really bothers her, because she mentioned it so many times. And there seems to be nothing I can say to alleviate her fear. "Yeah, I'll be right there in the home with you,", or "If they put people in a home for that, we'd all be locked up," or "You know we're never going to do that." The truth is, my sister has vowed to build a mother-in-law suite on the back of her house if it ever gets so Mom can't live by herself. And my sister can afford it. And she means it.

The really awful truth is, my mother said the same thing about her mother. And my grandmother did come to live with us - for awhile - until her dementia was terrible, and she became violent. And neither Mom, nor any of us, could protect her from herself. She had to live in the state mental hospital, because no private facility would take her after the violence started.

I so do not want to see my mother like that. It's too horrible to imagine - but I do imagine it. My mother is physically very healthy - which on the one hand is a blessing, but on the other? How long can she live and keep her relatively sane mind? How long will she be safe living alone in that house without my dad, who died less than a year ago?

There are few good answers to these questions, and many bad ones.

RockOn · 02-04-2018, 11:20 PM

Sending GeorgiaMa'am hugs!

girl_dee · 02-05-2018, 05:24 AM

Sending Ma’am LOTS of hugs! (((((((( Ma’am ))))))))

My mom was home for two days and was struggling with breathing, and ended back in the hospital.

We’ve seen that her condition is exasterbated by her stress. She has no coping mechanisms (no more booze /cigarettes) and just cannot cope with every day life. She’s not numb anymore, and she’s feeling it.

I asked her to ask the doc for anti anxiety medication, and she did. She started this last night. GOD please let this help her.

We need her home to make the move happen. She is in an independent living facility. If she cannot be independent, I just don’t know where she will go.

girl_dee · 02-06-2018, 05:41 PM

mom’s home, and her big move back to the old place is on for tomorrow.

This move HAS to happen!

girl_dee · 02-07-2018, 05:20 AM

its’ my mom’s move day, she made it.

i am visualizing a smooth day with NO drama

i am glad she will be across the street from the hospital and next door to a nursing home if she should need when not well.

girl_dee · 02-07-2018, 04:20 PM

SHE MADE IT.. my mom has moved back into her old place.

This move is going to take a toll on her, but it’s for the best.

girl_dee · 02-22-2018, 04:47 AM

my mom’s back in the hospital. the COPD is progressing, and she’s suffering. They are setting her up with oxygen and prescribing morphine to help get her through this.

She’s withering away to nothing.

i’m not sure how she is still alive at this point, but then again is this really living?

thoughts and prayers is all i got.

~ocean · 02-22-2018, 05:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

my mom’s back in the hospital. the COPD is progressing, and she’s suffering. They are setting her up with oxygen and prescribing morphine to help get her through this.

She’s withering away to nothing.

i’m not sure how she is still alive at this point, but then again is this really living?

thoughts and prayers is all i got.

((((((((((( dee))))))))))))) my prayers are with you and your family esp your mom.

girl_dee · 02-22-2018, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~ocean

((((((((((( dee))))))))))))) my prayers are with you and your family esp your mom.

Thank you... my mom is back in her little apartment, set up with home health and oxygen.

i hope she is comfortable that’s all.

girl_dee · 02-24-2018, 04:57 PM

Well my mom is officially in Hospice care. She’s still at home. I found out that they wanted her to go into a nursing home and she said no. (She JUST moved back to this place). i don’t think its time anyway.

So she is not to go back to the hospital.

There is a big note on the fridge that says not to call 911.

Hard day.

girl_dee · 02-28-2018, 05:27 AM

Even though i know its not the end for my mom, i am going to see her as soon as possible.

i am so grateful for the love and support i am getting right now, i don’t think i need it as my mom is the one who is fading away, but it sure helps.

My mom has been so humble and grateful. As much as i love seeing this in her, i know its her just resigning.

Chad · 03-01-2018, 10:41 PM

Taking mom for the tens unit installation on Monday. I expect it to be an easy surgery with no problems.

Sunday we will celebrate her birthday. Should be a hoot.

My parents gave me a good life. Nothing is perfect but I choose to be grateful for the life they gave me. It is my pleasure to pay back the kindness.

girl_dee · 03-02-2018, 04:36 AM

i’ll be leaving Monday to see my mom.

Will be hard but good at the same time.

GeorgiaMa'am · 03-02-2018, 09:50 AM

I haven't seen my mom in almost 5 weeks! My petsitter has fallen through on me several weeks in a row. They were for perfectly legitimate reasons, but still, I am worried about my mom. We talk on the phone, but that's not the same as seeing her in person and seeing how she's really getting along on a day-to-day basis. I'm worried that she's not remembering to take her medication all the time, and that she's not remembering to eat.

I think I may have to take an extra day off work next weekend and kennel my dog. (The cat will be fine on her own at home.) If there is some reason the petsitter can't make it next weekend, I'm going to do that.

girl_dee · 03-02-2018, 12:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeorgiaMa'am

I haven't seen my mom in almost 5 weeks! My petsitter has fallen through on me several weeks in a row. They were for perfectly legitimate reasons, but still, I am worried about my mom. We talk on the phone, but that's not the same as seeing her in person and seeing how she's really getting along on a day-to-day basis. I'm worried that she's not remembering to take her medication all the time, and that she's not remembering to eat.

I think I may have to take an extra day off work next weekend and kennel my dog. (The cat will be fine on her own at home.) If there is some reason the petsitter can't make it next weekend, I'm going to do that.

Awwww.... what about home health care that could administer the meds?

GeorgiaMa'am · 03-02-2018, 06:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Awwww.... what about home health care that could administer the meds?

We're not at that point yet, although I expect it will come to that one day. We're still trying different kinds of memory aids.

My sister also sees her much more often than I do, several times a week. Still, I think I notice things my sister doesn't see.

girl_dee · 03-02-2018, 07:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeorgiaMa'am

We're not at that point yet, although I expect it will come to that one day. We're still trying different kinds of memory aids.

My sister also sees her much more often than I do, several times a week. Still, I think I notice things my sister doesn't see.

YES... my sister is not very caring for her own reasons (i try not to judge) and i am struggling with no being there full time.

I hope you get to see your mom soon to rest your mind.

Chad · 03-04-2018, 09:48 AM

I have decided to move mom into my house this year. I hope that it will inspire me to build her cottage on my land sooner than later. My mom turned 86 years old yesterday and is having trouble living alone. I am concerned because I don't like living with other humans but it might inspire me to build that cottage.

I am grilling steaks tonight to celebrate mom's birthday. Yummy!

02-04-2018, 07:45 PM	#383
GeorgiaMa'am Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Ma'am Preferred Pronoun?: Ma'am Relationship Status: widowed - involved, poly Join Date: May 2010 Location: Georgia Posts: 5,658 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 37,053 Thanked 27,125 Times in 5,118 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I spent this weekend with my mom. She was really down about some things. Several times she expressed how frustrated she is when she can't think of a word. I told her, I do that too; my doctor told me it's menopause. Another time I told her, I sympathize; it's frustrating to not be able to think of the word you're trying to say, but it's even more so to not even be able to describe the word you're trying to say. She did seem somewhat relieved that I understood what she was talking about. But her relief only lasted a short while - you see, she forgets what she has said, and sometimes says the same things over and over again. This symptom hasn't gotten really bad. It's possible to carry on a conversation with her. It's just that occasionally she'll bring up the same thing again, or tell the same story she told the night before, or a couple of hours ago. What really hurt this weekend, though, was the number of times she said, "You all are going to put me in a home if I keep this up." I know this really bothers her, because she mentioned it so many times. And there seems to be nothing I can say to alleviate her fear. "Yeah, I'll be right there in the home with you,", or "If they put people in a home for that, we'd all be locked up," or "You know we're never going to do that." The truth is, my sister has vowed to build a mother-in-law suite on the back of her house if it ever gets so Mom can't live by herself. And my sister can afford it. And she means it. The really awful truth is, my mother said the same thing about her mother. And my grandmother did come to live with us - for awhile - until her dementia was terrible, and she became violent. And neither Mom, nor any of us, could protect her from herself. She had to live in the state mental hospital, because no private facility would take her after the violence started. I so do not want to see my mother like that. It's too horrible to imagine - but I do imagine it. My mother is physically very healthy - which on the one hand is a blessing, but on the other? How long can she live and keep her relatively sane mind? How long will she be safe living alone in that house without my dad, who died less than a year ago? There are few good answers to these questions, and many bad ones. __________________ -GeorgiaMa'am It's been so lonely without you here Like a bird without a song Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling . . . 'Cause nothing compares, nothing compares 2 U - Prince

02-24-2018, 04:57 PM	#392
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Next phase Well my mom is officially in Hospice care. She’s still at home. I found out that they wanted her to go into a nursing home and she said no. (She JUST moved back to this place). i don’t think its time anyway. So she is not to go back to the hospital. There is a big note on the fridge that says not to call 911. Hard day.

03-01-2018, 10:41 PM	#394
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,325 Times in 5,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Caregivers Taking mom for the tens unit installation on Monday. I expect it to be an easy surgery with no problems. Sunday we will celebrate her birthday. Should be a hoot. My parents gave me a good life. Nothing is perfect but I choose to be grateful for the life they gave me. It is my pleasure to pay back the kindness.

03-02-2018, 09:50 AM	#396
GeorgiaMa'am Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: High Femme Ma'am Preferred Pronoun?: Ma'am Relationship Status: widowed - involved, poly Join Date: May 2010 Location: Georgia Posts: 5,658 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 37,053 Thanked 27,125 Times in 5,118 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I haven't seen my mom in almost 5 weeks! My petsitter has fallen through on me several weeks in a row. They were for perfectly legitimate reasons, but still, I am worried about my mom. We talk on the phone, but that's not the same as seeing her in person and seeing how she's really getting along on a day-to-day basis. I'm worried that she's not remembering to take her medication all the time, and that she's not remembering to eat. I think I may have to take an extra day off work next weekend and kennel my dog. (The cat will be fine on her own at home.) If there is some reason the petsitter can't make it next weekend, I'm going to do that. __________________ -GeorgiaMa'am It's been so lonely without you here Like a bird without a song Nothing can stop these lonely tears from falling . . . 'Cause nothing compares, nothing compares 2 U - Prince

03-04-2018, 09:48 AM	#400
Chad Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Loved Caregiver Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Texas Posts: 6,164 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,746 Thanked 20,325 Times in 5,678 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Caregivers I have decided to move mom into my house this year. I hope that it will inspire me to build her cottage on my land sooner than later. My mom turned 86 years old yesterday and is having trouble living alone. I am concerned because I don't like living with other humans but it might inspire me to build that cottage. I am grilling steaks tonight to celebrate mom's birthday. Yummy!

01-31-2018, 05:40 PM	#381
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	they are keeping my mom another day. i am relieved. i worry about her going home when she should still be getting treatments and care

02-02-2018, 05:20 AM	#382
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	my ma went home yesterday. The doc told her she has got to slow down and breathe. There is new concept! Shoots, it sounds like i am talking to myself. We really do pick up traits from our parents

02-04-2018, 11:20 PM	#384
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,308 Times in 2,609 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Sending GeorgiaMa'am hugs!

02-05-2018, 05:24 AM	#385
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Sending Ma’am LOTS of hugs! (((((((( Ma’am )))))))) My mom was home for two days and was struggling with breathing, and ended back in the hospital. We’ve seen that her condition is exasterbated by her stress. She has no coping mechanisms (no more booze /cigarettes) and just cannot cope with every day life. She’s not numb anymore, and she’s feeling it. I asked her to ask the doc for anti anxiety medication, and she did. She started this last night. GOD please let this help her. We need her home to make the move happen. She is in an independent living facility. If she cannot be independent, I just don’t know where she will go.

02-06-2018, 05:41 PM	#386
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	mom’s home, and her big move back to the old place is on for tomorrow. This move HAS to happen!

02-07-2018, 05:20 AM	#387
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	its’ my mom’s move day, she made it. i am visualizing a smooth day with NO drama i am glad she will be across the street from the hospital and next door to a nursing home if she should need when not well.

02-07-2018, 04:20 PM	#388
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	SHE MADE IT.. my mom has moved back into her old place. This move is going to take a toll on her, but it’s for the best.

02-22-2018, 04:47 AM	#389
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	my mom’s back in the hospital. the COPD is progressing, and she’s suffering. They are setting her up with oxygen and prescribing morphine to help get her through this. She’s withering away to nothing. i’m not sure how she is still alive at this point, but then again is this really living? thoughts and prayers is all i got.

02-28-2018, 05:27 AM	#393
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	Even though i know its not the end for my mom, i am going to see her as soon as possible. i am so grateful for the love and support i am getting right now, i don’t think i need it as my mom is the one who is fading away, but it sure helps. My mom has been so humble and grateful. As much as i love seeing this in her, i know its her just resigning.

03-02-2018, 04:36 AM	#395
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,956 Times in 13,922 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	i’ll be leaving Monday to see my mom. Will be hard but good at the same time.