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Old 05-10-2013, 11:41 AM   #21
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Despite all the homophobia and misogyny one can encounter as a butch, I am very happy to be seen as a dyke. Unfortunately, it is based on stereotypes- because femmes and less masculine appearing lesbians or others who don't fit the "stereotype" are just as lesbian/gay/queer as I am. I do not fall under the "male gaze," I do not have to repeatedly come out, my "queerness" is not suspect- all things that femmes have to deal with. For the most part I am treated fine. The problem is homophobia can spring up at any time, but I just deal as needed- mostly by not responding to it. I am very comfortable in my skin. I wouldn't trade being a Butch for anything.
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Old 05-10-2013, 12:43 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by femm_cb View Post
My wife (who is butch) is the same way. Certain crowds, she will not hold my hand at all. A few of our straight couple friends don't truly get it when we decline to go to the local straight bars. She's been hit a few times and oh she is a scrapper too. I don't take it personal. I understand.

I am more quick with my tongue when it comes to her. We were at a cascino food court line when the couple behind us asked if my wife was a guy? I put my arm around my wife, turned around and said "She's more a man then your husband is" Said wife wasn't too happy. They quickly left the foodcourt line. HA! My wife just shook her head at me.
I get it. It can be a tough call sometimes, the should we/shouldn't we thing. My approach is to be who I am, wherever I am, and if that means wanting to hold my girlfriend's hand then that's what I'm going to do. I am not responsible for others' reactions, but I am prepared to deal with them should they be inappropriate. I think that I've finally learned that I don't have to be so antagonistic. I confess I used to be quite invested in being a fire brand but eventually realized that that behavior, while it might have been fun in the moment, ultimately didn't serve me or anyone else well. It's really easy for me to go to that place, to make a crack, get defensive. I can do that in my sleep. I take it as indicative of my own growth that that is rarely my first inclination anymore. And, if it is, I'm pretty much able to override it at least to the extent that it doesn't manifest outwardly. These days I actually endeavor to engage people in civil exchanges in such a way that might help them realize, in spite of the overt differences, we also have some similarities. Common ground, whatever it is, "Oh, hey, look, we're at the same concert" or, "Yeah, wow, I know! Can you believe someone would actually be brave enough to paint their house that color?" is a great unifier. It's pretty cool when someone comes around. I feel triumphant, maybe even a little tingly. We part, potential animosity possibly dispelled or at least diluted, perhaps each a bit better for the experience. I'm sure to some this will sound like so much fairy tale bullshit. Blah, blah, Ascot, easy for you to say. You know what? It's not easy to say. That shit takes effort. It requires wise choices be made. Yes, it sucks that we have to make them but it is all part of this life we're in.
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Old 05-10-2013, 01:18 PM   #23
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Despite all the homophobia and misogyny one can encounter as a butch, I am very happy to be seen as a dyke. Unfortunately, it is based on stereotypes- because femmes and less masculine appearing lesbians or others who don't fit the "stereotype" are just as lesbian/gay/queer as I am. I do not fall under the "male gaze," I do not have to repeatedly come out, my "queerness" is not suspect- all things that femmes have to deal with. For the most part I am treated fine. The problem is homophobia can spring up at any time, but I just deal as needed- mostly by not responding to it. I am very comfortable in my skin. I wouldn't trade being a Butch for anything.
Amen. I wouldn't trade it either. To be butch, to be the counterpart to the breathtaking panoply of gloriousness that is everything femme...no, I wouldn't trade it for anything at all.

Damn, now I'm thinking about all the things I so love about femmes, every kind of femme, each unique unto herself. I could go on for days and never feel as though I'd expressed enough appreciation, fondness, affection and admiration. The lust thing, that would definitely take eons, too.

Vive la difference!
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Old 05-10-2013, 01:25 PM   #24
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Yes, I agree Ascot. I am happy to be who I am and much better equipped to face the type of challenges butches face than the one femmes do, but every femme I have ever known is comfortable in her own skin and very happy to be femme. So vive la difference.
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Old 05-10-2013, 02:02 PM   #25
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Some times while walking around this "good ole boy" state is a test to my sanity ha. I go to the men's department to shop And some times ignored by staff or asked if they can help me find my husband something. Here I am standing there with my men's dress pants shirt and tie. I usually in my deep voice tell them as politely as I can "I am the the damn husband" I don't really call myself that in my world but it seems that's all these back woods Bible thumpers understand. (No I have no problem with religion unless its used the way it is here) I suppose Maybe its the shoulder length blonde hair. Last night my wife and I went out to eat and it was one of the packing nights for me so the swagger and the butch vibes were pulsing ha. And while we are sitting at the bar waiting for our table we actually had men come over to her and try to flirt. All while she is holding my hand in her lap. I wanted to beat on my chest and start kicking some ass. Point is when people aren't acting like if I get close I may give them my butch germs they are trying to pretend I'm not here. Like if they don't make eye contact I'll go away. I do have a wonderful wife the leaned over and gave me a nice long kiss that left no doubts about what I was to her. Sorry for the rant. With the butch population being almost nonexistent in my town it feels good to say what's on my mind.
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Old 05-10-2013, 02:29 PM   #26
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Some times while walking around this "good ole boy" state is a test to my sanity ha. I go to the men's department to shop And some times ignored by staff or asked if they can help me find my husband something. Here I am standing there with my men's dress pants shirt and tie. I usually in my deep voice tell them as politely as I can "I am the the damn husband" I don't really call myself that in my world but it seems that's all these back woods Bible thumpers understand. (No I have no problem with religion unless its used the way it is here) I suppose Maybe its the shoulder length blonde hair. Last night my wife and I went out to eat and it was one of the packing nights for me so the swagger and the butch vibes were pulsing ha. And while we are sitting at the bar waiting for our table we actually had men come over to her and try to flirt. All while she is holding my hand in her lap. I wanted to beat on my chest and start kicking some ass. Point is when people aren't acting like if I get close I may give them my butch germs they are trying to pretend I'm not here. Like if they don't make eye contact I'll go away. I do have a wonderful wife the leaned over and gave me a nice long kiss that left no doubts about what I was to her. Sorry for the rant. With the butch population being almost nonexistent in my town it feels good to say what's on my mind.
No apology necessary. I'm glad you feel you can speak your mind here. Welcome to the Planet.
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Old 05-13-2013, 11:10 AM   #27
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I, thus far, have only dated butch or FTM folks. I always worry about safety when it comes to my partners, especially in the bathroom. One of my ex's had so many bad experiences that she refused to use a public bathroom. My heart broke over this. Something I easily take for granted was something that caused paralyzing fear in her. I would offer to go with her, but even then she still struggled. I often complain about being an "invisible femme", but often forget to count the times that I have hidden behind that invisiblilty.
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Old 05-14-2013, 06:31 PM   #28
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Chris1.....so sorry that happened to you. I hate it when men just ignore my Butch and hit on me or denigrate her by ignoring her. I always let them know that I choose to be with her, and that yes indeed I am a lesbian, thanks but no thanks. For some undeard of reason, they seem to think their 'junk' is the magic potion to turn Femmes into staight girls....

My Butch had something of the same happen to her recently. We were waiting in line to check out for groceries, and she had had her arm around me, obviously we were a couple. She took the cart to the end of the belt and waited for me to check out. This guy walked up right next to me and got all in my space, and did this really denigrating whole body sweep. Starting at my breasts(of course) and working his way down. I didn't catch it at first, my mind was on groceries, was but my Butch had gone all red in the face and that caused me to look at this creep. He leered at me, so I just stared at him. I stared him right in the eyes, and waited for him to look away. Finally he did. I then went over to my Butch and said 'come on Babe let's get home" and looked back over my shoulder to shoot him a nasty look. He finally looked embarassed.

Most men are larger than women, so I carry Pepper Spray. I know without a doubt that she would step in to protect me, but I don't want to take the chance that someone would hurt her, so better well armed.......
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Old 05-24-2013, 11:48 AM   #29
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With butch visibility/invisibility, I experience both.

One time at work for 7-11, guy comes in addressing me as sir. It felt great to know I look masculine enough to fool dudes. I do have to wear a binder sometimes though if that's what I'm going for. Anyway, he wants to switch out propane tanks. What typically happens if they realize I'm a female is they will pick it up and carry it out for me to exchange it. Which bothers me. This guy didn't notice though, and left it at the door for me to pick up/carry and switch out. It felt freakin awesome. I know there would be social frowning upon a man that left a female to carry something "heavy"...just sucks for me to live in that kind of world. I can handle my damn self.

Then I have bad days too. If I let my hair get too long, and I don't wear a motorcycle helmet when I'm out on my bike, my hair gets super puffy...awful lol. I recently had someone tell me I don't look masculine at all, they didn't know I was a butch, alla that shit.

A month ago before this site I proly would have ran out and got a haircut right away...made it another two weeks though haha. Been learning a bit on here, getting better with being confident enough of myself to not let crap like that bother me
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Old 06-10-2013, 02:14 PM   #30
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This looks like the best place for this:

Brittney Griner To Be First Openly Gay Athlete To Sign With Nike–And She’ll Be Modeling Men’s Apparel

http://madamenoire.com/280296/brittn...-mens-apparel/

Go Nike!
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Old 06-10-2013, 03:33 PM   #31
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Thanks for posting that link, Toughy. I think this is a great place for it.
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Old 06-10-2013, 04:23 PM   #32
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I don't know how you write Nike.......

We all know Nike will come under HUGE fire for this. They need to hear support for their decision.
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Old 06-10-2013, 05:46 PM   #33
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I am butch, no doubt about it in any way, shape, or form. Yes I get the occasional double take look or odd glance when I go to the "women's" restroom. Usually I just give a wink and that pretty much ends it.
One of my great nephews called me "uncle" for the longest time when he was little...no one in the family batted an eye.
On one occasion years ago, I was walking out of a convenient store and there where a group of "punks" hanging around a car. I hear, "What up faggot". Ignored it...then heard it again. I turn around to find the driver, who worked in my restaurant at the time for maybe a month before I fired him, was the one who said it. I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Neil, let me get you a dictionary, it's DYKE not FAGGOT, I'm FEMALE." Well he froze, his buddies quit laughing, and they all left.
My co-workers get more angry than I do when the derogatory names get tossed at me. I have to calm them down so as not to get themselves into trouble.
I get names called at me, death stares, etc...at work and when I'm out and about. I don't let them affect me...because if I do i'm merely validating them. Those people aren't in my life and so what they say carry no weight and not worth getting worked up over.
I am comfortable in my own skin. I love and am proud of myself for getting through all that I have. I appreciate it when someone comes to my defense. And those who do know I can take care of myself anyway. I don't hide any portion of who I am from every aspect down to my very core. I am butch. People who REALLY know me know I am just Gen.
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Old 06-10-2013, 05:51 PM   #34
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Nice! Good for her!
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Old 06-11-2013, 12:11 AM   #35
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Nike World Headquarters
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Old 06-11-2013, 08:43 AM   #36
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This looks like the best place for this:

Brittney Griner To Be First Openly Gay Athlete To Sign With Nike–And She’ll Be Modeling Men’s Apparel

http://madamenoire.com/280296/brittn...-mens-apparel/

Go Nike!
That's awesome, thanks for sharing! It's funny cause I was just walking down the street the other day and saw a billboard with models for men's clothes and did a bit of a double take. The models they used at first glance made me think they were possibly either butch or transguys, but then figured "nah, big clothing company like that would never do it." But did think how cool it would be to have butch and/or trans models. It's not so much that I'm into clothes/brands/modeling but I just think it would be cool as hell to for once be able to look at someone with a similar identity/body as me modeling a shirt I'd like to wear or something.
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Old 06-13-2013, 06:29 PM   #37
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I was in downtown SF......it's Pride Month......rainbow flags everywhere and the City is starting to buzz......lots o lots o people will be here soon.

They have 6' tall billboards on the streets that are triangles. I was standing on a corner and looked over and saw this on one of them:

Butches, Bears and Furries
will love
Mini Coopers

of course there were pics of minis on the ad.....it was slick and glossy

swear to the Goddess........I love living here.
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Old 06-13-2013, 08:09 PM   #38
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Default Yay.

I'm happy to see this thread getting a bump. Thanks, folks!
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Old 08-03-2013, 06:03 PM   #39
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Default

I couldn't find the righ place to put this so please excuse me if this dosen't reason for the tread.
O.k hear it is.I leave for Vegas for a pool tournament with my ladies 8 ball team on the 14th of this month we have been a team for three years so know each other pretty well.We planed on all pileing up into two ajoining rooms...all eight of us.Most of them have no problem being in some stage of undress in the rooms,normaly this wouldn't be aproblem if I were straight but i'm not..not by a long shot.When we were being fitted for our team uniforms it was like a rolling strip joint at the tailors haveing shirts/pants altered to fit.I had to have my pants hemed as well as my shirt fitted a bit better so it wouldn't sag like a over large bag..I cant help if I have broad shoulders from lifting weights plus my arms are fairly bulked up with ment I had to get a shirt a sise larger to make it work.Well when I droped down to my skivies and binder they just staired,one had the guts to say ..you don;t wear girly undies?No says I,I go for what I feel good about wearing,besides I don't need to explane what wear.Most I doubt will have a problem but I really think a couple will.Other than getting my own room wich I can't afford this may or may not be slightly uncomfortable issue..Me,i'm not locker room shy but no matter how lebarated they may be..well they may really not be.Any ideas or recomendations will be greatly appresheated.Or I may well be just an old worry wart,dealing with straights can be difficult at times.
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Old 10-27-2013, 11:07 AM   #40
LexiLove
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I am shaking with anger after reading some of these posts. I cannot understand how people can treat others like some of you have been treated. I am about to possiblly be very corny or ovely mushy but butches are ahhhhmazing. The ones I know are strong, intelligent, charming, chivalrous and yet are also soft, romantic, loving people. The perfect blend of everything good in the world. I tell my girlfriend that she should write a book to men teaching them how to be good, solid people. Obviously, I don't mean ALL men but the many I have known were useless humans. I am VERY protective of my butch but am also very protective of my butch friends and my FTM friend. I love butches, each and every one of you.
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