Building a Culture of Empathy

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by nycfembbw

Did you have anyone with whom you had meaningful contact while young (a teacher, a neighbor, a relative, a sitter, etc.) that may have fostered empathy in you? I have read that can be a saving grace for kids in homes where empathy is not there to be learned. My own mom was abused and dissociative/fractured, while my dad was abusive. I did have a sitter who made a huge difference to me. Now she is my mom's best friend (After my dad left my mom, unfortunately this was when I had already grown up, my mom became so much more stabilized.).

Children are resilient. There's an old longitudinal study and book, Children of the Island State? that discusses this. The resilient kids had a mentor, a teacher, one person who showed compassion and strove to understand the kid where s/he was. In the study, they were the ones who overcame their abusive histories and excelled in life.

There are always exceptions to the rule, always a minority that will do the opposite.

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by NCS

The idea that if we were to all express the emotions we feel at the time we feel them or as soon as we can at least acknowledge them...That we are ready and clear to feel empathy and create empathetic environments. We are born cooperative. We get hurt. We are not always supported to deal with pain. We walk through life with this pain. I think as we clear our own trauma; we become available.

I'm not understanding what you mean. Can you please clarify?
As Nomad inferred, we CAN express an emotion but just because we have a feeling, we don't have to act upon it. It's much harder with emotions that are born of dopamine (ask a schizophrenic or addict) but it's possible.

[aishah]

i think my discomfort is with the idea that one can make blanket statements about empathy in a society.

i have friends who are from syria and have relatives there. thinking of what they've told me, and talking with people who've lived there (or in other areas with a lot of conflict and poverty such as palestine), i am not sure i could see them saying the same thing about empathy being the exception rather than the rule. i don't want to speak for them, but i do want to challenge the idea that one can make blanket statements about people doing what is good/right/moral or practicing empathy in a society.

if your definition of happiness and well-being has to do with serotonin and being "at peace" or in the buddhist sense, having equanimity, i don't understand how the prevalence of that in the united states is any different than in syria or south sudan.

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by Metro

NCS -- This is an interesting concept, and may I go out on a limb and guess that you pose it as an ideal?

It is my own experience that each individual processes feelings in their own unique way. For some there is a need or inclination to talk through emotions with another person as a way to come to their own understanding. Others have a need to process emotions in their own head first before expressing or speaking about their emotions (and a spectrum of communication styles in between).

As you say, people get hurt. For some this may influence their communication style and ability to process and communicate their feelings in the moment.

Well, that's my experience anyway.

Thanks for sharing Metro. I like what you said about processing emotions. It's my experience as well but I believe you wrote it better than I could have.

[Prudence]

I think it comes down to left brain, right brain thinking. And I'm sure I will be sorry I made that statement.

[NorCalStud]

Yes interesting words from you. It is idealistic. I am an idealist and am currently correcting how I live my ideals....for instance....living without judging myself and others.

We DO process our feelings differently. Here are three ideal ways we can clear our pain efficiently and with love :
I call it hang out therapy...any place or person where and with whom you feel safe and feel is a safe place to express emotion you know you have buried. That someone agrees to pay complete attention with loving regard for your anger, laughter, tears whatever....They hear you and decide not to get into their own stuff at that time. Being heard lovingly goes a long way ...
I believe if we make every lil thing we do a ceremony that that is another way to live life and that in that contradiction of oh say, capitalism and patriarchy for instance ,we resist the pain and in that resistance we survive from that "way" and in surviving we Create and in creating ...we Heal.

Another way is about a certain type of hypnotherapy I took as a class at Heartwood College...dealing with inner child work etc where it uses transformative and agreed upon guidance to....take this pain and turn it to gold...Alchemical Hypnotherapy.

Ultimately I am way way anti One wayism. I believe in the concept of Widening the Circle...never leaving anyone and their ideals outside...unleaa they are evil. I stand open and ready to receive knowledge and love and I am humbled with what I have learned.

[aishah]

Originally Posted by Prudence

I think it comes down to left brain, right brain thinking.

this is really interesting. i've always understood left brain/right brain thinking to be about reason or logic versus emotion or artistic mind.

i have a hard time with that because i don't really think of it as a dichotomy. i'm empathic and artistic but there are also many parts of me that are very type-a, logically-minded.

in dialectical behavior therapy, it's taught that empathy comes from wise mind (which is a balance of reason + emotion + intuition).

i would love to know more about how you see it because i had not really thought of it specifically in terms of left brain/right brain before.

[mariamma]

The hang out therapy....it's mostly what I do with shades of people who are trying to pass over. It is a most powerful healing. It's why many 'confess' to me and many others in the world. To be heard and understood. Many do not get it in life.

It does take empathic communication. A deep listening with all the senses and not really replying. The worst thing one can do in moments like that is derail the story with questions at the wrong place. Listening with love is probably the most important aspect.

Thanks for sharing your experience NCS

Originally Posted by NCS

Yes interesting words from you. It is idealistic. I am an idealist and am currently correcting how I live my ideals....for instance....living without judging myself and others.

We DO process our feelings differently. Here are three ideal ways we can clear our pain efficiently and with love :
I call it hang out therapy...any place or person where and with whom you feel safe and feel is a safe place to express emotion you know you have buried. That someone agrees to pay complete attention with loving regard for your anger, laughter, tears whatever....They hear you and decide not to get into their own stuff at that time. Being heard lovingly goes a long way ...
I believe if we make every lil thing we do a ceremony that that is another way to live life and that in that contradiction of oh say, capitalism and patriarchy for instance ,we resist the pain and in that resistance we survive from that "way" and in surviving we Create and in creating ...we Heal.

Another way is about a certain type of hypnotherapy I took as a class at Heartwood College...dealing with inner child work etc where it uses transformative and agreed upon guidance to....take this pain and turn it to gold...Alchemical Hypnotherapy.

Ultimately I am way way anti One wayism. I believe in the concept of Widening the Circle...never leaving anyone and their ideals outside...unleaa they are evil. I stand open and ready to receive knowledge and love and I am humbled with what I have learned.

[mariamma]

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcbHRhgO8yg&feature=em-uploademail"]Stanley Coren & Edwin Rutsch: How to Build a Culture of Empathy with Dogs - YouTube[/nomedia]
The catalyst for this thread is this foundation Building a Culture of Empathy. Dogs are beings with high amounts of oxytocin and often sense things many humans ignore. I am a bitch at heart and love the beautiful connection one can have with dogs.

[mariamma]

Another article discussing the effects of listening.
http://www.sciencewa.net.au/topics/h...older-patients

[mariamma]

A quote from a nice article that discusses oxytocin in a society or nation.

One issue that began Zak’s work in this new field was research in the late 1990s that found an unexplored connection between trust and national prosperity. Data showed that high trust exists in countries that are, by and large, rich or fast growing. Countries in which trust is high have effective governments, says Zak: "They have very tight social structures, people interact very nicely with each other, they don’t have a lot of divisions." A 2007 study by the Pew Research Center found 45% of Americans said they trust each other—a large percentage compared to many other countries, which hover in the single percentage points.

Linking the data to the discovery of how oxytocin-led trust cycles can harness or hurt economic transactions toward prosperity, Zak shows how trust becomes the "great summary measure of a society in which things are working well." However, as he notes, lack of trust is also a measure of to what degree things are broken.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

I guess I subscribe to the nature/nurture way of looking at things.

I think people have the amount of empathy they have, because of genetic, chemical or other physical elements (including the stuff you're talking about), but also because of how they were socialized and treated when they were infants and children.

.

I guess that blows reincarnation and past lives out of the water. lol

You know for so many years I've read, explored and studied why things are they way they are. I have honestly tried to make sense, especially when it comes to humans; how some humans can be so fucking cruel and others to pure to believe. I have a hard time statistics and so-called scientific data. I dislike and avoid the medical field as much as possible. I will never buy the whole brain chemical concept. I will never believe that any of us are patterned to the same or that there are genetic switches that dictate who we are.

I do believe that humans LOVE labels and that they often get caught up in demanding an answer for every little thing. I think science sees us coming and pharmaceutical companies draw humans into their market.

Empathy, compassion, love, desire, all the things that make us human is open for interpretation because the funny thing is that none of us expresses it the same way or maybe it is the same yet how we measure it. Does that make sense?

I spent hours crying over a dog that isn't mine because she's old and has to be put to sleep. I don't think I'm programmed any different I'm just a human who's experience "right now" connects with animals. I woke up at 4am and masturbated to fantasies some may consider "taboo" and they were completely against consensus standards. Maybe I have some wires crossed? hahahaha well hell yeah I probably do!

The whole science thing is unsettling to me because there are always exceptions to the rule. Often more then the so called facts will say.

Today I just give it to the universe, try and be present and allow whatever emotions I'm having to flow through me. I just don't question it any more and for me its just all part of my human experience.

[NorCalStud]

I listened to the dog youtube Mariama. It was very interesting. Dogs are a big part of how I roll in life. There is alot to be said about that.

I am simple. I dont believe caucasian america and caucasion science has the universal answer to creating a more empathetic world. That is oh so scary when that kind of thinking is present. It is a priveledge just to have the time to talk in sometimes an intangible language. So when it balls up...when language and emotion mess up; there is love, admiration, and respect to remember.

The first empathy to give....no matter what ...my opinion...smiling. We dont know each other's language???? Even here on this site...we can go toward...lack of trust...or we can stand and face each other from different tribes and different dialects and SMILE...smiling is reassuring to people who lack trust. If that is all we can communicate then it could and has been lifesaving. Example: pretty damn sure Lewis and Clark smiled alot.

I want to take this time to say how much I appreciate the thinking that goes into our language here. It is fascinating to me...all that we express. Such really great people I have the great fortune to know at this time. I do believe in reincarnation and there is no accident we are here now discussing...

[Glenn]

Mariamma; Hormones do powerfully affect our behavior. If we were to strip out all the hormones we have, we'd be docile types, with no drive, and with the magnetism of a piece of wood. Take high testosterone and low serotonin for example, and welcome to the world of the sociopath. Or high sertonin and low testosterone and welcome to the world of a person with no interests or incentives. There's a guy on this site who claims to be athletic, always posts threads, and you can see this guy has testosterone coming out of his ass. Socialization helps this dude keep a balance, but he still shows little sensitivity answering other issues about himself here we have questioned him about. There has to be a mental balance. When I was on Prozac for years, it raised my serotinin.I did'nt feel like doing s***. They give alot of folks in prison that to contol their testosterone also.

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by Sachita

Empathy, compassion, love, desire, all the things that make us human is open for interpretation because the funny thing is that none of us expresses it the same way or maybe it is the same yet how we measure it. Does that make sense?

I spent hours crying over a dog that isn't mine because she's old and has to be put to sleep. I don't think I'm programmed any different I'm just a human who's experience "right now" connects with animals. I woke up at 4am and masturbated to fantasies some may consider "taboo" and they were completely against consensus standards. Maybe I have some wires crossed? hahahaha well hell yeah I probably do!

The whole science thing is unsettling to me because there are always exceptions to the rule. Often more then the so called facts will say.

Today I just give it to the universe, try and be present and allow whatever emotions I'm having to flow through me. I just don't question it any more and for me its just all part of my human experience.

I believe the whole science thing because it's how I've made sense of the world. I sense energy. I've sensed things all my life. It has protected me, trusting my intuition. I have since learned how to harness my 'perception' in order to do spirit work (in the past 2.5 years). The energy I sense is the same energy I sense from animals too. Which is what totally 'converted' me to the concept that all we do/think/feel is based on hormones and neurotransmitters and the other trace protein structures.
The 'giving to the Universe' and 'being present' is traced back to serotonergic activity in the brain. We do this because it feels good, makes life flow and makes it feel like we're at church and counters dopaminergic activity (pleasure seeking or 'I Want'). Animals do it as well. I see it and feel it energetically when a dog lies down, puts h/er nose in the air and smiles at everyone. I even feel the energy from my bunnies.
But this thread is supposed to be about empathy (oxytocin). I believe science because science has known for decades that anti-social personality disorder is connected to lack of oxytocin in the brain. Abuse (nurture) changes things more and makes those with the ASPD diagnosis violent. In fact, there are studies that say 90% of those with a psych diagnosis has abuse in h/er history.
But 80% of studies are disproven so look at meta-studies for better accuracy. In health care, 50% of best practice changes every 5 years. Science is ever-changing and is no absolute authority. It always should be taken with a grain of salt. But there are highly established, accepted truism in science. The hormone thing has been known for many, many years. The stress hormones were seen as the source of medical problems, adrenals removed and people had less stress but died in a few days because it upset water and minerals in the blood stream.
No one has to believe this stuff. But I do because it makes the most sense.

[NorCalStud]

An adrenal depleted society imo. This is about empahy and I will share anyway that I am buying Gabba today.

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by NCS

I listened to the dog youtube Mariama. It was very interesting. Dogs are a big part of how I roll in life. There is alot to be said about that.

I am simple. I dont believe caucasian america and caucasion science has the universal answer to creating a more empathetic world. That is oh so scary when that kind of thinking is present. It is a priveledge just to have the time to talk in sometimes an intangible language. So when it balls up...when language and emotion mess up; there is love, admiration, and respect to remember.

The first empathy to give....no matter what ...my opinion...smiling. We dont know each other's language???? Even here on this site...we can go toward...lack of trust...or we can stand and face each other from different tribes and different dialects and SMILE...smiling is reassuring to people who lack trust. If that is all we can communicate then it could and has been lifesaving. Example: pretty damn sure Lewis and Clark smiled alot.

I want to take this time to say how much I appreciate the thinking that goes into our language here. It is fascinating to me...all that we express. Such really great people I have the great fortune to know at this time. I do believe in reincarnation and there is no accident we are here now discussing...

I understand about not trusting Caucasian science. I'm mixed. My (white) family were scientists mostly and Xian Scientist in spiritual practice. There is much in grey areas that isn't looked at. But people only go so fast. We humans are (slowly) getting our collective heads out of our asses and seeing that we aren't that special after all.

It's kind of awesome to see humans grow up. I know India has brought significant science and spirituality together as well as great basic science. I love the different perspective and the different interpretation of energy the Indians have brought to the forefront.

I really liked the interview because it dealt with traditionally human behavior in the form of dogs. I really loved the info in the beginning on dog breeds and those that were breed for love and companionship. Many feral child stories have been refuted yet I truly believe some are true. And there are occasional stories like the one from Ethiopia of lions rescuing girls from violent (human) males. It's kind of awesome hearing about a pride of lionesses attacking men and lying around a child until humans come to care for the child. But that may be refuted as well.

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by NCS

An adrenal depleted society imo. This is about empahy and I will share anyway that I am buying Gabba today.

Is there supposed to be an article attached to this?

[aishah]

Originally Posted by mariamma

It's kind of awesome to see humans grow up. I know India has brought significant science and spirituality together as well as great basic science. I love the different perspective and the different interpretation of energy the Indians have brought to the forefront.

the book prophets facing backward by meera nanda talks about how there has actually been a lot of struggle around this issue in india. the book is not without problems (the author is an avowed atheist) but it's a good overview of the struggle between science and religion in india, which has been the source of a lot of political turmoil in the last few decades.

i am really grateful that scientists are starting to look at the effects of things like meditation on the body. i worry about the cultural appropriation that sometimes results, but it does seem that people are bridging the gap between science and faith more now.

i definitely agree w/both of you (ncs and mariamma) that the privileging of science in the u.s. (especially as it's mostly defined by white folks) can be really problematic. i'm grateful to you ncs for bringing that up.

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by Glenn

Mariamma; Hormones do powerfully affect our behavior. If we were to strip out all the hormones we have, we'd be docile types, with no drive, and with the magnetism of a piece of wood. Take high testosterone and low serotonin for example, and welcome to the world of the sociopath. Or high sertonin and low testosterone and welcome to the world of a person with no interests or incentives. There's a guy on this site who claims to be athletic, always posts threads, and you can see this guy has testosterone coming out of his ass. Socialization helps this dude keep a balance, but he still shows little sensitivity answering other issues about himself here we have questioned him about. There has to be a mental balance. When I was on Prozac for years, it raised my serotinin.I did'nt feel like doing s***. They give alot of folks in prison that to contol their testosterone also.

True. The first time I saw someone with avolition (low hormones therefore no desire to do ANYTHING) it freaked me out. He laid in bed all day long, didn't want to eat, read, do anything. Energetically, he wasn't empty, more of a dwarf. Nothing wrong or weird about him. Just very small (energetically).

SSRIs are interesting. They work for some and but not well enough because they don't 'solve' the underlying issue. And increased serotonin in the brain lowers the dopamine and therefore love capacity in the brain (sometimes that's good, sometimes that's bad). Living in balance it what it's all about.

It's hard to do that with online sites though as most technology will increase dopamine. You know when you get a text or email and you feel that surge...that's dopamine. I usually think "OH! Who loves me?"

Silicon Valley is looking at this as they develop their technology. Colors and light will also affect serotonin in the brain so they make these bright, colorful LCDs screens that will boost both dopamine and serotonin.