Breaking up

[Guy]

Originally Posted by pajara2

I think too, it's important to understand that the other person may not grieve for the same length as you do. Just because they have moved on to another relationship doesn't necessarilly mean they aren't grieving some of the loss of the relationship as well.

Someone mentioned earliler too that the person ending the relationship may not grieve, but I disagree. They still grieve the loss of what they thought they had, the future they were hoping to make, and the time they may have invested in this relationship before realizing that it wasn't quite the right one.

So yes we all grieve, and that's ok.

A

This is a great point. I also think that its important to remember that the relationship just doesn't go sour overnight and that the person ending the relationship may have been grieving the loss of their relationship for awhile, and the other just not caring enough to notice and taking the relationship for granted.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Mister Bent

"stuck on the porn phase."

Right now alone seems way less stressful.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Right now alone seems way less stressful.

Oh, just love this! I went through phases one and two and skipped to parts of phase 5 (cyberdyke.com anyone?).

Thanks, I needed this today

[funkyfemme]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Therapy, exercise, having great friends around, getting things accomplished all seem to help.

My mother died when I was 13 and I survived, so breakups..while painful...are not going to destroy me or make me not have a heart. I try to look at it like we each learned from each other what we needed to and now its time to go on the next chapter. Heart even bigger for having loved.

So yes, it's worth it...but definitely worth looking at ways to keep out of trouble without resorting to a hostage situation girlfriendship. At least not right this second.

I really like that part and am going to try and keep that in my head while my heart is still very broken and trying to mend.

[Apocalipstic]

It sure is not easy.

[Morgan]

I jumped into my relationship so fast, the second date was a uhaul truck date. I have never moved in with someone so fast, lol. The first month was great, the second one better, but by the third month things started changing....now we are the at the sixth month and although living together we are trying to get our affairs in order so we can seperate and move into our own place. Yes it is hard living together, knowing I will never hold her, kiss her or be with her ever again. We are friends and do things together, have dinner together, play Scrabble sometimes, get our hair cut, but my heart aches knowing I will never have the connection we had in the first few months. I have been around a long time, and know that rushing into something is not always the best thing to do. Taking time to know someone is important and although my heart is breaking, I know I will always love this woman and be supportive of her and I do not regret having had her in my life for the short period we were involved. The hardest part is bowing is out gracefully and respecting ourselves, we don't need to fight or play games. Yeah in my mind, I am thinking she will never know how much she was loved, maybe someday she will see, but for now it is time to let her go.
She is still in love with her abusive ex.......Good bye my love.

[funkyfemme]

Originally Posted by Morgan

I jumped into my relationship so fast, the second date was a uhaul truck date. I have never moved in with someone so fast, lol. The first month was great, the second one better, but by the third month things started changing....now we are the at the sixth month and although living together we are trying to get our affairs in order so we can seperate and move into our own place. Yes it is hard living together, knowing I will never hold her, kiss her or be with her ever again. We are friends and do things together, have dinner together, play Scrabble sometimes, get our hair cut, but my heart aches knowing I will never have the connection we had in the first few months. I have been around a long time, and know that rushing into something is not always the best thing to do. Taking time to know someone is important and although my heart is breaking, I know I will always love this woman and be supportive of her and I do not regret having had her in my life for the short period we were involved. The hardest part is bowing is out gracefully and respecting ourselves, we don't need to fight or play games. Yeah in my mind, I am thinking she will never know how much she was loved, maybe someday she will see, but for now it is time to let her go.
She is still in love with her abusive ex.......Good bye my love.

Morgan....I am so sorry. Sounds just like what I just went through. I hope it gets better for you. HUGS!!

[Morgan]

Thanks funkyfemme...I am glad this place is here. I am sorry for your pain, hugs as well to you.

[funkyfemme]

Originally Posted by Morgan

Thanks funkyfemme...I am glad this place is here. I am sorry for your pain, hugs as well to you.

I'm forever grateful for this space too. You have no idea!!! Hugs again!! It WILL get better!!!!!!!!!! It fuckin has to!!!!!

[Leigh]

I know bad the hurt is right after you break up with someone, especially if you really love the person and thought that they were supposed to be your forever. It takes time for things to heal, and its not an easy road, but it certainly does get better and the heart does mend ~ even if it doesnt seem like it now, it will get better that I promise each of you :-)

[Scrappy L'il Southpaw]

Originally Posted by Quintease

I have experienced this. I have a lot of trouble letting relationships go, even bad relationships. I always feel that if. I. just. hang. on. a. little. bit. longer. we might fix this thing... Of course I know it's rubbish, I know I'm unhappy, I know the likelihood of it getting better is minimal, yet still I hang on as I've invested time, emotions, and wardrobe space into making it work. When I finally give up I feel relief first, then annoyance at myself for being so stupid as to let it go on too long and even more fury if I let them drain me financially before finally giving them the boot.

I very much identify with this part of what you say. My BF and I were talking this week and she said to me, "I don't understand why you continue in a relationship even when you know it is not working for you." I do this even if it has not been more than a few months. Once I commit, I'm in. When it's truly over, I'm depressed over the loss and pissed and embarrassed for continuing so long after my mind and my gut was telling me "this is not good or right for me."

Quintease thank you for putting it into words. I'm going through it right now and am in such a spiral that I'm not making sense when I try to talk it out. I read your post and nearly burst into tears because it resonated so strongly with me.

Grieve? Oh hell yeah!!!!!

[Amber2010]

Obviously, it depends on how much feelings you had for the person. Most times, the one who walks away feels no, or little grief. Naturally, every situation is different. Sometimes the one who walks away is hurting more...

I agree with that quote. The one who walks away without even trying to compromise and work things out really feels nothing or maybe never did.. that person was just a convenience for them. I really can't see them hurting more since they didn't try to work on it. The ones who do try even if it may not work out can stay talking thoughout their lives and I have met many who are close with their ex's. Friendships and relationships change but the ones who work together on them stay connected forever just in a different way and who knows it may even be better.

[MysticOceansFL]

I would have to say it depends on the two people involved and how much time and effort they both put into the relationship because at some point I was the one who had to walk away from my relationship years ago and her and I had a six year marriage an I didn't date anyone for several years.

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by Matthew

I know bad the hurt is right after you break up with someone, especially if you really love the person and thought that they were supposed to be your forever. It takes time for things to heal, and its not an easy road, but it certainly does get better and the heart does mend ~ even if it doesnt seem like it now, it will get better that I promise each of you :-)

That.

The three years before my current partner were probably the worst of my life. Hurt, lonely, rejected, betrayed. I sought solace in a new relationship only to be abused.

Then out of nowhere this beautiful love fell out of the sky and we've just cemented it by getting married!!!!!

So it does get better ...eventually

[ruby_woo]

I feel bad blubbering all over the forum but I honestly don't where else to go. 8+ years is ending. I was 20 years old when we met. I'm now 29. I moved to Vancouver from San Francisco to be with her. I don't have friends here, my family is in Ohio.

I really thought we were going to be together forever. We were supposed to go to Disneyland, spend my 30th birthday together, and now it's not happening and I still can't believe it. We have to move out, obviously, find separate apartments. I don't even know how to find apartments in Vancouver. And how do you divide up 8 years worth of stuff together?

I love her, and she loves me, but says she can't give me what I need, she's changed, it'll be better for me. I don't know how something that hurts so badly can be better, but OK. I have a headache from crying so much. She still tries to hug and comfort me when I'm crying, but that's going to have to stop, obviously.

This sucks. I have no idea how I'm going to get through this.

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by ruby_woo

I love her, and she loves me, but says she can't give me what I need, she's changed, it'll be better for me. I don't know how something that hurts so badly can be better, but OK. I have a headache from crying so much. She still tries to hug and comfort me when I'm crying, but that's going to have to stop, obviously.

This sucks. I have no idea how I'm going to get through this.

It does suck and please don't feel bad for looking for help from other people (((hugs)))

When my ex dumped me (5 years, new country, marriage certificate) she said 'You will thank me for this one day'. Of course I was devastated! She was leaving me while making out that she was doing this for me??

Ironically, though I doubted she really knew at the time, she was right. It took over 3 years but now I am in a much better and happier place, in a much better and more satisfying relationship.

You WILL get through this, purely as you have no choice. Just put one foot in front of the other and keep moving, keep doing what you have to do. It will hurt for a very long time, but one day you will wake up and realise you've done it, you've managed to move on.

Until then, try to look after yourself xxx

[kittygrrl]

so sorry this is happening to you..it's like losing a part of you and the immensity of that...no one can truly understand..unless you've been through it..I suggest don't prolong the pain get out as soon as you can..stuff (be damned) every piece will only serve to remind you what you've lost ..so everything you decide to keep, will remind you everytime you see or use it..do you really need that? my advise (in this situation) sell everything you can, give the rest away, and travel light (out of this toxic situation)..there is life after this but it's going to take awhile before you can recognize it and feel safe again.

[ruby_woo]

Thanks you guys. I guess I'm going to have to start looking for a place to live, find movers, etc. Will need to take money out of my savings to pay for it, gah.

After hearing the news, everyone has been telling us Oh, maybe you just need a break for awhile. She's said herself she doesn't know if this is the right decision or not, but I can't really just wait around for someone to figure out if they want to be with me or not, that sucks.

This is legit the shittiest I have ever felt.

[Miss July]

Originally Posted by ruby_woo

Thanks you guys. I guess I'm going to have to start looking for a place to live, find movers, etc. Will need to take money out of my savings to pay for it, gah.

After hearing the news, everyone has been telling us Oh, maybe you just need a break for awhile. She's said herself she doesn't know if this is the right decision or not, but I can't really just wait around for someone to figure out if they want to be with me or not, that sucks.

This is legit the shittiest I have ever felt.

((((((((((((((((((ruby))))))))))))))))))))))
This is a really hard time for you.......but you are absolutely correct..........you shouldn't be hanging out & waiting to see if some one wants to be with you. You need to tell yourself you deserve better, some one who knows exactly how they feel about you.

I have a shoulder if you need one to cry on or lean on.

[starryeyes]

I have been going through a nasty break up too over the past month or so. It is so hard. I know I love her, but feelings change for a variety of reasons. It's amazing how in an instant, something so amazing is crushed.

What I have learned is to let the universe, a higher power or whatever lead. When I broke up with my first love, I swore I was *never* going to recover. Now, i hardley think of her.

Everything happens for a reason and yea, it's f***ing miserable but time heals pain and there is someone that is better suited to my needs.

Also, I have learned that dogs are a blessing in a time of loneliness **snuggles**

Good luck sister!!
Starry