Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date? - Page 9

SweetJane · 06-22-2012, 12:12 AM

I think we've all had horror stories. Mine is I was asked to lunch when I was in town. Called to see where to meet and was told to the person's house. I spent all afternoon watching this person wash and comb out her three dogs.... Never saw her again......

So how do I want to be treated on a date?

I want the butch to show some interest. It doesn't have to be extravagant. Just show me that you want to know me.

Be on time or call if you'll be delayed.

Of course, open the door for me and make sure I'm safe inside your vehicle.

Treat me as the lady I am in public but don't be shy about holding my hand or putting an arm around me. Just don't be all over me. (That's more about you than about your interest in me.)

Talk to me. Ask me questions. Tell me about your life and your goals and dreams. Make me laugh with your quirky view of life or your curious observations, not stock jokes.

Look at me. Let me see you.

Be attentive to what I reveal about what I like to do that are things you enjoy or have wanted to do. Challenge me gently to try new things. Broaden my experience with your experience and I will do the same.

I enjoy conversation. Get to know me. What we do on our dates will come from our mutual interests or our willingness to dip into those activities we've never tried--but would have with a trusted friend. Let trust build.

Affection will spring from this.

lusciouskiwi · 07-22-2012, 06:37 AM

I'm trying to think if I've ever been on a date. I had one in Wellington - I was staying with my parents in a city about two hours north. Drove down to meet a dyke whom I'd been chatting with on pinksofa. She knew what I looked like, everything. I thought I looked nice - I made an effort. I was wearing knee-high black boots, black pants and a nice black jersey (sweater). Can't remember what make up I was wearing. This dyke was clearly not interested in me the minute she saw me and funnily enough some friends turned up not long after. I didn't even get much conversation or even an explanation. Put me off big age differences permanently.

I think, like most blossoms, it's not so much the place or the cost, it's the company and the attention. I'm not used to having the car door opened for me so that would probably tickle me pink. I wouldn't expect to go somewhere noisy and crowded unless we had our own little bubble - I don't want to have to yell and say "eh?" because I can't hear. I expect a two-sided conversation. I want to feel that you're interested in getting to know me. I appreciate humour and I appreciate insightful comments. I do like good food. But good food doesn't always have to be expensive. But I don't want McDs, KFC, etc. I'd like to go somewhere that either's special for both of us or, if things developed successfully, is a place that becomes a special part of our memories as a couple.

I expect you to dress nicely, to dress in such a way that I'm going to enjoy looking at you. Even if the date is a picnic on the beach I still expect you to make an effort in how you dress. I expect you to smell nice, I'd prefer no cologne to something cheap and nasty. I love perfume and cologne and I'm a bit fussy with that.

I don't want stale cigarette breath - I prefer non-smokers as a general rule anyways.

And I'd be quite happy if there was a little something something that I get to feel a bit of when you kiss me good night.

And if you're lucky, I might invite you over for breakfast the next morning ...

alexri · 07-23-2012, 07:22 PM

I have to say...I am horrified and disgusted by what some people have put you ladies through!

I feel like apologizing on behalf of the entire butch community.

Ginger · 07-26-2012, 01:06 PM

My first date with my current partner was in a Thai restaurant in the West Village. The food was awful, but I couldn't eat anyway; I was so excited to meet her, to see if she were real, the person who wrote the quietly thoughtful emails, who noticed things in my words and tone that others would have missed—a barely expressed hesitancy, a joy I was too shy to say outright.

I am usually the listener and seem to attract talkers, but she is also a listener, so it was good that we happened to pick a place that was quiet, where we drew each other out.

We were on our respective lunch hours, and sat by the front windows. It was December, very cold out, but the sun was warm, beating down on our table. It was so quiet you could hear our chop sticks, when we rested them on our plates. Afterwards, we walked to the subway and I impulsively hugged her.

That's all I ask for on a date, especially a first date: To be in a peaceful place, so we can focus on each other.

I don't want the heightened pressure of formality of a first date, I want to be in a casual setting that has some aesthetic appeal: sunlight, or gentle colors. This is even more important to me than the food.

Later, when we are feeling more of a bond, and our personalities have emerged more fully, I'm up for anything—a wild place, dancing, some kind of intense outdoor activity.

Leigh · 07-26-2012, 02:23 PM

I can't say that I've really been on many dates per say, but I have been on a few and I'm pretty confident in knowing what I like on dates (first or otherwise):

~ Manners are a good thing; please, thank you, opening doors for me and pulling out my chair (though the doors thing I like opening doors too)

~ Fun conversation, wherever we are whether its a coffee shop or restaurant I want things to flow as easily as they can

~ Getting to know one another; hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations, likes and dislikes

~ The willingness to really open our hearts and be ourselves

LipstickLola · 08-02-2012, 09:47 AM

I recently met someone with whom I'd been getting to know through email and text. First meeting was breakfast, casual, right? but, I still "primped" and dressed nicely, smelled good, etc lol. She? Was ten minutes late, in gym clothes (I have no problem with gym clothes really) and declared to me that she was NEVER on time unless it was work related. A complete turnoff, we no longer communicate......

Expectation too high? Didn't feel it to me, but maybe I'm too harsh....
Lola

Martina · 08-02-2012, 10:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SweetJane

I think we've all had horror stories. Mine is I was asked to lunch when I was in town. Called to see where to meet and was told to the person's house. I spent all afternoon watching this person wash and comb out her three dogs.... Never saw her again......

This is the kind of thing that makes me crazy. I had an afternoon first date with a butch who wanted to make a stop first. It was at a furniture store. She was picking out furniture to rent for a condo she was staging to sell. We were there maybe forty minutes. Then she talked about her ex during lunch and casually mentioned that the ex said that she -- the butch at lunch -- was sort of stalking her. No second date, of course.

I think disrespecting my time pisses me off more than anything. Rescheduling a lot, being really late, and, as I said in an earlier post, stopping at the gas station or ATM while with me, just doing anything to waste my time and bore me. I do not go into a first date expecting to meet my life partner. No high expectations. But if you waste my time, I am not going to give you any more of it.

aishah · 08-02-2012, 07:09 PM

things that are nice to have in a first date:
...let me know if you don't have money and want to do something inexpensive. i know what that's like. i never go on a date with someone unless i have a little bit of money - it's really nice if they pay, but i always make sure i can pay for myself in case they don't pay. i'm also used to doing inexpensive things...which leads me to...
...i prefer first dates with low pressure. meeting for coffee/tea is my favorite kind of first date.
...don't pressure me for physical contact. if we hit it off and there's chemistry, i might be open to touching/kissing. but touching/kissing/demanding i sit closer, etc. without consent makes me feel really unsafe unless we've been friends for awhile first.
...don't look at me weirdly if i ask you if i can hug/kiss you. it means i want to be close to you. take it as a compliment - and i won't be offended if you're not comfortable or want to say no.
...also don't look at me weirdly if i ask about how you identify or your pronouns - it just means i want to know who you are and be respectful instead of assuming things and possibly being wrong.
...i don't think it's necessary for you to open doors, bring me flowers, etc...but it's always appreciated

...it's nice to be around people who are considerate of my access needs...like, don't invite me to a place that has a huge ass flight of stairs. if you do that more than once we probably won't date for very long.
...it's also nice to be around people who think my quirkiness is cute

things i don't care about in a first date (or ever):
...how much money you have.
...what your car looks like.
...how expensive your clothes are - dressing nicely and having clean clothes is awesome (i'm a sucker for slacks or jeans and a button-down shirt). but i don't care if they came from goodwill, wal-mart, or a designer store.

things i really don't want in a first date:
...being asked out to places that are out of my way, or asked to go to multiple places - i don't drive and i take the bus. so, meeting me somewhere that's centrally located where i can get to independently of you is really awesome.
...it takes awhile for me to be comfortable riding in the car or being tipsy/drunk alone with someone, so don't assume i'll be okay with meeting somewhere out of the way or going to a bar at night with you - because i probably won't on a first date.
...hearing about your entire history with your ex.
...an excess of (or any) cologne. i'd rather smell you (preferably within 24 hours of a shower), not your old spice and calvin klein. and i'm allergic.
...sex. been there, done that, you're not getting any until i know you better. meaning 3-5 dates or so at least.

laruss · 08-02-2012, 07:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LipstickLola

I recently met someone with whom I'd been getting to know through email and text. First meeting was breakfast, casual, right? but, I still "primped" and dressed nicely, smelled good, etc lol. She? Was ten minutes late, in gym clothes (I have no problem with gym clothes really) and declared to me that she was NEVER on time unless it was work related. A complete turnoff, we no longer communicate......

Expectation too high? Didn't feel it to me, but maybe I'm too harsh....
Lola

Definitely not too high. I am NOT surprised you don't communicate any longer. First dates are for first impressions, and she didn't make a very good one.

KayCee · 08-03-2012, 04:46 AM

Showing up in gym clothes on a first date

and never on time? I would have left immediately...just sayin'

LipstickLola · 08-03-2012, 08:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitty4U

Showing up in gym clothes on a first date

and never on time? I would have left immediately...just sayin'

Thanks for the validations

. I thought about leaving, lol. But I hadn't had coffee and I was hungry

She's an attorney and VERY impressed with herself, me? not so much!!

Onward and upward!!

diamondrose · 08-03-2012, 08:51 AM

I like to feel focused on as I would focus on that person. One thing that really peeves me is someone who pays more mind to their phone than me while out to eat. Just saying

cinderella · 08-03-2012, 09:17 AM

Unless it is truly an unforseeable situation or circumstance, there is no excuse for making someone wait. It is one of my pet peeves. It shows lack of consideration, and disrespect - and if it is our first, or second date, or early in the relationship, it surely puts a dark mark against the butch - for me, anyway.

I expect to be treated with respect, consideration, gentlemanliness, and like the lady that I am.

I like a 'take-charge' butch who is confident, but not aggressive. He will be gentle, yet strong, and make me feel safe at all times.

Ideally, he will always pay for dinner, unless we agree to 'go Dutch' on special occasions. If he cannot afford an evening out, we will stay in and have a home-cooked dinner which he will make.

He will not make promises he cannot keep - another pet peeve. I don't take disappointment well. But I love surprises, and when I see that he has gone out of his way to make the evening special, and interesting, he surely is on the right path to my heart.

And the list goes on...but this will do for now.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitty4U

Don't ever let me wait.....

Martina · 08-03-2012, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cinderella

I like a 'take-charge' butch who is confident, but not aggressive. He will be gentle, yet strong, and make me feel safe at all times.

Ideally, he will always pay for dinner, unless we agree to 'go Dutch' on special occasions. If he cannot afford an evening out, we will stay in and have a home-cooked dinner which he will make.

It's funny how different we all are. I would not touch that butch with a ten foot pole.

If someone kept trying to make me feel safe, I would be annoyed. The paying thing would not work for me either. I don't like the the idea that I am supposed to be taken care of.

Fine if we take care of one another. Fine if I am a submissive and there is that reciprocity. But that I am explicitly the one in the relationship to be taken care of and kept safe. No. Thank. You.

gaea · 08-03-2012, 10:51 AM

i like to be treated with respect always, i am respectful and in my honest opinion and belief it should be returned.

show honor and integrity...

I do not like mind games and Im simply not willing to play them.

cinderella · 08-03-2012, 11:08 AM

Yes, how different we all are. I'm lucky enough to have a daddy that complements me completely - we are truly the ying and yang. He loves making me feel safe and protected (even tho in reality he knows I very well can take care of myself, and do - I always have).

He also likes being in charge of alot of things, and I know when to give over the reins, tho I am a very capable 'driver' - and he knows that too.

I have spent a lifetime taking care of others - and I'm not talking family - it's nice to find someone who wants to take care of me for a change. Our relationship is not a complete one-sided thing - we know our limitations, and what we can actually do, but we have a lovely understanding, and we like it just the way it is. We fit snugly just like a jigsaw puzzle.

To each his own, and Viva la differencia!!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martina

It's funny how different we all are. I would not touch that butch with a ten foot pole.

If someone kept trying to make me feel safe, I would be annoyed. The paying thing would not work for me either. I don't like the the idea that I am supposed to be taken care of.

Fine if we take care of one another. Fine if I am a submissive and there is that reciprocity. But that I am explicitly the one in the relationship to be taken care of and kept safe. No. Thank. You.

Leigh · 08-03-2012, 12:00 PM

Just treat me well, be respectful and show me your interested

Tattoogurl · 08-04-2012, 11:57 AM

good morning first of all... LOl

i was reading all the posts about how a woman wants to be treated on a date and they are so good... But.... I would have to say that if your gonna take me on a date you better have your ducks in a row!

I make all the decisions in my real life so, if someone is gonna take me out they have to know where were going (plz dont ask me where i wanna eat) if you ask me that i would say "take me home".. to me it means you didn't plan all the way thru.

Come to my door i dont care if you live in my house, RING THE BELL and greet me with a gentle kiss on the cheeck, this is a date not a hump session... Show me you have self control when i open the door smoking hawt and you wanna jump the bones remember im a gemini and we or at least I dont like pushy I like to know that you have control over your vital organs LOL..

Im the sorta girl i like the music on, I like to sing, so Im gonna sing all the way there or at least sometimes lol.. I want stimulating conversation, show me boi's that you have the abiity to think outside of the box.. We can talk religion, politics, death penality etc i dont care but entise me with your brains and thoughts no matter how crazy they sound. if we're sitting at the dinner table I alays wondered what the waiter would say if a song comes over head and we both like it, and get up and dance. be fun spontanious live on the edge. Life is already so frigid lets have fun!!

I think I said everything then what i would want my date to consit of lol but I tried..

I guess as i sit here I want my date to be something when you drop me off I say WOW and I feel it everywhere..

Vivacious1 · 08-10-2012, 11:21 PM

I identify as a strong femme woman. I find myself mostly attracted to old school butches. (Hard to find as they may be). On a first date you can tell a whole lot. Sometimes, everything you need to know. I want to know that chivalry is not dead. I look for it to come naturally. It matters to me. Whether we walk down the street to a coffee shop or go to a 5-star dinner, the thing that matters most is being treated like I am the most valuable thing that my butch has come across. I like the lead with hys hand on the small of my back, the assistance with my wrap or the opening of my car door and waiting for me to get in as hy shuts it. It has never stopped giving me chills. For myself, I want you to be yourself, be confident and whatever we do on that date, do it with passion, enthusiasm and treat me like I am the only woman on the planet. These are the things that make me swoon.

Nomad · 09-29-2012, 06:22 AM

i agree with Tattoogurl. dont ask me where i want to go. have a plan so that i know you gave the date some thought. do your homework if you want to take me somewhere you know i like or somewhere i havent been. just give me a ballpark idea of what i should be wearing (shorts & a sweater or something less casual). as an aside, if you asked me out that means you pay. if i ask you out that means i pay. if we agree to share beforehand, no problem, but i'm not into fighting over the check. it reduces things to blech.

and just an FYI to the less financially fluid folks, a LOT of us are not impressed by money and flash. sure, they're nice on occasion but we're more interested in what you can conjure up out of $5. why? because it means you're interested in US and not in IMPRESSING us. besides, anyone can create a date by throwing money around. what you do when you're broke tells us a lot about you because we're ALL broke from time to time. (some of us more than others!

)

the best "date" i've ever been on (and yes, it was the best then and it's still the best now) was one that involved coffee made at my place and a shared pastry at a local bakery that was only a block from my apartment. it was the conversation, the sharing the paper, the long walk afterward and the amazing amount of laughter that made it perfect.

07-22-2012, 06:37 AM	#162
lusciouskiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme lesbian feminist Preferred Pronoun?: Anything except for "aunty" Relationship Status: Happy with my butch. Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Aotearoa New Zealand Posts: 2,681 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 25,494 Thanked 9,096 Times in 1,899 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	A date? What's that? I'm trying to think if I've ever been on a date. I had one in Wellington - I was staying with my parents in a city about two hours north. Drove down to meet a dyke whom I'd been chatting with on pinksofa. She knew what I looked like, everything. I thought I looked nice - I made an effort. I was wearing knee-high black boots, black pants and a nice black jersey (sweater). Can't remember what make up I was wearing. This dyke was clearly not interested in me the minute she saw me and funnily enough some friends turned up not long after. I didn't even get much conversation or even an explanation. Put me off big age differences permanently. I think, like most blossoms, it's not so much the place or the cost, it's the company and the attention. I'm not used to having the car door opened for me so that would probably tickle me pink. I wouldn't expect to go somewhere noisy and crowded unless we had our own little bubble - I don't want to have to yell and say "eh?" because I can't hear. I expect a two-sided conversation. I want to feel that you're interested in getting to know me. I appreciate humour and I appreciate insightful comments. I do like good food. But good food doesn't always have to be expensive. But I don't want McDs, KFC, etc. I'd like to go somewhere that either's special for both of us or, if things developed successfully, is a place that becomes a special part of our memories as a couple. I expect you to dress nicely, to dress in such a way that I'm going to enjoy looking at you. Even if the date is a picnic on the beach I still expect you to make an effort in how you dress. I expect you to smell nice, I'd prefer no cologne to something cheap and nasty. I love perfume and cologne and I'm a bit fussy with that. I don't want stale cigarette breath - I prefer non-smokers as a general rule anyways. And I'd be quite happy if there was a little something something that I get to feel a bit of when you kiss me good night. And if you're lucky, I might invite you over for breakfast the next morning ... __________________ happiness is a form of courage. George Holbrook Jackson Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth. Katherine Mansfield Motivate yourself or be miserable. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice. Wayne Dyer

07-26-2012, 02:23 PM	#165
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,026 Times in 4,786 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	I can't say that I've really been on many dates per say, but I have been on a few and I'm pretty confident in knowing what I like on dates (first or otherwise): ~ Manners are a good thing; please, thank you, opening doors for me and pulling out my chair (though the doors thing I like opening doors too) ~ Fun conversation, wherever we are whether its a coffee shop or restaurant I want things to flow as easily as they can ~ Getting to know one another; hopes and dreams, goals and aspirations, likes and dislikes ~ The willingness to really open our hearts and be ourselves __________________ "When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!"

08-03-2012, 10:51 AM	#175
gaea Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: west coast Posts: 3,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,630 Thanked 14,363 Times in 3,381 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	i like to be treated with respect always, i am respectful and in my honest opinion and belief it should be returned. show honor and integrity... I do not like mind games and Im simply not willing to play them. __________________ Gaea "Building a lifetime together one day at a time" Courage: the willingness to risk who you are for who you want to be and what you have for what you want You're not who your past says you are, you are who you choose to be today moving forward.

08-03-2012, 12:00 PM	#177
Leigh Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, etc Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Canada Posts: 7,767 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,029 Thanked 13,026 Times in 4,786 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Just treat me well, be respectful and show me your interested __________________ "When you fall off the wagon ... clutch the sides of it until you get a better grip!"

08-04-2012, 11:57 AM	#178
Tattoogurl Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: lTR, looking for flirty fun Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Olympia, WA Posts: 26 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 12 Thanked 67 Times in 18 Posts Rep Power: 1272609	Dating a gemini good morning first of all... LOl i was reading all the posts about how a woman wants to be treated on a date and they are so good... But.... I would have to say that if your gonna take me on a date you better have your ducks in a row! I make all the decisions in my real life so, if someone is gonna take me out they have to know where were going (plz dont ask me where i wanna eat) if you ask me that i would say "take me home".. to me it means you didn't plan all the way thru. Come to my door i dont care if you live in my house, RING THE BELL and greet me with a gentle kiss on the cheeck, this is a date not a hump session... Show me you have self control when i open the door smoking hawt and you wanna jump the bones remember im a gemini and we or at least I dont like pushy I like to know that you have control over your vital organs LOL.. Im the sorta girl i like the music on, I like to sing, so Im gonna sing all the way there or at least sometimes lol.. I want stimulating conversation, show me boi's that you have the abiity to think outside of the box.. We can talk religion, politics, death penality etc i dont care but entise me with your brains and thoughts no matter how crazy they sound. if we're sitting at the dinner table I alays wondered what the waiter would say if a song comes over head and we both like it, and get up and dance. be fun spontanious live on the edge. Life is already so frigid lets have fun!! I think I said everything then what i would want my date to consit of lol but I tried.. I guess as i sit here I want my date to be something when you drop me off I say WOW and I feel it everywhere..

06-22-2012, 12:12 AM	#161
SweetJane Member How Do You Identify?: stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: always solo Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: New Mexico Posts: 368 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 380 Thanked 815 Times in 198 Posts Rep Power: 4309956	I think we've all had horror stories. Mine is I was asked to lunch when I was in town. Called to see where to meet and was told to the person's house. I spent all afternoon watching this person wash and comb out her three dogs.... Never saw her again...... So how do I want to be treated on a date? I want the butch to show some interest. It doesn't have to be extravagant. Just show me that you want to know me. Be on time or call if you'll be delayed. Of course, open the door for me and make sure I'm safe inside your vehicle. Treat me as the lady I am in public but don't be shy about holding my hand or putting an arm around me. Just don't be all over me. (That's more about you than about your interest in me.) Talk to me. Ask me questions. Tell me about your life and your goals and dreams. Make me laugh with your quirky view of life or your curious observations, not stock jokes. Look at me. Let me see you. Be attentive to what I reveal about what I like to do that are things you enjoy or have wanted to do. Challenge me gently to try new things. Broaden my experience with your experience and I will do the same. I enjoy conversation. Get to know me. What we do on our dates will come from our mutual interests or our willingness to dip into those activities we've never tried--but would have with a trusted friend. Let trust build. Affection will spring from this.

07-23-2012, 07:22 PM	#163
alexri Member How Do You Identify?: - Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: - Posts: 549 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,209 Thanked 2,799 Times in 468 Posts Rep Power: 21474848	I have to say...I am horrified and disgusted by what some people have put you ladies through! I feel like apologizing on behalf of the entire butch community.

07-26-2012, 01:06 PM	#164
Ginger Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme lesbian Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: East coast Posts: 2,416 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,829 Thanked 12,310 Times in 2,057 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	My first date with my current partner was in a Thai restaurant in the West Village. The food was awful, but I couldn't eat anyway; I was so excited to meet her, to see if she were real, the person who wrote the quietly thoughtful emails, who noticed things in my words and tone that others would have missed—a barely expressed hesitancy, a joy I was too shy to say outright. I am usually the listener and seem to attract talkers, but she is also a listener, so it was good that we happened to pick a place that was quiet, where we drew each other out. We were on our respective lunch hours, and sat by the front windows. It was December, very cold out, but the sun was warm, beating down on our table. It was so quiet you could hear our chop sticks, when we rested them on our plates. Afterwards, we walked to the subway and I impulsively hugged her. That's all I ask for on a date, especially a first date: To be in a peaceful place, so we can focus on each other. I don't want the heightened pressure of formality of a first date, I want to be in a casual setting that has some aesthetic appeal: sunlight, or gentle colors. This is even more important to me than the food. Later, when we are feeling more of a bond, and our personalities have emerged more fully, I'm up for anything—a wild place, dancing, some kind of intense outdoor activity.

08-02-2012, 09:47 AM	#166
LipstickLola Member How Do You Identify?: Happy Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: planet Earth Posts: 682 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,679 Thanked 1,597 Times in 433 Posts Rep Power: 5678216	I recently met someone with whom I'd been getting to know through email and text. First meeting was breakfast, casual, right? but, I still "primped" and dressed nicely, smelled good, etc lol. She? Was ten minutes late, in gym clothes (I have no problem with gym clothes really) and declared to me that she was NEVER on time unless it was work related. A complete turnoff, we no longer communicate...... Expectation too high? Didn't feel it to me, but maybe I'm too harsh.... Lola

08-02-2012, 07:09 PM	#168
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,437 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	things that are nice to have in a first date: ...let me know if you don't have money and want to do something inexpensive. i know what that's like. i never go on a date with someone unless i have a little bit of money - it's really nice if they pay, but i always make sure i can pay for myself in case they don't pay. i'm also used to doing inexpensive things...which leads me to... ...i prefer first dates with low pressure. meeting for coffee/tea is my favorite kind of first date. ...don't pressure me for physical contact. if we hit it off and there's chemistry, i might be open to touching/kissing. but touching/kissing/demanding i sit closer, etc. without consent makes me feel really unsafe unless we've been friends for awhile first. ...don't look at me weirdly if i ask you if i can hug/kiss you. it means i want to be close to you. take it as a compliment - and i won't be offended if you're not comfortable or want to say no. ...also don't look at me weirdly if i ask about how you identify or your pronouns - it just means i want to know who you are and be respectful instead of assuming things and possibly being wrong. ...i don't think it's necessary for you to open doors, bring me flowers, etc...but it's always appreciated ...it's nice to be around people who are considerate of my access needs...like, don't invite me to a place that has a huge ass flight of stairs. if you do that more than once we probably won't date for very long. ...it's also nice to be around people who think my quirkiness is cute things i don't care about in a first date (or ever): ...how much money you have. ...what your car looks like. ...how expensive your clothes are - dressing nicely and having clean clothes is awesome (i'm a sucker for slacks or jeans and a button-down shirt). but i don't care if they came from goodwill, wal-mart, or a designer store. things i really don't want in a first date: ...being asked out to places that are out of my way, or asked to go to multiple places - i don't drive and i take the bus. so, meeting me somewhere that's centrally located where i can get to independently of you is really awesome. ...it takes awhile for me to be comfortable riding in the car or being tipsy/drunk alone with someone, so don't assume i'll be okay with meeting somewhere out of the way or going to a bar at night with you - because i probably won't on a first date. ...hearing about your entire history with your ex. ...an excess of (or any) cologne. i'd rather smell you (preferably within 24 hours of a shower), not your old spice and calvin klein. and i'm allergic. ...sex. been there, done that, you're not getting any until i know you better. meaning 3-5 dates or so at least.

08-03-2012, 04:46 AM	#170
KayCee Member How Do You Identify?: Multifaceted Queer Femme Preferred Pronoun?: It's a secret Relationship Status: And from my lips hye drew the hallelujah Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Somewhere over the rainbow clicking my heels Posts: 732 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,646 Thanked 1,725 Times in 521 Posts Rep Power: 8635874	Showing up in gym clothes on a first date and never on time? I would have left immediately...just sayin'

08-03-2012, 08:51 AM	#172
diamondrose Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: . Posts: 1,384 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2 Thanked 2,895 Times in 923 Posts Rep Power: 13536273	I like to feel focused on as I would focus on that person. One thing that really peeves me is someone who pays more mind to their phone than me while out to eat. Just saying

08-10-2012, 11:21 PM	#179
Vivacious1 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: femme Relationship Status: taken Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: Louisiana Posts: 220 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 195 Thanked 796 Times in 178 Posts Rep Power: 6042524	Respect me as a woman I identify as a strong femme woman. I find myself mostly attracted to old school butches. (Hard to find as they may be). On a first date you can tell a whole lot. Sometimes, everything you need to know. I want to know that chivalry is not dead. I look for it to come naturally. It matters to me. Whether we walk down the street to a coffee shop or go to a 5-star dinner, the thing that matters most is being treated like I am the most valuable thing that my butch has come across. I like the lead with hys hand on the small of my back, the assistance with my wrap or the opening of my car door and waiting for me to get in as hy shuts it. It has never stopped giving me chills. For myself, I want you to be yourself, be confident and whatever we do on that date, do it with passion, enthusiasm and treat me like I am the only woman on the planet. These are the things that make me swoon.

09-29-2012, 06:22 AM	#180
Nomad Timed Out How Do You Identify?: stone femme Daddy's girl Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: disinterested Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: in my head Posts: 991 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,848 Thanked 3,745 Times in 734 Posts Rep Power: 0	i agree with Tattoogurl. dont ask me where i want to go. have a plan so that i know you gave the date some thought. do your homework if you want to take me somewhere you know i like or somewhere i havent been. just give me a ballpark idea of what i should be wearing (shorts & a sweater or something less casual). as an aside, if you asked me out that means you pay. if i ask you out that means i pay. if we agree to share beforehand, no problem, but i'm not into fighting over the check. it reduces things to blech. and just an FYI to the less financially fluid folks, a LOT of us are not impressed by money and flash. sure, they're nice on occasion but we're more interested in what you can conjure up out of $5. why? because it means you're interested in US and not in IMPRESSING us. besides, anyone can create a date by throwing money around. what you do when you're broke tells us a lot about you because we're ALL broke from time to time. (some of us more than others! ) the best "date" i've ever been on (and yes, it was the best then and it's still the best now) was one that involved coffee made at my place and a shared pastry at a local bakery that was only a block from my apartment. it was the conversation, the sharing the paper, the long walk afterward and the amazing amount of laughter that made it perfect.