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Old 11-24-2014, 12:30 PM   #81
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Caregiving in any manner is hard. I'm not a caregiver for my family; I work through an agency, so I am contracted out to help families with their loved ones.

It can be so difficult some days, especially ones with dementia/Alzheimer's. The hours are long, you don't get paid overtime, and you don't get paid time off, no medical insurance etc. (not all agencies are like that, but most) so when you do this job, you do it for the reward of caring for someone, and not much more.

Ive never known my client in any manner other than when I met him, but I know that it wears down his wife. I think in some ways it's harder for family to be the caregiver, because you remember what they were like before, and the emotional pain that comes with seeing them deteriorate before your eyes. Not to mention the stress of moving your schedule around, and for some even having to quit their jobs.


it's not any easy task, but sometimes it's good to get a paid caregiver through an agency, just so that you can get some 'away time' to feel like you're not losing your mind.
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Old 11-24-2014, 12:53 PM   #82
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I give care to my disabled roommate. It is a lot to handle but the reward of helping her stay independent is awesome. I can't describe it. It takes a lot out of me lately, as the roommate I shared care with had a double bypass.

It just so happened that she came home with a dead chair and me on very little sleep. I kinda set her up at the tv and went back to crash. This person is not my family. She was just there for me in a really bad time in my life and when no one else wanted me around she talked to me. I don't feel as if I "owe" her anything. It just makes me feel good to be helpful.

The stress it brings is hard. Her problems are usually serious. Like falling on the ground serious. I've had to pick her up off the sidewalk because she tried to walk the dog without having her seat belt fastened. I should tell you....she has MS and is paralyzed and confined to a power chair.

It is sad to watch her deteriorate as progressive diseases will usually end up doing. My hat is off to all of you who do this as a profession. You are truly wonderful hearts.
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Old 11-26-2014, 12:36 PM   #83
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Today, like every day, I handed my client his pills- one by one- so that he could take them with water

him:"I sure wish I knew what all these pills were for"

me: "I have no idea. I think some are vitamins, for your heart and for you brain"

him:"well those brain pills sure aren't working"

could not stop laughing.
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Old 03-13-2015, 03:47 PM   #84
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Just thought I'd sign myself into this thread, it looks like I'm going to be involved in this world to some degree or other for a while.

I'm leaving in the morning for what will be my second trip to deal with the aftermath of my fathers stroke. It's a long commute, a seven hour drive each way, to go see what can best be done about a bad situation. It's early days and all pretty surreal at this point. My folks are in their eighties and I am the only child, they have no friends or community, and it seems my mother may be failing as well. I had to put my father into skilled nursing mid-feb and my mothers behavior in the facility has led the management to suggest I have her tested for dementia. I made her an appointment with her regular Dr for Monday and will take her to it as I don't think she'd find the place on her own.

I'm incredibly thankful that they have resources (financially) to deal with all of this, but there is much more to it than that. I have to find housing for my mother either way. She's okay for a week or two if I set up everything in advance and she only has to get back and forth to the facility my father is in.

She doesn't seem to do much on her own so I have spent the day batch cooking healthy food to take over and stock her freezer, loaded the car with empty boxes to put in the garage for her eventual packing, and made appointments to get things like taxes, income streams, and possible housing options lined up.

I'm in the deep end of the pool and don't really know what to do other than everything. My plan at this point is to try to establish some kind of routine, one week there, two at home (to deal with my own stuff) and see if it works. I know it will get interrupted and changed with circumstances but just need to pretend to myself that I've got some kind of handle on things. For this next week while I am there I will just focus on keeping moving and doing the best I can figure out how to do.

Thanks for listening.
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Old 03-14-2015, 07:56 AM   #85
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i have a mother who is disabled, and needs help going to drs appointments, a daughter who lives with me who is going thru a divorce and it is a very emotional process that put her in the hospital for a short time, i have a very demanding job that does not allow much time off (and the emergencies never happen on your time off anyway right?) my home and my car are in constant need of repair or maintenance....i am feeling overwhelmed....my niece is here for spring break and we are going to have some fun
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Old 03-14-2015, 11:45 AM   #86
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Although my mother lives hundreds of miles from me, we are each other's life line. A few years ago, she slipped in icy concrete at work, which set off a firestorm of health events, which brought out undiscovered physical conditions, which morphed into cancer trajectories. Simultaneously, I went into spider monkey mode in matters of support for my mother.

She is flying in next week for a medical consult, which we hope puts an end to the relentless paperwork generated by the original event at work which turned her life upside down. I am taking that day off to escort her to her crucial medical appointment and to provide what support I can give.

She has outlived several near death experiences associated with the original event. Her mind is sharp. Her ability to out wit problematic conditions inspires me and teaches me critical skills in how to solve problems and problem solve outcomes which have intended or unintended consequences.

I will savor our time together next week.

Sending lots of healing energy today,
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Old 03-21-2015, 11:11 PM   #87
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I'm back from my week+ in the land of weird. Surreal doesn't even to begin to describe some of what is going on, I'll have to come back over the next couple of days and vent a bit, I'm glad this thread is here, I'm gonna be a new regular.

Everyday seems to be a new test of how many hats can I wear at once. A sample day: waking up to discover my mother has decided the house should be 90 degrees : setting up the special hearing impaired phone that I ordered and had drop shipped only to discover she doesn't plan on using phones anymore :- touring two more nursing homes to make sure my father is in the best : finding more clothes for him and learning how to use the heat press in laundry for labeling : having my ass pleasantly kissed by a "wealth management" firm that is doing literally nothing for us (at $55k per year in fees just to be on 'standby') and assessing whether or not I'm up for this challenge myself : straight back over to the nursing home to work with PT on customizing a wheelchair : whisking mother to her Dr appointment where she forgot where she was or why only to have the Dr say she's fine to live by herself based on a questionnaire of course as we left she wanted to know who the nice man was : off to the accountant to sign papers that aren't ready : discovering the park brake on her car decided to seize in the parking lot >> REAALLY?? : get that towed and another car : to head back to the nursing home to learn about swallowing issues in stroke patients from the speech therapist : back to mothers house to put together a tv because hers has been broken for a month only to have her tell me she won't watch it even though she just asked me to "fix" (replace) it that morning. .................etc............etc........ ... Of course then she only sleeps about 4 hours a night because throughout the day she 'nods-off' every half hour and gets her sleep then, and when mother's awake...yep, the 90 degree thing.

I'm pretty sure there was more and that was only one day. After a week of those days I'm pretty much ready for the booby-hatch (her term) myself.

And of course at the end of all this the return 7 hour drive at the end where I come home to find the yard guy bailed again and I have no food.

Me tired...



Oh yeah, hates me for being gone.
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Old 03-22-2015, 12:03 PM   #88
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I hear ya Kelt. Sorry things aren't going so smoothly trying to take care of your parents. If your mom is having issues with dementia a bit, have you thought about putting both your parents at the same facility? Often times they will allow married couples to move into a room together. Honestly, with your mom's issue with memory, I'd be afraid to leave her alone in the house, let alone drive a car to the store, something could happen to her, as I'm sure you are aware. I know it's difficult caring for parents, I care for my mom. She gets around really good on her own, but there are a lot of things she just can't do anymore and things I must do to help her. I handle everything from paperwork, to making her appts with doctors and taking her there, to making sure the house is repaired, the car is repaired, etc. Things I cannot do, I get someone else to fix them and have to contact my younger sister for financial help to get them repaired. My younger sister lives out of state in TN and wants my mom to move there with her so she's better cared for, but mom won't move there cause she don't like the hills and don't like the snow they get and blah blah blah whatever else excuse she can come up with. It's actually been a few yrs now that I've moved back here to help my mom. And it's cost me friendships and a love life as well because there aren't any gays here in redneckville small town in Tx. The few friends I do have all live in Austin or that area, so I don't see them hardly at all. I get lonely and bored here as I am disabled myself. I often wish my mom would move to TN to be with or nearer my younger sister so that I can have a life of my own and find a gf. I haven't had a partner in yrs now, long time. I'm ready for someone to be in my life though. I miss that part of my life. AS much as I love my mom, I want MY life back and let my younger sister who is married take care of mom and see how hard it is on me for while. She gets all snippity with me and acts like it's supposed to be easy to do but it isn't when mom yells and screams at me and acts like a child at times over stupid stuff and over her life being so hard. I have ptsd, anxiety, and severe depression and she affects me in a bad way when she acts like that. Drives me nuts. I've had to go back to therapy just to learn how to not let it get to me and cause me more issues with my own stuff. It's helped but I still get upset when it happens and takes me days to overcome the rattling it causes me.
I just wanted you to know, I understand what you're going through with the parents. Keep posting, someone is reading, I know I read often here and don't reply, but felt like I should with what you're dealing with. Keep on keeping on Kelt. Hang in there.
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Old 03-22-2015, 12:18 PM   #89
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I have had a hand in caring for my parents and their issues the past few years. They are in their 70's and though they are still mobile and mostly can do for themselves they do depend on me to help them as needed.

Daddy has in the past 5 years had heart surgery, eyelid surgery, hernia surgery, and most recently cancer treatments. Mom does good at getting him to his appts but she wants me to go with them when he has to have things done at the VA in Charleston.

Moma has had surgery on her wrist and hand from a fall 10 years ago that she didn't have taken care of then. She is right handed and this has been a real challenge for her to learn to use her left. It's been quite a challenge to keep her happy and fed, as Daddy does nothing for her. It's hard juggling, work never knowing how many hours I will work or what time I will get off and their supper schedule between 5-6 and the other things she needs help with.

Thankfully my roomie has helped with getting them supper and helping Mom write out her bills and things like that. I know as the years move on they will require a lot more of my time. I know I am very fortunate that they can still do many things for themselves but I see those things dwindling a little at the time each year.

KUDO's to those of you taking care of parents and siblings it takes a lot out of you and from you, but I always think you are better for it in the end.
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Old 03-22-2015, 01:11 PM   #90
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My heart goes out to you.

After reading your post this morning on the way the 'Wealth Management' agents were fly-fishing your current situation, I couldn't help but think that your parents are so fortunate to have you handling and overseeing their care and managing their collective financial resources.

What you're going through is somewhat the proverbial mountain I will find myself scaling. My mother and I think quite a bit alike on most matters in life and unlike your situation, where I am presuming you are the sole child of your parents life, I am 2nd eldest in my parents' brood of children, with siblings that would not watch out for my mother's health and welfare. I'm the proverbial loaded shot-gun, my mother keeps by the 'door.' And my brothers and sister know this, as well as other certain people (doctors, wealth mgmt, etc) have come to realize, during the tiring process of staring down and eliminating threats or potential threats, that can and sometimes do, affect my mother's slice of life.

I hope you are able to cultivate and set aside time just to think, rest, and find solace out in nature, so that your mind and soul get the necessary reprieve to make the best decisions possible, each and every day, during this extremely challenging time.

Happy Sunday, Kelt.

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Old 03-22-2015, 03:28 PM   #91
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Originally Posted by Kelt View Post
I'm back from my week+ in the land of weird. Surreal doesn't even to begin to describe some of what is going on, I'll have to come back over the next couple of days and vent a bit, I'm glad this thread is here, I'm gonna be a new regular.

Everyday seems to be a new test of how many hats can I wear at once. A sample day: waking up to discover my mother has decided the house should be 90 degrees : setting up the special hearing impaired phone that I ordered and had drop shipped only to discover she doesn't plan on using phones anymore :- touring two more nursing homes to make sure my father is in the best : finding more clothes for him and learning how to use the heat press in laundry for labeling : having my ass pleasantly kissed by a "wealth management" firm that is doing literally nothing for us (at $55k per year in fees just to be on 'standby') and assessing whether or not I'm up for this challenge myself : straight back over to the nursing home to work with PT on customizing a wheelchair : whisking mother to her Dr appointment where she forgot where she was or why only to have the Dr say she's fine to live by herself based on a questionnaire of course as we left she wanted to know who the nice man was : off to the accountant to sign papers that aren't ready : discovering the park brake on her car decided to seize in the parking lot >> REAALLY?? : get that towed and another car : to head back to the nursing home to learn about swallowing issues in stroke patients from the speech therapist : back to mothers house to put together a tv because hers has been broken for a month only to have her tell me she won't watch it even though she just asked me to "fix" (replace) it that morning. .................etc............etc........ ... Of course then she only sleeps about 4 hours a night because throughout the day she 'nods-off' every half hour and gets her sleep then, and when mother's awake...yep, the 90 degree thing.

I'm pretty sure there was more and that was only one day. After a week of those days I'm pretty much ready for the booby-hatch (her term) myself.

And of course at the end of all this the return 7 hour drive at the end where I come home to find the yard guy bailed again and I have no food.

Me tired...



Oh yeah, hates me for being gone.

Wow Kelt. I feel for you. There is a LOT on your plate!!!! I'm guessing you are alone in this and that is not good. If you have no siblings, or at least none that will help, you are not alone. My brother passed a few years ago and this left me alone to care for my mom. I have since moved in with her because it made it way easier to care for her than from afar. But, i get that most people don't have that option. We, thankfully, lived less than a mile from each other so it was an easy option for me.

I wonder if you have (and please forgive me if this is redundant or too invasive) reached out to others...as in ...does their insurance company have Case Managers, Social Workers...do they qualify for Home Health and so on. There is a huge amount of help out there, problem is most people don't know where to look for it. Another problem is people may think they don't qualify for it, but almost all qualify for some.

I am a Registered Nurse and Case Manager and work with the elderly on a daily basis. Please reach out to someone, and feel free to reach out to me if you want to, you gotta get some help.

And again, you may have already done this but you should not be facing this along. No one should. Please know i am posting this with empathy and compassion.

In the mean time, i'll remember you in my prayers and send you white light and positive energy. We all have these "things" to deal with. The secret in walking the easiest and BEST path, is knowing our options....



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Old 03-22-2015, 05:20 PM   #92
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***Trigger Warning - Topics of emotional abuse, violence, and healing are below***

I was my mom's wild child. I am her youngest and the only one she raised until a teenager (this part is an super long story). I came back home when I was 28 and my son was four years old. I had no intention of sticking around that long. Well, 12 years later, here I sit. I have been to sole caretaker of my mother for the last four years. I have a brother (12 years older) and a sister (seven years older). Neither of which could take the time to come over and hang out with my mom, so I could take care of me. Neither of them seemed to care about what was happening with my mom. I would contact my brother, who only lives three miles from us, every time we ended up in the hospital. The response I often encountered was that it was my fault because I wasn't taking good enough care of her. He would yell at me and tear me apart. I endured this because he was her son, and I didn't want him to leave her, too. My sister left us ten years ago because of me, or so my mom says.

It seems that a lot of it is my fault, but I have done everything I could do that she would allow me to do. I tried to get her in home physical therapy, which she would kick out the physical therapist and never do any of the exercises. I tried to get a nurse to come over and be with her, so I could go just have a minute to breath. She would kick the nurse out, too, and I often found myself walking the people downstairs and apologizing profusely. She would yell at me that I don't need any time for me because she didn't take the time when she was raising me. I can only understand the frustration and fear my mom felt in marginal ways, but I tried to connect with her. I tried to make things better for her.

She has been in and out of nursing homes and the hospital, but this last jaunt into the hospital and the nursing home broke me. She has a history of leaving without doctor's consent, so when she called me two weeks ago to come and get her, I told her no. It broke my heart, and I sit here and cry now because of what has resulted from that one two lettered word. It was then that everything of the last fours years, honestly my whole life, came tumbling down out of my head and heart into my mouth. It was in those few minutes that everything I could never voice because I couldn't ever admit to myself was true. She threatened me through intimidation, "You better come get me." I still said no. She threatened me through guilt, "If you don't come get me, I'll call your brother!" I told her to go ahead and do that. Then she started to cry, "You don't love me." I said that I did and that is why I am saying no because I cannot take care of her the way she needs and that was me showing her that I loved her. She got angry again and told me that she was moving out. I said that is fine and that all of her things will be packed before she could get here. She hung up on me. I think I started to grieve then. I think in those quick moments I realized I just lost my mom because I figured it all out. I was the adult child of an emotional abuser, and I made the conscious choice to no longer be that child. I lost my will and desire to take care of her. I lost the guilt and shame of not being enough.

She called back later and tried to negotiate. She suggested that I move my son out of his room, so she could be in there. Before, she was in the living room. I laughed. I asked her who on earth asks their child to put them above his or her own child? She again got angry and hung up. It got to the point that I didn't want to answer my phone when she was calling. I felt like a horrible daughter and human being.

Two Fridays ago, I packed all of her things and she came with my brother and his wife to get them. It did not go well. My brother got violent with me and my son stepped in to defend me. My mom told me it was my fault that he put his hand on me.

It has been over a week since she has been gone. I have thoroughly cleaned the house, blessed it, but I still cry. I have missed worked and I keep looking for someone to tell me that I have been wrong in all of this because that is what my old tapes tell me I should be hearing. I wish I missed her. I feel bad for not feeling bad enough. I feel like a dick because I know that my life will better without all of the drama and heartache.
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Old 03-22-2015, 11:44 PM   #93
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It's really good to have this thread here. Princessbelle, you are right I am doing everything myself, I don't have any family to help as an only child. Part of the weirdness is that my parents don't seem like family to me either. They pushed me away long ago as unacceptable. They are old people I know who have no one else. The phone call I got from my mother about this stroke was the first time she's called me in twenty-six years. I have seen them every few years and spoken briefly on the phone with them (my instigation) every few months, I don't really know why. My father has always been psychologically abusive to both my mother and me. I got out, and have always felt protective of her even though she chose to not interact with me lest it upset him.

It's a long complicated story that is probably just like a hundred others, so the details don't matter that much. I do need to hire others but right now in this initial period of what I have learned is the "Medicare 100" first days, it feels like I don't have time to find the right people to hire. I know it will work out in the long run, but it's crunch time. I think what I am doing would be classed as geriatric manager of some sort. My father also has cancer (he was taken off his coumadin (warfarin) for surgery and that's what stroked him out) so I am trying to set up a transition to Medicare hospice + gap insurance to cover medical expenses when the 100 days are over. Room and board will be self pay at around $9k per month.

I am taking time for myself, that's part of my one on; two off schedule. I'll burn out quick if I don't. I am taking food with me so that I will eat healthy and so will my mother by example and the fact she doesn't want to cook. I do the best I can to get sleep and have no plans to move anywhere. The weeks that I am home I am planning and working on this but at least I can concentrate and take breaks in the flow. I will make sure they are both safe and comfortable and that their assets are protected.

I came to realize a few years ago that with my father there would never be a reconciliation, nor a cathartic clash of titans, as it had been in my head for so long. It was deflating and also hurt but I got over it. I am now coming to realize that there will never be a hallmark relationship with my mother in the aftermath of his death. That is kind of sinking in now along with the fact that she simply doesn't care. It's too late, the woman I thought I knew so many years ago isn't really in there anymore.

I've offered my mother everything from occasional part time to full time live in help and she says it would be too invasive. Yet she seems amenable to looking at assisted living or an "independent-retirement" apartment with supplemental help. Go figure. I know she is in a strange place emotionally where she can't quite grieve her husband of 60 years because technically he isn't dead. I've suggested support groups for either caregivers or widows (to be?). She has been cut off and isolated for a long time, and hearing loss isn't helping. She is timid and well trained to not think of herself. I know she can't live alone and the reason I took her to a Dr for dementia evaluation was so that I could figure out if I should get her something in regular assisted living or if I should get her into something that could provide memory care. They seem to be divided and I don't want to set her up to be in a place where she might make friends only to have it taken away because that place may not "do" memory problems. I also understand that there are medications that can help if it's caught early.

For now I only leave her for two weeks and make sure she has a full tank of gas, food, and a bunch of cash if she needs anything. There isn't much else I can do other than work as fast as I can to get her in a better situation and my next trip over I am setting appointments for just that.

Oy vey. Ramble, ramble. I guess that's what this thread is for.

If anyone actually made it through this, congratulations! You have a longer attention span than I do, I've written this down over three sessions, lol. Here's your prize.

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Old 03-23-2015, 09:10 AM   #94
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Kelt, I would suggest that you talk to those at the Assisted Living Place to see if your mother can actually function there with medications and if she cannot, will she have to move to a different facility? I live in an all adult retirement and disabled community for seniors, as I am young but disabled I am allowed to live here and it helps me afford a place to live. I had some problems with an elderly person and her dementia while living here and it became a nightmare for me to deal with. They ended up forcing the family to do something about it and moved her out because it started to cause problems with my own peace and tranquility the more the woman's disease progressed. I know it affects people differently, but I would suggest you speak to the Assisted Living Place before just placing her there. They may not be equipped to handle someone in her condition should her condition deteriorate more. I know there is medication she can take that may help, but is she willing to take it EVERYDAY? is the issue as well. The woman where I live wouldn't and she became aggressive and agitated more and more everyday, driving me nuts til they made her move out to a nursing home equipped to deal with her. It's not only your mom that you need to consider about where she lives, but others that may have to deal with her daily as well. Just something for you to think about.
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Old 03-23-2015, 09:53 AM   #95
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For most of my adult life i took care of my folks financial and government paperwork, because one day they just looked at me and said " we don't get this anymore".

My mom fell one Christmas eve and broke her hip in the CVS parking lot, which required surgery and extensive rehab which required more decisions and every day visits and feeding my step-father. Then, my step-father became ill with kidney disease and heart disease...i took him to alll of his appointments including the appointments to put in his shunt for dialysis...then he had a massive heart attack, and my mom was forced to terminate life support.

My mom also had kidney disease which she told no one about, because if you don't think about it, it will all go away...until she wound up in the hospital with an emergncy shunt in her neck, and dialysis three times a week.

All of this occured as i began to become ill, and wound up with a triple by-pass! We began converting my mom's garage into a suite (she had a two bedroom house and we have a daughter) for my wife and i, and we moved in to care for my mom, who had quickly begun to go downhill...during all of this, my loving wife took care of both of us, got us moved, and began to work from
home.

My sister, ah my sister.

I think during the last 2 years of my Mom's life, my sister watched Mom for ONE DAY, and took her to dialysis ONE TIME when i had the flu. When she was in the hospital, full of fluid in her lungs and barely breathing (every couple of weeks) she took reports over the phone, and visited kind of hit and miss. Having a sibling certainly does not guarantee that you get support...something that was hard for me to take.

I worked full-time during all of this...my wife changed her schedule to work from home to make sure my Mom was safe and cared for...you know who suffered through all of this? My daughter! I had no time for my daughter, and for several years she was the one who got short changed the most.

I would gadly do it all again if it meant i had my mother back...but i have to say that was the most stress i have ever endured.

Do the best you can to take it one day at a time...and to just stop and breathe once in awhile.
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Old 03-23-2015, 10:45 AM   #96
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Alzheimer medication helps my mom. If we had the funds I would have put her in a memory care home early. The best ones have so many stimulating activities and start at the low end of care to the end of the disease. There are many of them now. Starting early could make a difference.
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Old 03-23-2015, 03:07 PM   #97
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Here are a few places that may be a help for those of us taking care of our parents and need a place to start.

As i said earlier, sometimes it's just knowing who to reach out to...

First, Office of aging.
I didn't put up a link because you need to look in your city/county. So, type that in first then the words office of aging. They have tons of resources available and most are free. They even have catalogs of free or nearly free help in your local area, from low cost dentist to sitters to help for hearing impaired. This is the "go to" place for financial assistance as well. Including meals on wheels (for meals delivered to the home daily), food stamps, etc.

Check into their insurance. If they have a supplemental insurance plan such as Humana or Blue Cross or Mutual of Omaha or any of those, give them a call and tell them the situation. Ask them for help. Sometimes they have case workers, social workers, doctors, nurses that can come to the rescue and even come to the house, monthly, weekly to assist with the care.

SSI directly in your town...call and set up a meeting. Take all of their earned income for the previous year and see what they qualify for. Sometimes, you may be surprised...pleasantly.

If your loved one is home bound, they could qualify for home care...talk to their doctor. Do they need help with medication compliance, therapy, ect. And if so, you can usually get assistance with bathing. Again, they must be home bound and this is usually short term.

Need help with cost of medication for your parents? Check out this site...

http://www.needymeds.org/index.htm

Type in the name of a medication and it will bring up a list of places to apply for low cost and often free medications. You will have to show proof of income, etc. But, it's worth it.

I'll post more later. There is help out there. Hang in there everyone..we are all in this together.
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Old 03-23-2015, 03:28 PM   #98
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Quote:
Originally Posted by princessbelle View Post
Here are a few places that may be a help for those of us taking care of our parents and need a place to start.

As i said earlier, sometimes it's just knowing who to reach out to...

First, Office of aging.
I didn't put up a link because you need to look in your city/county. So, type that in first then the words office of aging. They have tons of resources available and most are free. They even have catalogs of free or nearly free help in your local area, from low cost dentist to sitters to help for hearing impaired. This is the "go to" place for financial assistance as well. Including meals on wheels (for meals delivered to the home daily), food stamps, etc.

Check into their insurance. If they have a supplemental insurance plan such as Humana or Blue Cross or Mutual of Omaha or any of those, give them a call and tell them the situation. Ask them for help. Sometimes they have case workers, social workers, doctors, nurses that can come to the rescue and even come to the house, monthly, weekly to assist with the care.

SSI directly in your town...call and set up a meeting. Take all of their earned income for the previous year and see what they qualify for. Sometimes, you may be surprised...pleasantly.

If your loved one is home bound, they could qualify for home care...talk to their doctor. Do they need help with medication compliance, therapy, ect. And if so, you can usually get assistance with bathing. Again, they must be home bound and this is usually short term.

Need help with cost of medication for your parents? Check out this site...

http://www.needymeds.org/index.htm

Type in the name of a medication and it will bring up a list of places to apply for low cost and often free medications. You will have to show proof of income, etc. But, it's worth it.

I'll post more later. There is help out there. Hang in there everyone..we are all in this together.
This is a great list, thank you so much for posting it. I have used a few so far, and some of this will be size of town related (as I am finding) the aging catalog is quite good, though their local state office comes up a bit short. They live in a town of 75k so there is a lot less available than a city of a million.

I have spoken to both her Dr (little to no help) and also the social worker at the nursing home who has given me some contacts. Some of those have panned out and some haven't, I'm going to contact the social worker at the cancer treatment center my father was going to also. I do get a bit tangled up because, of course, nobody is available right now and I end up leaving messages all over town and am always doing something else when they call back. That just is what it is.

One thing I am specifically looking for right away is some sort of geriatric general MD for my mother. Sort of like a pediatrician only the other way 'round. It seems that it isn't really a popular specialty. At the nursing home there is a practice of four Drs that covers it and the other facilities and the social worker told me I could use them for my mother also. When I called them though it turns out they only see patients who are in a nursing facility and the umbrella group they are in only covers family practice and pediatricians.

I want to find a Dr for my mother who will take early stage dementia as a serious possibility (unlike her current Dr) and run some specific tests. It was other medical professionals who noticed her symptoms and told me about this. I have talked to her about it and she agrees that she wants to pursue it so that if there is a problem she can get medication, and if there isn't she will buckle down on making better lifestyle choices around food, sleep, etc, or we can put her somewhere that those things are monitored for her.

If anyone knows of a specific terminology I can search, or ideas of where I can find a geriatric MD, I'd be most appreciative.
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Old 03-23-2015, 04:03 PM   #99
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google "gerontologist" Kelt!
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Old 03-23-2015, 04:10 PM   #100
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kelt View Post
This is a great list, thank you so much for posting it. I have used a few so far, and some of this will be size of town related (as I am finding) the aging catalog is quite good, though their local state office comes up a bit short. They live in a town of 75k so there is a lot less available than a city of a million.

I have spoken to both her Dr (little to no help) and also the social worker at the nursing home who has given me some contacts. Some of those have panned out and some haven't, I'm going to contact the social worker at the cancer treatment center my father was going to also. I do get a bit tangled up because, of course, nobody is available right now and I end up leaving messages all over town and am always doing something else when they call back. That just is what it is.

One thing I am specifically looking for right away is some sort of geriatric general MD for my mother. Sort of like a pediatrician only the other way 'round. It seems that it isn't really a popular specialty. At the nursing home there is a practice of four Drs that covers it and the other facilities and the social worker told me I could use them for my mother also. When I called them though it turns out they only see patients who are in a nursing facility and the umbrella group they are in only covers family practice and pediatricians.

I want to find a Dr for my mother who will take early stage dementia as a serious possibility (unlike her current Dr) and run some specific tests. It was other medical professionals who noticed her symptoms and told me about this. I have talked to her about it and she agrees that she wants to pursue it so that if there is a problem she can get medication, and if there isn't she will buckle down on making better lifestyle choices around food, sleep, etc, or we can put her somewhere that those things are monitored for her.

If anyone knows of a specific terminology I can search, or ideas of where I can find a geriatric MD, I'd be most appreciative.

You are exactly right on the terminology of "Geriatric MD". However, know they are few and far between, especially in small towns. A lot of them are not in general practice and instead see our geriatric population only in the nursing homes, assisted living facilities, etc. But, they are out there.

I would suggest...call her insurance company (still unclear if she has supplemental insurance) tell them you want a Geriatric MD and her zip code. They should tell you who is available and who is accepting new patients.

If that doesn't pan out, my next suggestion would be to seek an internal medicine physician. These docs generally know their stuff and are also used to working with dementia type diagnosis. Also, it may be prudent to get her a psych eval. Not sure if she would be agreeable, but if she is i believe it would be a possibly good option. They work with dementia as well and i would be willing to bet (reading your description of the circumstances) that she may be dealing with some depression.

If she does not have supplemental insurance then call her Primary Care Doc and tell them you want a referral for the above. You shouldn't have to do all this leg work yourself. The squeaky wheel gets oiled ya know? Make a ton of phone calls..someone out there will listen...i just know it!!

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