Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[apretty]

like you found me on grindr (within 15 feet).

[Tangle]

I want to be made to feel very comfortable and appreciated... I love seeing my date's eyes sparkle with amusement or intrigue when I'm goofy or witty or audacious or sexy.

I really want to know that my date is interested in me, and also that s/he is confident in what s/he brings to the table. Delicious conversation is a must. When I ask you what you're thinking, tell me - even if it is silly. Ask me what I'm thinking, or my thoughts about a certain subject, or my response to an experience we've shared. I want you to want to get to know *me,* because I wouldn't have accepted your offer if I weren't interested in the real you.

I want to have my femininity cherished but not treated as fragile. I love chivalry, but only when it is a natural expression of your desire to take care of me and treat me respectfully. Oh, and I want the chivalry to come from an assured, masculine adult - not a sweaty-palmed teenager. Nervous can be cute for a while, but a lack of confidence is not.

I want a simple activity with talking - picnics, cooking together, the aquarium, a movie at home, dancing after a meal (or a dance lesson!), listening to favorite CD's in the car with the seats leaning back... they all allow us both to be comfortable and really talk, touch each other and be affectionate, flirt and be playful, and there's an attached activity to prevent awkwardness if the conversation is occasionally a little slow or i need to blush. lol.

There's so much that goes into an amazing date, but the funny part of it is that it requires simply opening yourself up, paying attention, offering something in return, being appreciative, and allowing yourself to have a lot of fun. ...and good, good kissing. *giggle*

[msW8ing]

It really was never specified if it was a first date, or with someone familiar. So assuming it is a first date and were meeting for a first encounter, then...for me personally..I prefer to meet for coffee nothing to fancy to see if there is indeed chemistry without any expectations, no pressure, no promises. If there is no romantic chemistry then at the least I've made a new friend. My bestest friend of my life was a "first date" with no romantic connection. One never knows just where the forks in the road will lead us.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by MsW8ing

So assuming it is a first date and were meeting for a first encounter, then...for me personally..I prefer to meet for coffee nothing to fancy to see if there is indeed chemistry without any expectations, no pressure, no promises.

yes. If I haven't met them before at an event or a party or a night out, and it's been off a forum, for the last few year before I met the wife I had "pre-dates" where I'd just ask someone out for a beer/coffee as a friend to see what kind of chemistry there was and how the conversation flowed and how natural we were with each other (I give an hour at the beginning to get over nerves - if they are so nervous it takes three dates to get over nerves, then were really aren't for each other).

I made a great friend though one of them! She still flirted with me a bit through out the friendship but in a very charming way which felt nice.

[VintageFemme]

like you were dating kate middleton

[ruffryder]

I recently went on a date with a great sweet beautiful gal. The best part of it was just talking, getting to know each other, and being silly. We had dinner, talked, smiled, lots of flirts and laughs. We went to a park, got on big swings and stared at the stars. I pushed her on the swing, she giggled wanted higher and loved it. lol It was so much fun. It had been awhile since I was on a date. I enjoyed it and her company a lot. (:

[The cute widdle wesbian]

I tend not to absolutely pamper a girl on the first date because I don't have all the green in the world to throw around on someone who I'm not 100% positive I'll be with for more than a week. That doesn't mean I'm picking her up in a muddy white pickup truck in dirty clothes with no smellgood stuff on and taking her down to Micky D's. Just means I don't plan on fine dining. I like to start out a relationship with a good first impression of me myself and I, not me myself and I's money. I've come across a few femmes who insist on being spoiled within the first week of dating, and when I don't I'm called "cheap" or "a jerk".

That being said though, I know first hand that not all femmes are like that, and maybe a few butches are like that. But the ones I go for are a little more down to earth. Despite who I'm dating though, I'm always the same. First date: A nice, clean pair of jeans and a ironed shirt, maybe I'll lose the hat, clean white teeth and brushed out good smelling hair. Tennies or nice boots and maybe a little blingbling, but nothing flashy whatsoever; I don't even own anything that flashy. lol

We'll do something fun but simple and maybe old fashion like a dinner and movie or something similar, I like KISS: keep it simple stupid. If she don't like it, I'll drop her. Whatever. My wify loves my simpleton personality lol, she's pretty down to earth and laid back too and that's always been the girl I go for. I don't like girls who act like brats, either act your age or get out of my car.

[tantalizingfemme]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

To all the non-femme-identified persons who have posted here about their wants and needs on a date: I am, as the OP, asking that you all let this thread be just for the femmes. Another thread or 2 can be started for butches and trans guys and others to say what they like on a date. I put this in the femme zone because I wanted the femmes to have the exclusive voice here.

Again, all you beautiful, amazing femmes, a big THANK YOU to you all! Please feel free to keep sharing. I am learning a lot!!

Is the floor open to everyone now?

Thanks

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by tantalizingfemme

Is the floor open to everyone now?

Thanks

Thanks sister femme-I was wondering about that myself!

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by tantalizingfemme

Is the floor open to everyone now?

Thanks

Nope. Please folks, this is for femmes only. Thx.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

I like to keep it simple and intimate...I want to be able to hold a conversation, laugh, and be silly. Perhaps making a gesture that shows you listen to what I tell you and actually remember. For example, I dont like roses..T will bring/send edible arrangements or a beautiful assortment of flowers. Make me feel like I am the only woman in the room....It is definately not about the money you spend. I am happy watching a beautiful sunset in good company. Be thoughtful and be yourself (that usually sets my nerves at ease)....Be spontaneous I love moments of randomness...jut go with it! Not everything needs a plan!

T does a great job with all of this The best part is that it is effortless. Sometimes people just fit like perfect puzzle pieces

[EmpressM]

If it is a first date or within the first few dates, I really enjoy it when the date reflects the personality of the person that requested my company. It gives me an idea of what you are really like. I don't need to be impressed. I'd rather get to know the real you, not see the show. Personally, I will not accept a blind date. Call and chat with me on the phone and discover some of my likes and interests. Plan a date we will both enjoy and most importantly although cliché, be yourself!

One of my biggest turn offs is when a potential suitor assumes that I fit a mold of likes/dislikes because of the way I look, dress, the car I drive, my job, etc. Some of the worst dates I've been on have been planned around my date's assumptions of me. What they didn't know is everything they assumed about me is A. Dead Wrong and B. Because I've worked for it. I may an old school stomefemme and spend 98% of my life in skirts, heels, and lipstick, but I grew up in the Texas dirt. I still love camping, (yes in a tent) fishing, and I can tack and ride a horse. I also have a range of geeky interests including video games, Doctor Who, and all things Star Trek.

The best date I've ever been on, I walked out to my car after work and under my windshield wiper was a small bouquet of daisies and a note with a clue. The note read "For a sweet treat to beat the heat, meet me on 7th street! ~J" Well, J had taken the time to know that I adore little gestures, surprises, and ice cream, not to mention my crazy schedule. The clue was a dead giveaway of where I was supposed to meet hym based on a conversation about our mutual love of ice cream a few days earlier.

Needless to say, I met J for a treat that evening. Hy dressed casually in shorts and a ball cap, hy was clean, smelled nice, and was chivalrous. We got ice cream cones and took a walk arm in arm looking in the shop windows, chatting and laughing the whole time. We ended up at a fountain in front of the courthouse and made penny wishes. It was all very sweet and lovely, but the things I remember most is how special hy made me feel with hys attentiveness, how much hy made me laugh, and how natural it felt to be with hym. No flash, ALL substance, and very romantic! It was the beginning of many more dates to come.

Perhaps for me, actions really do speak louder than anything else.

[pinkajl]

For me, how you ask me on a date is directly related to whether or not we will have a first date. Do not give me your phone number and ask *me* to call *you*. It won't happen. Do not ask, "Don't you think it would be nice to go out one night?" The answer will be, "No".

If you want to date me and I haven't necessarily encouraged your attention, then it is your job to show me why I should make time for you - because I don't date everyone who asks. I am attracted to butches, in part, for the level of self-confidence they possess to be true to who they are in the face of the world. Please, let's begin this dance with a show of self-confidence in the way that you approach me.

If we haven't talked much in the past, inquire a bit to find out a few things about my likes and preferences and then plan something nice. Simple is fine. Fancy is fine. What matters most is that you demonstrate that you've listened to me and have put some thought into what you believe is a nice outing. If you can't come up with one idea for what we can do together, then we won't be going out on a date.

Neat and clean is essential. When you come to pick me up, I will not come to you if you honk the horn. As a matter of fact, I will not even open the door to let you know I've heard. You are welcome to bring me flowers, but roses are not an appropriate first date gift, in my opinion. For that matter, no "gift" is really appropriate on a first date, beyond flowers or a bottle of wine. I cannot be bought.

I expect help with my jacket, my doors to be opened, and my chair to be pulled out. When I used to smoke, I expected my cigarettes to be lit - and, no, I will not lean into you. If we go out to supper, I will let you know what I would like to order and allow you to handle the conversation with the wait staff. And, since you asked me out on this first date, I do expect you to pay for the evening. Should we have another date and I ask you, then I will pay for that outing.

Conversation is extremely important. Yes, I do want to hear about you, your life, and what you do for work - but all in moderation, please. If I find something particularly intriguing, trust me, I will ask you lots of questions. At the same time, I appreciate your interest in me. Chances are, I don't know what exactly interests you, so help me out with some questions. But, as we talk on our first date, I truly have no interest in hearing about your last date or your ex. Although, those are okay topics on subsequent dates.

If you must keep your cell phone on buzz-mode because of work or kids, I understand and respect your need to see if you must excuse yourself for a short call. However, if you haven't mentioned this at the front end of our date, I will assume that I am boring you and will seek to end the date sooner rather than later.

Please do not presume that because you are paying that you have the privilege of touching me. As we walk, you're welcome to put out your arm and I very well may take it in mine. If you ask if you may hold my hand, the answer will likely be yes - unless you have bored me with your conversation or your manners are atrocious. As for a kiss at the end of the evening... If you don't ask, you will be left groping for air as I move swiftly inside my house. If you do ask, well, it will all depend upon whether or not I'm interested in a second date.

With all this said, should we have a first date, I would like for you to know that you will have my undivided attention. When you do me the courtesies of opening my door, etc, I will smile and look you in the eyes and say thank you. Should your tie be askew, I'll ask if I can straighten it for you. If I see your hair is out of place and it's clear you care about such things, I'll discreetly let you know so you can take care of it. Everyone in the room and on the street that we pass will know that I am proud and happy to be by the side of a handsome butch.

If necessary, I will accompany you to the restroom without your asking. Should someone make an unwanted remark about the b-f dynamic or your butchness without you being present, I will firmly assert myself and let them know it's none of their business. I will neither encourage nor accept attention from anyone else while we are on a date.

In short, I expect to be treated with respect for the femme that I am because I will treat you with the utmost of respect for the butch that you are.

Pink

[blush]

I've always considered a date to be a "social gift.". We obviously think enough of each other to spend time together. Since it is a compliment to be asked out, I don't impose strict expectations. If we don't mesh, we don't mesh. But impossible expectations can strangle a date.

[Starbuck]

[COLOR="Indigo"] Since I am in a relationship, I will approach this question from that angle. When we go out, I want her eyes on me, not on the televisions or on her phone, which I would prefer to be on vibrate (since she has kids, they can still reach her). I appreciate the door being opened for me and simple gestures of affection like touching my hand as she smiles. It took me by surprise the first few times she ordered for me but now I kind of expect it. I'll just tell her what I want and she tells the waiter what I want; I like it./COLOR]

[sweetiefemme]

I don't mind being treated, but it has to go both ways once in a while. I also don't mind a great homemade picnic down at a park or somewhere pretty, a walk along the river gives a great chance to talk and get to know one another.

[Library_girl]

Originally Posted by sweetiefemme

I don't mind being treated, but it has to go both ways once in a while. I also don't mind a great homemade picnic down at a park or somewhere pretty, a walk along the river gives a great chance to talk and get to know one another.

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I was talking to someone in the chat room the other night and I made the remark that I can't afford date anyone right now. The femme I was talking to asked me why I feel that it takes money, and for me it comes down to how I treat a femme on a date.

For *ME*, it takes money to date a femme properly. No, I would never take a femme to McDonald's for a date. I may not take her to the fanciest place for dinner, but it should be nice. 60$ is not an unreasonable amount to spend on a nice meal with a girl. Then there is all the grooming. A fresh haircut every 2 weeks; getting a car wash before each date because who wants to be picked up in a dirty car??; Having freshly cleaned and pressed clothes that are dress-casual to dressy. (Jeans are fine if you have a dress shirt and tie to go with them.) And, bring her a small gift with each date, usually flowers, but it could be something else that she likes, such as candy or something else. Buy her drinks if you are at a bar.

Things that don't cost money but are essential to me are: Be freshly showered before each date! Open every door for her; pull out her chair for her; allow her to order her food first; ask her first if you want to hold her hand or kiss her (that's just good manners). If you like how she looks or her smile or how she smells or the things that she says, or wears, then tell her. Let her talk about herself, and don't dominate the conversation with things about you. Don't use a lot of swear words. Don't talk about your exes!! Don't be in a rush to get into bed; try to get to know her, who she is and what she is like. Listen to her. Ask her what kind of things she enjoys doing, what kind of food she likes, etc. so if she agrees to another date, you can plan your next date around things she enjoys. Don't do the same thing every single date - try to plan a variety of activities. Thank her for spending time with you, and if you really like her and want to see her again, don't wait more than 2 days to call her. Don't call her the very next day, either. Give room, but not too much room. Don't blow up her phone with text messages either, but saying you had a good time is important.

The person I was discussing this with said she had never been treated this way on a date, and I was kind of surprised. She told me I should start a thread about dating, so here it is:

Femmes, how do you like to be treated on a date? I think all of us people on the masculine spectrum should know what you ladies would like and what you think is important. I know not all femmes are the same and like the exact same things, so having as much feed back as possible is really appreciated! Also, some feed back about what NOT to do would be helpful too! Stories about both good dates and bad ones are welcome! I personally would really like to know how to be a better date so that someday, if I ever can afford to date again, I can do it better. Thanks in advance!

Atomic.........First let me say, your ideas about dating sound wonderful! This femme thinks you are doing everything right. But I'll give you my insights! I went on a very nice date today, and here are some things that stood out. She opened the car door for me each time, then waited until I was "settled" in the car before closing the car door. (nice detail!!) She opened all of the other doors too. She paid, but I would have been happy to split since it was a first date. But she insisted, and I kind of liked that. During the date, there was constant eye contact, which is important. Excellent manners, such as not interrupting each other, good table manners, no cell phone, etc.--all very good! Also, affirmations or confirmations that the date is going well (if it is) are really appreciated, during the date. "This is fun", or "I'm having a great time", are wonderful to hear. Yes, the compliments are nice too! I never expect flowers or gifts, but I would love such a thing if it were done.

The definite DON'Ts are:
-using your cell phone (unless it's an understandable emergency)
-talking about exes extensively
-talking about one subject forever
-not focusing on your date
-checking your watch

As I said, I think you are doing everything right. Not all femmes are the same, but in my humble opinion, you are certainly on the right track. Paying attention to what the femme likes is so important and so considerate. When you do that, and pay attention to all the sweet little details....those are the things that make my heart go pitter-patter.

And on a final note, you are right, it does take some finances to date, but many women enjoy the free/cheap things in life too! Parks, museums, beaches, street fairs, etc. are all great things to do!

Good luck in your quest! (I think you'll be fabulous!)

[Venus007]

I like to be treated as someone who is valuable and to be reckoned with.
I want the person I am with to err on the side of manners and respectfulness. I want them to quote their sources and not shy away from deep conversation. If they are witty to boot, well that makes the evening all the better.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by Venus007

I want them to quote their sources and not shy away from deep conversation.

You discriminate against plagiarizers! And what about menopausal folks who can't recall their sources.

*shaking head*

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by weatherboi

On my first date with Ms i picked Her up from the airport, we didn't go to dinner, we didn't do any of the traditional things spoken of here. She led Our/our first date. She likes it that way.

Cause that's how I roll!!

I love dating, dating can lead to just a great night out, a good friend, a fast fuck or a relationship if that is what I choose to happen!!

That's the great thing about dating it can be spontaneous, planned, fun, fast, quiet, or POW!!!

McDonald's, an art gallery, the beach, a ride out to just anywhere as long as the intent is there to have a good time even if you find out that this will be an only one date thing.

Money is not necessary, good conversation a must!! Treat me like your equal and we'll be good unless I say otherwise!!! I also like to be on the same page that dating does not equate we are a couple, dating is simply that DATING.

My favorite dates, we and are middle of the week dates!!!