Stone--Personal Definitions

[Soon]

I am curious about those who ID as *Stone* and what that specific WORD means to them on a personal and relationship level.

Is it sexual boundaries or gender ID or a combination of the two or something one cannot explain that makes one ID as *Stone*?

It may be too personal to explain--perfectly understandable (of course!). I am just wondering how all those who ID as Stone (femmes and butches) came to that ID and what that ID means to them...if they want to share of course!

If there is another thread on personal definitions of *Stone*, someone tell me quickly!

--No judgement--I am honestly curious as to what *STONE* means for people on this site.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by HowSoonIsNow

I am curious about those who ID as *Stone* and what that specific WORD means to them on a personal and relationship level.

Is it sexual boundaries or gender ID or a combination of the two or something one cannot explain that makes one ID as *Stone*?

It may be too personal to explain--perfectly understandable (of course!). I am just wondering how all those who ID as Stone (femmes and butches) came to that ID and what that ID means to them...if they want to share of course!

If there is another thread on personal definitions of *Stone*, someone tell me quickly!

--No judgement--I am honestly curious as to what *STONE* means for people on this site.

For myself, it lets others know upfront not only how I have sex but with whom I have sex.

I've always been Stone. I just didn't always have the vocabulary and knowledge to understand it. I spent way too many years feeling inadequate or "lazy" as a lover. Once I realized that not only was my type of sex allowed but celebrated in parts of this community, I felt more secure within myself.

[diamondrose]

I always knew I was different. I felt like something was wrong with me, because I didn't like feminizing (sexually and non sexually) my partners in any way. Now, I have found happiness knowing that there are others like me within the endless diversities of the GLTBQ community. Its a way of summing up who I am in my relationships and who I can date or who will fit with me in that regard. When I am with my partner(whom ever it may be) I see that person as a guy and I don't feminize them in any way.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by diamondrose

I always knew I was different. I felt like something was wrong with me, because I didn't like feminizing (sexually and non sexually) my partners in any way. Now, I have found happiness knowing that there are others like me within the endless diversities of the GLTBQ community. Its a way of summing up who I am in my relationships and who I can date or who will fit with me in that regard. When I am with my partner(whom ever it may be) I see that person as a guy and I don't feminize them in any way.

well said.

[DapperButch]

MY stone relates to who I am sexually in terms of boundaries in bed, plus the type of energy that is exchanged in bed.

I tend to see MY stone as being more of an adjective (in some ways), as it describes behavior, but there is a gender ID to it as well...but yes, hard to explain.

I am looking forward to reading this thread, thanks for starting it. I hope it remains a positive, supportive thread, throughout.

[Ebon]

Stone for me means I like to pleasure and I get pleasure from it. I only recently found a stone femme that I was compatible with. It made me realize that there was some hope and I didn't have to become a celibate priest after all.

[cinderella]

Sister, I couldn't have said it better. Except that I didn't think of it as being 'lazy', but 'abnormal', or selfish. I lived with those feelings most of my gay life, until I found the gay/lesbian (for lack of a better word) sites. I joyously discovered that I was not selfish. I just enjoyed sex in a different way from others, and there was nothing 'abnormal' about that. In these online communities I found acceptance and understanding, and as you said, celebration in being stone.

After many years of being single, I have found love at last. My guy is just as stone as I am, and we rejoice and celebrate that aspect of our relationship - being stone. Cinderella has finally found the right 'fit'.

Originally Posted by Gemme

For myself, it lets others know upfront not only how I have sex but with whom I have sex.

I've always been Stone. I just didn't always have the vocabulary and knowledge to understand it. I spent way too many years feeling inadequate or "lazy" as a lover. Once I realized that not only was my type of sex allowed but celebrated in parts of this community, I felt more secure within myself.

[asphaltcowboi]

shaped rock fragment: a piece of rock that has been shaped for a particular purpose
at first i thought stone was meant as hard core.. stone fox=very sexy, stone cold=little or no feelings,stone butch=very masculin,stone femme=very girly.
in time i realized i was stone not only verly masculine butch but had certian sexual needs that i was insistant about. the few times that i allowed myself to be "handled" "touched" on the female parts of my body i felt shame and embarassment, i just did not "id" with those parts of my body. those were parts that i had wished sence a very young age that i didnt have. it felt like she was focusing on an ugly birthmark picking on the very worst of me the part of me that i tried very hard to hide. a part i didnt want to bring into a relationship. but i was born this way so why do i not enjoy being touched?. thats not it at all i do enjoy being touched everywhere except "down there" and i do like my butch "strap" being touched as if i was born like this. not fantisy but real for me as should be for my partner also.
it comes down to for me: respect me for who i am even if it is only in our eyes. i will do the same for you. who are you and who am i?
do we have the mutual respect that will complement each others needs?

[Gráinne]

I don't profess to speak with any kind of authority on this topic, but what I have gleaned is that "stone" is a continuum, almost like gender or sexual preference itself. I see all the way from no reciprocal touch at all, to touch allowed in certain places, to being a top (or bottom), but not necessarily stone. I fall in the latter group-not opposed to being touched at all, believe me, but I get 90% of my pleasure from touching, not being touched.

Having said that, it seems to change with whomever I'm with, where my mind is going, and even the time of the month. Different energies, I guess. I might want activity A on Monday, and activity B (totally opposite mind place) on Saturday. Sexuality is a slippery beast.

Maybe, to me, the important thing isn't defining once and for all what "stone" is, since there are as many different definitions as women on this site. It's absolutely not about "well, I'm doing it "right", and you are all "wrong". It's about finding partners who are compatible with our wishes, and theirs, and then communicating and respecting the hell out of each other.

[Nightshade]

For me, it's not even remotely about top or bottom, D/s, giving vs receiving... I am an active, passionate, giving sexual partner who could never in a million years be called submissive.

I'm not a lesbian. I'm not interested in interacting with female parts. Or being with a partner who wants or needs that. So... any motivation for giving in that way is non-existent for me. Does this make me a lazy lover or a pillow princess? If I'm in bed with a woman it would.

But give me a guy who truly owns his strap-on and knows how to use it and watch out!

Also, when and if I DO touch him there, I'm stroking cock, not clit. And there's no doubt in either of our minds.

[DCStone]

Originally Posted by Gemme

For myself, it lets others know upfront not only how I have sex but with whom I have sex.

I've always been Stone. I just didn't always have the vocabulary and knowledge to understand it.

I have to agree with Gemme. I think her definition is short and to the point. Although, I am coming from the Stone Butch perspective. I really appreciate so many people sharing their thoughts and stories.

[Jess]

a more welcoming stone thread I had not read previously. Thanks Miss JoLynn for creating one with such grace.

now, I get to go back and read it all.. lol

[BullDog]

Thank you for this wonderful, inclusive Stone thread. There are so many awesome posts here. I did post earlier in the thread, so not much to add at this time but thank you again to everyone.

[Hollylane]

I haven't seen this thread in a awhile, but reading through some of the posts here, made me proud to be a member of this site. There really are some great folks here, who are genuinely interested in open discussion, and allowing others to freely be themselves without judgement or an attempt to cram others into a preformed ID box that is not of their own personal design. I am subscribing.

[Blade]

It means that I have boundaries, places that a partner isn't allowed to touch me because it is feminizing to me. Those same places might not be feminizing to someone else or to their last partner, they are my places and they are no touch zones.

I think sometimes I might use it as a gender marker so to speak to let folks know that if they have any interest in me relationship wise, they need to know up front I am stone. It's only fair, to be honest about those thing to start with.

Great thread Ma'am

[CherylNYC]

There is no gender marker to it for me. Being a stonefemme is all about sexual boundaries for me. I don't think I was always like this, but I'm honestly not sure. It would be too long and too personal to try to explain that here, so you can just take my word for it.

I discovered that there was a thing called a stonefemme ID because a friend told me about it a few years ago. You can imagine how much that twisted my absolutely lesbian feminist mind. I still have mixed feelings and I wish that I were, well, more versatile. This is who I am now. I work hard to accept it and myself.

My boundaries are around touching or penetrating my partner's genitals. To a lesser extent I'm not able to play with a partner's breasts. I have a wonderful time with butch cock. I'm tremendously responsive and very active in bed. I just can't... go there. And I don't know if there's even a 'why'. I just can't.

I ID strongly as a lesbian. (Does that count as a gender?) I play and partner with butch women. I'm not at all interested in men, so I don't date trans guys. Needless to say, my dating pool is rather small. Sigh.

[BullDog]

I am a stone butch. Stone for me is about my sexual preferences and who I am as a sexual being. It doesn't determine who I have sex with. It is about what I enjoy sexually, which does include boundaries, as well as energy exchange (very big for me).

In addition to being a Stone Butch I am also a lesbian, woman and female. For me, being a stone butch has nothing to do with being worried someone will "feminize me." It has to do with what I choose as my preferred energy exchange, sexual boundaries and overall sexual enjoyment. I am masculine. No one can feminize or masculinize me by how they have sex with me.

[apretty]

i'm femme and i've been with a few butches with personal sexual-boundaries. i can't even remember if they called themselves 'stone'. but the self-identifying-'stone' butches i have been with all defined stone way differently: for some it was about breasts, others vagina, others about just respecting their body and following their lead as far as what was cool, what wasn't so cool--and what was 'no way' --usually the butt, a lot of people have some butt-boundaries (and i even think that this one butch had herpes and that was her way of navigating sex stuff.)


personally, i've only been *stone* when i'm just not that into who's fucking me; somehow that goes over better than 'could you come over and do me and then go home because i can barely stand you, but i'm single and you'll do.'



oh and i have to just add a little aside: there is no feminizing touch, you think rubbing a clit in a circular motion vs. an up and down motion 'feminizes' someone? if that's true--that's a REAL delicate butch (with regards to their masculinity) that you've got on your hands, as it were.

[Gemme]

I'd just like to put this out here for us to keep in mind. None of us...NONE...ZERO...ZILCH...have the right to tell another what is and is not a feminzing touch or what is and is not a good touch for them. It's their body...it's their touch, no matter how we may see it or them.

[julieisafemme]

Just a little aside? I am not sure why you would post that. It is to me downright rude after others have come before you to share their personal feelings on what stone means.

Originally Posted by apretty

i'm femme and i've been with a few butches with personal sexual-boundaries. i can't even remember if they called themselves 'stone'. but the self-identifying-'stone' butches i have been with all defined stone way differently: for some it was about breasts, others vagina, others about just respecting their body and following their lead as far as what was cool, what wasn't so cool--and what was 'no way' --usually the butt, a lot of people have some butt-boundaries (and i even think that this one butch had herpes and that was her way of navigating sex stuff.)


personally, i've only been *stone* when i'm just not that into who's fucking me; somehow that goes over better than 'could you come over and do me and then go home because i can barely stand you, but i'm single and you'll do.'



oh and i have to just add a little aside: there is no feminizing touch, you think rubbing a clit in a circular motion vs. an up and down motion 'feminizes' someone? if that's true--that's a REAL delicate butch (with regards to their masculinity) that you've got on your hands, as it were.