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Old 06-02-2011, 02:57 AM   #1
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Default Amongst us butches ..

Why when a femme asks you how she looks in an outfit .. Does she think your lying when you tell her she looks amazing ?
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Old 06-02-2011, 02:57 AM   #2
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Btw this is a general chat thread .. Femmes feel free to answer questions etc
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Old 06-02-2011, 08:30 AM   #3
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Why when a femme asks you how she looks in an outfit .. Does she think your lying when you tell her she looks amazing ?
Have you asked her?
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Old 06-02-2011, 08:40 AM   #4
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I have asked her just wondered off other femmes why they sometimes feel like we are telling fibs when we say .. "honey you look hot,amazing,sexy" etc.
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Old 06-02-2011, 08:54 AM   #5
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Sometimes we just want to hear it again

I struggle all the time with compliments and have to remember to just say "thank you." I think we sometimes forget that everyone does not see the flaws we may see.
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:22 AM   #6
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Merlin it happens both ways and it is certainly not just "femmes" that have doubts about their looks. I have told many people, doesn't matter how they ID, and have gotten the same response.

It could be because they want reassurance or a little more attention to what they are wearing than what you perceive to be giving, maybe make sure *you* aren't just shrugging it off and wanting to know you mean it or truly feel they don't look their best.

Who knows. But, positive reinforcement, butch, femme etc... is always nice.
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:38 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by Merlin View Post
Why when a femme asks you how she looks in an outfit .. Does she think your lying when you tell her she looks amazing ?

I personally think someone is just being nice when I hear this.
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:38 AM   #8
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She knows i dote on her .. I am always complimenting her.

I wonder sometimes that maybe femmes in the past don't get many compliments .. then when someone comes along who is genuine they find it strange to be complimented and adored.
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:40 AM   #9
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I have a bad habit of replying to a compliment with "Oh, this old thing?" or "You're kidding; I haven't had my hair done in weeks". I don't think it's a butch-femme thing; I think many people have trouble accepting compliments and shrug them off.
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Old 06-02-2011, 09:56 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Merlin View Post
Why when a femme asks you how she looks in an outfit .. Does she think your lying when you tell her she looks amazing ?
Heh, that's humorous indeed.


If that should happen around here, I get mah 'swish' on and mah inner fag
comes out and suggests something fabulous from her wardrobe.


She depends on me for that.
She does not live with a Deer in Headlights kinda Hippy.


She lives with one who loves to pick out accessories for her.


Wee!



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Old 06-02-2011, 10:01 AM   #11
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My experience with this topic is that anyone, wether butch, femme, allien, etc, would much rather be complimented before they ask
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Old 06-02-2011, 10:18 AM   #12
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My experience with this topic is that anyone, wether butch, femme, allien, etc, would much rather be complimented before they ask

BRAVO!!!!!!
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Old 06-02-2011, 10:39 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Guy View Post
My experience with this topic is that anyone, wether butch, femme, allien, etc, would much rather be complimented before they ask
I was gonna say, if they have to ask, no one is going to believe the compliment. I always try to compliment, (if one is in order) before the question is asked, no matter who it is.

That being said, I also know some people who will always "fish" for a compliment. When I know their fishing, I won't say anything to the matter. It's a fun game for me.
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Old 06-02-2011, 10:48 AM   #14
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Default

Femme : *Do these jeans look ok?* (spinning around)

Butch: * Yes it does, I love those jeans on you*

Femme: * so, you don't like the way I look in any of my other jeans do you?*


Butch: *There was no right answer, was there?*




This happened recently.
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Old 06-02-2011, 11:12 AM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Merlin View Post
Why when a femme asks you how she looks in an outfit .. Does she think your lying when you tell her she looks amazing ?


I'm a Femme so I am going to answer from my Femme perspective. There are days when I wake up and I am all blah (menstrual days) and I ask my pookie bear how I look, sometimes I negate the compliment with a negatory remark cause I feel bloated, bloody, fat, pimply, nappy headed and not all around good cause I'm in PAIN. It's like a tiny pity party we take our other halves on and the nice thing is SOMETIMES our other half does a great job with the pat pat soothe other times they are like . It's nice having trust enough in someone to be able to have a bleah moment without them wanting a why, they do it and go through it with us because they love us no matter how much of a pity party or bleah day we are having.

Now, on other days, when I am looking fucking damn fine and I come out of the room all ready and I ask Grant how I look, it's gonna be different, I'm more flirty, my swagger is different, I may bend a lil like this, or a lil like that, and at that point it becomes mental foreplay. It's then my pookie bear picks up on the cues and goes with the flow.

That's just me though and how I particularly roll.

At first your question seemed a little sexist, cause it casts as Femme's being the only one's with the issue, I know that's not true cause I have Grant ask me how he looks, and I pick up on his body languages and other things. So I think it rolls both ways. I figured you really weren't being sexist and maybe forgot that butches, lesbians, femme's, guys, Daddie's. baby girls, pony girls etc etc all sometimes want a lil compliment even if it's an extra one.



P.S.

Sometimes also for us in particular Grant will be having a bad day as far as how his body and mind connect and I will have to reassure him he looks fine and know to be understanding since what he sees does not match what he is, if that makes sense.
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Last edited by The_Lady_Snow; 06-02-2011 at 11:16 AM. Reason: More thoughts.
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Old 06-02-2011, 11:17 AM   #16
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Before she asks and at random times. Tell her/hyr/him.

I was sitting on the front steps this morning, my hair was sticking up and I hadn't taken my mascara off last night, so I am pretty sure I had raccoon eyes. I was wearing a red t-shirt 4 sizes too big and some pink pajama pants with monkeys on them. She came back from walking one of the dogs and said "You look so beautiful sitting there" and I could tell by her eyes she meant it.

Even though I was in hardcore disbelief mode, I said "thank you, baby".

Who knows but us what we see through the eyes of love?
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Old 06-02-2011, 11:20 AM   #17
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I agree with Snowy.



I have times where all I see is the puffy, the dark circles under mah eyes,
then back to the puffy, but add chubby...etc etc. I grew up with severely
buck teeth, so that creeps in while the rest of me is down.
(lol, I swear I'll always be that kid!)


Then she walks thru and says "Hey Stud"





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Old 06-02-2011, 03:07 PM   #18
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Default Personally, I always wonder...

Does this thread make my ass look fat?
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Old 06-02-2011, 03:24 PM   #19
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Guys and Butches ask the same thing.

My grandmother taught me that "thank you" is the right answer for a compliment and I try to go with that.
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Old 06-02-2011, 03:43 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by apocalipstic View Post
Guys and Butches ask the same thing.

My grandmother taught me that "thank you" is the right answer for a compliment and I try to go with that.
Lol, my Gramma said...drop something.


It will either distract the time period of awkward silence
before a response is created ~ or if they help U pick
up what U dropped, it will tell you a lot
about their intentions.


I blame her for me being OooBer clumsy.







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