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Old 08-04-2015, 12:48 AM   #61
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Mother's been gone awhile now.I had a lot of video footage,voice recordings,photos taken of her through the years.In a way its like she is still here.Her presence can still be felt.We had a rocky relationship starting from my early childhood.My mom was very 'womanly' and as I grew older she looked to me for protection instead of from her husband.But dad was the best protector there can be.

It's late...I may come back and finish this post.
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Old 11-01-2015, 07:05 PM   #62
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I always saw mother as a very strong and stubborn independent woman.She was a survivor and a born leader.I thought she was very beautiful and i learned alot from her watching how she handled her affairs in her daily life and most importantly how she handled other people...she had a big heart but could cut you down with one or two words..rough to watch at times,especially when she was not in a very good mood that day and would totally fuck strangers over with her mouth alone,just for the fun of it,and sometimes it was with a complete stranger who did(in my opinion)not deserve to be cut down the way she would cut them down..like a dog killing an innocent cat,brutal to watch.She loved her family,but she suffered from bouts of depression and alcoholism..my father had the same problems.My mother ruled over her husband...we're talking with an iron fist here *snort*...she ruled over most of her family like this...she knew how to push all your buttons at once.Everyone that is except for me.I am known in my family for my stubborness...death,is the only thing that can change my mind if I really want something badly enough..at 47,I have not changed much.Mother found that out about me at the tender age of 11...at that age I ran away from her and she chased me all over trying to get me back in her life..I had my own rules when we finally reunited,and I just turned 17.She loved me,she showed it.She wanted to live through me and she would sometimes copy me through my actions..it was kind of an honor when she would do that.As I mention before,our relationship was not perfect...she could hurt me emotionally,I would hurt her emotionally and mentally...it was sooo fucking bad at times between us.I watched both my parents grow old and deteriorate..i miss them both,equally.
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Old 11-01-2015, 07:21 PM   #63
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I have a very conflictual relationship with my mother. I have not spoken to her since April because of the depression I experience after talking to her. I married her (rageacholic and my father, alcoholic) in one person. I feel very guilty and go back and about whether to call her. She can be very deceptive and I always wait for the other shoe to drop. I just know that if I let her back in my life I will be coming and going between setting boundaries with my ex and her emotional abuse (contact continues because of the kids) and my mom (emotional abuse)
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Old 11-01-2015, 08:19 PM   #64
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She just wants me to "stop it." Lol Totally clueless. I love her no matter how mean she is - always and forever.
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Old 11-07-2015, 12:31 PM   #65
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I get along well with my Mom. There have been times when she was my rock and I her rock. We've been threw a lot together and never mind leaning on each other picking each other up or crying together.

She has taught me so many things. Sometimes by what she has said or done and sometimes by what she didn't say or do in certain situations. She sacrificed so many things for "us". Of course I didn't realize that until I was older, and there have been soooo many times I've had to say you were right.
Now as she has gotten older she seems to be doing some of the you were rights. LOL

As she has aged she has changed a lot and sometime we have a communication gap. She will say something and I'm like...HUH? Then there are times I say something and it hurts her feelings because she has taken what I said wrong.

All in all we work it out and are tight. We take trips together, have a lot of laughs together and try to fix all our little "chickies" when they need fixing together.

I know I won't have her forever and I don't know that I won't lose my mind for a bit when she's gone but I'm sure God will prepare me for that day and will give me strength and lead me to comfort when the time come.
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Old 11-07-2015, 01:08 PM   #66
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Most of us can write page after page about our mothers, relations with our mothers, mothers known and not known, loving, unloving, "abusive", "kind/benevolent", etc etc etc. And you know what? Ultimately it doesn't matter. If all goes according to plan, your mother will die before you and if you don't make peace with her while she's alive...one way or another...you just never get free and you're stuck with a big dark hole in your own life.

If you want to dwell on what wasn't right, do it fast, accept you'll never really know everything, accept that you're limited by your own prejudices and/or lack of info/detail, and move the fuck on to be the best person you can be.

Blaming imperfect people and blaming the dead is a losing, self defeating waste of your own life.

Meanwhile, if you have lots of happy loving memories, lucky you...cherish them and just let the rest go.

All the people you blame and rail against can't hear you any more. Make peace while you can and if you can't, accept that too...and move on...because another generation is just in the wings, waiting to blame you.
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Old 11-07-2015, 01:32 PM   #67
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I have a good relationship with my mother and I show the appropriate respect to her.
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Old 11-07-2015, 01:44 PM   #68
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I have a terrible relationship with my mother. We're opposite personalities. I'm an introvert, she's an extrovert. I do forgive the horrible things she did to me as a kid and I know that she's sorry, but sometimes she starts to slip into that kind of behavior again. I want to love her from afar but she won't let me. I moved across the country from New York to Idaho and she followed me! I know she's sorry and wants to make up, but I just want her to leave me alone at this point.
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Old 11-07-2015, 02:48 PM   #69
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Sometimes bad people have children and it doesn't turn them into good ones. My parents are in that category. I've had nothing at all to do with my mother since some time in the mid 1980s. When she died a little over a year ago the world became a slightly safer place. I have no regrets.
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Old 11-07-2015, 03:10 PM   #70
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I can only handle mine in very small, spaced out doses.
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Old 11-07-2015, 04:05 PM   #71
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I love my mom. She can be a little hard to take in large doses - but living in a different country mitigates that. She has a tendency to act helpless in situations and tries to get people to do things for her. I feel conflicted because part of me thinks she does actually lack the skills while the other part of me wants her to at least try to develop the skills. Recently she her health has taken a turn for the worse so I give her a lot more leeway... and I am mostly afraid of losing her. Being far away does not help that fear.

For the first 15yrs of my life we had a very turbulent relationship. I have chosen to forgive and forget.. and I think she has chosen to just forget. I think that because we are so similar has been a heavy factor in my decision not to have children. I just don't think I would be good at it.
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Old 11-07-2015, 07:06 PM   #72
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I can love mine from a distance and in keeping 15 miles apart is still too close some days. I have to step back and disconnect my emotions when dealing with mom, I love her but she's toxic to me emotionally and mentally.
She's the type of person that isn't happy in her life, she's in fact miserable that things aren't better for her as she'd hope they would be. I know life hasn't been hard for mom, but that's not my fault and I'm tired of her taking her anger about life out on me. She does better when I'm not involved so much anymore. I have to take her in small doses when I"m around her or it becomes too much on me. And, my having ptsd and anxiety and depression doesn't help the situation for me to be better.
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Old 11-08-2015, 07:30 AM   #73
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More on my relationship with my mother. We are Texan's and that comes with a set of rules. Being polite is expected. I open doors for my mother, pay the dinner check, do her yard work and fix her car. I am the last surviving child and my father is gone so it is up to me to care for her and that is my pleasure. Hard work and respect were two big traits in my family and I believe they are good traits.
My mother is an awesome lady that has been a gift to me.


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Old 11-13-2015, 05:55 PM   #74
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I love and respect my mom. We are oil and water but determined to mix. She wants to select my life for me, because her opinion is that she always knows better than anyone else about anything *sigh*.

She is very outspoken and extroverted while I am very introverted and much more agreeable. Both of us are controlling, which is why we often clash. She thinks that someday I will stop "letting these butch women talk me into relationships with them."<- direct quote LOL

We have a complicated relationship but ultimately I am ok with it. I could have had a lot worse.
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Old 11-13-2015, 09:50 PM   #75
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Originally Posted by CherylNYC View Post
Sometimes bad people have children and it doesn't turn them into good ones. My parents are in that category. I've had nothing at all to do with my mother since some time in the mid 1980s. When she died a little over a year ago the world became a slightly safer place. I have no regrets.
I agree Cheryl.

I have posted about my mother (and father) before.

I begrudge no one their good and loving mother. All children do deserve this.

Unfortunately, not all of us get one.
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Old 11-13-2015, 10:09 PM   #76
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My mom is a quintessential female CEO. Her ambition and ability to manifest are quite stunning. She is a formidable woman who goes after what she wants and gets it. She always said a woman can do what ever she wants in this world. That, is an inspiring lesson......
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Old 11-13-2015, 11:43 PM   #77
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My mother was always terribly kind, attentive and has always loved me and my siblings. She is very strong willed, which has served her well -- especially in light of having a complete break from reality, which she has recovered from in some ways, but will never be like she was before her complete mental break down. I love her and I care about her deeply. But I am careful too, to watch over my own personal well being because she has trouble respecting boundaries. Not just with me, but with others. She can be very difficult to deal with when it comes to honoring boundaries. I respect her wholeheartedly but I don't always get the same level of respect from her. When life between us becomes difficult, I feel pressure to keep myself in check because I know my siblings don't give her the respect she deserves and I want to make sure that I lead by example, which is difficult, no matter how the situation is dressed.

But, I love my mother. I know she's not who she used to be, but I love her for who she is. And even though she is not happy with me right now, I know we'll get through this latest boundary issue because I care about her feelings and I care about the two of us finding a way to work with each other, as mom and daughter. We've always been a team together, throughout life.
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Old 11-14-2015, 02:28 AM   #78
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Depends on which mother you are speaking of, I have 2 of them.

I was blessed with 2 mothers because I was adopted. I have mixed emotions on both of them. I love them nonetheless and they want the best for me, but I have major issues with certain topics that come about regarding my lifestyle, who I am, who I want to be, etc.

I live with my adoptive parents right now, we get along, well me and my adoptive mom do more so then me and my adoptive father. I have been taking care of them for awhile now and it has given me greater appreciation for the decisions they made for me as a kid. Me and my adoptive mom can say mean, what others perceive as mean or disrespectful, to each other and laugh. I wouldn't change that for the world.

My birth mother is another story, we rarely talk but when we do, I know she made the right choice for me but I still have issues, anger, resentment and abandonment feelings. She is 73 and really set in her ways but is more accepting of me being who I am, I think because she didn't raise me.
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Old 11-14-2015, 07:16 AM   #79
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My mother and I are working toward living closer to each other. She is still in good shape at 83 but she could use my help more often. We have looked at many senoir living facilities near me but we decided to go back to the original plan. I will build her a cottage on my land. I have lots of work ahead of me.
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Old 11-18-2015, 11:14 PM   #80
AishasWrath
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On one hand she made a lot of mistakes in the past, on the other she could've been worse and we're on a lot better terms when I'm not stuck in a situation where I'm dependent on her. She and I are very different temperament-wise and both of us have probably placed a lot of unfair expectations on each other over the years.
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