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Old 09-01-2016, 10:40 AM   #101
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I agree Cheryl.

I have posted about my mother (and father) before.

I begrudge no one their good and loving mother. All children do deserve this.

Unfortunately, not all of us get one.
No self-pity here (maybe more than a touch) but mostly deep sadness at what never was and never will be.

My dad's funeral is Friday and my daughters and brothers gently suggested I not go.

I realized that somehow my mother has always identified with me and projected herself into me with a boatload of self-hate. She has no insight and always refused therapy.

I got my brother to tell me where my dad's grave will be, I will pay my respects after they are gone.

You must be thinking, "She must have done something awful". No, I never did.

As my mother told me once, my dad cried when I was born because I wasn't a boy.

It can only go downhill from there and it did.
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Old 01-03-2017, 05:47 PM   #102
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I have pulled away from my birth mother, these last few months, I had no idea and was not told by my half siblings, about who she truly is.

It's kinda sad that she is a bitter, ignorant, racist old woman. I can not associate with this in any shape or form, so I had to pull away.
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Old 01-03-2017, 07:06 PM   #103
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I loved my mother.

My mom was a whoring drunk.

She was very supportive of me being gay. After I told parents I was gay, my mom got drunk and told all the relatives in the small, racist town where I was born.

I moved back to the city where parents lived and took care of my mom through her extended terminal illness. She passed in 84 at 49 years old. I left no stone unturned in helping her through her illness so I have no regrets there.

That's about all I know about that.

oh well ...
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Old 01-03-2017, 07:54 PM   #104
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I love my Mom. She is supportive of my sexuality, and lifestyle decisions.

We will never see eye to eye, but I let her think that we do, just to keep the peace.

I have tried many of times to talk to her about some of the issues of my childhood, and even when I was coming out about things - I found I was constantly having to console her, that it wasn't her fault to an extreme that I felt I wasn't heard..at ..all.

So, the conclusion I have come to, is that she is not able to handle or comprehend or even discuss the items that need air. So we won't.
She comments to me that I am her favourite, I am the oldest. The actual truth is that I save her emotional ass when she gets herself in to hot water and doesn't remember how to swim. Many times she has commented to me that she feels like our relationship is backwards, as I am more of a mom to her than she has ever been to me. I would have to say she is correct on that one.
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Old 01-03-2017, 09:39 PM   #105
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my mother was the sweetest, kindest, gentlest woman I could have been blesses with having for a mother. Although she did not agree with my way of living she was always kind and generous to my gf of 22 years that also got to call her mom as her own mother was an alcoholic. I never saw my mother have more than one glass of wine, never smoked and never uttered a swear word to my knowledge and her mother was the same way. I was very blessed to have had them both in my life as well as a wonderful father. I lost my dad in 2000 and my mom in 2015 , 2 weeks after her 90th birthday , which was a huge bash with family and friends. Thanks mom for waiting for that last big hurrah.
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Old 08-25-2017, 07:09 PM   #106
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Mother's Rock!... I love them all.

I miss mine a bunch
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Old 08-25-2017, 10:55 PM   #107
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We get along. She will be living with me after Christmas.
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Old 08-26-2017, 08:36 AM   #108
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Much better relationship now than we had years ago. We don't discuss the past anymore. I feel this way: You only get one Mom in this world & when she is gone, that's it. So I try my best to have a good relationship with her.
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Old 09-19-2017, 09:37 PM   #109
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I have just about completely pulled away from my birth mother. I am grateful that she had me and all but I don't need the bs in my life.

My adoptive mom, we have our days, but boundaries are one thing that she needs to be respectful of.
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Old 09-19-2017, 11:48 PM   #110
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my mum, my "real" mum, ie the one who raised me: it's always been difficult. But she has the start of dementia now so the entire relationship went through a tough upheaval. She was a very tough, independent woman with two long term relationships and two long term careers. She could be emotionally abusive, gaslighting, controlling and utterly horrible. But she is also very generous, hilarious, protective, gregarious, and caring. She's a human. She's flawed. I can't imagine trying to raise kids and going through all what she did.

I've forgiven her past behaviours, it's a bit late in the game. Her memory is slipping. She's turning into a different person. It was hell for a bit while she tried to hide it and she was terrified and thus was nasty as fuck to everyone around her because she was so scared. But, I might, and probably will, lose my memory at some point in my future. And I won't have a daughter to help me. So, I'm trying my best. We get along pretty good - comparatively - these days. we have our ups and downs, as always. Our fights have always been horrific and gut clenching - they reminded me of the horrific abusive arguments with partners - same weird gaslighting twists in them where you suddenly doubt reality, and my face starts going numb.

But these days I take her around downtown on walks, get coffee, we watch netflix costume dramas, and I listen to the same story 16 times over. I go over and do odd jobs for her twice a month.

My birth mum is crazy in the desert in a trailer. She moved the trailer so, have no idea where she is now.

My step mum is good. It's nice to know she'll be around for a while. She's only 20 years older than me so she's more like an older sister and I like her. I imagine she'll be the only one left after a while. We get along great as we have the same sense of humour and same interest in medical history, travel, socialism, and women's rights.
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Old 09-27-2017, 10:42 PM   #111
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Old 09-28-2017, 01:44 AM   #112
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I have no idea whether my mother is alive or dead, nor do I care. I greatly respect that she raised me single-handed after my father died when I was young, and in every way but emotionally, did a good job of it. And also that she was accepting of my being rather unusual, even though she didn't really understand it.

But I will never forgive her for utterly disregarding my wishes, when I was adult, in the most important things in life, like the death of my Nan, her mother. I was halfway across the country, in hospital, and aware that my Nan had taken ill. I was closer to my Nan than my mother. I wanted to be sure to be able to say goodbye to her, and had checked with the medics that they'd be happy to release me for a couple of days to go see her, and they were. I phoned my Mum explaining and asking her to tell me if it looked like Nan wouldnt pull through. She promised she would. No phone call, no letter, so I remained in hospital for another two weeks to return home to find that Nan had died and been buried, where I still do not know.

Mum said she thought it had been for the best. My express wish to say goodbye to Nan despite being ill myself meant nothing to Mum - all she cared about was what she thought was for the best. That wasn't the only time she did that sort of thing to me, but it was the worst - the more important the situation, the more likely my Mum would ignore my wishes and lie to me.

The final straw between me and her came one day when I went to visit Mum, and her first words to me having opened the front door were "are you still wearing that old coat?" - it was a perfectly good coat, I loved it, and I still have it 20 years later again. But no hello, so good to see you, just straight in with criticism. Always the criticisms from Mum, never any praise or respect for me or my wishes as an adult. I just said goodbye, turned around and took an early coach home.

I reckon I must've been an accident, I can't imagine she actually wanted children.
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Old 09-29-2017, 11:05 PM   #113
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I haven't heard from my birth mother in over 6 months, no birthday call, etc. So it just made it easier for me to pull away.
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