Your Death and Post-Death Preferences

[Nat]

I know it sounds morbid, but we are all facing eventual death. Sometimes we know it's coming and sometimes we don't. It's the one area where we have little control over when or where or how.

Today, it's on my mind. I'm not sure why, and I am. It's not coming from a morbid place. It's just that it's been on my mind lately. Maybe it was beautiful sweetcalico's clothes at the femme clothing swap and the feeling she is still with us, that her memory lives on among us. Due to a long break from the community, I wasn't aware she was sick. But she was one of my favorite posters on the dash site, and it was saddening to know she had passed over. But the clothing swap was beautiful and part of the reason for that was the passing on of her clothes to her sister femmes and the honoring of her spirit in that sweaty half-naked, warm frenzy.

And I've been thinking about the funerals and other memorials I've attended. I love cemeteries - especially the older ones.

So I guess this thread is a chance to think about what you'd like to leave behind, how you'd like your death handled, what you want to happen with your body, how you'd like to be remembered. Of course these ideas are like to change over the years. So, I will post my own thoughts later. Hopefully death is a long long way away for most of us, but I don't think it would be ad to have an idea in mind for the time when it comes. For those facing death at closer range, I assume you may have begun to think about these things more than those of us may have.

[Turtle]

I spend a lot of time in the midst of death and grief and I am very aware if it...

I try to live my life being with other people as best I can...

When people hear of my passing, my preference would be for people to just smile and think how nice it was to know me. But it's not that simple, I can't run other people's feelings or their grief, but I'd rather they weren't in pain...so I'd rather just evaporate over time from people's consciousness and that they never hear of my death...just be glad to have known me...

[atomiczombie]

I know enough about what funeral parlors do to bodies to know that I want to be cremated.

[stargazingboi]

I know it’s a painful thought for many to think about losing the person they love, a friend, a lover, a sister, a brother, etc.

As for the actual funeral the arrangements they have been all set up and placed in writing…everything is selected so that no one has to sit and wonder what to do during such a time. My hope is that if there is anything left worth using to save another, that they take it…then send me off for the services and then cremation. I update it often…music lists change, I grow each year and tweak the message I want to sent to those I leave behind.

I am aware of my mortality, as I have faced death several times, and know that in the future one day I will not be able to escape my fate. I live each day grateful for being able to spend one more day with those I love, and I pray they know just how much love I hold for them.

Much like Turtle, I would like people to smile when they think me, to know that I impacted them in a positive way…remember me fondly and gently, remember my strength and desires to live a love filled life. However, yet again Turtle points out a fact that remains…I cannot control their response. So, I sit and I pray that the love I gave will be enough to last through the years they remain.

[Ebon]

I would like for my body to be buried in a biodegradable bag so that my body can provide nutrients for the earth and the living plants around it. I don't care where. Everybody can party and have a good time around the burial sight. I would prefer for people to celebrate my life and not mourn my death. And no one is allowed to wear black.

[Jett]

I want to be rolled and smoked... but since I can't have that I supposed cremation will do, kind of the same thing I guess..

As to what I want to leave ppl with, just that I am remembered fondly... my possessions are to my gal and family.

[Words]

I want a traditional Muslim burial. Ideally, it should take place within 24 hours of my passing although I appreciate that for practical reasons, that's unlikely to happen so I've made it clear that even if I have to spend a few days 'on hold' elsewhere, I want to spend the night before the burial at home. (I used to work in a hospital and often had cause to visit the mortuary...the impersonal nature, the sterile environment, are probably why I want this.)

A bit strange, I know, but it's important to me.

Words

[Julie]

I don't want to be memorialized -- I do not want my name in the paper, or upon a headstone - I do not want an epitaph of any kind. I would just want to know, before I closed my eyes for the last time, that if I had hurt you - I had the opportunity to apologize and if you have hurt me, that I had the opportunity to let you know you are still loved by me. I think the worst thing, when someone dies - is the ending. Words not said or heard by one another. I want complete closure and I want the people who love me and I love, to have the same. I have been most blessed with this. I have no person in my life that I have not had complete loving closure with, regardless if it was an unexpected death or an expected death.

My body... It is in my mind, simply an empty shell. All of my organs will go to others, for whatever purpose might seem appropriate - that could include my skin and limbs. I just want to be sure I am really dead. I have this ongoing fear, that I will wake up and feel the pain of the process. It has been a fear for me since I was a child. Whatever remains, I would want to be cremated and placed in the Hudson River where my dad is.

I am not afraid of dying or death and often imagine I will welcome it when it does happen. I do believe in the other side and I do believe in reincarnation. I do believe I will see those who went before me. It gives me great comfort and hope.

Julie

[tapu]

I believe that when my body processes stop, what I call my mind will be one of them. Then I want to donate my body for medical harvesting, and then I want to become one of those skeletons in a high school science class. I've planned on this for at least a decade. I have it in writing.

[Daywalker]

When I pass ~

I've heard that there are a couple of
questions folks have just before they pass.

Was I loved, and did I love well.
I can honestly say that I can say yes to both of these.


I am of the Philosophy that when we are born, we begin to die.
From that moment on, it is the inevitable and we should all act accordingly.


Take the physical being I reside in and sift through the ashes when I'm gone.
You will not find me there, I will be in the same place I always have been.
In the hearts of those who shared My life with me.

Mrs Day would like to wear an amulet with my ashes in it.
I told her to feel free to have mah ashes added to ink.
She tiled her head...and I said...for a tattoo.


I probably didn't answer the questions,
but I'm not high yet so there that is.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Ebon

I would like for my body to be buried in a biodegradable bag so that my body can provide nutrients for the earth and the living plants around it. I don't care where. Everybody can party and have a good time around the burial sight. I would prefer for people to celebrate my life and not mourn my death. And no one is allowed to wear black.

But black is so slimming!

[Gemme]

I am an organ donor. I hope to help as many folks as I can with what I have at the time of my passing. I haven't exactly decided what I'd like done with my leftovers once that is done. It honestly depends on how much of my physical being is left. Hopefully, the Universe will allow me a manner of death that will help me to do this.
Maybe I could donate the rest of me to a medical school. Maybe be cremated and cast in some of my favorite places. That would create an expense for my loved ones, though. Maybe I'll start a fund so that someone can travel to those places and scatter me about to and fro. Maybe I'll have separate sprinkles for different people.

Well, that part's not figured out exactly yet. I do know that I want the doctors to harvest as much of me as they can.

I don't fear death. At all. I do worry that the pathway to death's door will be painful to bear. I'm not a big fan of pain, so I hope that my death is either swift or painless or maybe just a little pain. The way I see it is that my life to this point has had quite a bit of pain in it, so maybe I'll get a break at the end. Kind of like a coupon. Oh, you had X amount in pain so you get 25% off your pain during death.

I dunno.

Maybe I sound flip, but death itself isn't something I worry about. I worry about how it will feel. I worry about what the people who find me will think and I hope that I'm not found days into my decomposition because that would not allow me do what I wanted to do most and also, it's pretty damn disgusting. Decomp is a smell you don't easily forget.

[Cowboi]

Prop me up beside the juke box if I die
Lord, I want to go to heaven, but I don't want to go tonight
Fill my boots up with sand, put a stiff drink in my hand
Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die

[Venus007]

I want to be cremated.
I would like a tree planted with my ashes in its roots.
The people I love can do whatever they want with the rest of my remains, have it made into a diamond, shot off in fireworks, snorted, mixed into tattoo ink whatever floats their individual memorial boats.
I will be long gone and other than that tree thing, I don't care, I just want them to go back to being happy.

[Inuus]

I have had my directives written out for years. I want to be cremated. For me and its only my own opinion, I think a funeral and burial is just a waste of real estate and too much money for a vessel or empty shell. I want no flowers as I also believe that is a waste of beautiful plants and money too. I want my ashes scattered in the most beautiful place I have been on earth The Kancamagus Highway in my home state of NH. If people wish to do anything in my memory I wrote I would like them to actually go down to their local animal shelter, get to see the animals and donate whatever they wish as I believe its a far better way to spend their money.

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

I remember when my mom died when I was 13, turning around in the limo to watch all the cars in her funeral procession. I was shocked at the huge number of cars! I had no idea that she had "mattered" to so many people, and from that point on to today, that is what I hope for for me, that when I go, people will acknowledge that I MATTERED in their lives.

I also plan to be an organ donor, firmly believing in that most precious gift. After the docs have taken all that they can use, I want to be cremated. I would want my ashes sprinkled from a couple of places, from high in the Rocky Mountains, to the Atlantic Ocean off Palm Beach, to a quiet park somewhere here in Arkansas, somewhere that has beautiful sunrises and sunsets, tall trees and lots of green. These are places that bring joy to my heart now, and where i would hope to rest.

As for memorial services, I want musical selections that mean something to me, and I have already asked my ex AA sponsor to sing "Amazing Grace". She has the most incredible voice. I would hope for a couple of services, one in FL for all my peeps down there, and one wherever I happen to be living, where my kids and grandkids and friends can come together and remember me and laugh and cry and celebrate my life and yes, how I MATTERED in their lives.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

For the Maori, the Tangihanga (Funeral Rite) may take two or three days. The deceased lies in state, usually in an open coffin with female relatives sitting around them. Visitors come during the day, sometimes from many miles to address the deceased. They may speak frankly of his or her faults as well as virtues, but singing and joking are also appropriate. Free expression of grief by both men and women is encouraged. Traditional beliefs may be invoked depending on the tribe, and the deceased is told to return to the ancestral homeland, Hawaiki, by way of the spirits' journey. The close kin ("dead skin") may not speak. On the last night, the night of ending, the mourners hold a vigil and at sunrise the coffin is closed, before a church or Marae funeral service.

My funeral arrangements are already in place and mostly paid for (should I die whilst living overseas money is available for my body to be flown home) – further instructions are held with my Will. I will be buried on the Marae along with my Daughter and other family members.

For nearly 20 years I’ve worked in the Mortuary Sciences, many as a Mentor for students, teaching them the various Embalming methods/practices of many cultures. I don’t fear death – I’d hope that when my time comes, my colleagues would be laughing and joking knowing that, that is how they often knew me. I’m the least morbid person many people know, lol!

[Turtle]

Oh yeah, I forgot, I am totally for organ donation, got my pink dot on my license ( it's a california thing) and I'm in the computer, so no one can argue about it. Then, cremate the leftovers, please and scatter to the wind or the sea.

[Jett]

I answered earlier... but I am thinking I would want known in this world of doubt and whatever, that I was as genuine as I could be... that if I said you were my friend, you were my friend... and if I said "big luvs", I felt luvs for you... and that if you loved me, I could tell, and am so glad for that...

Jett

[J. Mason]

I am an organ donor so my organs will be donated, its on my DL.

Then I want to be cremated and my ashes spread over my home state!