Your Death and Post-Death Preferences

[Martina]

I like studying rituals, but I hate, loathe and despise taking part in them. I arranged my father's funeral this summer and somehow made it a valuable experience for others. At least they said so. I am glad about that, but for me, it was misery times ten. Maybe for people with big extended families, it's not so arduous. But I couldn't believe I had to do a 180 and deal with all of that activity and socializing when I was in such deep shock. It's cruel, but I got through it. My mom got through it. But I hate funerals. I think they serve a purpose. But because I hate them so, I do not want one.

There is a Stephen Dunn poem I'd like my friends and loved ones to read on the occasion of my death. Maybe I'll leave a stack of letters for them with it inside.

Re the disposition of my body. I don't care. Cremation.

[PoeticSilence]

The wife and I did our five wishes as someone before me posted. We also have a living will. When it comes to it, she and I are absolutely polar opposites. She wants to donate and then be buried. I too want to donate, but I want to be cremated. I haven't tried hard to change her mind, but I intend to keep trying.
I want no funeral, no party, nothing. I want my children to be able to identify me if they feel they need to see, but otherwise, that's it.
My wife will see to distribution of my estate. It's a little touchy because we've been together for going on eight years, but my children, well, three of them have been in my life a lot longer.
I also put my daughter in charge of some of my financial crap because I think she will need to deal with something important because she's insecure. She's also worried her world will fall apart if I die, so I set aside something for her to do to tidy up things, to help her work through it.
I expect the wife to keep the house and the kids to stay here if they want. Her sons (my two youngest) are included. How she divides up the household things will be up to her, I expect the kids to take what they want, what means something to them. And of course I've some money put away for the kids each too. Legally mine or not.

That's all it is.
It's really simple. And the way things are going, I can expect my wife to get my social security when I die, which is important to me.
If my wife precedes me, everything will fall to my son to do what she was to do, and the house will be left for whichever kids want to live here, or they can sell it and split the profits.
We even have directives for our pets (mostly the parrots because they live eighty years or so).

Right now I'm working on a few things that I want each of the children to have, like a hope chest, but unlike a hope chest. Most of you have parents and siblings and relatives, but I have my children and my wife, and I want to leave them something remarkable that will resonate with each of them.

[TagHeuer_07]

I have experience NDE (Near Death Experience) twice, first it was stabbed by stranger and lost all my blood i dont remember much seen what happening but remember before i came out of coma saw tunnel with huge white flash etc,

2nd had serve asthma attack due stress i remember seeing tunnel with full of colours and saw many people i know and some dont know (might have met them before) it was full of speed in tunnel and saw the white then bright white it went silent and saw jesus for like few sec and flash lighting that bought me back alive again

If i die my heart will go to heart research for heart hospital, my lungs will go to asthma research but the rest im not sure what to do will have to think about it

i want cremation, before cremation i dont want flowers just gold coins to donation for heart and asthma research etc i want LGBT flag in service to remember that im proud of being LGBT no matter what i am as who i am, who i love, also i want bagpipe before service and after the service to play after the service wish friend and family and some people who have met me will go to service or german club to celebration of my life etc

My stuff (expensive one)some will given to who i trust and other stuff will go charity to give homeless people needs etc

[Electrocell]

My younger days I told my friends to bury me ass up ( so the world could kiss my ass) with a bottle of jack black in one hand and a joint in the other lol.

Now that I am older told my niece to cremate me ( cheaper on the family) and scatter my ashes wherever. Hopefully people will remember me as a kind and giving soul , also a good friend. Want to add my niece will get my life insurance to pay for the cremation.

[~baby~doll~]

Great topic. We have discussed this around here a number of times. It ii am ill terminally i want euthanasia at a celebration like in the movie Barbarian Invasions. i do not want to be in pain or so drugged i can't communicate. i want no procedures which would elongate the suffering for my partner or myself.
i want to be cremated as soon as possible thereafter.

i have a friend who says she would like to be cremated and put into bottles of Summer's Eve so she could spread herself around. Hmmmm

[Aud]

As someone with a serious heart condition, I've probably put in more than my fair share of time thinking about this topic/considering the options. And just when I think I'm certain I know what "my wishes" are, they change!

I do love this idea as a lasting memorial for a loved one though: http://www.lifegem.com/index.aspx?BType=YTxt&BAg=HCrem

As for my 'death preference', quite honestly, I wished to be drugged out of my gourd, feeling no pain, nor fear, if possible.

[imperfect_cupcake]

I am a complete atheist. I do not think there is anything at all after I die except the big switch off. My materials came from the stars and will return to them eventually, like everyone else.

Funerals are not for the dead but the living. Funerals help the community through ritual to come to terms with loss. I have no care whatsoever about what happens to my body. I'm dead, I sure as hell won't know. I am an organ doner but my organs won't be up to snuff to donation. I'm overweight and I smoked for many years and I've had a lot of stressors and medications. But maybe someone can use my eyes if I go young.

To save people money and to give science it's due, I keep meaning to donate my body to science. Maybe my brain can go in the brain bank and the rest can be a learning dissection or something. I have to admit part of me feels a bit squeamish, but since *I* am having the benifits of my medical profession by having access to a cadaver, it would be of benefit for me to do the same thing for others to learn and aide education and research and health professions. I love the thought of something of myself being burned and compressed and turned into a man made diamond to be worn by whomever. But I will be dead and ultimately I won't care.

However, the rituals of death are for the living. So if anyone living has any preference for me, if it matters to them, if *they* need a grave or a memorial site, or to spread my ashes, then that is their privilege. Do that. I'm dead, I won't care. Do what is important to you. I'm an atheist so I would hope the ceremony would reflect that, but if the person(s) need spiritual mention, it's their party and entirely up to them.

If there isn't anyone, then just donate my body and let others learn.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

Let me preface my comment with a disclaimer. MY OPINION ONLY.

My physical body is a vessel, she gives form and shape and keeps my soul sheltered. I believe my energy has been here a few times before. Each time the wisdom garnered has lead me to this.

Not quite certain if I am done for now, or the universe has other plans. I accept whatever happens. Acceptance has been a valuable lesson for me this time around, hope to take this forward, or not.

My physical body is of little importance to me after her death. My spirit, all things physically intangible will persist.

As you believe it, so it is.

[Tuff Stuff]

Originally Posted by Nat

I know it sounds morbid, but we are all facing eventual death. Sometimes we know it's coming and sometimes we don't. It's the one area where we have little control over when or where or how.

Today, it's on my mind. I'm not sure why, and I am. It's not coming from a morbid place. It's just that it's been on my mind lately. Maybe it was beautiful sweetcalico's clothes at the femme clothing swap and the feeling she is still with us, that her memory lives on among us. Due to a long break from the community, I wasn't aware she was sick. But she was one of my favorite posters on the dash site, and it was saddening to know she had passed over. But the clothing swap was beautiful and part of the reason for that was the passing on of her clothes to her sister femmes and the honoring of her spirit in that sweaty half-naked, warm frenzy.

And I've been thinking about the funerals and other memorials I've attended. I love cemeteries - especially the older ones.

So I guess this thread is a chance to think about what you'd like to leave behind, how you'd like your death handled, what you want to happen with your body, how you'd like to be remembered. Of course these ideas are like to change over the years. So, I will post my own thoughts later. Hopefully death is a long long way away for most of us, but I don't think it would be ad to have an idea in mind for the time when it comes. For those facing death at closer range, I assume you may have begun to think about these things more than those of us may have.

No matter what you think of death,its morbid just thinking about it.Yeah,it's there at times,somewhere in the back of my mind...of course right now its up front and center.
My lady worries more about it than me.My job sometimes requires I leave home and hit the roads around 1-3 am in the morning.The roads here are dark and winding and I have escaped a few catastrophes where I had to literally breath a loud sign of relieve that I had escaped death once again.

I have been up close and personal with death.I have seen people die right before my eyes.It doesn't scare me when i'm out there in the world.

Death will frighten me only when i'm like laying in bed at night and my mind is relaxed and I start thinking about people,friends,loved ones who have passed on and I start to let my mind wander about life and death.And its like, when I die that's it,life will be over...and I wonder if it will hurt to die..I mean,you stop breathing and that starts to scare me and I think of something else real quick.

Some tell me death is like birth,like the baby doesn't want to leave its mothers womb,its like people don't want to leave our mother earths womb.I mean what is really on the other side?..anywhere,that's probably another thread.

It's in my Will that I want to be cremated and taken to the family cemetery.That cemetery dates back to the late 1800's and I suppose i'll have plenty of family kin to hang around with...see I don't know..what happens after...and don't tell me it doesn't matter what happens after you are dead,because it dose..you leave behind family,some that will miss you.Btw,i'm not saying that to anyone here in particular.

My death,your death dose matter...I think i would not want to leave any heartbreaks and sorrows behind me..no funeral,plz.
If they must,write an obituary and put it in the paper..and talk about the good stuff,not so much of my passing.

[Ginger]

Anyone can be disinherited except a legal spouse.

If you and your partner aren't married, make sure you have a will so the biological family doesn't take what the remaining partner needs to live out her life in safety and dignity.