Under 30 - Coming Up and Coming Out

[DomnNC]

Originally Posted by Captain Franki

In the real world find it really hard being new to everything at 20 sometimes.

I feel like everyone else around me has known they were queer all their lives and already figured this shit out. I feel so ignorant and green, or a fraud even.

I don't know how to act and tell myself that everyone expects me to know everything, something.

I'm used to men. I'm used to the world of straight dating. I'm used to cismale bodies.

I have no idea what I'm doing.

It's like going through adolescence all over again.

Stop putting added pressure on yourself, chuckles. You'll have a little laugh over this perhaps and will see that WE all are always learning each and every day. I'm 53, I'm trans, I've known since I was 5 that I was a boy, I've also always knew from that point that I liked girls, but points to age, that was wayyyyy back many moons ago. I lived in a rural setting, at the time there was no internet, our little town newspaper was 2 pages on a good day, lol. So I was just me, always on the inside I was who I was. Back then going to school, physical females had to wear dresses/skirts to school, oh the many fights my mother and I had over getting dressed in the mornings. Once I got home off those girl clothes came and into my boy clothes, I hated it with a passion. I hated being treated like a girl because I simply was/am not one (not that there's anything wrong with girls/women at all, I happen to love women). It wasn't til 7th grade that girls could wear pants so every other day (compromise with my mama so she thought) I snuck out jeans and a t-shirt to change, on those days, til she finally gave up in the 8th grade. So where I lived out in the boonies I thought I was the only person like me (as far as trans I think there was perhaps one boy in school that was). I had my first real girlfriend in the 7th grade and then a few in high school. My mother caught me kissing my girlfriend when I was 18 and heading into the Army in 2 weeks, lol, so I didn't have to deal with the looks or questions that long. That doesn't mean they don't know about me because they do/did from that point on. I couldn't have asked for more supportive parents who taught me the real meaning of unconditional love. So I kinda learned things, many different things (so I thought) as the years went on.
Now admittedly I never socialized that much within the gay community because I wasn't accepted there, then I got married and we didn't do the bar scene or big group functions because we were both career people and simply didn't have the time. Free time was spent with our circle of friends and family.
Fastforward, most know my wife of 17 years was also my friend of 27 years. She passed away Nov 27th, 2007. So after a few years I finally was directed to this website by a friend Sept 2010.
I promise I'm getting to the point, ya just needed a lil background. The point is this when I joined this site it was somewhat of a culture shock to me, lol, I've never seen so many dang labels, abbreviations, single letters grouped together that apparently meant something to everyone else but me!
So I've kinda muddled along, looked things up, if I couldn't find what it meant I'd ask someone, lol. So I'm kinda like in the position you feel you are in now as I'm learning a whole new culture as well and I'm 53! So don't get disheartened, don't be afraid to ask about things, the only stupid question as they say are the unasked ones. You'll be learning all your life so don't put so much pressure on yourself. Just be who you are at the moment, we're all allowed to change and grow. To stop doing so would mean life would be stagnant and boring. Enjoy the lessons, take from them what you may and apply to your own life or disgard it. There's no template, we all walk our own paths. Good luck and have fun with life because you never know when it will end.

[Soon]

The New York Times embarked on the project “Coming Out” as an effort to better understand this generation’s realities and expectations, and to give teenagers their own voice in the conversation.

The Times spoke with or e-mailed nearly 100 gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender teenagers from all of parts of the country — from rural areas to urban centers, from supportive environments to hostile ones. The newspaper contacted them through various advocacy groups, as well as through social networking sites like YouTube, Twitter and Facebook.

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/05/23/us/23out.html

[AlphaDrug]

The younger crowd here isn't very large or active I take it... I'm 22, and I'm afraid I'm one of the babies here... I didn't even know I COULD like girls till I was a freshman in highschool, 8 years ago, I was blessed with the best group of friends a girl could ask for, the indi/goth outsider kids who were accepting of everything. I did the whole straight to bisexual to gay thing.

I'd met my first and only boyfriend the summer before high school, dated him for two years, the entire time I had a crush on my best friend Crystal, shes the one who gets the gold toaster, I learned from her that it was okay to like girls and normal, so 2 years down the road I wasn't happy with my boyfriend, I went to prom with Crys and told him that there was a chance I might experiment with her that night, he jokingly just said to take video... I laugh at that now but originally it pissed me off.

I slept with my best friend that night and was smitten, it was insane and everything I'd been looking for. From there I declared I was bisexual... never dated a guy again so it evolved into comfortably telling people I was gay.

My coming out story to my parents is... interesting... and not how I'd planned it. Haha! If you want to hear that one just ask. XD I don't have much time and have to leave for work soon.

My favorite campaign that happened recently was the IT GETS BETTER thing that all the celebrities did, still thinking about it makes me tear up, because if I hadn't had the support of my friends in high school I'd have had a much harder time coming out. Luckily for me as well live really close to DC, so everything is pretty diverse and accepting to begin with, not a small town kind of girl.

[wolfbittenpoet]

Heya Alpha. There's a growing youth pop around here we just are stealthy. Like cats...
erm not housecats.

[AlphaDrug]

Originally Posted by wolfbittenpoet

Heya Alpha. There's a growing youth pop around here we just are stealthy. Like cats...
erm not housecats.

Aww awesome. I love cats. Hahaha. ^_^

...and where'd you get the cookies? o.o

[wolfbittenpoet]

The darkside....
It's any side not currently in front of you.

[stepfordfemme]

We young'uns are here! It has always seemed to me that people my age seem to embrace the queer but not the butch-femme dynamic.

I'm 26, and I've know for a very long time, but I went through many phases before embracing my full fabulous femme self.

Just wanted to say hi and welcome!

I also love the itgetsbetter campaign. I think the under 30s have been really blessed with a lot of acceptance and a generation that is open to change.

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by wolfbittenpoet

Heya Alpha. There's a growing youth pop around here we just are stealthy. Like cats...
erm not housecats.

...yes, we're more like alley cats. Leaping stealthily through the darkness, from roof top to roof top.



Anyways, yeah...cool to see other under 30 people around these parts. But now you just have to fucking stick around! I swear other than like 3 or 4 of us, every under 30 person who comes here leaves after a day or two.

[AlphaDrug]

Originally Posted by EnderD_503

...yes, we're more like alley cats. Leaping stealthily through the darkness, from roof top to roof top.



Anyways, yeah...cool to see other under 30 people around these parts. But now you just have to fucking stick around! I swear other than like 3 or 4 of us, every under 30 person who comes here leaves after a day or two.

Naaaah... I'm a big dork. I like my forums and blogs and such. I'll be around for a while. But I feel like we need more threads... not sure what kind of threads though. lol

[EnderD_503]

Well, I pretty much suck at making threads, so I'm the wrong person to suggest thread ideas. But I agree that we need more threads in this section, for sure.

[Holly.88]

I've been butch since the day I was born. My earliest memories are of running around outside in my Levis, bare feet, and no shirt. Man, those were good times!

When my twin and I started school we went to a private Catholic school because it was "the best school around." We weren't even Catholic. Every Thursday morning we all had church together, and I can remember being five years old, kneeling with my hands folded and eyes shut tight, praying my heart out that God would make me a boy so I wouldn't be a sinner anymore and would be normal.

The summer before my senior year of high school I met my first girlfriend. I came out to all my friends the first day of senior year and I was lucky enough to have some pretty great friends.

Over the years I've become more comfortable with who I am and I make no excuses or apologies for that. I am one self confident, proud, and open southern boi and to hell with anyone who doesn't like it.

[AlphaDrug]

Originally Posted by Holly.88

I've been butch since the day I was born. My earliest memories are of running around outside in my Levis, bare feet, and no shirt. Man, those were good times!

When my twin and I started school we went to a private Catholic school because it was "the best school around." We weren't even Catholic. Every Thursday morning we all had church together, and I can remember being five years old, kneeling with my hands folded and eyes shut tight, praying my heart out that God would make me a boy so I wouldn't be a sinner anymore and would be normal.

The summer before my senior year of high school I met my first girlfriend. I came out to all my friends the first day of senior year and I was lucky enough to have some pretty great friends.

Over the years I've become more comfortable with who I am and I make no excuses or apologies for that. I am one self confident, proud, and open southern boi and to hell with anyone who doesn't like it.

...where can I find one of you up north!? Haha. Butches are a rare commodity apparently... especially in our generation.

[Holly.88]

Originally Posted by AlphaDrug

...where can I find one of you up north!? Haha. Butches are a rare commodity apparently... especially in our generation.

I don't know that you can. I'm kind of a Southern specialty and MissPriss has the one and only original.

[untangle]

Hey everyone, first post here! It’s going to be a long one too!

From the time that I was 8 years old I knew I was different. I got my first crush on a teacher of mine and didn’t really understand it at all. I didn’t know what liking your female teacher meant, it just WAS.

As the years progressed and I got a crush on my best friend and went through my junior high years, I wanted to explore. Being the big dork that I am, I got really into computers/browsing and started reading about GLBT people. I remember it being such a huge deal for Ellen Degeneres to come out and I always looked at my family for their opinions when a gay character/person would show themselves in the media. I wanted to get an understanding of what I had coming.

I started chatting sporadically in places like Gay.com/AOL because I knew no other GLBT people, or none that were out.

The first couple of years of high school were pretty lonely and the girl crushes kept on despite trying to fight the fact that I was gay. I didn’t want to feel so alone and different. I remember reading about a Coming Out stories book online and had to get it somehow. I ended up throwing the book away after I was finished reading because I didn’t want my parents to catch it in my room someday. Every once in a while, my own mother would ask me if I liked boys and of course I would never give her a straight answer. Thankfully the last couple of years of high school I met some friends that ended up coming out to me, I to them.

At 25 years old, I decided I would come out to my closest sibling. I ended up getting very emotional because up until then, I was only out to friends or co-workers. Family was a whole different experience. Through the years my Catholic family has said awful, derogatory things towards gay people. Another sibling of mine even mentioned that she would not allow a gay person around her kids. That was devastating to hear.
When we have get-togethers and the topic comes up, my close sister and I will argue until we’re blue in the face to try and get a positive response from them. It never happens. We don’t typically discuss our love lives, it’s almost like a “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy throughout the family.

Now at 26, coming out entirely seems a little more possible everyday and I will continue to take baby steps. In the back of my mind, I believe my family is in some major denial and could possibly accept me. Then there’s that speck of doubt that scares me that I could lose them forever.

Without the great friends, Internet, or books I’m not sure what sort of direction my life would have gone. The resources we have readily available to us through the web are amazing and I too especially love the It Gets Better project!

[ruby_woo]

I thought I'd come by and say hi as an under-30 femme. Ok, I'll be 30 in July, but still...

I've known I was queer since I was about 14-15, when I met my first boyish-girl in high school. Before that, I did have occasional crushes on guys, but didn't date much.

I had my first girlfriend when I was 16 (thanks AOL chat!), have been out since I was 17, and have ID as femme since I was 19. I was lucky because despite growing up in a Christian household in the Midwest, I had a supportive family, and a close family friend of ours came out as gay in mid 90's, so I thank him for breaking that ice for me.

I remember being 19 and coming out as femme, and basically feeling like a giant dork because it seemed like everyone had their business figured out already, and I was like "...help?" I would get crushes on butches who were 3 times my age and viewed me as a little sister, lol. The best thing I did was make friends with the older femmes who could help me along my journey. Having your girls is so important.

And much love for It Gets Better! <3

[Red-Dragon]

i've been reading forums and this one looks interesting and i dont reply to alot cause i dont know how havent been on one of these been refered to by my bud she told me about this site. so this is how i came out...

I'm 21 and i've been out since i was 12 well only been out to my dad. i've had a feeling i knew since i was young i liked girls mainly cause i have 5 brothers so i've been raised by them been did everything boys would do pick on girls roll down hills in garbage cans race bikes fist fight with each other wrestle camp fish etc and even taught how to treat women etc even dressed as a boy. (even though it ticked off my mom). I didnt understand it at first so i looked into it and figured it out pretty quick. i remember having a major crush on my best friend growing up when my dad died my mom went bonkers after he told her i was lesbian.
I was told it was a sin etc but it just went in one ear out the other cause my dad and my brothers told me to follow my heart and its lead me to liking girls. i had my first girlfriend in 8th grade but she wasnt out and her parents didnt like me cause they caught me kissing her -.- wasnt a fun day. i moved to the states and had girlfriends but i figured out that my mum didnt like it so once i turned 18 i moved back to canada and there isnt much of a population that i can see here where i live. its mainly cause i'm quiet and keep to myself so thats probably why i dont see much but i do know there are gay bars and everything.
My guy friends say i'm the best brother they could have cause i give them advice game etc till this day my mom still hates it that i'm lesbian and she keeps pushing guys on me half a country away. Even though i've have been in many fights with a few family members on them not wanting me around cause i'm lesbian i dont care cause i like girls and nothing can change that.
well i hope i got it right on posting on a forum lol but thats my story.

[GraceNotes]

When I was in the 8th grade me and my friend were really obsessed with Sailor Moon and mostly with the Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus pairing because they were such a cute b/f couple (though the english version called them cousins) and It hadn't clicked for me yet that I was even a lesbian because honestly I was still playing with dolls at age 13 so that stuff wasn't even in my mind at all, but I'd have to say the Sailor Neptune was my femme role model.
For some reason my high school had a lot of lesbians and b/f pairings were the norm. At one point it finally clicked that I was a lesbian and I like butches. I came out at 15 and had my first girlfriend and I've always dated butches since.
on a side note my best friend from back in 8th grade grew up to identify as butch so i guess that was the reason at we so obsessed with that show and the characters.

[1ladyface]

Hi All! I'm a 26 y/o queer femme. I came out my first year of college. I had assumed I was asexual, until I saw the womens basketball team. It was my first exposure to female bodied masculinity in my own age range. swoooooon.

I've only ever been in butch femme relationships and I'm not even a little bit interested in a relationship that doesn't have that dynamic.

Anyway, enough of me. I look forward to continuing to get to know you all!

[Red-Dragon]

Originally Posted by AlphaDrug

Naaaah... I'm a big dork. I like my forums and blogs and such. I'll be around for a while. But I feel like we need more threads... not sure what kind of threads though. lol

i read through on these things i just dont post. and yeah gotta agree more threads like these. plus alpha the "babies" as u said are around lol (i just go off and on this site cause of work) <<is not stealthy just knows how to do the hudini trick and disappear

[AlexHunter]

For me, the realization of being gay was a part of something bigger: gender dysphoria.

I always felt, well, male. When I was two, I asked my mom when I was going to grow a penis. Throughout my childhood, I had my hair as short as my mother would let me have it, dressed like a boy, played with the boys, and liked girls. It wasn't anything complicated back then; "boy" things felt "right" and "girl" things didn't.

My parents had a collection of old movies. I loved watching them and strongly identified with the leading male characters. I wanted to be a gentleman with a pretty lady on my arm.

I had my first memorable girl crush in first grade. We went trick or treating together. I was a big, scary vampire and she wanted to dress as a princess. I told her Halloween was supposed to be scary, so the princess idea was lame. She compromised and decided to be a zombie princess, instead.

I lost my virginity (to a girl) at thirteen. I had sex with several girls throughout high school, though my first serious girlfriend was not until senior year. I also enjoyed looking up porn with guys in it (had to be man and woman, though, I didn't care for the gay stuff), which briefly made me wonder if I was attracted to them, in addition to girls. I decided to explore something sexual with a guy and quickly realized I was disgusted by it. I just had a bad case of penis envy.

I never had to "come out." Everyone assumed. I was dead set on transitioning until I was 20 (I'm 28 now). I toyed around with several labels before I found out what was comfortable for me. I didn't want to claim butch status at first because I thought it was a term for "lesbians." The butch-identified people I knew were (in hindsight) either woman ID'd or soft butch (nothing wrong with either, but it's not me.) I read about "stone butch" and went by that for awhile. I am not 100% stone anymore but that is another story. For the last few years, I've claimed butch and genderqueer.