Personal Space -- In Your Face

[TickledPink]

I love me time! It's important to me to soak up the silence and gain energy from its source. I can still have music flowing and be in silence. I can still have my pack around me and be in silence.

Total me time would consist of being in a candle-lit room, aromatherapy and some good ole meditating. Or a hot bath with some good-smelling bubbles! It's amazing what it can do for your psyche!

As for crowds, they bother me more in my old age. I loathe Wal-Mart and anywhere I have to stand in line. Folks like to strike up a convo with me for no reason. Total strangers open up to me and I'm always left going, WTF?

However, I'm a hugger! I can't help it! I mean, I wouldn't just hug a stranger or let said stranger touch me. I don't care for anyone being in my face or touching my face period. But I love some hugs

[Apocalipstic]

It freaks me out for people to stand behind me, and I really like large personal space unless I am really comfortable with the person and in a calm mood.

[Jude]

After reading the myriad of responses to my initial query, I think I've come to realize that it's about the face in the space far more than the body. I don't care where a stranger's body is hanging out as long as I don't have to touch or smell it if I don't choose to do so. I care deeply where their face is --- even a beloved friendly face. If I'm not actively using the face in one way or another, I don't want it a few inches from my own. Suspect this is an atypical response and others are far more gracious.

Ever seen the ad where the little boy is teasing his sister and has his finger an inch from her cheek and is saying: "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you."? The ad itself makes me want to crawl the walls. My own granddaughter tried that one out on me and I found it instantly intolerable and I tend to kind of like the kid

With me, seems to be a face thing!

Dear Newspaper Advice Columnist: Is this normal?

[Gemme]

It still depends on the sitch for me. If I'm sharing a secret or information that I don't want revealed to just anyone, yes, you better have your face REALLY close to mine while I'm telling it to you. However, once that is over, you shall remove your face from my space. I don't like breathing other people's carbon dioxide, even my partner's.

I don't think it's abnormal that you are so bothered by anyone entering your space, Jude. I don't think the average person feels that strongly about it, though. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone majorly (it's not like you're playing favorites, it seems) and it's not the result of some trauma in your life, it's fine I would say.

[Jesse]

Hi I'm Jesse and I am a space hog. I want all 3 feet of my owned space please, unless we are being physically intimate and even then at some point I am going to need to breathe.

Like Apocalipstic, I don't like for people to be behind me. Go ahead and give it a try if you like, but don't say I didn't warn you. <laughing>

I generally will not sit with my back to a door or where someone can walk up behind me.

I also do not see the need for us to stand 3" apart while we talk.

I also have an issue if I am sitting down and someone walks up to me to talk and ends up kind of hovering over me like they have lost their gravity or something. Do sit down please.

Funny what peeves some and not others.

[Isadora]

I am touchy feelie. I do not mind touchy feelie from people I love. I crave touch and usually pick people who also do.

I do not like crowds however and things like Pride or Folsom, etc., make me nervous and I feel like I can't breathe.

I always sit with back to a wall so I can see things coming, this comes from growing up with an attack mother. However, if I trust someone to "have my back" I can sit anywhere. Like if I am out with someone who also has to have there front facing people and I trust them it does not bother me.

I lived with 9 brothers and sisters. I went from home to convent and lived with about 300 women. Alone time? I dun like being alone. At all. I need very little alone time. I do not like being in my house alone. I like being with people.

When I was a CEO and had a big office, I made a co-worker share an office with me. I don't like working in isolation. I would not do well at home. I love traveling and meeting people. However, I do understand that people need space and am very aware and respectful of others.

[Jude]

Originally Posted by Gemme

It still depends on the sitch for me. If I'm sharing a secret or information that I don't want revealed to just anyone, yes, you better have your face REALLY close to mine while I'm telling it to you. However, once that is over, you shall remove your face from my space. I don't like breathing other people's carbon dioxide, even my partner's.

I don't think it's abnormal that you are so bothered by anyone entering your space, Jude. I don't think the average person feels that strongly about it, though. As long as it doesn't hurt anyone majorly (it's not like you're playing favorites, it seems) and it's not the result of some trauma in your life, it's fine I would say.

______________________

Thanks Gemme. Trauma??? A face trauma??? You mean like a heavy face falling on me? Perhaps being run over by a face or bearing witness to a giant exploding face as a small child? Just playing....

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Jude

______________________

Thanks Gemme. Trauma??? A face trauma??? You mean like a heavy face falling on me? Perhaps being run over by a face or bearing witness to a giant exploding face as a small child? Just playing....

Yeah, like Max Headroom or something. *grin*

[dale2555]

Originally Posted by Jude

After reading the myriad of responses to my initial query, I think I've come to realize that it's about the face in the space far more than the body. I don't care where a stranger's body is hanging out as long as I don't have to touch or smell it if I don't choose to do so. I care deeply where their face is --- even a beloved friendly face. If I'm not actively using the face in one way or another, I don't want it a few inches from my own. Suspect this is an atypical response and others are far more gracious.

Ever seen the ad where the little boy is teasing his sister and has his finger an inch from her cheek and is saying: "I'm not touching you. I'm not touching you."? The ad itself makes me want to crawl the walls. My own granddaughter tried that one out on me and I found it instantly intolerable and I tend to kind of like the kid

With me, seems to be a face thing!

Dear Newspaper Advice Columnist: Is this normal?

Dear Jude,

"If I'm not actively using the face in one way or another..."

Well now, the using of a face brings to mind a variety of pictures all of which are normal. Then again, I'm the one seeing said pictures and I've never, EVER, been called normal. "Weird" is the word most commonly used about me - as in, "You're so weird!" I used to be uncomfortable hearing it and then I became wise enough to understand its true meaning. Since that enlightened day, I say, "Thank You". So if you'll allow me to rephrase... No, not normal at all and the perfect response to an unwanted situation!!!

Sincerely,
Newspaper Advice Columnist

[adorable]

I like being alone rather then around people. Most people get on my nerves.
I dislike people hugging me, although I go thru with it to be polite. I have never understood seeing someone you know at the grocery store and them running to you like they're a golden retriever to hug you a "hi."

If people get too close I back up. An arms length is good for me.

Then there is baby touching. Even more then I hate people touching me, I hate them most of all touching my kids. When my oldest was a baby I had her in a carrier on top of the grocery cart (covered of course - lest my grandmother saw me out with her and her face was exposed. lol. <---see superstition thread.) And some lady came up, lifted the blanket and reached out to touch her. I smacked her hand away and told her to keep it moving.

In relationships I have "learned" how to cuddle. It's not so bad when you like the person.

Crowds? It depends. I remember being at an Alanis Morissette concert once
at an outdoor theater. Everyone was standing in front of the stage in a huge group. The entrances/exits were all on the right of us. I thought, man if someone on stage said anything that might cause this crowd to go nuts - a lot of us would die. Or if a light fell down, a fire started... Anything that would cause a stampede.

When I am in NYC, as long as the crowd is moving at a fast pace - I'm ok. I dislike waiting at traffic lights with them or standing in a group waiting for the train. There was a serial killer a few years back that would push people onto the subway rails. I don't like people behind me when I'm waiting.

[Pixie]

I know for me it totally depends on my mindset and situation. Most of the time I am fine, love being around people, I can talk to someone up close and personal......
........and others....I get claustrophobic, I get overwhelmed, I need to escape to my space and breath and purge all of the energy other than mine back onto the atmosphere away from me.

[girl_dee]

i love my space

i love the people i live with and being around them, but i love my very own space to just *be in* and i try to give them this too.

what i do not like is people who lack respect of privacy. I don't like having my physical or emotional boundaries crossed. (Unless your name is SYR)

Yah i like my own space to be in.

[RockOn]

I have no problem being in a crowd with one exception - Christmas shoppers are far too intense for me. There have been times I have been in a Mall before Christmas and had to literally run out of the Mall like a wide receiver - dodging and ducking. I have an affectionate nature and enjoy being touched/hugged by people I know and trust ... Like my 72 year old neighbor lady who moved next door a month ago. Sometimes she takes both my hands in hers when she talks to me. That feels really good to me.

I will say I become very rude in lines at the grocery store or places like WalMart if someone behind me bumps me more than once. Everyone gets the benefit of a "bump once" free card. After that, they will notice I have turned into an instant asshole, stand my space, capable of a nudge back. I never say a word. They will find they have no opportunity to look over my shoulder while I pay cashier. Years ago, I was at an ATM withdrawing cash - broad daylight. The fellow behind me was very close on my back. Before I punched in my secret code, I turned around, his face was very close to mine, looked at him hard directly in his eyes and told him to back off. He took 2 steps back and began ranting how he did not need my money because he had much more then me. I thought I would surely end up rolling there on the sidewalk with him, my body had already prepared itself and took over by hardening and bowing up ... adrenaline was flowing through my veins like hot lava. Thankfully nothing happened.

[Smiling]

What I have noticed about myself is that the more physically attracted I am to someone, the closer I will allow them to be in my personal space. With close friends, I will be okay with it occasionally, but typically only as long as is necessary.

lol, now that I think of it, it's actually probably a really easy way for someone to discreetly ascertain exactly where they stand with me. For instance, I have a coworker who really likes to get right up in my space a lot when we talk - we both do it - and it totally turns me on, lol. (And I always make sure I have plenty of interesting things that need to be discussed, lol).

As far as everyone else is concerned, I want room. Lots of it. And I hate it when people come up quietly behind me - I have an exaggerated startle reflex, so it pisses me off.

[Vivacious1]

I am definitely a personal space kinda girl. With everyone actually. If someone is too close it makes me nutty. I am not a long hugger or much of a cuddler either... Crowded spaces make me cringe and when someone makes me feel cornered it's not a good thing.

[MsTinkerbelly]

I am very quick to hug, but i can "tell" when a hug wouldn't be welcome and I'm good with that!

I love being in the middle of a group of friends/loved ones, and we can all sitthisclose and i'm in heaven. But.....get me in a crowd of strangers and i am moving toward the nearest exit before you can blink.

I need lots of me time, but personal space isn't needed unless it is a stranger.

[candy_coated_bitch]

I HATE HATE HATE people in my personal space. I have a very wide sphere of personal space, wider than most. Strangers in my space? Oh, hell no! I can't stand people behind me (it's a PTSD thing) and hate when people come up behind me in stores, or even when people I know startling me. I also hate lines, and especially those people who don't understand the concept of not breathing down your neck while standing behind you. I always give those people a dirty look and move away from them. Close talkers? Ew. I back away and back away and back away but close talkers don't tend to be hint takers I've found LOL.

I let only select people into my personal space. I have lots of friends I give hugs to upon seeing or leaving them--but I'm not very touchy feely with most of my friends beyond that. I'm not a cuddler unless it's a significant other or maybe one or two specific friends and then I am VERY affectionate.

That is all.

[kittygrrl]

Personal space has meant different things to me depending on my circumstances and the different places I've been. I lived in a commune where I had to share space and lived with lots of people and children all around me and set my mind to love it and it taught me many things. I've also had times in my life when I was very alone and was very comfortable just doing my own thing. I think where I am at right now is somewhere in the middle, sharing my space is definitely a good thing.

[Tuff Stuff]

Originally Posted by Jude

Wondering if I'm just socially atypical............. What is the level of your need for personal space? Does the suggestion of "in your face" send an involuntary shiver up your spine? Do crowds ever overwhelm you? How do you feel about the person behind you in a que (how close is too close)? The hug from a mere acquaintance?

This is wholly apart from sexual intimacy - talking physical, personal space here; not even about emotional need for space. (That may be my next query!)

I usually don't stand next to crowds,gets me agitated on so many levels.Volence comes to mind when a rude person/s touches me while standing/walking/running by me in public,with no "excuse me".I absolutely hate elevators,unless i'm in there all by myself,then I love them.I dislike lines of people where I have to stand there with...mostly because my time is important.

I will hug people I like,but they have to be the ones to reach out first.

Home-I also like my space.Sometimes I need to drive alone or be alone at home.There is a bed in my home where I sleep alone...that ones a habit..I counted three 'alones'..*snort*

If I really take a liking to someone,i don't mind them standing next to me,maybe even brush up against me.Depends on who it is.Most times I don't like it when bio-males do this,unless I find him appealing,even then i don't like it,sometimes.

[Orema]

I like crowds and I like people. I don't have a problem with others standing behind nor around me. I'm touchy-feely and enjoy hugs but am hesitant to hug strangers and am respectful of others' space.

At the same time, I need a lot of time on my own—especially when I'm not feeling well. I really don't want to be bothered by anyone when I'm sick.