being disabled....

[DamselFly]

i haven't seen a thread specifically addressing the difficulties of being disabled in a healthy world so thought i would start one. i'll begin with my situation: i have MS, COPD, Fibromyalgia, and am now losing my sight. (please, when post, use a 5 or larger font, so i can read it!) how does someone like me find a partner? most people seem to want those who are healthy. i am also on SSD, poor, don't drive, don't even have my own place right now. so that puts me in a place where all i have to offer someone is myself. as i am. and i highly doubt that someone is going to want to take on all that comes with me. if such were to pass, twould be wonderful, but, though i am open to possibilities, i really don't expect anything. i'm trying to make my peace with this and think that i have. i like who i am and am at peace with the decisions i have made in my life. my spiritual life gets me through the days and nights. i must admit that this is hard sometimes, dealing w/dr.s a lot, having to make my way through bureaucracies just to get what i need to survive. i am thankful that i am able to do it, however, and am sure that i will adjust to being blind, just as i have to everything else that has come my way. that's a biggie to adjust to, but i'm a strong person! the Tao moves as Tao moves, and i will move with it.
namaste, my friends. i look forward to hearing from others!
DamselFly

[Soft*Silver]

I have chronic and acute back problems. And fibromyalgia. And a nasty monstrous hiatal hernia that has sapped the life right out of me for over a year. And while I am not losing my sight, I tend to need eye surgery every year or every other year, for retinal detachments and recently, for corneal problems. I also have depression and after living with my medical problems and poverty, I developed anxiety and then, panic attacks. I could go on but you get the picture. I just got on SSDI and it made me rich comparitively to what I have been living on for the past almost three years...which was $115 a month. Yeah. Mercy. So for the past three years I refused relationships or romance. I focused on me. Actually in the past before my health issues, I didnt fair well with relationships and while I would like to believe it was all their faults, it wasnt. Even before my health went bad, I was difficult and I needed to work on myself even then. So now while I havent been working and have had time on my hands, I took the time to better myself. I spent time in therapy and in spiritual practices. Its an ongoing process and I like the results I am getting.

My physical health is also improving. So is my mental and spiritual. (Tho out of all three, I need most help still in the spiritual domain.) I am a better person than I have ever been. But i am still not interested in a romance. Not the "walk down the aisle, I am ready to say forever romance". Hell, I just got my meds right! LOL You know how long that took?

Here is a bit of philosophy...I just now realize the real answer to life. Time. And no one wants to give it. I do. I have dug my stilletoes deep into the ground and I am dragging myself slowly thru time. Not because I am disabled. But because I am able to do that....no one can take that away from me. Only me.

I have sat for two years on BFP watching people be in love, fall sadly out of love, happily find love, never get over being hurt, never fall out of love, never find love at all....the whole time just sitting and watching and praying for everyone to be happy. What did I pray for myself? to stay out of harms way..and the only way I could do that was to stay single. For me, this was a good decision...

we all look for different things in our lives. I hope you find yours, Damsel...

[Daywalker]

Subscribing

[Corkey]

I am differently abled and found someone who just didn't give a rats patoot that I am. 3 herniated disc, arthritis, and fibro, amongst the most serious of issues. We all have flaws, it's how we deal with them that makes us who we are.
When you least expect it, there will be that one right person who will love you for you and not your ableness.

Good luck and don't sell yourself short.

[Delish]

I got sick almost 3 yrs ago. In Sept I got my disability because I have Lupus. It has already attacked most of my organs. Besides flare ups which are HORRIBLE and the chronic fatigue I am pretty good for the most part. I went through the whole " I don't need a partner or anyone in my life. Who would want to deal with this" but now I am over it. I firmly believe that we don't find love, love finds us. So just think positive and take care of yourself.

[iamkeri1]

I normally post in pink, but decided not to because I have been told it is hard for people with limited vision to read. I am disabled myself. I will post to this thread in a minute, but for now I just wanted to list some other threads on the topic so anyone interested can peruse them,
Smooches
Keri

Differently Abled (fly your freak flag high)
　
The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People
　
Fibromyalgia/Chronic Illness/Chronic Pain/etc thread
　
Ableism and Ableist Language

[iamkeri1]

It's funny - I don't knpw whether its because my eyes are tired or what, but this big type is HARDER for me to read.

I had polio at age three, walked with crutches for over forty years, and then when my arms began to go bad I switched full time to an electric scooter for mobility. The switch had negatives - no more dancing which I darly missed, and some problems with building accessibility. BUT the benefits have been overwhelmingly good for me. My energy level zoomed. I can use both hands at the same time for a task, I can carry my own tray in a cafeteria, I can do hundreds of activities that were difficult or impossible before, I can hold hands and move forward at the same time ,,, and I can finally "walk" and chew gum at the same time, LOL!

I had a wonderful 25 year marriage to my FTM husband who loved me both with crutches and with the scooter. He died seven years ago, and I spent most of that time alone. But it was ME who was not ready. This past year I have had loving relationships with two great people. Both relationships ended short of "forever", but the people I remain in touch with. It's real possible that I am still not ready.

But the point is, being disabled did not keep people from finding me attractive.

I am incredibly lucky (and incredibly grateful) to be pretty much pain free.

Blessings to you all. Single or partnered, may we all be content with our lives or have the ability to change them.
Smooches,
Keri

[cuddlyfemme]

Like Keri, I normally post in pink but have been told how hard reading pink is so I'm writing this in black. I'm an epileptic, I've had epilepsy since I was 11. The children's neurologist that I saw said it would go away when I got older but it never did and more than likely never will. There's somethings that I can't do, like drive which is really frustrating...I hate depending on others and on public transportation. I take meds every morning and every night. They pretty much control the seizures but a few times a year I still seize.

Another here who takes daily meds for all sorts of things and whose life can be limited by health issues at any given time. You can't 'see' what's wrong so folks assume there is nothing wrong but then they don't know that I could have no feeling in my hands/arms that day or that I can barely draw breath (particularly in the winter - yay for better weather and calmer lungs), or that it took me hours just to get out of bed.

I've been very lucky that partners have understood my limitations and we've worked around them with minimum fuss.

[Daywalker]

As of yesterday, I'm not sure what I've got.

According to brand new tests, my 'Auto-Immune' stuff seems to all the
sudden be in order. My immune system is compromised, that is fer sure.
I was Dx'd with MS 13 years ago. Fibro & Arthritis are evident and have
been with me for years. So. Now. They are thinking I've had a small
series of Cardiac events that went undetected years back and have left
me fucked up with things that mimic many other conditions.
Reynauds is definitely present.
They still looking in on Sjogren's.
All this shit at once yesterday...has knocked me sideways
and wobbled my disposition for the last 24 hours.

So forgive me if I am lacking in the humor of it all right now.
I'm actually swimming in the pissed off and confused stage as I type.

That's my share for now.

Gonna have to go cheer myself up.
Or I'll have to ask myself to leave the room.

[Rockinonahigh]

Wow,good thred hear,thanks for starting it.I hope I set things right for you to beable to read this,so hear goes.
I was born a very tiny preemie,because of that as well as some of the fall out of the medical treatment I receved dureing the first months of my life I have had progressive deffness since birth,am dislesict(sp?) a bit hypre active along with some a.d.d. I really never felt like I was disabled because of all this because I have found ways to just deal with it because my grand parrents kept me in situations that gave me the way to find my way to deal with all of this.The deffness I will never out grow but the rest for the most part has blended into my life,some ppl deal with it some dont..those who dont
well I figure its there loss not mine.
Then In 1995 I injured my back wich herniated two disk,over the years I have blown it up a fue more times rideing rough stock in rodeos.Yes I knew I was walking a fine line with it but ..in truth really didnt care cause its my life and I was going to injoy it however I could.Now speed this up to today,my back had turned into arthritis,crazy burning sciatica to the toes at times...my feet tingle a lot...my neck has a poped vertabrae wich pinces my neck when I turn my head to far.Oh lets not forget the ashtma wich is something else to deal with minimaly.With all this I just keep on trucking..I limp,gimp,walk a bit funny sometimes.I once thought about how I lived my life and would I change it if I knew all this would happen...shure a fue things yes..but I would still do most of what I have done.I use to feel I would never have a relationship with any one,it bugged me like it dose many ppl.Now I just figure Im ok the way I am,if some sweet thing comes into my life...wonderful ,if not well its not ment to be.So I keep doin what im doing liveing my life by doing my best serrounding myself with possitive people helpes greatly.

[Sachita]

First of all- HUGS to you all. I am blessed with good health, strong as a bull and STILL have trouble finding the right partner. No to derail but I think when seeking a life partner you must have things in common. Big things like what you believe, feel and how you connect. Everyone has pet peeves, deal breakers and disabilities in some form or another. You don't ever give up. You keep putting yourself out there, network with friends (Love comes in all forms) and curb the loneliness as best you can. I see a few of you here with some of the same challenges. As friends why not become partners- roommates, helpmates, etc? It would be cheaper and you'd have more support.

[The Oopster]

Originally Posted by DamselFly

i really don't expect anything. i'm trying to make my peace with this and think that i have. i like who i am and am at peace with the decisions i have made in my life. my spiritual life gets me through the days and nights. i must admit that this is hard sometimes, dealing w/dr.s a lot, having to make my way through bureaucracies just to get what i need to survive. i am thankful that i am able to do it, however, and am sure that i will adjust to being blind, just as i have to everything else that has come my way. that's a biggie to adjust to, but i'm a strong person! the Tao moves as Tao moves, and i will move with it.
namaste, my friends. i look forward to hearing from others!
DamselFly

Hi Damsel! I quoted what I thought was key! and put in black the biggest point. If you can do this then who knows where love may lie. My experience when able and when not as abled is that if I am at peace with who I am and my decisions and where life is at I am at the best position to attract someone, abilities don't matter. Many abled people without many challenges lack those things and struggle in relationships.

I am not as challenged as I once was. Was a point where I was basically in a wheel chair and bed bound, and way skinnier then I should have been. I have had several spine surgeries which have been successful as long as I dont get in a rear end collision again. Due to those and medications I was on I had developed chronic candidia to the point my body was shutting down. I still have minor episodes but have been able to move beyond that also.

For all practical purposes I'm probably as close to normal as I have ever been and will ever get. I still get every cold, virus, or whatever that passes my way, have to make wise decisions on the things I do physically, and watch my limits. Also have arthritisis and fibro but I am able to work again and lead what feels like a more "normal" life.

During the not so healthy stage i was in some relationships and it was hard but a lot of that was more to do with where I was inwardly. It wasn't so much that I wasn't at peace with stuff but I had a lot of time on my hands so what I felt were reasonable demands for intention from someone else really weren't. I didn't really realize that til I got healthier and then tried to work, be in a relationship, and juggle other interests and had the rolls reversed.

Now that I'm healthier I am currently chosing not to date. I still have issues and working again, trying to maintain friendships, deal with some other interests is about all i can handle. It seems like I'm majorily sick (over a weeks time every few months) Someday it would be nice and when it happens it will happen!

For me the key is to be happy and that will attract others when it's time!

Originally Posted by Sachita

First of all- HUGS to you all. I am blessed with good health, strong as a bull and STILL have trouble finding the right partner. No to derail but I think when seeking a life partner you must have things in common. Big things like what you believe, feel and how you connect. Everyone has pet peeves, deal breakers and disabilities in some form or another. You don't ever give up. You keep putting yourself out there, network with friends (Love comes in all forms) and curb the loneliness as best you can. I see a few of you here with some of the same challenges. As friends why not become partners- roommates, helpmates, etc? It would be cheaper and you'd have more support.

I will just give my 2 cents from my experience.

I think this works great for some people. Honestly sometimes I would love to be in a realtionship purely to half the amount of stuff I have to do. Not the reason to be in one but it would be nice to share the cooking, the laundry, the cleaning, etc.

A lot of it depends on how the two people are wired. When I was home bound and rarely got out it was important that my roommate was gone some of the time. Since I couldn't get away especially if he ticked me off I needed time that he was away so I could let things pass. Unfortunately even though the agreement was my roomie would be gone so many hours a week he wasn't. He was on disability also and ended up being home All the time. He could physically get out if he wanted but chose not to. That didn't work for me. I know that no matter how abled I am I need a certain amount of me time and me space. I find personally I am more productive during time that I am home alone then when someone is around and I need to have some of that time. Other people may not be that way and it may work. They may also have larger surroundings. The space one is confined to makes a huge difference also. Again just how I am wired and my experience.

[Rockinonahigh]

OK,I am trying again to get this thing to put out big letters,So hear we go again.

One of the biggest things being difrently abled is the folks who are normal"whatever normal is" think many of us get a free pass for being difrentlyabled.I dont think I ever got a break because of my ablities,I have to work harder or difrently to get it done and often with better results cause we often put more effort into what it is we are doing.I can ashure u I havent lived a charmed life cause I havent,the hardest part of being diffrentlyabled is so many people either want to candy coat the issue,wich makes it worse or the bullys torment others cause they can get away with it..then say we are to sensitive.I call it BS.Many of us have gotten to where we are because we networked with people and places to to get the help we needed along the way.My hats off to the people who have helped any of us to to reach a goal or make a dream come true in many ways.If u have receved a helping hand...pass it on,there are many ways to do so.

Note from June: I made the font bigger for ya!

[Sachita]

I need space. lots of it. Any time you live with someone this could be an issue unless you set boundaries and have enough space. Even when I'm in a relationship I want my own bedroom. I've always preferred this.

[lipstixgal]

I also suffer from disabilities like Fibro and bipolar disorder which can get me down. I have been struggling since I had the Lyme's disease 10 years ago. I am a medical assistant and want to work and be part of a functioning society as well so I can understand what it is like to have pain every day and not be able to get going every day!! I wish the best of luck to everyone on this thread and hope they find a cure for what ales people!!

[wolfbittenpoet]

Completely understand the feeling of never finding someone who love me as I am. I have issues due to complications of strep throat and as a result I am on hemodialysis. Needless to say it limits my ability to do things. Some days I don't even want to crawl out of bed. But this site and online socialization keeps me relatively sane.

[Soft*Silver]

so..does anyone else have problems getting pain meds from their Dr? I swear my Dr is so paranoid! I ask for pain meds twice a year. I ask for maybe two weeks worth of meds at a time. Wow. Some addict I am. And I ask only for enough to help me sleep..not 24 hour coverage. YET...my Dr refuses to give them to me! I have to read her the riot act and go in, show her how damn crippled up I am, break down into tears, which makes me feel like I am at her mercy instead of a grown up to be trusted, before she takes me in earnest. After treating me for almost 3 years, why cant she just take my word for it?

THIS is why the little green plant has become my friend at rare times

[Daywalker]

For myself, I find that the consumption of the Groovy Green along
with absorbing high levels of pain at times...is preferable to being
Pharmacologically dependent on anything the Drug Manufacturing
Machine has to offer. I take Ultram 50mg and Flexeril for break
though pain. Ultram is a non-narcotic. Perhaps you can get your
Doc to look into the Ultram, and perhaps gradually get
you on the Ultram ER (extended release 200mg)

.

[citybutch]

Don't forget Connie Panzarino's The Me In the Mirror

[ame="http://www.amazon.com/Me-Mirror-Connie-Panzarino/dp/1878067451#reader_1878067451"]Amazon.com: The Me in the Mirror (9781878067456): Connie Panzarino: Books[/ame]


Connie was one of my dearest friends and I miss her madly... and I will always talk about her book....

I love me some Connie!

Originally Posted by iamkeri1

I normally post in pink, but decided not to because I have been told it is hard for people with limited vision to read. I am disabled myself. I will post to this thread in a minute, but for now I just wanted to list some other threads on the topic so anyone interested can peruse them,
Smooches
Keri

Differently Abled (fly your freak flag high)
　
The Mythical *Pass* for Differently-Abled People
　
Fibromyalgia/Chronic Illness/Chronic Pain/etc thread
　
Ableism and Ableist Language