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Old 01-05-2020, 08:47 PM   #841
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This topic is too near and dear as 25 years ago today at work the "pang" fire
happened.Arson fire "A" platoon my platoon,4 seattle firefighters made the ultimate sacrifice.

In the next 2 weeks were 4 days for body recovery which was us and 5 memorials to honor those taken.

It changed all of our lives and careers.Part of the job I chose I never thought about..... cause and effect.

It took me years to accept the term PTSD.

It is real and it is here for many,my life is better due to my realization and acceptance of such.
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Old 01-06-2020, 09:07 PM   #842
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Trauma humor... it's alive and well within these four walls.
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Old 01-07-2020, 05:51 AM   #843
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I need to find a therapist. I know there is shit I am not dealing with and feel like I can't talk about. But, I have state insurance and I cant find a competent therapist in my area that takes my insurance. I am feeling frustrated and a little like I am drowning. I am not sure what to do. Do I start looking out of my area and travel an hour to therapy a couple times a month? Do I just give up and start looking shit up on my own again and hoping I can find enough motivation to walk my way through the therapies that may help...

Ugh, I know it effects so many parts of my life, and I know I am just shoving shit down, and I know that means that eventually I blow and anyone in radius gets hit with PTSD shrapnel as it flies out of me in every direction... But I am feeling stuck.
it is OUTRAGEOUSLY hard to find a therapist. I just had a 2nd session with my new one after being on wait lists all over town since October and i have "good" insurance.

My new therapist is literally an hour away from me AND the only appointment i could get lets out right at rush hour BUT she specializes in LGBT and ADHD.

I want to scream every time i see mental health PSAs that say stuff like "help is available if you only ask"

NO IT IS NOT
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Old 01-11-2020, 04:32 PM   #844
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I am so not ok today. I just had to call 911 and have my child arrested and sent to juvie... she attacked me and threatened to hurt herself and others in my home because I told her I was taking away her tablet for non-compliant and disrespectful behavior. I had 5 officers in my home, she left in handcuffs. My arm is starting to bruise where she slammed it in her door. I was so hopeful that we wouldnt get to this place again... that her time in residential care would have given her the skills and the motivation to be at home and be in a positive and productive place with everyone in our family. Now, I dont know what to do. I dont want to do this all again. And I just cant stop crying.
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Old 01-12-2020, 11:34 AM   #845
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As long as you are holding space for her productive behavior to the same extent you are enforcing accountability for her dysfunctional behavior you are doing everything there is for you to do.

Hugs to you, i know it is hard
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Old 02-10-2020, 08:06 AM   #846
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My therapist is testing my IQ today. I'm nervous
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Old 02-10-2020, 08:10 AM   #847
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My therapist is testing my IQ today. I'm nervous
i remember the last time it was really easy-- like i did not even realize that was what they were testing, bc i also had a Rorschach and the old MMPI that day

She said last week that most people think it's fun
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Old 02-10-2020, 09:32 AM   #848
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My therapist is testing my IQ today. I'm nervous
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i remember the last time it was really easy-- like i did not even realize that was what they were testing, bc i also had a Rorschach and the old MMPI that day

She said last week that most people think it's fun
It doesn't usually change much - I'm surprised they would want to do it again, unless you've had a brain injury or something. Don't sweat it!
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Old 02-11-2020, 06:04 AM   #849
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It doesn't usually change much - I'm surprised they would want to do it again, unless you've had a brain injury or something. Don't sweat it!
i was in the hospital when it was tested in 1987 and neither i nor my family were given the score. It has always bothered me not knowing, bc it was a pretty big deal at the time, which was why they withheld the score.

i was supposed to be allowed to know after discharge, but i discharged before they wanted me to and my parents did not follow up on it (i was a minor)

My therapist wants to know bc the Dr. who did my ADHD testing did the processing speed section of the IQ (WAIS) test and found significant deviation from the norm.
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Old 02-11-2020, 09:07 AM   #850
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I am so not ok today. I just had to call 911 and have my child arrested and sent to juvie... she attacked me and threatened to hurt herself and others in my home because I told her I was taking away her tablet for non-compliant and disrespectful behavior. I had 5 officers in my home, she left in handcuffs. My arm is starting to bruise where she slammed it in her door. I was so hopeful that we wouldnt get to this place again... that her time in residential care would have given her the skills and the motivation to be at home and be in a positive and productive place with everyone in our family. Now, I dont know what to do. I dont want to do this all again. And I just cant stop crying.

Jenn, You did exactly what you needed to do.. I dont know what is wrong wit your daughter so I cant speak as if I do.. But either way, if she is being violent and threatening to hurt herself and others , she needed to be sent out of the house..... I have worked in Human Services for years and this is what a therapist or clinician would advise you to do... The only thing that you can do is be there for your daughter, show support and love, ALOT of the people I have worked with never had anyone to show they cared or supported them... (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))..I know its hard and heartbreaking to have to do that to your own child.. But you did what was in her best interest and what was in the best interest of the other people in your household... Hang in there Jenn... I know it feels like a losing battle
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Old 02-13-2020, 07:47 PM   #851
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Jenn, You did exactly what you needed to do.. I dont know what is wrong wit your daughter so I cant speak as if I do.. But either way, if she is being violent and threatening to hurt herself and others , she needed to be sent out of the house..... I have worked in Human Services for years and this is what a therapist or clinician would advise you to do... The only thing that you can do is be there for your daughter, show support and love, ALOT of the people I have worked with never had anyone to show they cared or supported them... (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))..I know its hard and heartbreaking to have to do that to your own child.. But you did what was in her best interest and what was in the best interest of the other people in your household... Hang in there Jenn... I know it feels like a losing battle
Thank you Zoey,

My daughter has autism, adhd, and disruptive mood disregulation disorder. This is not her first time attacking people in our home. The last time led to a 16 month stay in residential care. This is the first serious attack since she got home in June. Its having a huge impact. My oldest daughter is refuses to come out of her room unless absolutely necessary, tension between my parents (who live with me and I also take care of) is higher than ever, and haven't been able to function in my house since she left. I come straight into my room and have a panic attack every time I have to leave. I am looking for a new therapist for myself, working with my daughters mental health team to bring extra support in the house... but bringing her home this time was harder than ever. While she was in juvie she was angry and aggressive in every interaction we had, no matter who was present. And today when she spoke with the judge, she was very adamant that she feels she is not successful at home and would rather be placed in a long term facility. I am doing my best. But I am still not ok.

She spent 30 days in detention and was returned to my care today.
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Old 02-14-2020, 06:07 AM   #852
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Thank you Zoey,

My daughter has autism, adhd, and disruptive mood disregulation disorder. This is not her first time attacking people in our home. The last time led to a 16 month stay in residential care. This is the first serious attack since she got home in June. Its having a huge impact. My oldest daughter is refuses to come out of her room unless absolutely necessary, tension between my parents (who live with me and I also take care of) is higher than ever, and haven't been able to function in my house since she left. I come straight into my room and have a panic attack every time I have to leave. I am looking for a new therapist for myself, working with my daughters mental health team to bring extra support in the house... but bringing her home this time was harder than ever. While she was in juvie she was angry and aggressive in every interaction we had, no matter who was present. And today when she spoke with the judge, she was very adamant that she feels she is not successful at home and would rather be placed in a long term facility. I am doing my best. But I am still not ok.

She spent 30 days in detention and was returned to my care today.
Is it not possible for her to go to a long-term facility? If she believes she can succeed there and she wants to go and it is financially possible, maybe that is where she should be. As a former troubled teen inpatient, i think it is good that she wants that?

And even if there is no reason why she should be able to succeed there any better than anywhere else, the fact that she is choosing it kind of builds in some motivation and offers an opportunity to get her to commit to some accountability for her progress while she is there.
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Old 02-16-2020, 03:04 PM   #853
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Reading “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolkata, MD

Assigned reading, very difficult to accept. My life on so many pages.

Don’t know if others here have heard of it.
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Old 02-16-2020, 05:13 PM   #854
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Reading “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolkata, MD

Assigned reading, very difficult to accept. My life on so many pages.

Don’t know if others here have heard of it.
There with you. Also reading The Body Remembers by Babette Rothchild and The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog by Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavitz. All for my Treating Trauma class

Like you, I see myself splayed out in every chapter. Hugs to all of us for our resilience and our determination.
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Old 02-17-2020, 05:31 AM   #855
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Reading “The Body Keeps The Score” by Bessel Van Der Kolkata, MD

Assigned reading, very difficult to accept. My life on so many pages.

Don’t know if others here have heard of it.
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There with you. Also reading The Body Remembers by Babette Rothchild and The Boy Who Was Raised As A Dog by Bruce Perry and Maia Szalavitz. All for my Treating Trauma class

Like you, I see myself splayed out in every chapter. Hugs to all of us for our resilience and our determination.
It is on my list but i have been putting it off...
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Old 02-17-2020, 05:36 AM   #856
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Originally Posted by dark_crystal View Post
My therapist is testing my IQ today. I'm nervous
We did not finish the test last week. We will finish today i think. She said it does not have to be done all at once
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Old 02-17-2020, 07:19 AM   #857
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Unusual for a therapist to give a Wechsler. I assume she's a clinical psychologist. She said most people enjoy it? Does that suggest she gives them often? Trippy for a therapist to be administering these often. I can't imagine the context. Obviously for a complete evaluation, but therapists rarely need or use those. And people who give them often are usually people whose jobs are doing psych evals, not therapy. It's none of my business, and you're smart and well-educated so I assume there's a good reason. I'm kind of like Georgia_Ma'am in thinking they usually get re-done after a brain injury for people applying for disability or something. But there's lots I don't know.
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Old 02-24-2020, 02:34 PM   #858
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Hi all, so sorry I have not been here to give support! So very sorry and light and healing vibes to all who shared.

Its crazy how PTSD seems to layer in more trauma over the years. Like the oroginal trama/s get wrapped up in more traumas as they happen. Or new traumas cause us to rething and replay old traumas? I am not sure how to explain it.

I won't go into what happened. I wrote a whole thing, but don't want to trigger anyone. I just want us all to be ok. So many people are not.

Just Jenn, I hope things are getting better for you.

Sending love and light to all of you. Its a scary world.
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Old 03-08-2020, 11:00 AM   #859
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Apocalipstic View Post
Hi all, so sorry I have not been here to give support! So very sorry and light and healing vibes to all who shared.

Its crazy how PTSD seems to layer in more trauma over the years. Like the oroginal trama/s get wrapped up in more traumas as they happen. Or new traumas cause us to rething and replay old traumas? I am not sure how to explain it.

I won't go into what happened. I wrote a whole thing, but don't want to trigger anyone. I just want us all to be ok. So many people are not.

Just Jenn, I hope things are getting better for you.

Sending love and light to all of you. Its a scary world.
This /\ is what i was talking about here \/

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Originally Posted by dark_crystal View Post
I found this article on Somatic Therapies, which include EMDR and Somatic Experiencing. I did not vet the source so YMMV.

I get the basic principle but i am wondering how it would work with cPTSD? Like, we can't do The Rape or The Battery or The Bullying. Like, I have so many traumas that i cannot even keep track at this point.

How is the therapist going to know which one is causing the disruption? And if they all are, how will we ever get through all of them when i can't even make a complete list anymore AND new ones keep happening?

My big issue is emotional avoidance-- i see myself do it all the time, like when we are helping my dad into and out of his wheelchair from the car, etc.

It is difficult to watch, so i am busily examining the trees next to the car, or the cracks in the pavement, etc. all while my hands are holding onto his belt, etc.

I am guiding him and encouraging him but i am also dividing my focus so that i can turn my attention away from the sadness i see to the wasp nest on the garage or whatever, like "oh god oh god poor dad why why why why-- hey i wonder if those are yellowjackets or dirt daubers i should google-- oh go oh god why why-- hey that crack in the pavement looks like a slice of pizza-- oh no he had an accident he must be so humiliated-- hey look the azaleas are blooming"

Traumas that happen during that process get kind of cocooned and submerged and overlooked but they are piling up still almost weekly. Any therapy that has to do with reexperiencing memories is not going to find all of the memories, is all i am saying.
My new therapist is really pushing EMDR
She's going to have to sell it to me
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Old 03-14-2020, 08:13 AM   #860
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Originally Posted by dark_crystal View Post
This /\ is what i was talking about here \/



My new therapist is really pushing EMDR
She's going to have to sell it to me
I once had a therapist who wanted to try EMDR. I don't know if I was too disconnected or if she simply didn't have enough experience, or both. I got NOWHERE with it, although I thought it was an interesting exercise. So many people have had wonderful results with EMDR, but I'm not one of them.
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