Butch Femme Planet  

Go Back   Butch Femme Planet > RELATIONSHIPS, COMMUNITY, GROUPS > Building Community On Butchfemmeplanet.com

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-27-2011, 04:07 PM   #1
Nat
Senior Member

How Do You Identify?:
bigender
Preferred Pronoun?:
whatevs
Relationship Status:
in a relationship
 

Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Tx
Posts: 3,535
Thanks: 11,042
Thanked 13,993 Times in 2,596 Posts
Rep Power: 21474853
Nat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST ReputationNat Has the BEST Reputation
Default Etiquette Across Cultures

I was listening today to the podcast "Blacking it Up," and there was a discussion about "Black Etiquette."

It got me to thinking about etiquette in general and how I think the main reason for rules of etiquette is to reduce friction.

I had always imagined etiquette had more to do with umbrella, universal and somewhat stodgy and outdated rules. I think that's a blind spot for me, so I wanted to explore this topic here with all you smart folks.

Also, I am wondering if there are some universal rules of basic etiquette.

I imagine differences in etiquette vary by family, culture, race, nationality, gender, orientation, region, ability and generations. I think rules of etiquette are also different for those within a culture than for those outside - especially across the lines of privilege.

I would like to explore those largely unwritten rules and the differences and similarities we perceive/experience between different cultures. I would love to hear people's personal experiences with accidentally violating etiquette and also people's opinions and own rules about etiquette. I think it would also be an awesome place to post articles and youtubes talking about etiquette.
__________________
I'm a fountain of blood. In the shape of a girl.

- Bjork

What is to give light must endure burning.

-Viktor Frankl
Nat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-2011, 04:18 PM   #2
Reader
Timed Out

How Do You Identify?:
Butch, Dyke, Feminist, Contrarian
Preferred Pronoun?:
She, her
Relationship Status:
Single
 
Reader's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2011
Location: New Jersey, The Garden State
Posts: 732
Thanks: 1,308
Thanked 2,229 Times in 586 Posts
Rep Power: 0
Reader Has the BEST ReputationReader Has the BEST ReputationReader Has the BEST ReputationReader Has the BEST ReputationReader Has the BEST ReputationReader Has the BEST ReputationReader Has the BEST ReputationReader Has the BEST ReputationReader Has the BEST ReputationReader Has the BEST ReputationReader Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nat View Post
I was listening today to the podcast "Blacking it Up," and there was a discussion about "Black Etiquette."

It got me to thinking about etiquette in general and how I think the main reason for rules of etiquette is to reduce friction.

I had always imagined etiquette had more to do with umbrella, universal and somewhat stodgy and outdated rules. I think that's a blind spot for me, so I wanted to explore this topic here with all you smart folks.

Also, I am wondering if there are some universal rules of basic etiquette.

I imagine differences in etiquette vary by family, culture, race, nationality, gender, orientation, region, ability and generations. I think rules of etiquette are also different for those within a culture than for those outside - especially across the lines of privilege.

I would like to explore those largely unwritten rules and the differences and similarities we perceive/experience between different cultures. I would love to hear people's personal experiences with accidentally violating etiquette and also people's opinions and own rules about etiquette. I think it would also be an awesome place to post articles and youtubes talking about etiquette.
Interesting topic. In my job I have to deal with folks all across the globe. For reasons of etiquette, when emailing, we are never to use bold, all caps or red <--- the worst for anything as this is highly insulting overseas.
Reader is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following User Says Thank You to Reader For This Useful Post:
Old 08-27-2011, 06:54 PM   #3
SecretAgentMa'am
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Redheaded Bellydancing Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Very married
 
SecretAgentMa'am's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Portland, OR, USA
Posts: 215
Thanks: 84
Thanked 778 Times in 171 Posts
Rep Power: 15100835
SecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Interesting topic. I participate in another forum that's dedicated entirely to etiquette, and I've been amazed at what some people consider "proper etiquette". A lot of the rules of etiquette are incredibly antiquated and some of them are just downright offensive. Personally, I prefer manners to etiquette. Luckily, the two go hand in hand most of the time.

I think it is a good thing to learn the etiquette quirks of a particular culture if you're going to be in contact with people from that culture, but I think most people will understand that someone from a different culture just doesn't know a particular rule of etiquette. It can take years to learn them all.
__________________
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead
SecretAgentMa'am is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SecretAgentMa'am For This Useful Post:
Old 08-27-2011, 09:31 PM   #4
Venus007
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
Serene Highness ;}
Relationship Status:
Dreamily contemplating some outrage against conventional morality
 
Venus007's Avatar
 

Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Houston area
Posts: 1,362
Thanks: 1,417
Thanked 4,768 Times in 1,144 Posts
Rep Power: 21474852
Venus007 Has the BEST ReputationVenus007 Has the BEST ReputationVenus007 Has the BEST ReputationVenus007 Has the BEST ReputationVenus007 Has the BEST ReputationVenus007 Has the BEST ReputationVenus007 Has the BEST ReputationVenus007 Has the BEST ReputationVenus007 Has the BEST ReputationVenus007 Has the BEST ReputationVenus007 Has the BEST Reputation
Default

The culture I was raised in is a mix of Northern Irish and Southern Indiana/Northern Kentucky, poor rural, super religious

Here are some etiquette issues that outsiders tend to not get and thus can cause offense for their "rude" or "uncooth" behavior. . .

1. Whenever someone offers you anything, even if it is the thing you want most in the world you must refuse twice, the third time you say yes but must seem somewhat reluctant in the "oh don't put yourself to any trouble" way.

2. When someone you love who has been visiting is taking their leave, you must say goodbye 3 times, once in the house, once at the door and once by the car. All 3 times are full on hugging good byes and at all 3 passes (especially the car one) there needs to be lingering.

3. If someone complements you on your house or someone comes to visit it is mandatory that you MUST apologize for the mess. Your house could be so clean that your could womp up some fucking micro chips in there, but you STILL have to apologize for the mess.


I am looking forward to this thread, I moved from Michigan to Texas lately and it has been an education in getting up to speed with cultural variations and niceties.
__________________
.
"I need no warrant for being, and no word of sanction upon my being. I am the warrant and the sanction. "
Ayn Rand, Anthem



"So you'll die happily for your sins. You'd rather die in guilt then live in love?" Timothy Leary
Venus007 is offline   Reply With Quote
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Venus007 For This Useful Post:
Old 08-27-2011, 09:48 PM   #5
lettertodaddy
Member

How Do You Identify?:
dorky queer femme bottom
Preferred Pronoun?:
feminine ones
Relationship Status:
single, dammit.
 
lettertodaddy's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: vancouver, bc
Posts: 240
Thanks: 157
Thanked 716 Times in 158 Posts
Rep Power: 8075872
lettertodaddy Has the BEST Reputationlettertodaddy Has the BEST Reputationlettertodaddy Has the BEST Reputationlettertodaddy Has the BEST Reputationlettertodaddy Has the BEST Reputationlettertodaddy Has the BEST Reputationlettertodaddy Has the BEST Reputationlettertodaddy Has the BEST Reputationlettertodaddy Has the BEST Reputationlettertodaddy Has the BEST Reputationlettertodaddy Has the BEST Reputation
Default

How much do I love that Venus used the word "womp"?
__________________
"If I'm in a room full of cookies, the cookies ain't got no damn chance." - Charles Barkley

The meaning behind my screen name:
lettertodaddy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-2011, 09:51 PM   #6
loremar
Junior Member

How Do You Identify?:
Nerdz
Preferred Pronoun?:
He
Relationship Status:
Single
 
loremar's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Philippines
Posts: 59
Thanks: 5
Thanked 45 Times in 24 Posts
Rep Power: 725549
loremar Has the BEST Reputationloremar Has the BEST Reputationloremar Has the BEST Reputationloremar Has the BEST Reputationloremar Has the BEST Reputationloremar Has the BEST Reputationloremar Has the BEST Reputationloremar Has the BEST Reputationloremar Has the BEST Reputationloremar Has the BEST Reputationloremar Has the BEST Reputation
Default

Etiquettes always have stories behind them.
As long as the stories live, etiquettes would still continue to exist.
If people have forgotten about the story and it doesn't make any sense then it's easy to get rid of it.
loremar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-27-2011, 10:48 PM   #7
SecretAgentMa'am
Member

How Do You Identify?:
Redheaded Bellydancing Femme
Preferred Pronoun?:
She
Relationship Status:
Very married
 
SecretAgentMa'am's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Portland, OR, USA
Posts: 215
Thanks: 84
Thanked 778 Times in 171 Posts
Rep Power: 15100835
SecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST ReputationSecretAgentMa'am Has the BEST Reputation
Default

I was raised in a small town in Utah. Mormon culture is really strange, and people who don't know the rules are walking through a minefield

*Mormons don't drink alcohol, so you'd better not drink it or even let on that it exists in front of them. When my Mormon relatives came to my apartment, my choices were to hide all the liquor someplace were they'd have to really, really be hunting to find it or let them drive for an hour to get to my apartment only to turn right around and leave again if they saw so much as a bottle of cooking wine. If they're not close relations, they might stay, but they won't be happy about it.

*Coffee and tea are similar. If the Mormons visiting *know* you're not a member, you can get away with having a coffee maker in the house, but don't make any while they're visiting. If you go out to a restaurant, don't order any. If you're visiting their home, don't be surprised if you're offered Kool Aid. Don't even hint that you think that's a drink for children. Accept it and drink it.

*Mormons are totally okay with queer people. Just as long as you never let them find out that you're in a relationship, would ever want to be in a relationship, or have ever had sex or would want to have sex. You can bring your girlfriend along to visit as long as you don't touch each other in any way, and you introduce her as your "friend" or "roommate". If the subject of marriage equality or anything similar comes up, your options are to keep your mouth shut or to talk about how you're working to overcome your "same sex attraction" with the help of Jesus. They're even like you if you're sufficiently apologetic about who you are.

*If you have cause to go to a funeral service in a Mormon church, don't expect to go up and tell a story about how much the deceased meant to you, or how much you'll miss them. Don't expect that the deceased will be mentioned much at all. Funerals are conversion opportunities, they are not for remembering the dead. Unless the deceased was extremely devout, there's a pretty good chance the person giving the eulogy never even met them.

*Mormons expect all members to dress as though they were wearing garments, even if they're too young or don't wear them for some other reason. If you show up at a Mormon social gathering in a tank top, you might as well have walked through the door buck naked. If you're showing cleavage, you may even be asked to cover yourself or leave so the children won't see.

*If you're a woman and a member of your ward asks you for a favor, you say yes. It doesn't matter what the favor is, how inconvenient it is, or how much it will cost you. You say yes. If you say no, you can expect the shunning to start within a week.
__________________
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead
SecretAgentMa'am is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 06:08 PM.


ButchFemmePlanet.com
All information copyright of BFP 2018