Stone--Personal Definitions

[Ebon]

Stone for me means I like to pleasure and I get pleasure from it. I only recently found a stone femme that I was compatible with. It made me realize that there was some hope and I didn't have to become a celibate priest after all.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Stoney

So am I under standing that a stone femme may be

both a top----not wishing touch similar to a stone butch

and also a bottom who is a receiver of touch, but is more comfortable in ''not '' reciprocating the same touch for whatever reason that makes up their preferential dynamic?

Is this right?


thanks for all the responses, this has been great. Very interesting .

Much peace all,

Stoney

This is a actually a pretty good synopsis.

[ravfem]

i've struggled with my "stone femme" side for years, and still have personal issues with calling myself that. i, for whatever silly reasons, am much more comfortable calling myself a pillow princess....go figure. That term has never been a positive thing for me.... it seems to embody laziness....boy do i got issues.

Anyway, i have always been much more comfortable paired with people who are stone. my last gf was not, at all. i told her the first night we hooked up that i was a pillow princess, and after explaining what that meant, she stated she was fine with that. i tried to tell her she wouldn't be for very long, and of course she was adamant that it wouldn't be a problem. Needless to say, it eventually was. i should have known better, lesson soooo learned!

Without getting too personal, i have learned that i can be a bit more able to enjoy...giving...if it is within a Ds context. If i am told to do something, i will do it because i know it pleases them. But left to my own devices, it just isn't something i've ever been focused on. Like some others have mentioned, i too went through a stage of wondering if i was a "bad" lesbian because of my preferences.

i am gonna have to really devote some time to think about all this and process it in my head....

Thanks for the thread and all the great comments, y'all!

[TenderKnight]

Originally Posted by Toughy

I also think everyone has sexual boundaries that must be respected. Sexual boundaries is not a phenomenon of Stone id.

THANK TOU for this post.. I do not ID as stone, although I thought that maybe I was for a while. I do have sexual bounderies, however.. Sometimes I get very frustrated in bed, if I am not strapped. My cock is part of my sexual identity..

I have certain ways I want to be touched, there are also some things that I just don't like to do *to* a partner, because to *me*, it puts me into "lesbian" head space.. I still have memories of being a lesbian, I had a 4 year lesbian relationship.. It is a bad mindfuck for me, because then I feel femininized. I have had partners that don't get it, just as I've had partners that totally get it and enjoy the energy there.

It all comes down to mutual respecting of personal head space and bounderies for me. If a sexual partner asks me not to do something, I don't do it. It doesn't make them any less of a femme, butch, tranguy, cisguy, transwoman, or what ever they ID as.. The point is to connect with my partner and to have a good time.

There are somethings I really *need* to do with a partner I am in a relationship with.. One of those is strapping on one of my cocks and makeing love or fucking with it. If it's a hook up, it's diffrent for me.. The point there is to get off. In a relationship, the point is to share in the experience and maybe eventually, we get to get off too

I hope that my contribution helps add to the convo here.. As I said, I am not stone, but I *get* where being stone comes from and what it's about.

Thank you to all that have posted, I have been enjoying the read

-Tony

[Soon]

Some really wonderful sharing of people's personal definitions of Stone.

Thank you to all who have participated (or will!).

[cuddlyfemme]

This is an awesome thread with wonderful thoughts, comments. Like others, I thought I was a "Femme" for not wanting to give....I used the term "pillow princess" for awhile then realized that since I was much more comfortable with Stone Butches that I was (am) a Stone Femme. Like others, I encountered relationships where after I explained what a Stone Femme was, I was told that wasn't an issue....after awhile it did become an issue. I'm not sure if I would be more willing to give if I was in a D/s relationship since I've never been in one although I probably would be more giving

[cinderella]

Sister, I couldn't have said it better. Except that I didn't think of it as being 'lazy', but 'abnormal', or selfish. I lived with those feelings most of my gay life, until I found the gay/lesbian (for lack of a better word) sites. I joyously discovered that I was not selfish. I just enjoyed sex in a different way from others, and there was nothing 'abnormal' about that. In these online communities I found acceptance and understanding, and as you said, celebration in being stone.

After many years of being single, I have found love at last. My guy is just as stone as I am, and we rejoice and celebrate that aspect of our relationship - being stone. Cinderella has finally found the right 'fit'.

Originally Posted by Gemme

For myself, it lets others know upfront not only how I have sex but with whom I have sex.

I've always been Stone. I just didn't always have the vocabulary and knowledge to understand it. I spent way too many years feeling inadequate or "lazy" as a lover. Once I realized that not only was my type of sex allowed but celebrated in parts of this community, I felt more secure within myself.

[asphaltcowboi]

shaped rock fragment: a piece of rock that has been shaped for a particular purpose
at first i thought stone was meant as hard core.. stone fox=very sexy, stone cold=little or no feelings,stone butch=very masculin,stone femme=very girly.
in time i realized i was stone not only verly masculine butch but had certian sexual needs that i was insistant about. the few times that i allowed myself to be "handled" "touched" on the female parts of my body i felt shame and embarassment, i just did not "id" with those parts of my body. those were parts that i had wished sence a very young age that i didnt have. it felt like she was focusing on an ugly birthmark picking on the very worst of me the part of me that i tried very hard to hide. a part i didnt want to bring into a relationship. but i was born this way so why do i not enjoy being touched?. thats not it at all i do enjoy being touched everywhere except "down there" and i do like my butch "strap" being touched as if i was born like this. not fantisy but real for me as should be for my partner also.
it comes down to for me: respect me for who i am even if it is only in our eyes. i will do the same for you. who are you and who am i?
do we have the mutual respect that will complement each others needs?

[Gráinne]

I don't profess to speak with any kind of authority on this topic, but what I have gleaned is that "stone" is a continuum, almost like gender or sexual preference itself. I see all the way from no reciprocal touch at all, to touch allowed in certain places, to being a top (or bottom), but not necessarily stone. I fall in the latter group-not opposed to being touched at all, believe me, but I get 90% of my pleasure from touching, not being touched.

Having said that, it seems to change with whomever I'm with, where my mind is going, and even the time of the month. Different energies, I guess. I might want activity A on Monday, and activity B (totally opposite mind place) on Saturday. Sexuality is a slippery beast.

Maybe, to me, the important thing isn't defining once and for all what "stone" is, since there are as many different definitions as women on this site. It's absolutely not about "well, I'm doing it "right", and you are all "wrong". It's about finding partners who are compatible with our wishes, and theirs, and then communicating and respecting the hell out of each other.

[Nightshade]

For me, it's not even remotely about top or bottom, D/s, giving vs receiving... I am an active, passionate, giving sexual partner who could never in a million years be called submissive.

I'm not a lesbian. I'm not interested in interacting with female parts. Or being with a partner who wants or needs that. So... any motivation for giving in that way is non-existent for me. Does this make me a lazy lover or a pillow princess? If I'm in bed with a woman it would.

But give me a guy who truly owns his strap-on and knows how to use it and watch out!

Also, when and if I DO touch him there, I'm stroking cock, not clit. And there's no doubt in either of our minds.

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Nightshade

For me, it's not even remotely about top or bottom, D/s, giving vs receiving... I am an active, passionate, giving sexual partner who could never in a million years be called submissive.

I'm not a lesbian. I'm not interested in interacting with female parts. Or being with a partner who wants or needs that. So... any motivation for giving in that way is non-existent for me. Does this make me a lazy lover or a pillow princess? If I'm in bed with a woman it would.

But give me a guy who truly owns his strap-on and knows how to use it and watch out!

Also, when and if I DO touch him there, I'm stroking cock, not clit. And there's no doubt in either of our minds.

Speaking for myself, and FOR ME only, I am a lesbian. I'm a stonefemme lesbian. Like Nightshade I can't/don't interact with female parts, but I interact enthusiastically with butch women when given half a chance.

I'm a woman who partners with and has erotic energy with females who are butch. That fits perfectly within my definition of lesbian.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by cuddlyfemme

This is an awesome thread with wonderful thoughts, comments. Like others, I thought I was a "Femme" for not wanting to give....I used the term "pillow princess" for awhile then realized that since I was much more comfortable with Stone Butches that I was (am) a Stone Femme. Like others, I encountered relationships where after I explained what a Stone Femme was, I was told that wasn't an issue....after awhile it did become an issue. I'm not sure if I would be more willing to give if I was in a D/s relationship since I've never been in one although I probably would be more giving

Remember, only do what is comfortable for you. There is nothing wrong with being Stone in any relationship, if that is who you are. Being true to yourself will result in you finding the right partner match.

[Starbuck]

I have read the entire thread and I can tell you all that I have learned a lot! I really appreciate the frankness and honesty with which each member has chosen to speak about their experience with this topic.

[BullDog]

I am a stone butch and lesbian and my butch cock is a female body part.

[Nightshade]

Originally Posted by BullDog

I am a stone butch and lesbian and my butch cock is a female body part.

Thank you. I learn so damned much here! I've never heard it described that way before.

And as always, my absolute statements are proven incomplete and language in general is proven sorely inadequate.

People are stunningly complex and I for one am very grateful.

[cuddlyfemme]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Remember, only do what is comfortable for you. There is nothing wrong with being Stone in any relationship, if that is who you are. Being true to yourself will result in you finding the right partner match.

You're so right...one has to be true to themself before anything. Thanks for the reminder. I'm very proud of being Stone

[imperfect_cupcake]

Originally Posted by Stoney

Okay heres some questions I would like to throw out there and hear some feed back.

If a woman is in a relationship with a stone butch , is she now a stone femme?
Does that change an identity if the person you are with is stone? or would you simply identify as femme?
If you would be changing your style of sex out of respect for the person you were with or is it a lifestyle you would continue to pursue even in a different relationship? also would a woman who identifies as a stone femme whether in a relationship or not only look to date a stone butch?

I know for me, being Stone isnt an issue if it was a casual thing but what about a different senerio, you fall in love with a person who wasnt stone before, or maybe you fall in love with a stone butch and you arent....would you always feel like something was missing? Would you miss making love to a woman? I always wondered if my partner was feeling restricted from something she may desire to do with me or to me , just like I do her.

My first female long term partner was stone. I've seen many stone butches, casually and seriously.

I've never ID'd as a stonefemme (though I have had long periods of being stone - boundried about where people can touch me - myself). I've never felt there was something missing unless there *was* something missing in our relationship, not sex. If it was with the right person, if my wife suddenly decided she was stone, then I would not have much of problem with it. I'm pretty damn flexible. I enjoy giving anal sex, a lot, but I know some people can't. I don't feel like a part of me has been lopped off if I can't. Just the way some things go. And I'm well versed, so I'm not fussed.

My ID does not depend on my partner. full stop.

stone butches...
Has being stone been greeted with the wide eye " your Kiddings" like I described in a previous post in this thread?

Do you tell people you are stone, I mean in the general community, not Butch-femme? is it something personal you only share with your partner?...
Honestly I dont just put that out there. It isnt a common knowlege thing among my Friends, except here, online. I only cross that bridge if I come to it I guess.

I know isn't addressed to me, but, too bad!

I know there are plenty of places in the states and in canada it's acceptable to state your ID as stone butch. in the generder queer scene in london.... em... no. Butch is fine when mentioned in passing, no one gives a fuck, so woulod find it slightly odd for someone to do it adamantly/proudly. Sort of like shouting "I'm here, I'm queer" in a club where everyone has been out for 900 billion years and has the right to get married. State one is stone? not. that's sort of like telling your dinner guests how you like to masturbate. No one really wants to know your preferences in the sack. or how many toilet squares it takes to wipe your ass, while having a beer with you. It's kinda considered TMI. it's kinda a conversation you have with someone you intend to have sex with and close friends if you talk about sex with your close friends, not your casual mates.

the community clubs I hang in understands butch-femme, butch-butch, femme-femme, trans-butch, trans-femme, trans-wotever, bi, and all variations of generqueer. No one blabs about it too much, it's kind of a given. Though the term pillow princess/prince gets bandied about a bit, but not in a nasty way. and many people are more than happy to put their hand up and own that term.

[adorable]

I actually came to these sites to FIND my ID because I believed there was one. I found there was none and yet I am stone. I am stone not for the reasons that some may think...for me it has everything to do with what OTHERS think of my sexuality and not at all based on what my sexuality is in reality. I am NOT like you. I am me. He is He. Together we are. Who understands what I have come to understand doesn't mean a damn thing. I get it.

Stone is one way to quickly describe for me a dynamic that can also be described for me as D/g. Do we fuck that way? Sometimes. Do we love that way? Always. Will most people ever understand it? NO. Do I care? Not anymore.

[friskyfemme]

I do appreciate what y'all are saying. I have experienced many different sexual and personal relationships. I guess I had to come to my own based on what did/didn't work for me. I guess that because we all grow into ourself thru life experiences, no one definition is ever going to solely describe who we are compared to someone else. The best we can hope for is to love each other for the unique individual we are. By saying I am femme, I am relating that I am female id. I am stone femme which means I seek butches and transguys that are male id and don't want me to pleasure them in the same way they do me. This dynamic allows a melding of 2 energies (male/female) in balance (for me) 'the Dance'. This is not just a sexual preference but a lifestyle choice for me and my partner. This is who I am and doesn't define anyone else.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by adorable

I actually came to these sites to FIND my ID because I believed there was one. I found there was none and yet I am stone. I am stone not for the reasons that some may think...for me it has everything to do with what OTHERS think of my sexuality and not at all based on what my sexuality is in reality. I am NOT like you. I am me. He is He. Together we are. Who understands what I have come to understand doesn't mean a damn thing. I get it.

Stone is one way to quickly describe for me a dynamic that can also be described for me as D/g. Do we fuck that way? Sometimes. Do we love that way? Always. Will most people ever understand it? NO. Do I care? Not anymore.

Interesting. Ok, so if I am understanding you correctly, you define your relationship as stone b/c it is a D/g relationship?

Meaning definition of stone for you = D/g ?