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12-13-2009, 10:26 PM
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#1 |
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Mentally Delicious
How Do You Identify?:
Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?:
Mme. Relationship Status:
Married to JD. 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 10,446
Thanks: 5,995
Thanked 42,871 Times in 7,835 Posts
Rep Power: 21474861  |
What Cracked You Up Today?
Ok, I looked and couldnt find this thread so if it exists already I apologize.
I just cracked up because Jack accidentally pushed the wrong #s on the tv remote and it asked her if she wanted to pay per view a show called "Filthy Suck Sluts 2". She yelled at me "BAAAAABBBEEEE, you need to get this porno shit OFF OF MY FUCKING TV" so she proceeds to flail her arms and push multiple buttons and another show pops up. This time its "Big Horny Wet Asses 7" She yelled again, "BAAABBBEEEEEEE, there's some WET ASSES and shit on the tv and I WANT IT OFF OF THERE" and by this time, I was laughing so hard that I could barely see the tv anyway. So she whips her head around at me while I was bent over laughing behind her and she says, "BAAABBBEEEEEE, isnt there a way to block this shit? I dont want the family coming over here at Christmas and being embarrassed by Filthy Fisting Whores or Slutty Gooch Suckers...I mean, THIS SHIT IS NOT IN THE FUCKING HOLIDAY SPIRIT" ROTFLMAOOOO |
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12-13-2009, 10:34 PM
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#2 | |
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Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Diva Preferred Pronoun?:
Diva 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Chez Diva
Posts: 11,879
Thanks: 9,263
Thanked 17,180 Times in 5,238 Posts
Rep Power: 0    |
Quote:
Yeah. You don't want the family to see "Big Horny Wet Asses 7" because it's really not as good as "Big Horny Wet Asses 3" and "Big Horny Wet Asses 4". Damned sequels. 
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12-14-2009, 07:20 AM
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#3 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?:
I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status:
Still loving my Mare ;) 
 Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New Jersey
Posts: 4,683
Thanks: 1,343
Thanked 11,425 Times in 2,978 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
https://www.bordergatewayprotocol.ne...imations/1.swf
Warning - explicit language. Courtesy of an old school buddy of mine who at times, makes me "miss" home. LOL
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12-14-2009, 08:51 AM
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#4 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Multifaceted Queer Femme Preferred Pronoun?:
It's a secret Relationship Status:
And from my lips hye drew the hallelujah 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Somewhere over the rainbow clicking my heels
Posts: 732
Thanks: 2,646
Thanked 1,725 Times in 521 Posts
Rep Power: 8635874 |
....when I saw this picture:
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"Being Femme means my feminism and my femininity walk hand in hand
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12-14-2009, 10:47 AM
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#5 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Just me Preferred Pronoun?:
she, her, Relationship Status:
Single 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: TN
Posts: 160
Thanks: 115
Thanked 134 Times in 54 Posts
Rep Power: 1725535 |
Ok Medusa that was great! Thank you!
 ((this gal doens't look like she's freaking, just laughing real hard to me O_O)) i so needed that this morning
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=kassy= r/t Mishy =Love shared is love doubled.... pain shared is pain cut in half..........share your life with me, and i'll share mine with you... |
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12-15-2009, 12:18 AM
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#6 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Preferred Pronoun?:
Don't matter Relationship Status:
Meh Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Why is it hot in here and what am I doing in this hand basket
Posts: 151
Thanks: 1
Thanked 68 Times in 27 Posts
Rep Power: 219424 |
Me (talking to a friend at work yesterday) - How are you gentlemen?
Him - All your beer are belong to us. Me - Oh noes! Not my beer in a bucket! Him - Watch it, or else ceiling cat will take all beer AND buckets away from you. Me - So, I CAN'T has cheezeburger? Him - No, however you can bake me more of those pumpkin cookies. Me - THEN can I has cheezeburger? Him - I thought you wanted beer? Me - Not really, I have some PBR in my fridge still. |
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12-15-2009, 06:45 PM
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#7 |
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Practically Lives Here
How Do You Identify?:
Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?:
She, as in 'She's a GEM' 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The roads are narrow here
Posts: 36,585
Thanks: 182,168
Thanked 108,771 Times in 25,657 Posts
Rep Power: 21474887 |
I crack up constantly at the stuff NJFemmie finds to torment me with. Sure, she posts it "for everyone" but I secretly know it's just to make me
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04-02-2010, 08:18 PM
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#8 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Since You Need A Label. Butch Relationship Status:
Still Dreaming Of My Happily Ever After Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Arlington Texas
Posts: 4,009
Thanks: 4,950
Thanked 5,364 Times in 1,941 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
So I have a new apt manager and she is HOT... Ive been by before and we talked for awhile and we both love dogs... She showed me hers well her dog LOL and asked me to bring Simon by. So today I decided on my day off to walk down with him to the office.
We walk in and she is cooing and loving on him complimenting on what a wonderful sweet cute dog he is... And then Simon does it he sticks his nose right in between her tits and buries his face there... I start pulling on the leash calling to him Simon stop son... She is giggling and saying its alright, and Im thinking in my head you cant blame the dog he is smart after all LOL A few minutes go by we talk as Im paying rent, and she comes to love on him some more as we are sitting on the couch in the office... he puts his head right back between her tits... ( she has a low cut shirt on) this time without thinking I take my hand and go to move his head and grab her tit. Embarassed as all get out I jump up and start heading for the door and trip ono Simons leash... Im ready to just dig a hole and bury myself... She is making sure Im ok and with a smile on her face she says, all this because you touched my tit ? LOL we both start laughing and I explain I wasnt trying to get fresh with her I was trying to correct my dogs inappropriateness... LOL |
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05-04-2010, 08:37 PM
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#9 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Transman (male) Preferred Pronoun?:
He, Him, His ect. Relationship Status:
Handsome bastard. 
Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: May 2010
Location: Seattle
Posts: 727
Thanks: 122
Thanked 1,824 Times in 499 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
That I had to explain to my mom what the recycle bin was on the computer- and shes been using windows for 7 years
.gif "Say What?")
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05-04-2010, 08:58 PM
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#10 |
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Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
atypical Preferred Pronoun?:
plague words and phrases Relationship Status:
love wise guys of the avian world Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: wekiva springs basin
Posts: 3,236
Thanks: 9,934
Thanked 3,294 Times in 1,301 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
happy him-
a little black pug
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05-05-2010, 06:55 PM
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#11 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
Just the right amount of wrong Preferred Pronoun?:
[sic] Basturd Relationship Status:
She turns my crank Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Between The Lines
Posts: 342
Thanks: 110
Thanked 394 Times in 164 Posts
Rep Power: 2224209 |
snookin' for love...
Sunset Daze a viagra-fueled geriatric version of 'Jersey Shore'."
__________________
 "To say nothing, to do nothing, stops nothing" - Roni McCall,
Founder, Through Their Eyes, The National Animal Abuse Registry |
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05-05-2010, 06:57 PM
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#12 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Queer..femme.. .babygirl...girl Preferred Pronoun?:
Female Ones... Relationship Status:
Enjoying life but ready to meet someone Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Portland Oregon
Posts: 3,945
Thanks: 12,015
Thanked 12,476 Times in 3,357 Posts
Rep Power: 21474854 |
Daddy being french kissed by his "pup"
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05-06-2010, 09:34 AM
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#13 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NC & CO
Posts: 4,780
Thanks: 4,613
Thanked 12,092 Times in 3,753 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
I just sent a text to the boss that I'm having server issues with Google Calendar...
He's meeting with a client who's last name is "Knapp"... His return text: "Opps its not me call you when Im done with Krapp's apt"    I hope he didn't call the client by that name.... please be a typo only? |
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05-11-2010, 09:34 PM
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#14 |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NC & CO
Posts: 4,780
Thanks: 4,613
Thanked 12,092 Times in 3,753 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
here's the short story....
I was trying to set an appointment for a particular customer today...
in her really REALLY shrill voice (that I first thought was my boss playing a trick) she tells me - make that YELLS at me- that Tuesdays and Wednesdays wouldn't work for her because she's "over 90 years old and still goes golfing on Tuesday and Wednesday, but it is just too damn cold to go today... I'm 90 years old, I can't be out in this 40 degree weather, it's just too damn cold today!!!! But next Tuesday you bet I will be at the Country Club!!" When I asked her what day would work for her other than Tuesday or Wednesday, she yelled in an ear piercing shrill voice "Honey, I TOLD you I was hard of hearing, are you too? I said Tuesday and Wednesdays wouldn't work for me! I just have to have someone clean those whirly gigs out of my gutters!! I can't have my grandson do it, he's worthless!! Can you come on another day OTHER than Tuesday or Wednesday? I might be 90 years old, but I still get out and golf EVERY week!!" by this time, I'm sitting at my desk with the phone in one hand OUT from my ear...and my forehead in my other hand wondering when she was gonna hush so I could approach this from a different angle.   What cracked me up even more....was when I told the entire, full story complete with animations and mimics of her shrill voice to Mom... watching Mom crack up so hard she had tears!! I had her reaching for the tissues and holding her ribs!! "But I just got to get to the Country Club honey!! Come get those whirly giggs out of my gutters! I can't stand whirly giggs! Hey honey, have you ever gone golfing before? I tell ya, it's good for the blood and old knees!" OMG!! I better NOT find out that was the boss playing a trick!! |
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05-11-2010, 10:12 PM
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#15 |
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Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?:
She. Relationship Status:
Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Atascadero, CA
Posts: 4,933
Thanks: 2,309
Thanked 7,109 Times in 2,327 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
Just about everything, but high up on the list was my overuse of the word PieHole today.
I may have used it in therapy. |
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05-12-2010, 08:09 AM
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#16 |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Relationship Status:
A very happy Mr. Grumpy Cat Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Neither here or there
Posts: 7,987
Thanks: 27,733
Thanked 18,942 Times in 4,709 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
I stole this joke from a guy who posted it on TPM's FB page:
Guy goes into a bar, there's a robot bartender. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." ... See More The robot brings back the best martini ever and says to the man, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "168." The robot then proceeds to talk about physics, space exploration and medical technology. The guy leaves, but he is curious... So he goes back into the bar. The robot bartender says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini." Again, the robot makes a great martini gives it to the man and says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "100." The robot then starts to talk about Nascar, Budweiser and John Deere tractors. The guy leaves, but finds it very interesting, so he thinks he will try it one more time. He goes back into the bar. The robot says, "What will you have?" The guy says, "Martini," and the robot brings him another great martini. The robot then says, "What's your IQ?" The guy says, "Uh, about 60." The robot leans in real close and says, "So, you people still happy you voted for Palin?" |
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05-12-2010, 12:25 PM
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#17 |
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Timed Out
How Do You Identify?:
Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?:
She. Relationship Status:
Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Atascadero, CA
Posts: 4,933
Thanks: 2,309
Thanked 7,109 Times in 2,327 Posts
Rep Power: 0 |
UofMans post just made me spit water. Thanks for that.
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05-12-2010, 12:30 PM
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#18 | |
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Infamous Member
How Do You Identify?:
Butch Relationship Status:
A very happy Mr. Grumpy Cat Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Neither here or there
Posts: 7,987
Thanks: 27,733
Thanked 18,942 Times in 4,709 Posts
Rep Power: 21474858 |
Quote:
BTW, just like June you are missing an F in my nick. Can you just call me "U"? I mean, we are tight right? 
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05-27-2010, 06:44 AM
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#19 | |
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Senior Member
How Do You Identify?:
Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?:
She Relationship Status:
I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NC & CO
Posts: 4,780
Thanks: 4,613
Thanked 12,092 Times in 3,753 Posts
Rep Power: 21474855 |
Quote:
So, I had to call this little, sweet old lady back today and tell her that my boss would be a little late... she said "that's okay, I'm over 90 years old but I'm still here and my gutters are still here! He can visit anytime, I'm not going anywhere." She just tickled me silly!! I adore her spirit!! LOL
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She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~ |
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05-27-2010, 07:49 AM
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#20 |
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Member
How Do You Identify?:
. 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: .
Posts: 1,384
Thanks: 2
Thanked 2,895 Times in 923 Posts
Rep Power: 13536273 |
Reading some of the posts in the caption avatar thread
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