What is your fondest coming out memory?

[*Anya*]

All of us can relate to the difficult times of coming out-regardless of our gender ID or our dynamic. There also are some fond, happy memories of coming out for many of us.

I knew I always was attracted to girls. My mom found me in the back seat of an old, junked 1940 car that was in the backyard of a friend's house in NJ. I must have been 7-8, She was 8-9. We were playing doctor or something of that nature-pants were off (haha). My mom had been looking for me, found us in a "compromising" act of some sort & dragged me home.

Fast forward to 1979 (yes I am old). My best friend & I had flirted for a year before we finally bedded each other. But we told ourselves we were really straight, maybe bi. We thought it would be fun to go to a gay bar-male, on New Years eve, a bar called Ripples.

My fondest memory of coming out to myself, totally, with my whole heart and soul was that night in Ripples. It was absolute joy for me that night! Dancing with her, with our tribe of men & women. It was the time of disco, blowing whistles, "Shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah" and we did! We danced constantly, fast and slow songs. You haven't seen anything until you have seen an entire club do "The Hustle" as one (younger folks-Google it). At midnight we joyously kissed, looked at each other & nearly the same time said: "I guess we are really gay"!

I will always remember that night fondly, when the New Year became 1980! It made all the rest of my coming out a little easier to recall the fun we had that night.

Postscript: after that, we only went to lesbian bars, we both realized we actually were attracted to butches, not femmes and within that year, went back to being best friends.

I thought of this thread because yesterday on the radio heard "Shake your Groove Thing" & smiled with the memories of that night.

What is your fondest, happy memory of coming out?

[Dominique]

My first real exposure was when I went to a school of professional art. Keep in mind, I grew up Rural and my father was a farmer. I had zero exposure to gay folks. LOL. Life change in one day, the first day of school.

The gay men, were very obvious. I was captivated by them (and the wonderful art they produced) Quickly and with amazing ease, I befriended them. They were a tri mester or two ahead of me, but some classes co mingled, and I saw them in what was called free time....not study hall, free time was time to work on projects in the labs you needed extra time in.

They sensed things about me that *I* didn't know, and they were very gentle in spoon feeding me information. Looking back, I'm sure they didn't want to freak me out. Eventually, I started understandng what they were sensing and was comfortable enough to talk to them about it. Learning curve applied. We had two years, no rush.

We had a class, it was called anatomy. We sketched nude models in conte. Conte is *something like a soft chalk*. Some of the models, I often thought were there for money for their next drug fix, and were hard to sketch. Others, were excellent. It didn't take long to see, from my sketches, when I saw a beautiful body, my art work reflected the beautiful anatomy of the model. My Gay male mentors pointed out to me how some of my sketches were truely pieces of art, others were (lol) garbage.(garbage would be non woman art) There was a time line here. I realized, I loved the body of women, my eyes, to my brain, to my hands was able to transform some magical things.

The gay men opened my eyes to Art, and its many forms. I can see art in so many things (especially women) and that is where it all began for me. They took me to the bars, introduced me to the gay scene....also dating myself, the gay scene was still a bit *underground*...but ever changing.
Then I became involved with my first woman. My male friends mentored me
with every question I had, (and I talked so freely with them) That first relationship lasted quite a few years.

You never forget your first love. There is somethng that remains extra special about it. I'm so glad I went to Art school, met those two men.....and realized, I didn't fit into that old box any longer......AND, it's ok!

[Chancie]

Years ago, when I lived and taught in New York City,

I worked in a welfare-to-work program.

For the sake of this story, ignore my anger and disappointment when I realized

The program wasn't going to help women prepare for real job opportunities.

Because the women were adults,

There were plenty of conversations about children and families.

I wore a traditional wedding ring with a diamond band and

My students always wanted to know if I was married.

I would give some corny answer, like, Oh, yeah, to mathematical concepts, but

One day, I decided, enough with this crap, and when someone asked my husband's name, I said,

I have a partner, and her name is 'fill in the feminine name'.

The students were so moved by my 'realness' that

I had the most incredible relationship with them, and maybe I felt different too.

[Sachita]

I was 16 and lied about my age to get into this lesbian club in South Florida. Up until that point I had only been with 2 women, nothing but heavy petting and experimenting. So I took my fake ID and hitched a ride to another part of town. I was so stupid but I just had to figure out what was going on with me. I remember going to a gay bookstore to find a listing of places. This one sounded good and wasn't as far as the others.

My heart was racing. I had long hair down to my waist pulled back in a pigtail. I had on a short denim skirt and a cropped top, pair of cowboy boots. This big Dyke approaches me, pushes me against the wall and kisses me deeply on the mouth. My head was spinning.

I went every weekend after that until they closed the place.

[Kenna]

After not dating for MANY years while I was raising my son (I didn't want a "revolving door" of dates or mates in his life) ...
Right after I finally came out...my first "date" is my fondest memory... she was my mom's neighbor that I'd had a crush on for several years. (I still get tickled when I remember her saying "don't tell your mom! She'll meet me at the door with a shotgun!)
She was very out and proud and helped me gain self-confidence and self-esteem.
We took a carriage ride along the Susquehanna river and City Island at sunset with our dogs riding shotgun and my date flirting with everyone (I always LOVED how she would flirt and make "the girls" swoon over her...)...then we ended the evening with a wonderful home cooked meal. I still have the pictures of the stunning sunset as our carriage crossed the Walnut Street Bridge.
That date was our celebration of me coming out...and it felt so good to be free while she protected me that evening from the harsh comments of others.

[tapu]

Like Anya and perhaps others, my best memory is coming out to myself. I was in college and had the proverbial epiphany (through having a brief affair) and once I was fully aware and accepting, I ran around campus for weeks with a smile on my face and a chant in my head: I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay....

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Sachita

I was 16 and lied about my age to get into this lesbian club in South Florida. Up until that point I had only been with 2 women, nothing but heavy petting and experimenting. So I took my fake ID and hitched a ride to another part of town. I was so stupid but I just had to figure out what was going on with me. I remember going to a gay bookstore to find a listing of places. This one sounded good and wasn't as far as the others.

My heart was racing. I had long hair down to my waist pulled back in a pigtail. I had on a short denim skirt and a cropped top, pair of cowboy boots. This big Dyke approaches me, pushes me against the wall and kisses me deeply on the mouth. My head was spinning.

I went every weekend after that until they closed the place.

Oh, so hot, so awesome! I am smiling at your memory!

Lord, love our butches! Hey just thought of a new thread for femmes! Thanks for your memory

[Glenn]

I became a musician in a lesbian/feminist band when I was eighteen. We played in local gay clubs, coffee houses, private parties, etc.

[clay]

[COLOR="Blue"]For me, I knew at age 5 I was a lesbian! I LOVED girls!!! I was always "daddi" when we played house! <wink> So all through school, it was always a GIRL I was crushing on! So, "ageing "myself here...I came out at age 23...with a 36 yr. old woman! I remember we went to dinner, I was so nervous, so giddy...and so exuberant at finally being able to be with a woman!!! Well, that night, we put on an album, for ambiance...and I came out to......"drum roll" please.... "Help Me Make It Through the Night" by Sammi Smith! Everytime I hear that song, I smile inwardly...knowing that Sammi Smith did just that...she helped me make it through the night! We lived together for a year...until she broke my heart....cheated on me with my best friend! Have I ever come a looongggg way, baby!!! I will always be grateful for that one woman who helped me to "come out"...and I have never looked back!!![ /COLOR]

[Gaige]

I was 19 and in my second relationship (first one living together). I was having nightmares every night about my parents disowning me after finding out just how close of a friend my "roommate" was. I would wake with tears in my eyes. Hiding the real me was really stressing me out. I decided I had to live my life for me. Pretending to be who I thought they wanted me to be was making me miserable. I came out to my sister first. I needed someone to talk to about coming out to Mom & Dad. She was very accepting as I expected and full of good advice. My fondest memory was when I came out to my Mom. We were sitting on the couch and the tears just started streaming down my face due to my expectation of how she would take it. She wrapped her arms around me and held me tight and said, "You're my daughter. I will love you no matter what." I felt such enormous relief and the nightmares stopped. oh yeah, she also said she already knew. :-)

[MissPriss]

My oldest sister had just turned 21 and recently moved out. My girlfriend was over for the night, mom and dad were in bed. When my sister moved out I moved into the bigger room. My sister went out for her birthday and naturally got slobbery drunk so instead of going to her apartment that she apparently had forgotten all about it, she came to my parents house. Now, its important to know that I was raised by my grandmother and never had much to do with my parents until this time, but anyway my sister stumbles into her old room catches us naked and flops down in the bed with us she crawls up on my girlfriends back to look down at me and says "Sissy are you a lesbian"? I said "apparently" and started laughing till I had tears in my eyes, all the while she is still on my gfs back. She grabs my face in her hands and says..ITS WONDERFUL!!! Then she takes off through the house beating on doors to my brothers and parents room singing " My Sister is lesbian l-e-s-b-i-an how cool is that" ?

[Rockinonahigh]

There has never been any doubt about my tomboy ways as a kid,mom thought they would go away over time,well it only got worse to her dismay.WEll did the stupid thig of getting hitched to a boi guy...now dont anyone have a cow..take a deep breath and breath ok?The only good thig that came from that was my son who is like me made over.I never had jobs that normal women have,I worked hard labor jobs that paid some good bucks cause it seems that life just went that way, so I folowed my path.I never sid I was queer nor did I ever denye it either it was just not brought up,so now sonny boy is grown and newly home from the army after a 15year hitch after he got caught up in the downsiseing of the forces.He was in his room playing vidio games so I desied to finaly takle to him and tell him after all these years.so hear I go it went like this...son can we talk a bit..shure mom whats up...well son ya know ahhh thers is something I got to say... so hear it is...im a flamin queer!Gee mom I knew that when I was a kid,u finaly telling me..(me) yeah I gess so...sonny said..no prob hear if thats whats on your mind..never was..I said okk any questions..No mom not a one..just have fun oh and be carefull.Then he goes back to his vidio games.I go off shakeing my head thinking he knew allll these years,thats my boy.

[rubygirl]

Subscribing

[Quintease]

I was so desperate to shag a girl I used to bribe my best friend (with alcohol) to come to gay bars with me. Of course no woman ever looked my way and I would end up dirty dancing with my almost-heterosexual friend.

Later things hotted up when I actually made friends with a real lesbian! The potential for romance kind of died the first time I got drunk and threw up in her car.

Then I met an older (very drunk) woman who was more than happy to take me home - only to throw me out of her bed when she found out I was a woman-virgin. Two weeks later she tried to pair me up with her 17 year old ex-fling..

The sex eventually happened when I least expected it. Out one night, very drunk (again) and I spontaneously went home with a complete stranger. Not the smartest thing I've ever done, nor did it end well. That disastrous night did mean however, that within two months I took my first step out of the closet!

[Slater]

Wow reading through these makes me realize how spectacularly uneventful my coming out was.

On some level I had always known, but wasn't ready to confront it until college. I was 20 years old had been dating a guy for awhile and knew I was unhappy and finally just said to myself that really what I wanted was to be with women. And from that moment on, I never felt bad or conflicted or angsty about it.

But here is the sort of pathetic part that pretty well sums up who I was in my 20s: Within 6 weeks of that moment, I was part of a group that was meeting with the president of the university to present a list of demands and recommendations around LGB equality on campus -- but it took 3 years (yes, I said years) before I finally kissed a girl. (Which turned out to be the beginning of a torrid 18-month affair with a married coworker. Because one thing you have when you are 23 and have been waiting 3 yrs to find someome to get naked with? Good judgement.)

--Slater

[EmpressM]

I was 17. My best girlfriend M, who is heterosexul, and I were at an amusement park riding roller coasters and goofing around. We were sitting on a bench eating ice cream and chatting when the hottest butch I'd ever seen walked by with hys friends. I looked at M and said, "Did you see that? Hy's cute! I'm going to go talk to hym." She looked at me very confused and asked, "You know thats really a girl, right?" I smiled possibly the biggest smile I've ever had and said, "Yes" and took off after hym. Hy and I were together until I was 23, turned out to be a good thing I talked to hym! M was totally cool although she had tons of questions for me later. She is still one of my BFFs!

[Vanessa Emma Goldman]

well, i am still in the process of coming out as a trans woman and a lesbian, but so far i would have to say it was being in the production of the Vagina Monologues at the university campus where i work last year. even though i do not have one yet. a vagina, that is. i was and still am so honored that the fine people at the Women's and LGBT centres asked me to be in it, and it was such a wonderful and affirming experience for me.

i and another transwoman read the monologue titled "They Beat the Girl Out of Me, or So They Tried" which is specifically about transwomen.

more recently, i have become a stage performer in a band called the Dirty Virgins which is led by my dear friend Steffie Loveless. i am a "transgender cheerleader" who dances and does cheer moves to the songs. as with being in TVM, it is great to be up on stage performing as a woman!

[luv2luvgirls]

I was 19 and was living with my first gf...I stopped at my parents house to grab a few more things and my sister just got a boob job...so as we pass by my crazy sis on percocets goes...hi Ri, hi Cindy....yanks down her top and proclaims...like my new boobs all smiley and crap...I was like April dont flash my gf your boobs...thats how I first told anyone I was gay.... it was later that night that the rest of my family found out...well only April was supportive at that time lol

[JAGG]

I don't think I've actually ever came out. I think just by looking at me its no secret. But I think the first and only time I ever said I'm gay was about 5 yrs ago. I'm usally a private person and don't feel like I want share personal info with total strangers. Also you should know,nothing irritates more than someone trying to sell me something that I hadn't inquired about.
I was working in my garage one day, with the door up. This woman (obviously selling something) just walks into my garage without an invitation or greeting. Which instantly rubs me the wrong way. She then says I'd like to ask do you own or rent this house. I said I own it. A surprised tone in her voice she said , you do ? Then asks, well is your husband home? I had a million things I wanted to say to her, and trying to curb my growing anger, I just said HUSBAND? I don't have a husband, I'm GAY! She stood there for several seconds, trying to digest what she just heard me say. Then her mouth opened wide and this alarmed expression crossed her face, and all she said was OOh. Then she stood there silently for what seemed like 10 seconds speachless. I call that cracking their face. Like a statue that just cracks in a million peices and crumbles to the ground. Visibly shaken, she said , you have a nice day, and practically ran out of my garage. Who knew 2 little words could have such an effect. Hahaha I thought to myself, bet I never see her again. And busted up laughing.

[deb_U_taunt]

I was 14 and going to group counseling. There was this flannel shirt, work boot, crew cut, 501 wearing handsome butch in the group. I was smitten and she didn't have a chance.