Cancer Support and Caregivers Who Are Trail Blazers!

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by deb_U_taunt

I am loving this mastectomy cover up!

Wow. That looks great!

Sparkle, glad to hear your friend is improving. Yes, it is a lot of work for the carers. Thanks for updating us!

[Genesis]

Hello Everyone... I hope and pray everyone is doing well... It has been so long since I posted on here. The last few weeks have been nothing short of a long and twisted roaller coaster ride with loops, backturns and topsy turvy curves. I am very happy to share that my Mom finally got her surgery and she is slowly and steadily recuperating well. It was a tough battle, so much fighting and maintaing and keeping hope alive without wanting to pull my hair out more than I care to share. My positive energy, love and prayers to each of you who is going through this journey and those of us who are coming along with them. Have a wonderful weekend everyone. While we got breathe and life, let's make these moments amazing...

[hagster]

My mom is dying. Regardless of the positives we recognize on a daily basis, regardless of the positives we invent and find relief in, regardless of the denial I'm constantly battered with, she's dying. In front of my eyes.

I feel guilty for recognizing this, for knowing it as fact, when I'm told over and over again to think positively, that miracles happen. Fuck miracles. I need someone here to be my partner in reality. Reality is a lonely business.

I left my home and moved to this emotionally repressed and depressed environment to be here for my family, to help in any way I could, to add stability to an unstable situation. I moved here out of love and the fear of regret. Unfortunately, I don't speak the same language they do; we don't share the same needs. The staunch, cold demeanor that says if we don't talk about something then it's not real is damaging to me. I need to cry, to let someone know I do feel. I need to talk practicalities while we still can. I need a hug most of all. My family and I are strangers to one another.

I knew this would be hard. The reality is beyond language capabilities. I did get hospice set up and they are fantastic. My job, as it's turned out, has been as taxi service (no one here drives), to listen but not be heard and financier of things I can no longer afford. My schedule has been such that job searching is severely limited. The money stress combined with the emotional stress has been overwhelming and I have to go back home. It seems I can do more long distance than I can right here and that breaks my heart. I love my mom, I'm thankful for what my sister's continuing to do, but for my own survival, I have to go back to my friends and the family I've built with them. I'm unable to be supportive in this situation without my own support.

Everyone who's been through this knows there is more between the lines. Anyone with less-than-ideal family dynamics knows it even more. I try to be strong every day when I start out; I try to find the necessary energies to deal with the different personalities; I try to function without the sleep that's eluded me for weeks now. I have nothing more to give to this vaccuum.

The guilt is immeasurable, the reality unbearable. I'll come back for the end, which could be a couple weeks, it could be a couple months. I don't know what's right anymore. I know, however, that if I stay through this I will not survive. Dramatic? Yes, but this is reality. My mom is dying and I have to say this goodbye before our final goodbye.

[Lady Pamela]

May I first say, my heart goes out to each and every one of you having to endure any form or stage of cancer.

And truely amazed at such loving and caring support and caregivers and all you do.

I basically am just venting tonight because though I am a posotive person, My heart is heavy tonight.This month has been very tough.

I have been dealing with check ups to follow nodules in my lungs and will be doing another soon. If there is growth then I will have a biopsy on them.
I seriously thought this was hard to deal with. But yesterday I was reminded that my strength is needed elsewhere.

My daughter went in for a check up and ended up having 4 biopsies done and a scraping from her cervix. She is 25 years old. And the doctor said it didn't look good.We will find out results within 7 days.
They also found a lump in her breast that they will be watching as well.

If she ends up having cancer, this will make 2 daughters that have had cancer. My other daughter had it at 14. But survived and is doing well.

Having heard and been there through this painful test. It truely put an end to any small pitty party I may have been having. But still have fear.

My focus has turned to my daughters needs. Though I am doing all I can to keep myself up.

On top of all of this, my friend of 30 some odd years, I just heard today that we are waiting on her mothers test results as of today. They believe she has lukemia. Shes like an adopted mother to me. And I can't be there for her or my friend other than via phone.
Very hard .

Also a very close friend of the family is having cancer surgery tomorrow.

Can I just say,
I HATE FREAKIN CANCER!

Sorry, don't mean to be a cry baby. Truely I am a get it done type. Just at a low this night for a minute.

Keep up the posotive attitudes and again..Thanks so much for this thread. It helped me just to speak out.

Blessings to you all.


.

[Genesis]

Originally Posted by Lady Pamela

Can I just say,
I HATE FREAKIN CANCER!

Lady Pamela this forum has become my support for going through the journey with my Mom. This is the place where we can say things like that... Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. This journey is so hard for each person, the loved one or loved ones with cancer and the care taker(s) who go together on the journey together. Each person on this thread has been a column on which I had to lean on with their words and their own journeys and emotional reactions. Whether positive or negative they are appreicated and learned from. Please know my love, prayers and positive energy are going out to you, your daughter and friend. If you wish to speak more feel free to PM me. If I have no words at least know you got an ear and a shoulder if needed.
We are strong even in our most vulnerable moments....

[Lady Pamela]

Originally Posted by Genesis

Lady Pamela this forum has become my support for going through the journey with my Mom. This is the place where we can say things like that... Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability. This journey is so hard for each person, the loved one or loved ones with cancer and the care taker(s) who go together on the journey together. Each person on this thread has been a column on which I had to lean on with their words and their own journeys and emotional reactions. Whether positive or negative they are appreicated and learned from. Please know my love, prayers and positive energy are going out to you, your daughter and friend. If you wish to speak more feel free to PM me. If I have no words at least know you got an ear and a shoulder if needed.
We are strong even in our most vulnerable moments....

Just wanted to thank you very muh for such kind words.
And this waiting is killing me..So I may end up taking you up on the offer.
Thanks again for your sweet spirit and may blessings and strength be with you and yours also.
Namast'e

[DapperButch]

Lady Pamela,

I am sorry to hear that you have all of this going on. I hope that everything is ok for your daughter and your friend's mother. Also, being sad and afraid for yourself is not a pity party...it is human!

Hang in there.

[Lady Pamela]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Lady Pamela,

I am sorry to hear that you have all of this going on. I hope that everything is ok for your daughter and your friend's mother. Also, being sad and afraid for yourself is not a pity party...it is human!

Hang in there.

Thank you for such wonderful support.
Also for reminding me it is ok to be a little fearfu;..smiles
Sometimes when your a caretaker that part gets lost..ya know?

You have always continued support in my smoking journey..and now here.
Thanks again!

Blessings to you in your journey as well.
May you always have the courage ,strength and fight you need.
And may your own health issues be blessed and protected.


.

[mustangjeano]

Please don't hesitate to share and/or vent here Lady Pamela--that is what we love about this thread. You have an enormous load to carry right now and your are doing a great job managing it with strength and positive energy. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Jean

Originally Posted by Lady Pamela

May I first say, my heart goes out to each and every one of you having to endure any form or stage of cancer.

And truely amazed at such loving and caring support and caregivers and all you do.

I basically am just venting tonight because though I am a posotive person, My heart is heavy tonight.This month has been very tough.

I have been dealing with check ups to follow nodules in my lungs and will be doing another soon. If there is growth then I will have a biopsy on them.
I seriously thought this was hard to deal with. But yesterday I was reminded that my strength is needed elsewhere.

My daughter went in for a check up and ended up having 4 biopsies done and a scraping from her cervix. She is 25 years old. And the doctor said it didn't look good.We will find out results within 7 days.
They also found a lump in her breast that they will be watching as well.

If she ends up having cancer, this will make 2 daughters that have had cancer. My other daughter had it at 14. But survived and is doing well.

Having heard and been there through this painful test. It truely put an end to any small pitty party I may have been having. But still have fear.

My focus has turned to my daughters needs. Though I am doing all I can to keep myself up.

On top of all of this, my friend of 30 some odd years, I just heard today that we are waiting on her mothers test results as of today. They believe she has lukemia. Shes like an adopted mother to me. And I can't be there for her or my friend other than via phone.
Very hard .

Also a very close friend of the family is having cancer surgery tomorrow.

Can I just say,
I HATE FREAKIN CANCER!

Sorry, don't mean to be a cry baby. Truely I am a get it done type. Just at a low this night for a minute.

Keep up the posotive attitudes and again..Thanks so much for this thread. It helped me just to speak out.

Blessings to you all.


.

[Lady Pamela]

Originally Posted by mustangjeano

Please don't hesitate to share and/or vent here Lady Pamela--that is what we love about this thread. You have an enormous load to carry right now and your are doing a great job managing it with strength and positive energy. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Jean

I wanted to say thank you so much for the support you and others have shown me.
Wishing you all the best of blessings and strength as well.
And extend my ear as well if anyone should need to vent.

Thanks again!

Namast'e



.

[Lady Pamela]

Ok, where to start...
This week waiting for my daughters results has been extremely nerve racking.
I am a posotive person and one who looks for the good in everything usually.
I am also one who finds a way to rise above it all in most situations.
And have done my best to do so and help my daughter Reah to do so as well.

Tomorrow we should get her test results back unless they needed further testing on them.
I must say, the closer I get to tomorrow, the more scared I am becoming.

Yes I know we will get through it. And yes I know that either way we will have the answer. But I have to work and may have to call off for a couple hours to make sure I am there for her.
And honestly..I am scared to death.. If she has it, this will be my second child who has had it.

Anyways..releasing the fear now and trying to look at one moment at a time till we get it.

Blessings to you all. And may the strength and guidance you need be with you.

Namast'e


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[Lady Pamela]

Update on my daughter:


Tests results came back
NO CANCER..Yippeeeee

Thanks for all the support given and energy as well.

[Sparkle]

I can't recall if I shared this article before, it is a great piece posted in the LA Times in April, the title is "How not to say the wrong thing" I think it's a great model, and one worth sharing with everyone.

http://touch.latimes.com/#section/-1.../p2p-75241622/

/snip:

"How not to say the wrong thing
...
(She) developed a simple technique to help people avoid this mistake. It works for all kinds of crises: medical, legal, financial, romantic, even existential. She calls it the Ring Theory.

Draw a circle. This is the center ring. In it, put the name of the person at the center of the current trauma. For Katie's aneurysm, that's Katie. Now draw a larger circle around the first one. In that ring put the name of the person next closest to the trauma. In the case of Katie's aneurysm, that was Katie's husband, Pat. Repeat the process as many times as you need to. In each larger ring put the next closest people. Parents and children before more distant relatives. Intimate friends in smaller rings, less intimate friends in larger ones. When you are done you have a Kvetching Order.
...
Here are the rules. The person in the center ring can say anything she wants to anyone, anywhere. She can kvetch and complain and whine and moan and curse the heavens and say, "Life is unfair" and "Why me?" That's the one payoff for being in the center ring.

Everyone else can say those things too, but only to people in larger rings.

When you are talking to a person in a ring smaller than yours, someone closer to the center of the crisis, the goal is to help. Listening is often more helpful than talking. But if you're going to open your mouth, ask yourself if what you are about to say is likely to provide comfort and support. If it isn't, don't say it. Don't, for example, give advice. People who are suffering from trauma don't need advice. They need comfort and support. So say, "I'm sorry" or "This must really be hard for you" or "Can I bring you a pot roast?" Don't say, "You should hear what happened to me" or "Here's what I would do if I were you." And don't say, "This is really bringing me down."

If you want to scream or cry or complain, if you want to tell someone how shocked you are or how icky you feel, or whine about how it reminds you of all the terrible things that have happened to you lately, that's fine. It's a perfectly normal response. Just do it to someone in a bigger ring.

Comfort IN, dump OUT.
....
Complaining to someone in a smaller ring than yours doesn't do either of you any good. On the other hand, being supportive to her principal caregiver may be the best thing you can do for the patient.

Most of us know this. Almost nobody would complain to the patient about how rotten she looks. Almost no one would say that looking at her makes them think of the fragility of life and their own closeness to death. In other words, we know enough not to dump into the center ring. Ring Theory merely expands that intuition and makes it more concrete: Don't just avoid dumping into the center ring, avoid dumping into any ring smaller than your own.

Remember, you can say whatever you want if you just wait until you're talking to someone in a larger ring than yours.

And don't worry. You'll get your turn in the center ring. You can count on that."

[Lady Pamela]

Just checking in to see how everyone is doing?
Haven't seen many posts so thought I would ask.

[Lady Pamela]

Having a hard night tonight. Had x-rays done before the weekend and find out the results Tuesday or within a couple of days from that.
They are looking at the nodules they found in my lungs months ago and comparing them to the new ones to seen if they have grown.
I have to do this every 3 to 6 months.
If there is growth then I will have to go in for the biopsy of my lungs.

I am a strong person but still scarey to face and the waiting is really hard.

Thinking posotive and keeping my fingers crossed that this time is still no growth.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Lady Pamela

Having a hard night tonight. Had x-rays done before the weekend and find out the results Tuesday or within a couple of days from that.
They are looking at the nodules they found in my lungs months ago and comparing them to the new ones to seen if they have grown.
I have to do this every 3 to 6 months.
If there is growth then I will have to go in for the biopsy of my lungs.

I am a strong person but still scarey to face and the waiting is really hard.

Thinking posotive and keeping my fingers crossed that this time is still no growth.

Hey, Pam. That is GOT to be hard, doing that every 3-6 months. Know you are in my thoughts.

[deb_U_taunt]

Originally Posted by Lady Pamela

Having a hard night tonight. Had x-rays done before the weekend and find out the results Tuesday or within a couple of days from that.
They are looking at the nodules they found in my lungs months ago and comparing them to the new ones to seen if they have grown.
I have to do this every 3 to 6 months.
If there is growth then I will have to go in for the biopsy of my lungs.

I am a strong person but still scarey to face and the waiting is really hard.

Thinking posotive and keeping my fingers crossed that this time is still no growth.

Waiting is the hardest part! Sending lots of wonderful energy your way.

[Lady Pamela]

Just wanted to stop in and say thank you to everyone for such beautiful support and energy.

They read the x-rays tomorrow so anytime between tomorrow and the next week I will know the results of this test atleast.

Even if it comes back bad, atleast I will know what I am working with.
I am scared as hell to have the biopsy if they have to though. Keeping my fingers crossed that will not be the case.

I can only hope they will put me to sleep for it if so.
I truely don't know enough about that part yet.


Anyways, sending energy and love out to all of you.

Blessings to you and yours.

[mustangjeano]

Originally Posted by Lady Pamela

Just wanted to stop in and say thank you to everyone for such beautiful support and energy.

They read the x-rays tomorrow so anytime between tomorrow and the next week I will know the results of this test atleast.

Even if it comes back bad, atleast I will know what I am working with.
I am scared as hell to have the biopsy if they have to though. Keeping my fingers crossed that will not be the case.

I can only hope they will put me to sleep for it if so.
I truely don't know enough about that part yet.


Anyways, sending energy and love out to all of you.

Blessings to you and yours.

Lady Pamela, I am sending good energy for the news tomorrow. Try not to worry about the possible biopsy--yeah, I know that' a crazy thing to say but let me assure you that it is really an easy procedure--I was really scared before mine but they gave me some kind of fantastic drug and I have no memory of the procedure. When I came to I was like..."have they done the biopsy already" You are in my thoughts and prayers. Jean

[Lady Pamela]

Called for results today and they said the tech still has my x-rays..grrr
It will be sometime within the week.
I hate the waiting process.
Either way, todays a new day and I have work so this will have to be set aside so I don't go nuts..ha

Have a great day everyone. And stay strong.