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Old 01-01-2018, 07:33 AM   #381
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Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire View Post
I think it depends on the type of person you're dating. The original poster remarked about their inability to date due to finances. Well, there are many things in life that are easier with money, but also many that are necessary for ones well-being, money or no.

If the kind of person that turns you on is a full-on high-maintenance Femme that you know expects (demands?) to be wined and dined, well, you have your situation clearly laid out for you, don't you? If you haven't got the finances then your chances with them may be limited. But not every femme is like that.

I'd say courtesy and a reasonable degree of adaptability are more important - for both people involved in the date. And yes, make an effort with your appearance by all means, but make sure it's YOU that you're presenting, not some stereotype that is purely for the purpose of luring 'em in.

Butch or Femme or wherever one is on the spectrum, not everyone has money to spare, but everyone needs affection, and it pains me to see people believing that they have to be rich to go seek that special someone. I've experienced being wined and dined, but the person I fell deeply in love with was as poor as I, and the simple pleasure of being in their company and doing things together sufficed, for me, be that watching a video at their place, or having a cuppa in a cafe after some window-shopping and a walk in the park.

Just being with Them, and knowing that They are as interested in you as you are in Them is magical - for me. Dating is not just for the rich. Money can make life easier - but it doesn't create affection, and ultimately, that's what dating is about, no?
I could not have said this better myself! I definitely enjoy the little things like talking, affection, thoughtfulness shown by remembering things about me or things I like. I don't need all the gifts and flowers and things.
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Old 01-01-2018, 10:43 AM   #382
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I adore a butch that I am dating to have all the qualities that a person with integrity would have ~ as well as being romantic ~ knowing I LOVE little gifts impromptu in shiny wrapping paper ~ cologne , combs for my hair , nail polish's , or a pair of silk panty hose etc. When I knew I liked them enough to date so many of the caring, and their own ways of loving had all ready been a part of them or my interest never would have been peeked. The romantic little gifts , gestures, and requirement...... is such a turn on ! ohhhh baby babyyyy ~
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Old 01-01-2018, 11:12 AM   #383
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..like i matter
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Old 01-01-2018, 11:21 AM   #384
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How do I like to be treated on a date? I remembering answering this one awhile back but here it is again, like the fucking queen I am!

However since I first posted that whenever that was, my dating life has diminished quite a bit and now? I would just like to be treated to a freaking cup of coffee. LoLoL
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Old 01-01-2018, 11:24 AM   #385
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Originally Posted by lisa93 View Post
I like for the girl I'm with to have everything planned out, and be creative with it.
...but, I really like this. Very much.
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Old 01-01-2018, 01:04 PM   #386
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Wow, this is a really fascinating discussion.

It's something I've thought a lot about, as a very feminine woman, but also as a huge feminist. I've often asked myself, "To what degree are gender roles involved in dating? To what degree should they be involved?"

For example, I think it's pretty unfair to assume that the more masculine person in the relationship should pay for everything. The rule I always go by is whoever asks out the other person should at least offer to pay on the first date. I think that's a nice gesture to show someone you value their time. But afterward, on second and third dates, things should be a bit more equal, like "Oh you got the cab, let me get the drinks!"

Because in the same way that femmes (and straight women, too) don't like to feel taken advantage of for sex, butches (and masculine folks more broadly) don't want to feel taken advantage of financially (I would assume.)

On the other hand, I have to say that as a femme, some of the dynamics of a date are inherently related to gender. So, in the interest of trying to help atomiczombie, here's a little list of things I feel are important:

1. Respect and attention - I don't mean to be redundant, since a lot of femmes have already mentioned this, but just turning your phone off and being present during the date is essential. I think the most valuable thing you can offer someone is your time and if you're constantly texting, that's a big red flag!

2. Honestly some chivalrous stuff like holding the door open for her doesn't hurt. Part of me wants to say that's some archaic heteronormative bullshit but the other part of me loves it!! Why is this so attractive?? Someone needs to answer that for me :P

3. Maybe the most important component is planning a date according to your date's interests. I once had someone take me to a sushi place even though I'm vegetarian. It was awkward and I felt so bad for not eating anything!

4. Just make it clear that you have a real interest in getting to know her as a person! Like you mentioned, don't dominate the conversation and don't ask invasive questions.

5. Like everyone else is saying, don't worry too much about money! Some of the best dates are cheap - like picnics. I've always wanted to go on a hike for a date, but maybe that's a better second or third date idea, once you get to know each other a bit more.

I hope this was at least somewhat helpful!! Just don't worry too much and try to have fun!
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Old 01-01-2018, 02:10 PM   #387
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cut & pasted from ardentfemme's above post...

2. Honestly some chivalrous stuff like holding the door open for her doesn't hurt. Part of me wants to say that's some archaic heteronormative bullshit but the other part of me loves it!! Why is this so attractive?? Someone needs to answer that for me :P



For me, it has to do with showing courtesy & respect.... I open doors for someone as courtesy, it is just part of my core being, my own self respect of others.......it is having good manners...it is being spontaneous and not performing or being expected to do so...perhaps therein lies your own attraction for having that done so by butches rather than straight men...

Hope this makes some sort of sense to you ardent....


Perhaps you find it attractive when the butch does it as she is hopefully actually showing good manners & respect...
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Old 01-01-2018, 05:15 PM   #388
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Esme nha Maire View Post
I think it depends on the type of person you're dating. The original poster remarked about their inability to date due to finances. Well, there are many things in life that are easier with money, but also many that are necessary for ones well-being, money or no.

If the kind of person that turns you on is a full-on high-maintenance Femme that you know expects (demands?) to be wined and dined, well, you have your situation clearly laid out for you, don't you? If you haven't got the finances then your chances with them may be limited. But not every femme is like that.

I'd say courtesy and a reasonable degree of adaptability are more important - for both people involved in the date. And yes, make an effort with your appearance by all means, but make sure it's YOU that you're presenting, not some stereotype that is purely for the purpose of luring 'em in.

Butch or Femme or wherever one is on the spectrum, not everyone has money to spare, but everyone needs affection, and it pains me to see people believing that they have to be rich to go seek that special someone. I've experienced being wined and dined, but the person I fell deeply in love with was as poor as I, and the simple pleasure of being in their company and doing things together sufficed, for me, be that watching a video at their place, or having a cuppa in a cafe after some window-shopping and a walk in the park.

Just being with Them, and knowing that They are as interested in you as you are in Them is magical - for me. Dating is not just for the rich. Money can make life easier - but it doesn't create affection, and ultimately, that's what dating is about, no?

This, completely.

Being wined and dined is NOT my cup of tea. I almost insist upon cooking, because what I do in the kitchen is almost as amazing as what I do in the bedroom...or whereever...; )

My favorite activity is hiking, thrift shops, art museums, etc....very low cost venues.

I don't need fancy or wealthy, I need present and kind.
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