Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[Soft*Silver]

Originally Posted by key

I definitely prefer to cliches.

If you are willing, can you write more about dating, just dating and enjoying that process.

I am so ambitious, just in life in general, but it spills into my romantic life. I have difficulty not putting a purpose (a label, a goal) to the process. Would like to learn more....if you would care to share.

I love to date. I am good at dating. I dont jump into a relationship just because someone opened the car door for on the date and then called me the next day. Those are NOT cues signifying an instant relationship!

Just because I find out someone likes to dunk their toast in their coffee and watches CSI and SVU religiously like I do, (I dont, these are just examples) doesnt mean they are partner material...

what they do mean...is that they are likely to offer pretty good dates.

Dates do not mean their shoes get slid under my bed. Dates dont even mean coming inside my house. And depending on how we met, dates might not even mean knowing where I live...

what a date would mean, is a step closer..to smell my fragrance..perhaps to even embrace it so that it might cling to you after I leave...

Dating isnt about how fast we can sum it all up. Just the opposite..it means slowing down the heat so it doesnt burn on the edges...so the middle is cooked thoroughly...and the syrups of the fruit come out hot and steaming when it is time for pie...

[Rockinonahigh]

I read your post and am wondering,just for clairafacation(sp?),how cold I create a diffrent me to attract someone??

Lose more weight to be healther....i'm doing that already,to be shure loseing weight has its own scedual.

Be more finacialy stable...I already own near all I have free and clear.
I have very fue bills to pay just utilities and car inshurance with $ left over..do I need have more $$.Oh shure, I could go back to work cause retirement is boreing..besides I miss the daily grind.

Should I be more handsome,dye my grey hair,work out harder so I can bulk up more.

So if I change who I am on the outside, how will it make me diffrent cause if I did a total redo..I wouldnt be the person I really am and it took me a long time to get to where I am.

[Corkey]

Originally Posted by bigbutchmistie

First of all when I am looking at someone to date I look to see if I am going to be attracted physically initially...

Are they girly?

Do they love getting their nails and toes done?

Do they love to dress up with dresses as much as they love being in jeans and a t shirt?

Do they love wearing makeup and not wearing makeup at all some days?

Are they 5'3 or taller?

Are they hygenic?

Is her perfume intoxicating?

Is her skin soft to the touch?

Does her eye sparkle when she looks at me?

Does she smile genuiniely at me?

Does she look into my eyes when she speaks to me. She is talking to me and not at me

Then I wanna know what kind of person they are...

Are they kind?

Are they generous?

Are they loyal? Can I depend on them to be by my side in good times and in bad?

Are they independent?

Are they career oriented?

Are they down to earth?

Are they passionate about life?

Do they treat people with respect?

Are they truthful?

Are they consistent?

Are they gentle?

Are they understanding?

Are they sensitive?

Are they romantic?

Does she have a cat? Im highly allergic so its no cats for me or who I date.

Are they affectionate at home with me and in public...

Do they attend MCC services?

Can they be intimate without being sexual?

Do they believe like me that sex is between two people who love each other.

Do they have a nurturing side?

Are they understanding of the fact that I am trans. I have not transitioned as of yet.

Can I laugh with them about anything?

Can I open up my deepest darkest "secrets" and not feel judged?

Are they understanding about my lack of family?

Are they like me and dont want kids?

Are they like me and can tell by the first kiss if we connect or not?

Do they love to pampered by me doing the little things for them without the expectations that I should.

Can they handle that I am old fashioned when it comes to romance. I wanna pick you up, take you out, and drive you home walk you to your door kiss your hand or forehead dates before our first kiss..

Lastly for now.. Can I without a doubt trust them? Have they shown themselves trustworthy?

All these questions about a "they", what about "you".
In my world I have to be the one I want to be with for her to be with me.
just sayin... high expectations usually no one can live up to, often give unrealistic consequences.

[Sachita]

In an ideal world my partner would be my equal; intelligent, spiritual. mover-shaker, as you put it Key. In reading this all this somethings occurred to me.

I have lived a very full and interesting life. There are many aspects to my nature and although some have met the end of that journey, nonetheless they are still part of me. I am a strong alpha femme that also has a complete opposite. Over the years I have learned to find balance with everything I am.

One thing that has happened in my recent past relationships is that I completely closed parts of me because they couldnt deal with it or felt threatened by it. It use to really piss me off when my ex would make some shitty comment like "Stop trying to top me." every time I voiced an opinion. After a while you start putting up walls because you get so sick and fucking tired of being misunderstood.

I need to be able to put my cards on the table and not be judged but honored for all that I am. This is going to take a very confident, self assured and spiritual person. In their strength they also need to adore and worship me as the Goddess I feel I am. (ok no eyes rolling)

Only a strong and intelligent human can relinquish control and still be strong. They really don't give a shit what people think when it comes to how they love their SO.

damn I think I had a point - lol- I'm sick today, in bed, bored and my mind going a million miles. I think the bottom line for me is I want it all. Did I say that already? lol - even when I'm feeling kinky, no matter what it is, my partner doesnt go "wtf?" and start judging me. Instead they smile and ask "what can I do for you?" That same person wakes up, brings me coffee in bed and then go bites the world in the ass!

[bigbutchmistie]

Originally Posted by Corkey

All these questions about a "they", what about "you".
In my world I have to be the one I want to be with for her to be with me.
just sayin... high expectations usually no one can live up to, often give unrealistic consequences.

I agree I am all of those things. Minus the girly and the femme preferences of course. I dont ask for somethiing in someone that I am not Hence they arent unrealistic

[Rockinonahigh]

Originally Posted by softness

my eyes crinkle at the sides as I smile, reading this....

Mine too ..

[Rockinonahigh]

Originally Posted by softness

I love to date. I am good at dating. I dont jump into a relationship just because someone opened the car door for on the date and then called me the next day. Those are NOT cues signifying an instant relationship!

Just because I find out someone likes to dunk their toast in their coffee and watches CSI and SVU religiously like I do, (I dont, these are just examples) doesnt mean they are partner material...

what they do mean...is that they are likely to offer pretty good dates.

Dates do not mean their shoes get slid under my bed. Dates dont even mean coming inside my house. And depending on how we met, dates might not even mean knowing where I live...

what a date would mean, is a step closer..to smell my fragrance..perhaps to even embrace it so that it might cling to you after I leave...

Dating isnt about how fast we can sum it all up. Just the opposite..it means slowing down the heat so it doesnt burn on the edges...so the middle is cooked thoroughly...and the syrups of the fruit come out hot and steaming when it is time for pie...

Amen to this statement...so many are in such a rush im not shure is they know how to just take it step at the time.I told a date once I wanted to take it one date at the time ,injoy the moment,smell the flowers ect...She thought I was plane nuts.

[adorable]

Originally Posted by key

I have recently begun concentrating more on my spiritual self and going back to my ole gurus. Marianne Williamson, Carolyn Myss, among others. So y'all may be getting a lot of their quotes in the near future. Thank You for indulging me.

Marianne Williamson says:

Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?



So, its back to the gym and rebooting the spiritual life for me!

The only problem with this idea for me is that it's subject to change without notice. lol. At different times in my life that picture of what is ideal has changed dramatically. I should be the best me I can be everyday - without a goal or plan of attracting someone else. Focusing on whatever idea I have in my head of what I think I want (and I always think I know - I am always wrong too) just offers a distraction from reality.

I read recently that love is seeing an imperfect person perfectly. I like that one.

[key]

Originally Posted by Rockinonahigh

Amen to this statement...so many are in such a rush im not shure is they know how to just take it step at the time.I told a date once I wanted to take it one date at the time ,injoy the moment,smell the flowers ect...She thought I was plane nuts.

Wow, that is really hard for me. It just is. Not that I am trying to jump into bed with the next woman I meet. But if I am really into someone I get really excited and want to explore, more, asap. (no not sexually, mostly I mean emotionally actually). I know this can (and often does) crush any tender little relationship sprouts that might be germinating without me even noticing them.


I know I need help in this department. I don't want to crush relationship sprouts....

I guess that is why I am attracted to such sassy, self-satisfied women. It really is something I aspire to. And the funny thing is, when I am alone (as I have been for a long time now) I am very self satisfied, loving my own life, doing my own thing. But if I meet someone I crush on I can just toss all that out the window.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by key

Wow, that is really hard for me. It just is. Not that I am trying to jump into bed with the next woman I meet. But if I am really into someone I get really excited and want to explore, more, asap. (no not sexually, mostly I mean emotionally actually). I know this can (and often does) crush any tender little relationship sprouts that might be germinating without me even noticing them.


I know I need help in this department. I don't want to crush relationship sprouts....

I guess that is why I am attracted to such sassy, self-satisfied women. It really is something I aspire to. And the funny thing is, when I am alone (as I have been for a long time now) I am very self satisfied, loving my own life, doing my own thing. But if I meet someone I crush on I can just toss all that out the window.

just think "moderation"

[cinderella]

Excellent list, BBM - it mirrors mine...

Originally Posted by bigbutchmistie

First of all when I am looking at someone to date I look to see if I am going to be attracted physically initially...

Are they girly?

Do they love getting their nails and toes done?

Do they love to dress up with dresses as much as they love being in jeans and a t shirt?

Do they love wearing makeup and not wearing makeup at all some days?

Are they 5'3 or taller?

Are they hygenic?

Is her perfume intoxicating?

Is her skin soft to the touch?

Does her eye sparkle when she looks at me?

Does she smile genuiniely at me?

Does she look into my eyes when she speaks to me. She is talking to me and not at me

Then I wanna know what kind of person they are...

Are they kind?

Are they generous?

Are they loyal? Can I depend on them to be by my side in good times and in bad?

Are they independent?

Are they career oriented?

Are they down to earth?

Are they passionate about life?

Do they treat people with respect?

Are they truthful?

Are they consistent?

Are they gentle?

Are they understanding?

Are they sensitive?

Are they romantic?

Does she have a cat? Im highly allergic so its no cats for me or who I date.

Are they affectionate at home with me and in public...

Do they attend MCC services?

Can they be intimate without being sexual?

Do they believe like me that sex is between two people who love each other.

Do they have a nurturing side?

Are they understanding of the fact that I am trans. I have not transitioned as of yet.

Can I laugh with them about anything?

Can I open up my deepest darkest "secrets" and not feel judged?

Are they understanding about my lack of family?

Are they like me and dont want kids?

Are they like me and can tell by the first kiss if we connect or not?

Do they love to pampered by me doing the little things for them without the expectations that I should.

Can they handle that I am old fashioned when it comes to romance. I wanna pick you up, take you out, and drive you home walk you to your door kiss your hand or forehead dates before our first kiss..

Lastly for now.. Can I without a doubt trust them? Have they shown themselves trustworthy?

[cinderella]

Physically, I am attracted to masculine energy, and an 'in-charge' attitude without being bossy or demanding. I love daddy types - and tho I don't mind being called 'babygirl - I am not a fragile 'babygirl'. I don't want to make decisions for you, but don't want you making them for me either. I wear 'big girl' panties, and carry them very well, thank you...I am an independent, strong woman. That said:

What works me?

First, and foremost, intelligence, wit, and a wicked humor. Keep me laughing, and you might just steal my heart.

A healthy body, mind, and spirit. Hygene, and self-love is important - you need to care for, and about yourself before you can care for anyone.

Integrity, honesty, strenghth of character, fidelity, and trustworthiness. Someone I can lean on for strength, and who isn't afraid to lean on me as well.

Creativity, imagination, whimsy, child-like curiosity and wonder of all things in nature and life, a reader, industrious, ambitious, romantic, sensitive but strong. A sense of fun, and compassion for the less fortunate without being a pushover or doormat.

And the list goes on...but these are the main qualities I look for.

Oh, and a p.s., if you love classic movies and can talk about them intelligently - that's a major PLUS!!! lol Knowing Spanish wouldn't hurt either!

[bigbutchmistie]

Originally Posted by cinderella

Excellent list, BBM - it mirrors mine...

Thank You Ms. Cinderella

[Write14u]

What I see when I'm in public -- and am attracted to -- isn't different than any other time but is perhaps ordered differently. We can all wax poetic about intelligence and caring, etc., but I think if you see someone across a room, without knowing them, it's hard to get beyond looks and energy. Until you engage with someone, you can't move on to the other characteristics.

I don't think I have a type, per se. For me, there's just a gut reaction to someone that's my particular brand of attractive. I think a lot of that is how people carry themselves. While I can appreciate masculine beauty, I'm not attracted to it. It's not what makes me go boom. *grin* All ranges of femme do it for me.

I've been all across the board in the types of people I've dated. In the long run, deeper characteristics will almost always prevail. I just don't think people look across a room and think, "Wow he/she seems so smart and witty." I think it's more like, "Damn, what a hottie/cutie."

On the flip side, I think all these other characteristics such as humor and wit and intelligence come into play much quicker and looks shuffle to the back of the line.

Just my 2 cents.
*smile*

[Soft*Silver]

when I am in a room full of people I watch...and it is the one who is centered, grounded and interesting who I will gravitate to.

It is not the one with the crowd around him, as he spouts off his hotty totty lifestyle, attracting attention to himself.

Nor is it the miserable one who shows anger and depression as his clothes.

He who is looking around, the same as I, will meet my eyes....and with a smile...I might invite him over...

[SassyLeo]

Originally Posted by key

I have recently begun concentrating more on my spiritual self and going back to my ole gurus. Marianne Williamson, Carolyn Myss, among others. So y'all may be getting a lot of their quotes in the near future. Thank You for indulging me.

Marianne Williamson says:

Think about the person you want to be with. Your dream lover, soul mate etc. Think of all their traits physical, emotional, spiritual, political, intellectual etc etc. Go to town and really get down to the details.

Now. Imagine what kind of person that dream lover would want to be with.

And that is the person you want to concentrate on! Get it?



So, its back to the gym and rebooting the spiritual life for me!

Originally Posted by softness

so.....you need to "create" yourself to meet the needs of someone else so they will be attracted to you? Am I intepreting this wrong?

I am of the belief that we attract the kind of energy we are expressing.

At points in my life, I have been in dark/angry/sad or general crappy places and I attracted those kinds of people to me...of course at the time, I may have said "why do I attract all the crazies?" but really it was where I was in my mental/emotional space.

I have spent many years on a journey to figure myself out, my "stuff", understand it, process it...basically understand myself better and be able to own my shit. I'd like to be the best human I can and a good partner to another human. And it's a continuous journey...

Some years ago, my father suggested I make a list - describe the kind of person I would like have as a mate. I made a point to write the things I wanted, rather than those I didn't. It sounds very simple, but it was pretty profound when I finally did it. It actually helped me weed through all those who did not work for me...and I kept getting closer.

[Soft*Silver]

Sassy, just like your daddysuggested to you, I suggested to my daughter, that she make up a list of what she wanted in someone. She took it to heart and came up with a very serious checklist. She had on it, he had to open car doors and let her be seated at a restaurant before he sat down himself. She told me she wanted her men to treat her as well as she has seen my butches I dated, treat me.

Hats off to the ones she admired....and to all the good butches out there that are like that, too.

Sassy Leo, I like how you say that we attract the energy we are expressing. I do believe that I could hold that against any relationship I have had and it be true....

[Jet]

Dark hair

Blue eyes preferably

Smile is everything

No smoking

[Kobi]

I have been reading and rereading this thread for a while and its made me think a lot.

Attraction is such a subjective thing and I find it difficult to put into words something that, to me, is more instinctual then intellectual.

It seems I can make a list of what I like and dislike but we all use words differently i.e. "sassy" to me may not mean "sassy" to another.

I find with each relationship, be it a lover or a friend, we fine tune the things we like and dislike in general, the things we want and dont want in our lives, the qualities that are important and the ones we give leeway on.

It is easier to discern those things that are deal breakers more so then those things that work. And I say this because even if someone can meet a list of qualities or things I look for in a person, it doesnt means there is the type of chemistry that will lead to a relationship or friendship. In the same vein, I am pretty sure of the types of things that are immediate no-no's to either.

I do find that as I age, I am more self contained, self sufficient, and less prone to things and people who require too much of my time, energy, or attention. And I find, I like people who are similar.

[StrongButch]

I have to be attracted on all levels.