To Write Love on Her Arms

[Mister Bent]

Depression, as the commercial says, affects everyone.

It's affected me.

Maybe it's affected you.

It's affected someone you love.

Depression affects us all, and yet it is still stigmatized.

Because depression affects us all, it affects us here, which made me start to wonder how we can support each other in an online forum, especially with the sword of stigma hanging over our heads.


Yesterday was To Write Love on Her Arms Day.

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression,
addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

More info at the TWLOHA site; it's a beautiful story.


It got me thinking - What about a BFP To Write Love on Her Arms Day? In addition to support for those with depression, addiction or who self-harm, it can be seen as a sort of coming out - "we're here, we're down, but don't throw us out!" ( Ok, there are better battle cries out there, I admit.)

So, I don't know what's next - set a day? Start writing love on her arm (or his, for that matter) and post the photos?

How can our community contribute and offer support? In my mind, this isn't a one time thing, but an effort of on-going support within our community.

Thoughts?

[suebee]

I've struggled with depression for years. Probably most of my life. I've lost so much because of it: a career, friends, money..... I'd love to see us support each other. I think we're the only ones who can truly understand what that black hole is about. Subscribing. I'll be back.

Sue

[SuperFemme]

My teen who attempted suicide in May was so moved by this (she received a note from Snow on FB) that she got a big movement going at her H.S.

She is doing fabulous now and has that one amazing teacher who nurtures her as Peer/Leadership/Mentor teacher. With that class they spread the word and had a large amount of teens with love on their arms. She also spread the word around to the middle school children they mentor so the movement spilled over in large numbers to the Jr. High.

It's nice to have a kid who comes home laughing with a smile in her eyes and I am not quite ready to wash my arm.

[Jet]

This summer, I was picked up on a 10-13 intending to commit suicide. (It was my 4th attempt in 10 years.) There was intervention that night from a neighbor. I'm not manic or anything, (having taken the MMPI evaluation test recently) I was just done. My test did show patterns of depression, which I found can take many forms. See, I lost everything—things I can't recover because of a trauma. And in the process of renewing and rebuilding my life, I get depressed because it's daunting to recover and rebuild. The night I was picked up on a 10-13 was because I having to face so much loss.
So I get it, and I would be available to lend whatever support here at BFP.

[kassykit]

Perhaps just a place where we could get our feelings out without fear of the repercussions.

I live and grew up in a very strict household. Though many wouldn't see it that way.

I had very few written rules, but many many unspoken rules.

My depression is fed by i am not what was expected of me. I feel i have never been good enough, fast enough, pretty enough, or even much wanted.

It's one thing for me to vocalize what i know my issues are, its quite another for me to actually get over soemthing that's been a part of my life since i was very little

Maybe we could support each other, by at first.............. just listening.

Maybe set up a network where if osmeone IS in crisis, they could call. I don't know about anyone else, but the annonny lines, i've never been able to call those.

I've always ended up going to the ER, usually after doing something stupid. (like taking every pill in the house)

[kassykit]

Honey i know you don't know me, but if you need to talk..... just message me. I am in the process of rebuilding right now..... it's a long hard road, with huge speedbumps sometimes

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

This summer, I was picked up on a 10-13 intending to commit suicide. (It was my 4th attempt in 10 years.) There was intervention that night from a neighbor. I'm not manic or anything, (having taken the MMPI evaluation test recently) I was just done. My test did show patterns of depression, which I found can take many forms. See, I lost everything—things I can't recover because of a trauma. And in the process of renewing and rebuilding my life, I get depressed because it's daunting to recover and rebuild. The night I was picked up on a 10-13 was because I having to face so much loss.
So I get it, and I would be available to lend whatever support here at BFP.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by kassykit

it's a long hard road, with huge speedbumps sometimes

yes it is, thank you.

[kassykit]

-leaves you a huge box of choccies and tea!-

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

yes it is, thank you.

[Mister Bent]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

My teen who attempted suicide in May was so moved by this (she received a note from Snow on FB) that she got a big movement going at her H.S.

She is doing fabulous now and has that one amazing teacher who nurtures her as Peer/Leadership/Mentor teacher. With that class they spread the word and had a large amount of teens with love on their arms. She also spread the word around to the middle school children they mentor so the movement spilled over in large numbers to the Jr. High.

It's nice to have a kid who comes home laughing with a smile in her eyes and I am not quite ready to wash my arm.

What a great story, Superflyfemme. Glad to hear she's made a turn around, and that she's even gone a step further and is using her experience to help others.

I'd be willing to bet most of us have a story of that one teacher, or coach, or older person who reached out in some way to keep us going through some hard stuff.

Originally Posted by Ol' Jet

This summer, I was picked up on a 10-13 intending to commit suicide. (It was my 4th attempt in 10 years.) There was intervention that night from a neighbor. I'm not manic or anything, (having taken the MMPI evaluation test recently) I was just done. My test did show patterns of depression, which I found can take many forms. See, I lost everything—things I can't recover because of a trauma. And in the process of renewing and rebuilding my life, I get depressed because it's daunting to recover and rebuild. The night I was picked up on a 10-13 was because I having to face so much loss.
So I get it, and I would be available to lend whatever support here at BFP.

Rebuilding is daunting. But it's like any big task, it helps to break it into smaller, more attainable goals (just like transitioning).

Do you think your neighbor helped in that you felt less alone with your pain? What made the difference for you that night?

Originally Posted by kassykit

<snip>Perhaps just a place where we could get our feelings out without fear of the repercussions.

I think this is fundamentally important.

I've seen people take the knowledge of another's depression - their use of an anti-depressant - and try to belittle them for it. I've seen it happen in queer space, on a butch/femme forum, as if it were somehow relevant.

Originally Posted by kassykit

<snip>
Maybe we could support each other, by at first.............. just listening.

Maybe set up a network where if osmeone IS in crisis, they could call. I don't know about anyone else, but the annonny lines, i've never been able to call those.

Listening is important. Sometimes it helps just to be able to say (or write) out loud those things that are making you feel desperate.

[Jet]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

My teen who attempted suicide in May was so moved by this (she received a note from Snow on FB) that she got a big movement going at her H.S.

She is doing fabulous now and has that one amazing teacher who nurtures her as Peer/Leadership/Mentor teacher. With that class they spread the word and had a large amount of teens with love on their arms. She also spread the word around to the middle school children they mentor so the movement spilled over in large numbers to the Jr. High.

It's nice to have a kid who comes home laughing with a smile in her eyes and I am not quite ready to wash my arm.

I have to tell you how glad i am that your daughter pulled through and then pursued the ripple affect in helping her peer groups. Thumbs up and a hug back from Georgia.

[Jet]

[QUOTE=Mister Bent;5484]
Do you think your neighbor helped in that you felt less alone with your pain? What made the difference for you that night?

No, I never felt less alone. (I was mad that my neighbor called the cops, though‚ which was actually a godsend in disguise) What made the difference is that I realized I didn't want to take my life as much as I wanted to be rid of the pain of facing my trauma which had been going one for about a year. Now I'm doing better than ever, but it was hell for a year.

[NCaliFemme]

Depression is so hard and has been affecting me quite a bit lately. I thought I was doing better and I realize that I'm not. That is so very hard to admit.

I've realized lately that I'm a "fluffer". To the outside world, I'm happy, I'm the one that you come to when things aren't going so well with you. When I'm asked how I'm doing, I fluff and say I'm fine. Things are great. I don't let people in. Why you ask? It's because I don't want to get hurt anymore.

I've had a lot happen this past year, I lost one of my friends to cancer, I was injured at my job and have not been able to return to work, my youngest child left home and I moved to a new community and am in a new relationship. I've been "fluffing", saying everything is fine, when it's not.

I, too, have lost everything from a traumatic experience. It's so hard to rebuild not try to be angry about where I am now. I am starting to rebuild once again and I'm thinking that maybe I didn't learn my lesson the first time; so I get to do it again and again until I get it right. It's hard, but I keep telling myself that I was never promised an easy road and that I have it so much better than so many others. So I will keep going step by step, day by day and try and keep a positive attitude.

Hopefully, I'll be getting into counseling again real soon. I'm trying to be more present and expressing how I really feel. Letting those around me know when things are hard so that I can lean on them. The problem is I think that I'm a burden on them. Silly me, they want to be there for me just like I love being there for my friends when they need a friend.

Thanks for listening.

Signed,

The Newest Member of the BFP To Write Love on Her Arms

[D-Money]

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

[Jet]

Originally Posted by D-Money

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

Ditto. great post. But I think the writing thing for depression was intended to be equivalent to ribbons for AIDS or breast cancer etc. *shrugs* I dunno I'm assuming. There's nothing much more comforting than a hug or kind words.

[owen4u1904]

Originally Posted by D-Money

not everyone thinks this 'movement' is a good thing ... quoting a friend here:

"This movement still pisses me off. You write LOVE on your arm for the same reason you wear a WM3 shirt: it's trendy and you have no fucking clue what it's about!

Some of us walk around everyday with permanent reminders of depression, beit hesitation marks or that one time we cut too deep and ended up getting medical care before we bled out.

You want to support us? Awesome. Learn the symptoms and condition yourself to still be our friend when we cycle in and out of mood swings. A hug and a shoulder to cry on goes further than that magic marker on your arm. In the meantime wash that Sharpie off you look like a pretentious #*@+!"

I have had two friends do the whole suicide thing. And I dont like it when people are afraid to talk about it. Because unfortunately it is a part of our lives. I have even taken a class for suicide prevention/intervention kinda thing. I am very big on raising awareness for depression because I have not come to that point in my life but I know when I get in a funk I dont like it. I do have trichotillomania, been doing it since I was 11 or so. And it makes me wonder if that is my way of "cutting" or making myself feel better. I am going to therapy again for the 3rd time, so hopefully 3rd time is a charm. Gonna attempt to get more family members in there this time. Gonna be started on paxil, since my therapist claims its ocd related, but my next meeting I wanna talk to her about it. Some people have said if you take paxil and get depressed it can make you even more depressed.

[The_Lady_Snow]

To Write Love On Her Arms.... It's a cause that I have fully supported since I have found out about it, it is not a fashionable way for me to run around with a heart on my hand or wrist, it is something I strongly believe in and believe it has and will continue to help those who have felt this way or feel this..

It is something that shows people they are not alone, that someone cares and that there is help...

When Superfemme's daughter went through her own personal hell, I remembered about what this organization means to my own kid who fought her own personal demons growing into her skin. I figured it would help her see like it has many of us..

No, you are not alone.... Someone quoted a friend saying this was a trendy thing to do, I dunno much about trends matter of fact I could give a fuck who does what and why I do things because I believe in them and know how they have personally affected us.

Mister Bent I would participate in a TWLOHA day here on the Planet, and post pics...

Thank you so much for bringing up such a difficult subject and shedding a light on such an awesome movement....

[Andrew, Jr.]

There is another site I posted about called Bringchange2mind.org. It is a host of psa's to help eliminate the usual negative stigma of mental illness most of us face. It was started up by Ron Howard and Glenn Close. They are now on TV, and you can watch them online as well.

Personally, anything that helps anyone with mental illness in a positive way has my full attention and acceptance.

[Princess4u]

Such lovely thoughts and expressions...and part of me really thinks that ppl mean them when they say them. But my black hell has never know the light of day..and never will...and I have heard those words so many times...and found to be so untrue...its seem to be a waste of breath to me. The only hope I have....is that I cant live forever..and one day...all this will be over. I stopped praying for strength and support...now I pray that HE will take me as soon as possible. But...they are such lovely thoughts!

[Spirit Dancer]

Princess
There are many people who are sincere and helpful. If you need help or someone to talk too call, pm, chat i'm here for you.
You are not alone, never feel you can't reach out to someone, I've been where you are and lost a lifetime friend because she couldn't reach out.
I'm extending my hand, please know you're not alone.

Originally Posted by Princess4u

Such lovely thoughts and expressions...and part of me really thinks that ppl mean them when they say them. But my black hell has never know the light of day..and never will...and I have heard those words so many times...and found to be so untrue...its seem to be a waste of breath to me. The only hope I have....is that I cant live forever..and one day...all this will be over. I stopped praying for strength and support...now I pray that HE will take me as soon as possible. But...they are such lovely thoughts!

[Ms. Meander]

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/gall...822&ppuser=482