Your relationship with your mom.

[Merlin]

Do you and your mom get on ?

My mom has supported me through everything. I feel blessed.

She accepted I was gay.
She accepted I am Buch (that took a bit longer)

I am from a large catholic family,i have been lucky as they have all been great.

[Amber2010]

You are so very lucky
I have not talked to my mom in over two years.
She can not accept me ant I have now grown use to never talking to her anymore. I am pretty sure I have closed off.

[ruffryder]

My mom was my best friend. She passed away a few years ago. She accepted me for who I was. She accepted my g/f as her own child. She was great. I was blessed to have her in my life and instill the qualities that she did.

[Just_G]

I have been so very blessed to have one of the best moms on this earth! She has never tried to change a thing about me...just loves me for me and has always accepted my friends at her house when they have no place to go on holidays. (she calls them "your little friends", like I am still in 2nd grade..lol)

She helps me when and if I need it, watches my dog Frankie when I need her to...though half the time she leaves me voicemails wanting to know if Frankie can come spend the night with grandma..lol. We take trips to Big Lots to shop every so often and when people say we look alike, she tells them she is my sister and just giggles...she is so funny. She always tells me how proud she is of me, hugs me, tells me she loves me, and is one of the most positive, loving people I have ever known. She has been such a great influence on me over the years.

I'd say that my mom is one of my best friends. She will come to the shop and let my dad have it if he isn't treating me right. (they are divorced) She works with the handicap children in her church and treats all the neighborhood kids like family; taking ice cream out to them, making doll clothes for the one little girl, and lets them play in her yard so they aren't in the street.

She is amazing...I could go on and on....

[MissPriss]

My birth mother and I really do not have a relationship. I used to not even talk to her because I was mad that she gave me away and kept my twin, only after years of thinking it over I realized that she is a great woman and that choice made me who I am and allowed me to have the best MOM ever.

[jelli]

My birth mother has never really been a mother to me, but she has loved my three brothers. I don't understand it. there is quite a bit of pain and anger associated with her.

I have gone back and forth with:
"well if I do______ than maybe she'll love me too"
"what's wrong with me"
"I don't need her"
"Perhaps I am asking for what she can not give"
"This has nothing to do with me".

Although I do not feel as if we will ever have the relationship that I have longed for, I do think we can find some common ground.

[Bard]

I keep coming back to this and it is kind of a hard place for me I lost my mother at age 9 but really I never had a relationship with her and it took me a long time to come to terms with it... she was close to my brother and they had a relationship I envyed but my mom had a lot of issues she was a functional drunk and by not getting involved with me she saved me and she loved me enough to find a woman to love and raise me my Nanny.. I still wonder would she be proud of how I turned out and I asked my brother what he thought his answer to me was that HE was proud of me and he is sure mom is to

[Tuff Stuff]

Mother's been gone awhile now.I had a lot of video footage,voice recordings,photos taken of her through the years.In a way its like she is still here.Her presence can still be felt.We had a rocky relationship starting from my early childhood.My mom was very 'womanly' and as I grew older she looked to me for protection instead of from her husband.But dad was the best protector there can be.

It's late...I may come back and finish this post.

[Massive]

My Mum is one of My best friends ever, she's there for me no matter how much of an arsehole I am, she defends me when anyone is homophobic or thinks they can bully me, she stands by me, hell, she took me to Pride this year and had more fun and made more friends than I did!
She often asks questions and I am always honest with her, so we've had moments when she's regretted asking lol like when she asked me why I wanted the triskelion inked on me, that was the first time I've ever stunned her into silence...
Firstly she asked what it meant, so I explained about BDSM, so she next asked if that was what I liked, I told her yes, so we walked in silence for about ten minutes and she pointed into a shoe shop and commented on what nice sandals where in the window, I swear that's the only time I've had to fight laughing so hard that it hurt, bless her, she's the sweetest woman you could ever meet, she will talk to anyone, but she really only knows about generalised stuff, but genuinely wants to know about the things she has either never heard of or has no knowledge of, so when I do explain, you can see the thoughts running through her mind usually along the lines of "fuck, why did I ask that???"

I love my Mum, and I tell her constantly, because she is the sweetest, kindest, most generous person I know, she's even adopted my chosen Family. I couldn't ask for a better Mother or friend, ever.
I know I am blessed!

[cuddlyfemme]

My mom and I have never, ever gotten along. We're like oil and water (or is that vinegar???) I've never been good enough for her. She always wanted me to become a doctor, lawyer or some sort of profession like that. When I came out she wasn't accepting at all.....she was (and still is) furious and is upset that I gave her no grandchildren. My mom acts one way towards me when others are around but acts a totally different way when its just me and her or me, her and my immediate family

[*Anya*]

This is a very heavy subject for me.

My mom was a foster child because my Grandmother was thrown out of her own family for getting pregnant and my GM had to work as a domestic to survive. The foster family was abusive and she was the scapegoat for the other 5 kids, as she was the oldest.

It damaged my mother and she was unable to be a loving, caring or nurturing person to her only daughter. She then met & married my dad, also from a cold, withholding family of origin.

I believed at an unconscious level, she identified with me and in collusion with my dad, made me the family scapegoat. My younger brothers escaped their wrath.

I used to pray as a child that something would happen to them and I would become an orphan and adopted by a mother like some of my friends had *nurturing*loving*.

Fast forward to the day I told my mom I was in love with my best friend, a wonderful person my mom really liked and that I was gay. She would not speak with me for 15 years. I wad uninvited from my brothers wedding, my brothers would not speak me & the scapegoat was out of the family dynamics.

As we all aged, my mother became sick, had surgeries and as usually happens- I am the only child near them. I help them because there is no one else. I accept that it is what it is. Things that they say still can sting though I have developed a much thicker, protective hide with them.
We were at a family and friends dinner the other day and my dad proceeded to tell the guests all about the "big vacation" when he took the "whole family, wives and grandkids to Hawaii a couple of years ago".

Neither of them noticed I was not included in the big trip (nor did I know it even happened!).

This thread asked about mom but my mother is totally intertwined with my dad. They are one person to me.

When my mom decided to speak with me again, the door was totally shut on my private life. She/they do not ask and do not want to know. I discuss the weather, groceries, etc. I just pretend with them, they pretend with me.
They are old now and I do not expect anything to change at this stage of the game.

[*Anya*]

I just noticed this was the butch zone. I am sorry, all I saw was "mom". I hope it was OK I invaded the space.

[SnackTime]

I am very close to my mother, especially for the last 20 years. We had MAJOR issues when I first came out and we did not talk for approximately a year. My family was faced with almost losing her in a car accident and it hit me the hardest. When something like this happens it changes our perspective on EVERYTHING. We repaired everything within a few months after the unthinkable and now we are closer than ever. She is truly an amazing woman! She is my hero and I am blessed to have a second chance with her!

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

This is a very heavy subject for me.

My mom was a foster child because my Grandmother was thrown out of her own family for getting pregnant and my GM had to work as a domestic to survive. The foster family was abusive and she was the scapegoat for the other 5 kids, as she was the oldest.

It damaged my mother and she was unable to be a loving, caring or nurturing person to her only daughter. She then met & married my dad, also from a cold, withholding family of origin.

I believed at an unconscious level, she identified with me and in collusion with my dad, made me the family scapegoat. My younger brothers escaped their wrath.

I used to pray as a child that something would happen to them and I would become an orphan and adopted by a mother like some of my friends had *nurturing*loving*.

Fast forward to the day I told my mom I was in love with my best friend, a wonderful person my mom really liked and that I was gay. She would not speak with me for 15 years. I wad uninvited from my brothers wedding, my brothers would not speak me & the scapegoat was out of the family dynamics.

As we all aged, my mother became sick, had surgeries and as usually happens- I am the only child near them. I help them because there is no one else. I accept that it is what it is. Things that they say still can sting though I have developed a much thicker, protective hide with them.
We were at a family and friends dinner the other day and my dad proceeded to tell the guests all about the "big vacation" when he took the "whole family, wives and grandkids to Hawaii a couple of years ago".

Neither of them noticed I was not included in the big trip (nor did I know it even happened!).

This thread asked about mom but my mother is totally intertwined with my dad. They are one person to me.

When my mom decided to speak with me again, the door was totally shut on my private life. She/they do not ask and do not want to know. I discuss the weather, groceries, etc. I just pretend with them, they pretend with me.
They are old now and I do not expect anything to change at this stage of the game.

Anya, your parents sound destructive and cruel.

It sounds though, as if you love them. Children love their parents strongly, even if they are horribly abused. I think there's a biological advantage to clinging to our parents; that we're hard-wired that way.

But instinct and reason are conflicted when the parents are so hurtful, that the child is more likely to survive, without them. So, I'm guessing that you get something back from your family, something that reassures you on a deep level that isn't conscious.

I hope that is the case, that you at least get that. You sound so together, I doubt you would do something self-destructive, like be with them if it endangered your quality of life.

What's amazing is how objective and clear-headed you are about the whole thing. I'm really struck with how compassionate you are about your parents' families of origin, and how their own childhoods impacted on their development as the parents they would one day become, themselves. It's truly, deeply impressive how you see the whole picture, including your place in it.

[Okiebug61]

When I talk to my mom it's like having a short conversation with a neighbor you only see when you need to borrow a cup of sugar. It wasn't this way until she divorced my dad with whom I have a great relationship with now. It's all been a very strange ride since the divorce and I stepped off at the last stop.

[StrongButch]

My Mom was the first woman I loved. I adore my Mom. I have to say I am blessed to have such a great Mom.

[Metro]

My Mom was a wonderful woman in so many ways -- brilliant yet never arrogant; strong and also quite feminine; courageous and gentle; secure in her own beliefs while respectful of others; steady as a rock but game to try things out of her comfort zone; genuine, loving, kind -- absolutely beautiful both inside and out. I will always miss her physical presence, even so, she is still "with" me in one way or another every day and especially in Springtime. I feel so fortunate that she was my Mother for it's because of her I know how it feels to be loved, accepted and appreciated for exactly who I am.

[firegal]

The relationship I had with my mother was loving,we were close.
She accepted me my whole life as i matured and changed... she accepted me always.

As she accepted my lil sis who is gay [tweener].and also our partners.

We took care of mom these past 4 years upon her diagnosis of dementia,which strengthen a relationship that was already strong.

Her humor,kindness and love I miss so much... she passed july 2011.

My sister and I were very fortunate to have such an accepting loving lady as our mom.

[Babyangeleyez]

My mom is my best friend!! Growing up all my friends called her "mom". My son's friends call her "grandma" now. She has been rock. I wish I was half the woman she is. She is truly amazing!

[SleepyButch]

I am really close with my mom. I've lived out of state from her for almost 10 years now and I know that has not been easy for her. When I first came out, well my sister outted me, my mom called and asked me about a guy that I had dated previously. I pretty much got angry and hung up. A few days later, she told me that she loved me no matter what. From that point on, she has been very supportive of me and of my relationships. I have been pretty lucky that way. I even kid around with her and tell her things like.. the reason I am gay is because you smoked when you were pregnant with me. lol

Anyway, her health is not very good these days so I have elected to move back to be around the family. I want to spend as much time with her as I can while I have her around. I don't want to think about that day when she won't be here. It's inevitable at some point, but until that time, I will cherish every moment that I have even if she does drive me crazy.

She said something funny to me after my recent breakup... because I have dated younger women, she said that I was no longer allowed to date any kids. lol. I had to laugh.. here is to my mom.