Butch/Butch Theory

[deathbypoem]

Alright so here goes:

The first focus I would like to make is the butch/butch dynamic and how appealing it is to me and my personal preference. I do however, understand that I cannot and will not satisfy everyone on this topic but it is definately something that I want to put out here. At times, I wonder to myself being a member of the gay community why certain dynamics are shunned by our own. This will be a pill that is continuously hard to swallow. I understand individuals and their own preferences...But, Im not getting the narrow paths that some people tend to follow.
This isn't mainstream-sometimes we dont fit in-no matter what label/terminology is used. I totally get that. But, why is the hate continuing? (I have my own answers).

What does it mean for a butch to desire another butch? How is butch desire expressed? These are only a few questions that I have been asked recently. And I am willing to explain my theory on this.

Must opposites always attract? I do not think always. I do believe that we can be one in the same on all levels and still have an attraction. Does anyone else feel me on this?

Just to add to this little section of my world and to answer a few more questions I will continue with this:

To many people Im a "usual suspect" because i do not date femmes. Sometimes, it is looked upon as in me secretely hating them. THIS IS NOT the case. But, yet im deemed the ultimate threat. Because the butch/butch dynamic negates the binary oppositions and hence is threatening to most. -sighs-

One answer to the question: Who really agrees with the butch/butch dynamic? One who admits it.

Ok, so in a nutshell here is my butch haircut,stance,personality,preference and anything else you would like to claim as such. YES, I adore the butch/butch relationship dynamic and proudly I will continue to wear it.

Anyone else?
Comments?
Perspectives?

[Just_G]

I saw this thread posted elsewhere as Butch/Butch Experiment. I think that you need to date or be with the one you are attracted to. For some it is not just one person, for some it is not just femme, for some it is not just butch. People are attracted to a variety of individuals.

Here in Kansas City where I live, I am looked at all kinds of sideways because I am Butch and I love Femmes. My friends don't get why I wouldn't date someone that is androgenous like them. I like Femmes....we have talked about it several times over drinks. I don't think they will ever get it.

I think if I told them I was attracted to other butches, they would understand that more so than me being attracted to femmes.

I think you should live your life the way you want to live it....even if some don't agree with it. God knows a lot of people sure don't agree with the way I live my life and who I am attracted to.

Good luck DBP!

[DaddyDevon]

Originally Posted by deathbypoem

Ok, so in a nutshell here is my butch haircut,stance,personality,preference and anything else you would like to claim as such. YES, I adore the butch/butch relationship dynamic and proudly I will continue to wear it.

deathbypoem, have you checked out www dot butchboi dot com ? Lots of hot butches, bois, and ftms! In fact, I know many of them.

In Oakland/San Francisco a lot of masculine ID'd folks date, play, have sex, and partner with each other. Many femme/femme couples do as well, but it’s extremely rare to actually see them coupled. Knowing many of these femmes (my partner included), it has nothing to do with fear of stigma, they simply prefer butches. I must admit that at first I did feel a bit uncomfortable with my partner's attraction to femmes. Within all these possible combinations though, the vast majority of couples here are butch/femme.

I haven't seen or personally experienced judgment for any combination of queers including cisgender men. Perhaps I'm just fortunate to have an open-minded circle of friends. However, on very rare occasions there does tend to be some stigma if a butch or femme marries or partners with a cisgender man, more so when a femme does.

Originally Posted by deathbypoem

What does it mean for a butch to desire another butch? How is butch desire expressed?

I don't date or partner masculine ID'd people, but do play and occasionally have sex with them. I always top and the energy is quite different, more rough, raw, more emotionally detached, no romance, less physically and sexually satisfying, but extremely mentally satisfying and a much different power exchange that I really love. Even as mean and nasty as I can be with them, I'm still sensitive and nurturing, and it's always mutually satisfying; once a Daddy, always a Daddy. Speaking of which, I love being in a D/b relationship. I definitely understand the attraction and hotness aspect of masculine/masculine energy and have been with people that prefer that. It's just not the sort of dynamic I want full-time. I’m really hardwired attracted to femmes. I adore everything about them.

[naturlover_52]

In Oakland/San Francisco a lot of masculine ID'd folks date, play, have sex, and partner with each other. Many femme/femme couples do as well, but it’s extremely rare to actually see them coupled. Knowing many of these femmes (my partner included), it has nothing to do with fear of stigma, they simply prefer butches.
why is there the stigma of 2 butches or a middle and butch being together....I am a softy and my gf is a butch....THIS is all I have been w/ the whole 10 yrs that I have been out as a lesbian. The first woman I ever dated was on Gay.com she was a tweener and me the soft butch.....most people can tell the min they meet me that I am gay...because of the fact that I guess I wear my sexuality out there...that I don't hide very well.

I just recently started coming to the planet in the last yr. IN fact I think it has been only in the last 6 mos that I really got involved w/ getting to know people here. I like seeing femmes....they are wonderful "eye Candy" but there isn't a sexual attraction to them. I always think that I am the odd duck....for my feelings towards butches.

Does anyone know about the Butch/femme Scene in the Stockton Sacramento area or down here in say the area of Pomona/covina/claremont/glendora area???

[DaddyDevon]

Originally Posted by naturlover_52

In Oakland/San Francisco a lot of masculine ID'd folks date, play, have sex, and partner with each other. Many femme/femme couples do as well, but it’s extremely rare to actually see them coupled. Knowing many of these femmes (my partner included), it has nothing to do with fear of stigma, they simply prefer butches.
why is there the stigma of 2 butches or a middle and butch being together....I am a softy and my gf is a butch....THIS is all I have been w/ the whole 10 yrs that I have been out as a lesbian. The first woman I ever dated was on Gay.com she was a tweener and me the soft butch.....most people can tell the min they meet me that I am gay...because of the fact that I guess I wear my sexuality out there...that I don't hide very well.

Hi naturlover,

I'm not sure if you're responding directly to my quote or not, but I believe you may have misunderstood me. Perhaps I wasn't clear enough. I stated not having seen any stigma in my community between butch or femme couples, and that there are many more butch couples, but hardly any femme couples. The lack of femme couples isn't due to their fear of stigma, but a preference for butches. I hope that clears things up for you.

Originally Posted by DaddyDevon

I don't date or partner masculine ID'd people, but do play and occasionally have sex with them. I always top and the energy is quite different, more rough, raw, more emotionally detached, no romance, less physically and sexually satisfying, but extremely mentally satisfying and a much different power exchange that I really love. Even as mean and nasty as I can be with them, I'm still sensitive and nurturing, and it's always mutually satisfying; once a Daddy, always a Daddy. [/SIZE]

I also just realized that my statement above sounds like I'm not as mean and nasty nor have rough and raw sex with femmes. That is FAR from the case! It's just not as emotionally and sexually satisfying for me with masculine folks.

[naturlover_52]

yes it did thanks very very much

I am wondering if this is the same for other areas up there my love and I can't afford to live directly in the Bay area but would love to go and hang out there a lot when we can and have the $$ to.irate :

[DomnNC]

To each their own, as long as it's two consenting adults it shouldn't matter to anyone. Your kink may not be my kink and vice-versa but we each have a right to pursue our own personal happiness.

[SoberBoi]

Thank you for posting this! I have been feeling kind of lost because of this same issue.

I am a boi...not femme in any way, shape or form. I am attracted to butches. I like someone with strong shoulders and confidance who has not removed or contoured any female parts. I find tattoos and muscles sexy and I am totally not into BDSM, role-playing, vampirism, or any other new wave ideas... LOL

I am simply a boi that likes to be in the company of a gentleman. I do not want to be expected to be a girl counterpart or any of that. I just want a nice butch who is naturally butch, not forced or trying to be anything they are not. I don't care if I call my partner by masculine pronouns or they are completely male-identified, I just want a nice butch with a good heart.

Does that make me odd?

I know there are more of us out there....c'mon, 'fess up!

[QueenofSmirks]

Batten down the hatches and prepare for a shit storm, Sober Boi. Some of us will take your post for exactly how you meant it, but don't be surprised if you see a barrage of posts nit-picking every single word of your post and drawing conclusions that you didn't intend. Most of those posts will come from people whose insecurities crop up when they read words that state a preference that doesn't include them. Don't let it discourage you - it's an unfortunate reality of public posting.

Good luck finding your ideal partner ... there are many fine people on this site

[The_Lady_Snow]

Welcome to BFP!!!

Hope you find a gentleman butch and good friends!!!

[Merlin]

Labels are for tins,whatever floats your boat is fine.
So long as you are true to yourself.


Me .. I am a femme worshipper, I adore everything about a femme. It's in my blood

[weatherboi]

Hey!!! I'm in a Femme Led relationship which can be the minority here!! Don't be discouraged!!! There's some good folks here!!

[NorCalStud]

For every action in life we have only to come from a place of LOVE. If what we are saying and what we are doing does not come from a position of love and regard...we may be wasting time. I have to ask myself regularly..."Am I teaching or punishing?" In play? Punishing is pleasure...in real life...it is unacceptable .

[MarineCorps1]

Originally Posted by SoberBoi

I am simply a boi that likes to be in the company of a gentleman. I do not want to be expected to be a girl counterpart or any of that. I just want a nice butch who is naturally butch, not forced or trying to be anything they are not. I don't care if I call my partner by masculine pronouns or they are completely male-identified, I just want a nice butch with a good heart.

Thank you so much - you took the words right out of my mouth.
And I agree, tattoos and muscles are HOOOOOOOOTTTTT!!!!!

[Tuff Stuff]

I never had a problem with butch on butch love,to each his and her own.My problem has always been being in love,i just like being in love..and then i'd get bored and leave.I always wanted new things(bad habit back in the day) that included a new love interest every weekend or at least once a month..way off topic here.

I'm heavy into voyeurism,so even though I don't participate in some things,doesn't mean I don't find it sexy.. again off topic.

There are different kinds of love,i know that.What i'm trying to say is I don't have a problem with it.

If you ever find yourself falling in love,fall hard!

[JDeere]

I still don't see anything wrong with it, its love, go with it!

[deathbypoem]

Yes, this is a repost.. I also have this thread posted as Butch/butch experiment on the other site.. Im trying to reach out to as many people as possible...!!! So thanks everyone!

[christie]

Personally, butch/butch is hawt and I've never quite understood why some people are adverse to it.

Then again, I am a "whatever-it-takes, even-if-that-means-licking-your-left-elbow-on-a-blue-moon-odd-month-tuesday".

You have to live your life and find joy in it. If its butch/butch that works for you, I say have at it!

Christie

[Apocalipstic]

I have to agree with everyone who has posted so far.

My town is similar to that G describes. You see Butches with Butches alot.

Snouzepoo?

Avocado Christie, I agree wholeheatedly on all points, though our fetishizing of B/B likely makes us pretty non-PC.

Death, you mention people feeling threatened by Butches who want to date Butches. I think people are naturally inclined to be threatened by something (anything).

I get the allure of dating someone you have tons in common with. I learned in Sociology in college that the more a couple has in common, the more likely it is that they will stay together.

I'm sorry that you feel misunderstood and I totally get that...most regular Lesbians in my town think I am absolutely out on the lunatic fringe somewhere for dressing like I do and liking Butches.

Maybe the power of Butch is what is threatening? I don't know. Interesting thread.

[christie]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

=

Avocado Christie, I agree wholeheatedly on all points, though our fetishizing of B/B likely makes us pretty non-PC.



I'm sorry that you feel misunderstood and I totally get that...most regular Lesbians in my town think I am absolutely out on the lunatic fringe somewhere for dressing like I do and liking Butches.

Maybe the power of Butch is what is threatening? I don't know. Interesting thread.

HA! You are the first to call me by my pronoun!!!

I know exactly what you mean about being on the lunatic fringe for being a feminine woman and liking butches! I lived there for the first 36 years of my life and I can tell you that meeting you and the TN gang was probably the most BF couples outside of Pride that I have ever seen at one time!

The bright side is that at least you have a community there.

To your question of the power of Butch being threatening, I don't think that's it - I tend to agree with your analysis of being attracted to the familiar.