Breaking up

[Merlin]

Does anyone agree here that when you break up with someone you go through a form of grieving ?

[PinkieLee]

Of course you go through a period of grieving during any breakup...
Grieving the loss of the relationship, the friendship & hopes for the future.

It's a natural emotion that should be faced. My advice is to not let the grief consume every aspect of your life. Yes you feel pain, but you've still got to get up and go to work. Yes your heart is hurting and your life is upside down, but the sun is still gonna come up every day.

*you never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice*

[cinderella]

Obviously, it depends on how much feelings you had for the person. Most times, the one who walks away feels no, or little grief. Naturally, every situation is different. Sometimes the one who walks away is hurting more...

Originally Posted by Merlin

Does anyone agree here that when you break up with someone you go through a form of grieving ?

[FlowerFem]

Of course you do. If you loved them. But I've had breakups where it was a relief. They were a burden or unhealthy. They offered very little so there was'nt much to miss, or be sad about.

[T D]

I believe that leaving a relationship can be a long drawn out, difficult, and sad process. It is often times very painful and can bring about a great deal of grief for the person leaving as well. Yes it can also be a relief, but that doesn't necessarily make it any easier. No matter which side of the coin you're on it's a loss, and loss is never easy. Just my opinion.

[EnderD_503]

I think it depends on the person, situation and length of time the relationship lasted. Some people don't take relationships as seriously as others, and maybe they find it easier to move on, while others need time. Also, if the relationship was fairly short, then that might lessen the impact on both parties. I think the longer the relationship, the harder it probably is to come out of it for most people.

[Apocalipstic]

I think sometimes the grief we feel is for how we wish the relationship had been.....even if we were the one to walk away.

Grief for the good times, the good parts, the person you loved but maybe just are not, for what ever reason, compatible with any more.

Grief that the picture you had for your life was not real.

Grief that you have to start over.

Grief that you look at yourself differently.

Grief.

[Merlin]

Heartbreak.

It's happened to me every time .. And it feels like a little piece of my heart dies when a relationship fizzles out.

[Quintease]

Friends of mine and I have experienced the 'losing three months' phenomenon. When you walk around in a daze for 3 months and come out the other end as though it began the day before. I came out of one once to discover I was already in another relationship! What a mistake that was

There is never anything nice about breakups with someone who you once loved, adored and cherished. I'm hoping I'll never have to go through another ever again.

[T4Texas]

I think you absoloutely do go through a grieving process. It's because of the loss and the knowledge that you won't be seeing that person again or sharing those little things you used to do on a daily basis. I think when breakups are ugly, with lots of hurt feelings, slanderous accusations and such, the grieving process is shortened as feelings of love can turn to hate pretty quickly. But even then, there is still that element of loss. I believe we go through three phases. First sadness, then anger and finally a kind of realization settles in that we are moving on which is the real goal. One thing is for certain, that time takes care of it all.

[Apocalipstic]

Sometimes I ask myself it is worth it.

[cinderella]

I'm so sorry, Merlin...but I know just how that feels. I've been thru it so many times now, I don't have a heart anymore...

Originally Posted by Merlin

Heartbreak.

It's happened to me every time .. And it feels like a little piece of my heart dies when a relationship fizzles out.

[blackboot]

Originally Posted by T4Texas

I think you absoloutely do go through a grieving process. It's because of the loss and the knowledge that you won't be seeing that person again or sharing those little things you used to do on a daily basis. I think when breakups are ugly, with lots of hurt feelings, slanderous accusations and such, the grieving process is shortened as feelings of love can turn to hate pretty quickly. But even then, there is still that element of loss. I believe we go through three phases. First sadness, then anger and finally a kind of realization settles in that we are moving on which is the real goal. One thing is for certain, that time takes care of it all.

This really resonates with me. I had a sixteen year relationship end. Ugly would be an understatement. I took time for myself. I sought out counseling and found a wonderful Therapist. I stayed single--on purpose for nearly five years. Time did take care of it and I learned about myself and that I had to "do the work." That hard stuff about loving yourself before you attempt to love another. I met that wonderful someone on the dash site and now am having the healthiest relationship I have ever had. Optimist? Probably. But it took time and work.

[Jar]

For sure! You grieve for lost dreams, love that you have to watch die, the feeling that you were loved ... you miss the person. I'm going through it now and some days it feels like I'm trying to quit smoking. It's like I'm going through withdrawals from it all. It's miserable!

Sorry Merlin!

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

Sometimes I ask myself it is worth it.

Absolutely! Every person who has walked into my life has changed it in some way. I wouldn't be the person I am or have the life I do had I stayed with the first person who loved me. I regret nothing

actually that's a lie, I regret one or two but hey, silver lining and all that

[Apocalipstic]

Therapy, exercise, having great friends around, getting things accomplished all seem to help.

My mother died when I was 13 and I survived, so breakups..while painful...are not going to destroy me or make me not have a heart. I try to look at it like we each learned from each other what we needed to and now its time to go on the next chapter. Heart even bigger for having loved.

So yes, it's worth it...but definitely worth looking at ways to keep out of trouble without resorting to a hostage situation girlfriendship. At least not right this second.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Quintease

Absolutely! Every person who has walked into my life has changed it in some way. I wouldn't be the person I am or have the life I do had I stayed with the first person who loved me. I regret nothing

actually that's a lie, I regret one or two but hey, silver lining and all that

Ha, we posted at same time. Agreed! I have gained something from all of my over 2 month relationships lololol.

No regrets! I need that! Thank you Q!

[foxyshaman]

I am grieving right now and trying to figure out how we can stay in our 'community' at the same time. We have good days and bad days. This is the hardest breakup I have EVER been through. I seriously thought this was my forever.

But here I am. The hardest part for me can be trying to let go of thinking of her. Sometimes it drives me crazy. One thing I am grateful for is that I have a very busy life. But I did take time to marry my couch after she dumped my ass. My couch has never let me down. And then one day she pushed me off and said "hey you have a life get off me". And so i did and found out I still have a life.

Right now I am trying to figure out stuff about myself. I have found every relationship has been a mirror. What are the good things I see and what are the bad things I look quickly away from. I am taking the time to have a GOOD HARD LOOK, therapy and lots of reading. Fortunately for me I have a deep spiritual connection that has helped me heal in ways that unfortunately others don't have access to.

But it still hurts. One day it won't hurt. One day, a day will go by when I don't think of her. One day, I won't regret the stuff I wish we had done together.

One day is coming. And each day that passes, that one day gets closer.

[hpychick]

I absolutely believe it's necessary to grieve the loss of a relationship - no matter how long of a relationship it was.

Getting outdoors, exercising, finding people of value to spend time with and talk to are great ways for me to get past the hurt and disillusionment.

Sometimes, there are those relationships that you just know you are better off without though, and you can breathe an interminable sigh of relief when it's finally over.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Does anyone agree here that when you break up with someone you go through a form of grieving ?

Of course. The relationship you had with another is dead and, thus, you go through the 5 steps of grief.

1. Denial and Isolation
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Though, not everyone goes through the steps in the same way or processes them similarly. But, in some regard, we all do them.