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Old 07-05-2018, 10:18 PM   #421
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Dad may come home tomorrow. We arent sure yet. No amputation but they opened his foot to clean out the infection.

He has no idea that he may have to be wheelchair bound for the rest of his life, i dont see him complying with doctors orders. He thinks hes just gonna get up and walk, drive to work, etc. He has no clue. They took him off his depression meds cuz it interferes with his antibiotics, hes on ALOT of medications as well, from insulin to heart pills.

Im so beyond stressed because alot of shit has happened at the house since Monday, from carpet installers cutting the net cord for internet to my mom stressing out to the point i cant handle being around her. My siblings help but have no clue as to how bad this has affected me, i bottle stuff up till i explode, im to the point i want to load up my dog and some of my stuff, to leave.

My folks dont listen to any of us 3 kids about helping and im the one cuz i live here that gets more stuff piled on me, if its not my folks way its the highway and i want off! They need to sell the house and move, sell one car, etc to where they can manage life and health care. And both of them need to be on depression and anxiety meds cuz i cant take much more.

I love them both dearly, however im in no position to financially help since my job fell through, i have my own health and mental issues plus im done not having a life because i get no help from dumb and dumber.
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Old 07-15-2018, 05:02 PM   #422
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I have to admit that moving mom is exhausting. She has her and dad's stuff, her parents stuff, and dad's parents stuff. The worst part is that she wants to keep it all.

I did manage to take a few pieces to the auction house but it did not make much of a difference.

I started moving stuff at the end of June and we are not to halfway yet. Part of the problem is that we have very little help. There are no guys helping just my cousin, my ex, and a dear friend. We are paying a lady to pack her stuff part time but that is going too slow.

Not to mention it is July in Texas with temperatures in the hundreds. I have started looking for more hired help. Ugh
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Old 07-15-2018, 05:57 PM   #423
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I have to admit that moving mom is exhausting. She has her and dad's stuff, her parents stuff, and dad's parents stuff. The worst part is that she wants to keep it all.

I did manage to take a few pieces to the auction house but it did not make much of a difference.

I started moving stuff at the end of June and we are not to halfway yet. Part of the problem is that we have very little help. There are no guys helping just my cousin, my ex, and a dear friend. We are paying a lady to pack her stuff part time but that is going too slow.

Not to mention it is July in Texas with temperatures in the hundreds. I have started looking for more hired help. Ugh
This cannot be easy. I hope it goes smoother from here on out.
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Old 07-15-2018, 06:26 PM   #424
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This cannot be easy. I hope it goes smoother from here on out.
Thank you, Dee. I hope that it gets better too.
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Old 07-25-2018, 06:50 PM   #425
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We are in the last big push to get mom moved out. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.

I hope that on August 1st I can go to work and this will all be over.
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Old 07-25-2018, 09:25 PM   #426
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Im about to the point of leaving the house and living out of my truck. Mom bitches at me cuz she thinks im mean when i talk to my dad. NO he needs the truth, its his fault that hes in the predicament he is in, hes non complaint, eats whatever he wants, etc. He has the balls to yell at me for drinking a soda, i said im not diabetic and i dont have problems like he does, so im mean.

Im sorry if i was diabetic i would abide by the diet and take meds without bitching, ive done without soda and junk food before i sure as fuck can do it again IF needed.

Also he goes to the doctor and does not ask questions, he gets mad if i or my mom ask for him. They wont allow him to have anti depressants and its bs. Hes obsessive and depressed but all i hear is that doctors dont give people his age those meds bullshit they give dementia/Alzheimer's meds that contain anti depressants, his mom was on them.

Im about done with it all.
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Old 07-28-2018, 11:42 AM   #427
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PBS Newshour is running a series every Thursday addressing some current options/issues facing caregivers. The first two have focused on using outside help, a subject I am personally aquainted with. They are good to know about options and these episodes so far have been pretty accurate in my personal experience. They run about 10 minutes each.

*I’m not aware of how to imbed non-YouTube videos, so the links will have to do.*

This one is about hourly private help; the shortages/expenses and how poorly the jobs pay:

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/wh...-pay-so-poorly

The one from the week before deals with Adult Family/Foster homes specifically in Oregon. State laws are highly variable and a lot of research is required. In my experience the best care is highly sought after and therefore hard to find. Word of mouth.

https://www.pbs.org/newshour/show/in...or-the-elderly


One thing I know of from discussing with others around the country is that the pricing is very regionally dependent and needs to be investigated on a case by case basis. I found that the prices quoted in the videos are low compared to what I have seen in central WA state where my mother lives.
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Old 07-28-2018, 11:45 AM   #428
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We are in the last big push to get mom moved out. I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted.

I hope that on August 1st I can go to work and this will all be over.
Having moved my mother twice in the last three years you have my direct sympathies.

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Old 07-31-2018, 07:58 AM   #429
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Day 35 of moving mom. I am exhausted in everyway. The sheer mass of her her stuff is overwhelming. Today they deliver a dumpster.

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Old 07-31-2018, 08:24 AM   #430
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Day 35 of moving mom. I am exhausted in everyway. The sheer mass of her her stuff is overwhelming. Today they deliver a dumpster.

After my Mom passed away we had to go through some of the stress you have faced...it feels like never ending torture! I was determined that my daughter wouldn’t have to go through it when I am gone.

Take a deep breath, you got this!
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Old 08-05-2018, 08:33 AM   #431
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The move will not be over this weekend. It is hot and I am overwhelmed. Yesterday was hard loading and unloading by myself. Thank goodness mom cuts me a break when I rage over the heat and the mass of her stuff. We now have one shed on my land and two rentals.

We are taking today off. Yay!
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Old 08-08-2018, 06:23 AM   #432
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The final deadline for mom to be completely out of her house has been set by the new owner. She has to be completely out by this Thursday night so I had to take off work and call in my cousin for help. I will be sweating my guts out for the next two days and nights.

On the bright side I have lost weight and my muscles are firm again.

Mom and are are exhausted but we must push hard to make this deadline. I would appreciate support from my friends.
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Old 08-08-2018, 09:42 AM   #433
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The final deadline for mom to be completely out of her house has been set by the new owner. She has to be completely out by this Thursday night so I had to take off work and call in my cousin for help. I will be sweating my guts out for the next two days and nights.

On the bright side I have lost weight and my muscles are firm again.

Mom and are are exhausted but we must push hard to make this deadline. I would appreciate support from my friends.
The end is in sight! Just imagine how much relief you will feel to have your mother close enough to care for...it made all the difference to me during my moms final days.

Breathe deep, and remember that you got this!
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Old 08-08-2018, 01:05 PM   #434
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The final deadline for mom to be completely out of her house has been set by the new owner. She has to be completely out by this Thursday night so I had to take off work and call in my cousin for help. I will be sweating my guts out for the next two days and nights.

On the bright side I have lost weight and my muscles are firm again.

Mom and are are exhausted but we must push hard to make this deadline. I would appreciate support from my friends.
You will get there, it just may not feel like it!

I did have to hire some outside help with my mom since her move was predicated by my father's death there was the house with a lifetime of accumulation going nowhere to deal with. I was moving her into an apartment and did the packing for her and then hired an estate broker to take care of liquidating the things she wasn't taking, then to a trustee to sell the house since I was commuting from another state.

When moving her from her apt to the house where she currently lives it was sort of the same but much smaller and no house sale, still renting a van to haul some few things to my house 400 miles away and the load/unload feature wasn't fun.

This last was 4 months ago and I rented a small storage unit for her seasonal clothes and the giant archive of slides and photos (3 family members past were avid photogs) as it turned out, when I was there in July we found a place within her current place for all of her clothes and other personal items and I brought the archive to my house so we were able to get rid of the storage unit and replace that with half a bedroom in my house.

Don't know about your mom's condition, but you may find over time that those belongings mean less to her and you will get to begin the endless shuffle in new and never-ending ways...

Chin up, the end of this phase is near.
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Old 08-09-2018, 07:21 PM   #435
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I'm posting the third week installment of the PBS Newshour video series,

The Cost of Care: The U.S. needs more home care workers. Is this the solution?

Again link only as it is not YouTube. The first couple are posted upthread.

"America's home care shortage is critical, and growing. The industry's shortage seems to be driven by low wages, few benefits and a lack of respect for workers, 90 percent of whom are women. Would giving them more responsibilities and more training help workers earn more?"

This issue has hit home with me twice this week, first on Monday the primary caregiver in the sister home to the one my mother is in called in and quit with no notice. Resources are being stretched across the board to make sure nothing falls through the cracks. The place where she lives is excellent but they are having such a hard time finding people that one of the houses had to be shut down due to lack of staff.

Second, I have an extra caregiver from the outside that I bring in twice a week to take my mother out for walks in parks, outing for a change of pace and exercise, and frequently a lunch out. It's good for her and she looks forward to these as a treat. Obviously when I am in town I get to do this with her. This morning I got a call from this caregivers sister about a family tragedy which will take her out of things, maybe forever. I have the utmost respect for her and feel horrible about what happened to her. I also have to find new help in a town that doesn't seem to have the resources. I use an agency that I helped get up and running a couple of years ago so should not have too much trouble though hiring is almost impossible even for this higher paying situation. This is a chronic situation that is only getting worse nationwide.

This is not a problem with medicaid for us as it is for many and even worse than the shortages I am talking about.

The linked video talks about the economics and shortages in the system. I hope policymakers start to wake up to the scope of the issue.
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Old 08-10-2018, 07:03 AM   #436
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The final deadline for mom to be completely out of her house has been set by the new owner. She has to be completely out by this Thursday night so I had to take off work and call in my cousin for help. I will be sweating my guts out for the next two days and nights.

On the bright side I have lost weight and my muscles are firm again.

Mom and are are exhausted but we must push hard to make this deadline. I would appreciate support from my friends.
Hoping you made the deadline Chad. Sounds like you have worked very hard on this move, I hope you will have some downtime and youtime scheduled soon and that your Mom gets nicely settled into her new pad.
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Old 08-10-2018, 07:42 PM   #437
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Thank you friends for the support. This has been a horrible experience. The deep cleaning service is cleaning mom's house over night and mom decided to stay with them tonight.

I get the feeling that it is hard for her to leave that house. My friends have advised me to be extra kind and gentle with mom during this transition. As a task master, I did forget that being gentle now was very important.

My house is a mess with boxes but it will all be settled in time.

Thank you, friends.
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Old 08-25-2018, 07:23 AM   #438
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I am headed to New Orleans for a week with my colleagues and my work wife (thanks easygoing for the terminology). The construction crew will be here and I asked my cousin to check in on mom. Mom has learned how to care for the kitties so that is a big help.

I am hoping that everything goes well.
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Old 08-28-2018, 05:37 PM   #439
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Default Things Just Keep Picking Up Speed **sweating**

I knew mum had dementia years ago but getting people to believe me was another issue.
She has been in and out of the hospital since I graduated my board exams, dementia worsening, living on her own.
She finally almost died beginning of May - I was told to rush to hospital and say goodbye - she had been forgetting to give herself insulin as a type 1 (most serious, born with) diabetic. She didn't die. But it caused more brain damage.

So she's been on a locked ward waiting to be placed in a care home through our provincial health care system. Which I am very grateful for - they take 80% of her earnings, no matter what they are, and she keeps the rest.

Today I got a phone call there is a bed, in our city of choice, in our borough of choice (VERY lucky), in a semi private room, with "cat company", there are two huge fish tanks, no locked ward but a locked building so she has 3 floors to wander around. A movie lounge, a dinning room, a cafe, a hair dresser that comes once a week, massage therapy students once a week (I was one of them once so I know the place well).

She gets more of her things than most places, and they want it to be as home-like as possible so they encourage people to bring paintings.

At the same time I have put the house on the market (it sold in 2 days), Packing like *MAD* on my own with a small amount of help from dad (divorced from mum 25 years).

I just signed a contract with an auctioneers who will come to the house and sell everything that isn't packed and put away - takes 12 days.

I have to make sure everything is as they require so that's two more days working my arse off with no break.

I've also been told I need to take 24 more hours course credit by end of Sept for my RMT license as this is a new thing they are making all of us do.
Its on line but FUCKIN NOW? REALLY? ok...

The new seller has in contract mums stuff has to be out by the 20th.

I need to get mums stuff we put aside to her new place in the next few days as she's being moved tomorrow. I was told **this morning**.

My step mum is freaking shit because dad is storing a few things there for a few weeks - so I have to find a storage place pronto and sign a contract with them.

SO fucking glad I have Power of Attorney and I pushed that a few weeks ago!!

My brother is on the other side of Canada going "I don't want anything, don't bloody send it to *me*."

I want everything to be over by Oct 1st. Really, really. And because I got mum's place in a bidding war, and actually showed it to people I really really hope she remembers me (if she can) with the "over asking" price so I can take some time off work and fucking expire for a week.

I've already lost time and thus funds from work doing all of this.

My own apt is a sty because there is no time to clean any of it, or cook. My cat hates me.

And I'm venting on line instead of doing my school work.
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Old 09-29-2018, 12:31 AM   #440
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Dad is officially an amputee. They removed his right leg, up to his knee about an hour ago. His foot was healing but he fell and broke his leg in 2 places the other night, i had to call 911 so mom could help him try to remain calm. He will be in the hospital probably 2 to 3 weeks then sent to rehab hospital till he is well enough to come home, if he can.

Our current home is not equipped to care for him right now, its up in the air as to whether we make it handicapped accessible or sell the house to move into a place more helpful or the folks go into a retirement community and i go on my way. Dad cant work so he said hes retiring, hes a bad diabetic with heart disease, thyroid problems, high blood pressure, etc etc.

Im trying to take this one day at a time, i now am head of household, i do most everything from grocery shopping for mom and i to laundry, etc. The only thing i dont manage is their bills, mom does that, i just make sure the bills get mailed off in time....

Its going to be an extremely long hard road ahead...
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