Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 1

Poorly Chirping

She writes poetry like fusion jazz, more fun to make than to listen to. She stands at the podium serving as a bad example. I pray as she reads, “Lord, please don’t let me get sucked into the self-importance of bad poetry for the sake of peering peers, and forgetting to write what is there for the world, the readers, the things which bring the word pictures and sets them before me. Lord, remind me that the writing is not done for me, but done as Billy Collins quotes, for the love of strangers.”


Tops spin, do you?
*

DO WE SEE

The old man walked down the road to see the end,
I followed to glimpse the fruit of his pursuit.
Does the highway come to rest
Or like the river just feed a greater sea?

And time, will the clock stop him?
Can he win the treasure hunt
As the seconds tick away on the metronome?

Will the slowing of his steps
And the advancing of his age
Create a curve which will prevent his accomplishment?

Does this tag-along I am doing
Make me a part of his project?
The road is long and its end may never come, only ours.

When we take the road the road takes us.
More and less is what we are and so too the road.
I follow the contour of the ground
Which curves around the world
Spinning in our sky so we can all see the stars.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 2


At The Dodge


I remember so long ago when I would come and sit and listen; soak in the poets and the Consort, sop it all into the sponge that listened and sat. I did not know exactly what they were doing and I didn’t know why I was there, but I went and had a soak. Now so many years hence I am the writer I never knew and I know just what they do because, I do it too!




Write a poem on your foot


*

GOOSE

I round this corner nearly every day.
There in the field stand a flock of problems,
Pecking the ground and flopping their wings.

Uniform and regular, the honking and squawking
Is undistinguishable from yesterday.

I ponder and squint, are these the same
Or yet another gaggle making their way
Along the migratory path?

Trouble is feral, skulking the edges of the field
But never sheltering in the yard.
I must leave my hands off
Knowing these are not mine.

The feathers fly and I gather the strays
Acutely aware of the ticklish nature of this.

Awkwardly I face the truth
No matter how much of a perplexity this is to me
Or others, it is only geese.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 3




The Twelfth of April


When I met you, you were a power tagged and trapped in a box. A tiger caught by its toe and yet I could do nothing but fall under the spell of your roar. The suppressed growl you leave for me like an invitation I could never decline. I write to you a note of explanation; words testifying to my desire, which I promise to hold back out of respect for you. And a wish to survive my drive toward you and your furious stripes and claws. Your bite which I long to feel, yet know I must not ask for. When I inquire if you have read, you say with sanguine smile, “Read it to me.” When I am done and with tear stained face, all you reply is, “I have lost my taste for anyone but you.”



Keep an ear out for more than danger
*



GOOD SAMARITAN PIE

The meal prepared from my cognition,
The bread and jam of humility, salad of expectation,
Roast of determination and Good Samaritan pie
Wait on the table to be devoured.

The courses pass and come desert, my kindly intentions.
Are cut to wedges and pushed from setting to setting.
I can dollop after dollop cover the requisite desires
Of this tart in attempt to deny my addiction to fixing
Or I can serve up the plain truth.

I help and help, and wander down roads looking
For lost puppies to return to their homes.
I must admit my longing to lend support
Is sometimes half-baked and if kept to home and hearth
It might serve me better and make a sweeter dish.

Assistance is best in proportion to the meal
I must live my life and save my Good Samaritan pie till last.

[Lady_Di]

God Grant Me
Serenity to Accept
The Things I
Cannot Change
Change the Things I Can &
The Wisdom to Know the Difference

____________________________
note I am adding in his typos and capitalizations, as when I copied this from him this morning, it cracked me up... even his spacings, loved it
__________________________________________________ __

Living One Day At a Time

Enjoying One Moment At a Time

Accepting Hardship As The Pathway of Peace
Taking As He Did, This World As It is
Rather Than As I Would Have It

Trusting That He Will Make All
Things Right If I Surrender to His Will

That I Might Be Reasonably Happy In This Life
And Extremely Happy with Him in the Next

_____________________________________________

Zip A Dee Do Da
Zip A Dee A
My owe my
What a wonderful Day

Plenty of Sunshine
Coming My Way
Zip A Dee Do Da
Zip A Dee Day

Mr Blue Bird
On My Shoulder

Yes It's True

It's Actual
Everything Is
Satistfactual

Zip A Dee Do DA
Zip A Dee Day
Wonderful Feeling
Wonderful Day

_________________________________________

I go to a morning meeting every morning, come rain or shine, snow or blizzard...

And there is a core group of old, and I mean old timers that meet 50 minutes before the meeting to do pages 84-87

And they then finish this morning meditation, spiritual reawakening... with singing their blessed hearts out...

Zip a dee doo dah
Zip a dee day

oh what a feeling
oh what a day

_________________________________________

I swear to G.d that I fell into this group quite by accident, but imnsho... I think G.d wanted, needed me here. Big time.

I had been resting on my laurels, very lazy... now, I am active again and living life fully, with purpose. And I know today precisely what my purpose is, why I am here on earth.

I am here to be of Service. And those of you may remember that I used to have a tag line over at the old site...


In Service,
Lady Di


***We all serve, even the Queen of England serves. The question becomes... who do you serve?***


~haven't changed a bit, my essence, my very soul... the very heart of me is unchanging and full of love for all mankind. Even those who have done me wrong. I am not a saint... dats for sures!

Living and learning, growing in the spirit...

ODAAT,
Di


***still giggling from the "My Owe My"

my oh my... love me my fellow addicts and alcoholics

with that song stuck in my head...

tis a wonderful day to be clean and sober, especially grateful for my emotional sobriety, more than anything on earth at this moment~

[imadiva]

I have a question that I hope someone can answer..

If someone goes to AA and still takes a perscription medication (klonopin) are they considered Clean and Sober !!!!!!! It seems to numb all the feelings that I would think need to be delt with in order to stay sober ...

Thank you in advance ..

[Lady_Di]

Yes hon... Taking medicine as prescribed is an important component. Being teachable and listening to those that know more than we do... that is in the Big Book, btw.

I sponsor a lot of folks and always stress the importance of listening to their "outside" help. I am not their doctor. I am just there to help them learn how to do those steps, how to read the book and look up things that we do not understand, even stuff we once thought we understood in our arrogance, lol...

Being teachable is a huge deal. And listening to those knowledgeable doctors is imperative. I have buried one too many friends of mine along the way here. Even some with long term sobriety who were afraid to ask for that outside help when and if they needed it.

Keep Coming Back. And if anyone ever tells you, you are not clean and sober because you are taking the meds you were prescribed. Fire that person from your list of who you take advice from. I am in the medical community and I do not cotton to that load of bull hockey.

I have heard those that say that crap too, and have nailed them on it, anytime it comes up. And it does come up. Just because it might not be for them a necessary thing, does not mean it is not necessary for you.

Listen to your doctor.

nuff said.

d'anonymous 1

[imadiva]

Thank you I will pass the info on.. One of our friends that attend AA was being judged for taking a RX and I wanted a correct response ...

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 4



Relay



I have waited so long for the chase, the trap, the dig a ditch for safety, to be over and here we are; ringed, safe and surrounded. Now the sweet work of living the life we have striven for, striven to. I now long to be my best, do my best, for you are the best for me and I am the best for you. I tense and press against the blocks; the race I wish to run, but all I knew was to wait.




Explain how petals are different from leaves


*

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO CLOSE WINDOWS
OR KEEP THEM OPEN

Not every open window offers a warm and welcome breeze.
There are windows, which greet with arctic blast and little else.
Frosted cheeks and chapped lips I face these frigid openings
Believing it is my lot to forge ahead in this bluster.

Never did I think to shut the glass on this disagreeable weather.
I am allowed to close windows but I didn’t know it.
Every irksome thing that comes my way is not mine to face.

Many things will pass my way.
This does not make them my responsibility
On the other hand, when spring blows honeysuckle through the air
It is a fine idea to prop the window open with a stick.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 5



My Most Important Meal


Sweet potato pudding sits on the plate; I sit in my place and wield my spoon until the plate is clean. I’m fed, my day begins. If this is the best part of my day, life is still sweet and fine. Time skips its way through and I meet and greet the splendid and the few. Picking my way, the raindrops step aside; I am gratified, though I never mind the rain. When the mud has settled and my bed calls me home; I look back to the start of the day and pray to begin the next one the very same way.




Look for your eyes in a crowd


*
WATER PROOF

What could water prove anyway?
I get in the water and I get wet.
I’m sure there is a theorem
But a proof is highly doubtful.

Naiads dance with tridents in their hands
Illustrating the beauty and danger of the waves
But this certifies nothing.

Juiceless arid dirt can make no claims either
I see ducks take flight
Pushing the air with their wings
And rivulets trailing from webs.

This is the thing to scoot beneath at the surface,
Take sustenance and pleasure
but never to become so saturated that the air is lost.
Waterproof, is the way to go.

[Lady_Di]

So full of gratitude today. I am truly a lucky grrrrl.

Have a bunch of folks that really care and have my back. As I go into surgery today, I feel very blessed.

Gonna be so wonderful to have full mobility again. And they are using just a spinal and a local anesthetic, so I won't be all loopy. I seriously hate feeling altered these days. Love my conscious contact, would not give it up for anything.

This past year has had a lot of ups and downs, and bottom line... I did not have to use or abuse drugs or alcohol. Yeah, I have emotionally eaten more than one occasion, but even with things like food, I know all I have is a daily reprieve contingent on my doing the work.

I am no where near perfection, thank goodness. Still evolving and loving it.

Life is good...

One day at a time
One moment at a time

Happy, joyous and free,
d

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by imadiva

I have a question that I hope someone can answer..

If someone goes to AA and still takes a perscription medication (klonopin) are they considered Clean and Sober !!!!!!! It seems to numb all the feelings that I would think need to be delt with in order to stay sober ...

Thank you in advance ..

Hi, I know this is a Friends of Bill thread, but here is a link to a friends of Jimmy pamphlet you might find helpful. http://www.na.org/admin/include/spaw...%20Illness.pdf


Also I have it on good authority that the book Don't Risk your Recovery will soon be available on Amazon.


Best wishes,
Sherrie

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 6


Flower Power



The man with the chrysanthemum on his head walks up and down the aisle. Do I look like that, I wonder to myself? Have I taken personal style to the point of caricature? What is the boundary by which the embarrassment is kept at bay? Is there a point at which I can overcome who I present myself as, and represent the best of who I can be? Who I might be if only I can manage not to get carried away by impressionism? I am given this dwelling and it suits me quite well, when I treat it as a temple and not simply as a shrine.



Do without some things not everything
*



ALMOST TWINS

You and I are more alike than different
Yet we cannot get along
Though I ponder why this surprises me so.

A cloud and a watermelon are 98 % the same
And no one would mistake them in a crowd
Or expect them to be companionable
Except in the way of two things existing in the universe.

My expectation of liking you for our similarities
Is set up by my fear that I don’t like myself
But the joke is on me.

My dislike of you is not a reflection
Of anything but time and space
My friends are the people who like me
Not necessarily the ones who are like me.

The president didn’t like broccoli
Without slurring its good name
And I can dislike you
Without inferring you are a vegetable

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 7


Anti-Forfeit Activity


I don’t want to write bad, forced, poor, weak, care-worn poems, but I won’t write any good ones if I don’t lift this pen. The embarrassment I might feel for lackluster lines is far less than the shame of empty notebooks. I don’t always like what flows when I open the gates, but I am sure glad the current is live and so am I.




Tie a knot
*







COOCOO’S NEST

I ran away to join the zoo
Hoping a life contained would calm me.
The segregation hit me first
Isolated exclusively with those of my stripe
Drove my thirst for diverse scents and opinion.

Next the monotony of the landscape bore into my brain
The well-meaning efforts of the keepers
Bears the mark of folks who go home at night.

The blandness of the food and music
Lent nothing to the experience
And antiseptic could drive anyone wild.

The final blow, the one which struck constantly and coldly
Was the steady stream of observers
Just waiting to be entertained.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 8


Night Spaces


When it gets dark it gets dark fast. They say, night falls, though sometimes it feels like it falls down. What is little realized is there is a lifting when the light has gone away, the sky raises its roof and there is more air to breathe. Long lost is the pink wisp that heralded this night and far ahead is the next wisp of pink singing up the moon.



Believe in someone

*


WHAT’S MINE IS MINE

I don’t always know how to get the dog off the baby.
The attacks are often sudden and always swift.
My shock at the reality delays my response.
Falters my steps and fogs my mind.

What should I do to disengage this assault?
What can I do that won’t make things worse?
How can I resolve this now?

The pain is almost unimaginable
But yet all too familiar.
It all comes down to ownership
I must admit this baby is me.

I have to face this dog is my pet.
I have fed and groomed him
And now I have to put this dog to sleep.

[Lady_Di]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

"...

Believe in someone"
*

Yes! Believe in Someone. Believe in yourself to begin with. Believe those that are trustworthy. Be trust worthy...


"WHAT’S MINE IS MINE

I don’t always know how to get the dog off the baby.
The attacks are often sudden and always swift.
My shock at the reality delays my response.
Falters my steps and fogs my mind.

What should I do to disengage this assault?
What can I do that won’t make things worse?
How can I resolve this now?

The pain is almost unimaginable
But yet all too familiar.
It all comes down to ownership
I must admit this baby is me.

I have to face this dog is my pet.
I have fed and groomed him
And now I have to put this dog to sleep.

"

Yes, what is mine is mine. I own it, warts and all. I have to love the baby and not throw it out with that proverbial bath water. The pup is pure unconditional doggie love, sometimes we do have to let go, let G.d - especially when we really truly deeply madly passionately are in touch with the depth of true love. As they used to say long long ago, if you love the butterfly, let it go. If it loves you, it will come back. The important thing is to love and honour your truth, whatever that may be. And acknowledging that we must protect and care for our inner child, is simply priceless.

I am mother, father, maid, doctor, nurse, teacher, friend and everything positive and affirming under the sun to her, my little untainted, pure and simple child of joy. When I first began this recovery process I was very sick and miserable, very tired of that old life. I knew I had to change, but was so lost. *Yes, now I am found* I have done the most healing on this journey, the path less travailed, by taking my most precious picture of myself as this wonderous happy child that I was... I had it framed and I put it next to my bed. I would talk to her regularly. I had lost touch with who I really was, when I first came to AA and Alanon, I needed to remind myself of who I am, if that makes any sense.

I simply forgot.

I am the original hard headed incredibly curious and loving woman-child.
Today I know who I am. I continue to work the steps and apply all the principles in all of my affairs. And it works, it really does work. It is simple as that. No need to complicate it further. No need to abuse myself any longer.

I see that picture, a bright vibrant child by some beautiful roses, happy as a lark, wearing my bright red tights and black leotard. I used to live in my ballet clothes and pretend I was Honey, Private Eye. I got all the neighborhood kids to work for me, scoping out places, people and things. Yeah, peeping tom was more like it. LOL I was awfully curious and my favourite word was Myschievious. Or even mischievous... lol

Always loved playing with words. Truly to honour who I am, is to simply remember. My very essence of me has not changed. I did not destroy what G.d had made. I am intact, my spirit is strong, life is good.

As long as I do not rest on my laurels and get complacent, as long as I continue to be of service... I am good to go.

Anywhere, anytime

I want the hand of AA to be there.

ODAAT
d

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 9



It All Points to Joy


Can Love reweave the fabric which hate destroys? Can Kindness resew the field torn through with disregard? Can Beauty paint the world anew after so much ugliness has rained down upon us? My heart believes these three can not fail to make things right for what other point could there be than Joy?





Leach lessons from struggle

*

CHANGE IN MENU


If God is drunk we pray for spiritual sobriety
And strong sponsorship.
If God is sober we ask for things on God’s behalf
And glory in answered prayer

It is amazing that rain comes down
If I dance for it or not
I can get this wonderful recovery
Just like the rest of “we agnostics”.

I don’t have to shake your hand, wink my eye
Or say some special bit of poetry to have it.
Just the same way that weather is and changes
And deepens so to is my spiritual condition.

It is there as I tread this path
I don’t have to mark rows in my garden
For plants to grow
I wish for God a salad with two forks
We no longer need to share a bottle.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 10



The Way West


The sun reflected in the windows winks at me as I fly over. The plane climbs higher and the reflected light no longer reaches me. I slip from my eastern bonds. I am west coast bound. The carpet of snow was laid down to quiet the passage. Clouds take over the task, then part to reveal the patchwork of the middle ground. We cross the Stateline without a sound; a few more miles then touchdown.




Putter with intrigue
*





FREE THE PATE

Arrested development was bad enough
The living death sentence
It imposes is completely unacceptable.
My childhood ran downhill
Away from the mountains of confusion
Which is life in this society.

My ability to mature was damaged
And what I learned to do was mutate.
I could move laterally but never grow up.
I became the goose grown for its liver
And all the honk and squawk
In the world couldn’t change it.

I don’t have to understand
How I was let out of the prison of addiction
As long as I don’t go back.
I will never have to fear breaking out in handcuffs
Or getting locked in my crib.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 11

Flight 548

What a happy flight, wing to wing, smiles, good cheer, the air is kind, sweet, dry, easy to breathe. I am so blessed. I fly to destiny watching the traveling baby circus play around me. Giggles and drool surround me, infuse me with glee. People wander the aisle looking like well loved characters from long forgotten books and we soar. Time does not pass any more quickly this way, but it is similar to time in heaven rather than time spent in hell.



Mix jelly with joy
*

RETRO ANTICIPATION AND SUNSHINE

The night after a victory I fret about the blocks.
Will my stance be right?
Will I leave clearly?

I have been first through the tape
I have won the race
But yet I worry how I will start.

Had I anticipated a win
I might have handled the accolades better.

Apprehension has a long half-life
And feeds through the night
On my gizzards and my dreams.

Failure gives homework,
There are rewrites and type-O’s
But checkmate leaves an empty board
And hands to shake.

The long ride home is filled with
Recriminating thoughts of luck and fortune.
By the time I arrive home
The win is devalued and no longer mine.

I must pry misgivings from the winners circle
And enjoy these moments in the sun
They are just as real as any others.

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 12



Master Mind


I was taught that it was my job to master fear; raised in a religion swearing they could master death. I used to spend all I had trying to create a master plan, while trying to keep secure using a Master lock. I have seen Master & Commander and do not long for that burden; in fact mastery is so much a snare and illusion. Life is quite improved when we each have an oar and we all row on.


Don’t think twice, think continually

*

ALCONOUT

Want to learn it fast but not deep?
Just go to meetings and listen with half an ear.
Call your sponsor only for her birthday and anniversary
And tell her about all the thing you are not doing anymore
But none of the things you are.

Skim the books for good quotes
That sound impressive when they pass your lips
But whose meaning has no chance of passing you heart.
Find playmates and cliques
Not home groups and surely not a service commitment.

Things fall out of orbit when they run out of juice
And you will too.
This program is not an airlock on the way to worlds unknown
It is a way to live in the world you know.

There is no question that you have the right stuff.
The question is do you want what we have?

[LeftWriteFemme]

December 13


What I give you

If I give you a piece of my mind, a piece of my heart, a piece of my liver, how do I go on in its absence? Or does it ever leave me? Is this more like an excision than segmentation? Is it similar to how I carry you with me when I catch a resentment; only in a good way? I don’t know that I can be truly divided up, but I do know that parts of me don’t belong exclusively to me anymore and I believe this is all for the better.



Zoom up to anticipation
*




HEART HANDED

I pick up the pen in my heart hand
And the blood of my soul pours onto the page.
The words coalesce and clot into binding phrases
Sealed deals with my spirits punctuation.

Some days it is hard for my mind to keep up.
The current is swift and deeper than I expect.
The pulse of energy is amazing even to the mind it feeds
.
Like clouds racing the sky this power
Brings shade to some and rain to others.
The reaction of the moistened varies.
Some pull up hoods and scurry away

Others with up turned faces form a friendship with me.
At the level of electrons, we have a molecular bonding.
We are forever changed because I have picked up the pen
And they have picked up the page.