Caregivers and Stress

[Teddybear]

Okay here's an update

My mom's been in the hospital since Monday she is supposed to have been released today but before the end of the day and they can release her she started having issues again.

So Monday I called the doctor that was going to do the heart surgery and was told it would probably be December or January before they got to her which really threw a monkey wrench into everything since I've gotten a promotion at my job and we'll have to move to work at the corporate office.

So today I came back from a meeting and been back about 45 minutes at the hospital she was getting her transfusion and things were looking up then the phone rang and it was the Doctor Who was going to do her heart surgery office. They were calling to see if we were interested in taking the appointment for her heart surgery next Wednesday so let me tell you I jumped at it.

Now we're in a race to get everything lined up so her to have the surgery next week Friday she has to be in Atlanta has to be back in Atlanta Wednesday morning for the surgery and she has stuff she has to do down here related to this Hospital stay.

I'm about ready to pull my hair out I was supposed to be in Little Rock next Thursday Friday and Saturday for training but that ain't happening now if she has surgery on Wednesday.

She is trying to keep me here in every way possible even though it is a step up in my career to take the job at corporate I will be over two departments actually. I work very hard to get here to be in this position and if it was my brother's she would be telling him to go right now but because it's me that's not what's happening and it's really creating a lot of animosity toward her.

I'm torn between taking the job and moving without her and I'm not taking the job or taking the job and taking her with me all three are viable. I'm just praying on it and letting the universe take over cuz I know that wherever I need to be is where I will be

Thank you for listening and letting me throw this out there. I hope everybody's family is well y'all are well and things are less stressful for you thank you again

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

My aunt took my mom and a friend out for shopping and lunch. The friend could have been a new friend for my mom, but she made a complete spectacle of herself and was totally irate and rude to her.

She threw a fit over nothing and demanded to be brought home after they went out of their way for her.

My aunt is baffled at seeing her sister like this and is at a loss, but it's not new to me.

So after all the commotion to move away to be with my aunt, the honeymoon period lasted about a week.

She wants to go back to the place she hated before.

and wants me to help her get there.

[Teddybear]

So today I took Momma to Atlanta and she had her procedure done. Dr says it went great and that he doesn't see any reason to think there will be complications.

Tomorrow we go home if she tolerates food and is feeling good in the morning

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Teddybear

So today I took Momma to Atlanta and she had her procedure done. Dr says it went great and that he doesn't see any reason to think there will be complications.

Tomorrow we go home if she tolerates food and is feeling good in the morning

good to hear. i hope it continues to go well!

[Teddybear]

So we are 2 weeks out from the procedure. I don't see much of an improvement however I do see some old signs popping back up that are a concern

Also today we were told she has dementia not sure how far along it is more test and hopefully we will know.

Prayers to all the care givers.

[Teddybear]

So I had a meeting at corporate on my new job and was told it isn't just being over one department but I am now the NEW Assistant Safety Manager in training to take over the department

I called and told my mom with my baby brother there. Now no one wants to talk about a move for her or me.

I have tried to get the dialogue started only to be shot down by her and them. Everyone wants to wait until the last minute. I don't understand how they expect that to what we should do.

What if she decides not to come with me I am left waiting until them to find a place wth? What if she decides to go to one of them? Are they coming here to get her? What about her house?

I am a planner and I have to have a plan. I moved here with only 1 day to pack and move. I wont do it again. I seem to be swimming against the current yes I am strong but dam.

I want her taken care of im just not sure if it is me who is the best for her at this point.

[Kelt]

Let me start by saying I'm dictating this into an iPad, so please forgive the inevitable grammar and word use issues.

Well, 10 days ago mom went down real hard. It was one of those phone calls that make you throw the suitcase in the car and drop everything. I think she'll be OK in the long run but it could also be a tipping point, she'll either go up or down from here. She took a fall in the kitchen and broke her upper arm very badly up by the ball of the shoulder and also cracked her pelvis. Had surgery the next day and replaced the ball half of the shoulder joint. I've been having all kinds of trouble in her town trying to find enough resources. I got her out of the hospital a couple of days ago and now she's in a group home, contracted physical therapy starts today, so I will see how it goes. Since she is not in a nursing home, that means that the 100 days of Medicare paid room and board does not apply. Everything is out of pocket, Ouch!

I believe that she can completely heal, 80 to 90% anyway. It's going to be a matter of compliance on her part and since she has been in the hospital for a week and now yet another unfamiliar setting her dementia is kicking in fully and she is completely spun out. I want to get her back into her own place as soon as possible so that she can start comprehending what's going on. I know that going forward, assuming I can get her back into her apartment, the amount of additional staff I will have for her will be going up on a permanent basis, she needs it.

For myself I really wish this had happened in the spring. There are three mountain passes between us and we're just starting snow season. The passes are frequently closed for a few days at a time all throughout the winter, they are nasty and remote. Oh well, when it's mom I will do whatever has to be done.

Of course since she had been doing so well for the last year and a half I finally decided to go ahead and do some big improvements on my house. So now there are a lot more scheduling issues to work around. But that's about me, and this is about her. She's a hell of a lot more important.

So I guess that's my update, things are going to get interesting…

[Chad]

I took today off work to take mom to the hospital for a nuclear CT on her spine. It was 5 hours of driving and 4 hours at the hospital. I hope they can help her with the pain now that they have images.

[Teddybear]

Originally Posted by Teddybear

So I had a meeting at corporate on my new job and was told it isn't just being over one department but I am now the NEW Assistant Safety Manager in training to take over the department

I called and told my mom with my baby brother there. Now no one wants to talk about a move for her or me.

I have tried to get the dialogue started only to be shot down by her and them. Everyone wants to wait until the last minute. I don't understand how they expect that to what we should do.

What if she decides not to come with me I am left waiting until them to find a place wth? What if she decides to go to one of them? Are they coming here to get her? What about her house?

I am a planner and I have to have a plan. I moved here with only 1 day to pack and move. I wont do it again. I seem to be swimming against the current yes I am strong but dam.

I want her taken care of im just not sure if it is me who is the best for her at this point.

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I moved to Little Rock without her. She went with my baby brother for almost 2 weeks before she went to stay with my older brother which was the plan since BB( baby brother) was to travel for his job however there seems to be a wrinkle now as he has lost his job or he quit. So now she is hoping he wont find new job and they will end u back at her house.

Up until my mom got to the OB(oldest of my 2 brothers) she had no clue if they had a room on the main floor for her. They did under OB and his wife's bedroom. I'm not sure how that is going to work since she gets up early and wants to talk to me on my way to work and to BB. When we call her it wakes him. She wont call us unless we haven't called her until OB and his wife have left for work.

Seems she is dragging her feet about finding a doctor because of her hope of going home. I have tried to tell her the BB will find a job and it wont be where she lives. She I having no part of it.

I think she will be with me around Feb if not before only time will tell. I will keep yall updated.

I

[Kelt]

Update:

It's been just six weeks and things have been going extremely well. I've spent a couple of those weeks with her and know where I'm lucky, the caregivers queue up to be the one who gets her, she really is one of the sweetest little old ladies you'd ever meet. I know it's common for folks to turn mean or difficult but she is really good about being grateful and finding things to be positive about (once I've reminded her a few times ).

So rehab has been going well we got rid of the wheelchair about 10 days ago for anything other than off-site transport and the sling came off two days ago. She walks around with nothing but a cane and a somewhat hovering nurse through the house, rehab group home actually, and it has really helped with her spirits and feeling some sense of control returning. I figure within a month or so we can start talking about how she wants to go forward, either in her apartment with more added assistance, or some other options if she wants.

When she saw the surgeon and got the go ahead to ditch the sling and start occupational therapy for the shoulder he noticed a small anomaly along the incision line and removed the questionable tissue with instructions for wound care twice a day to be performed by her private nurse and added some antibiotics as an abundance of caution.

Just got a call from the lab, yep, it's MRSA. Fuck.

[girl_dee]

my mom and i had a convo today that at one time would have ruined my day. i stayed steady and steered us in a good direction, and it ended well.

She is almost 80, and i can see the lapses more all the time, but still she has been through so much in her life, it’s a wonder she is still here.

Hugs to all...

[Chad]

Originally Posted by Chad

I took today off work to take mom to the hospital for a nuclear CT on her spine. It was 5 hours of driving and 4 hours at the hospital. I hope they can help her with the pain now that they have images.

Update:

Mom has to have a psychological exam before they will install a tens unit in her back. This makes me angry because we have to go back to the hospital for 2 hours for this. My mom is the most sane and stable person that I know. Now I have to take off work to take her to this stupid appointment. I plan to give that psychiatrist a piece of my mind for making a 85 year old woman go through all this for pain relief. Ugh!

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Chad

Update:

Mom has to have a psychological exam before they will install a tens unit in her back. This makes me angry because we have to go back to the hospital for 2 hours for this. My mom is the most sane and stable person that I know. Now I have to take off work to take her to this stupid appointment. I plan to give that psychiatrist a piece of my mind for making a 85 year old woman go through all this for pain relief. Ugh!

Gosh that’s insane. i think they milk our elderly for everything they can get when they can.

Each time my mom goes to the ER (used to be a regular thing, since i have moved away not once) they had her taking every senseless test you can imagine. Of course this all put more fear in her mind.

[Chad]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Gosh that’s insane. i think they milk our elderly for everything they can get when they can.

Each time my mom goes to the ER (used to be a regular thing, since i have moved away not once) they had her taking every senseless test you can imagine. Of course this all put more fear in her mind.

Seriously Dee, this is ridiculous! I agree with you that this is some kind of sick joke to milk the elderly out of money. That Psychiatrist will wish that she never met me. I am a bear when it comes to protecting my family.

I am sorry that your mom suffered.

[JustLovelyJenn]

I have a lot to unload... its been months... since my life has been stable enough to even come here and talk to you all and so much has happened.

SO... I guess we will start with today, how things are right now.

My son is going to be admitted to a long term inpatient psychiatric facility in the next few weeks. We are on a waiting list. They told us when there is an opening we will have about a weeks notice. The program he is going to will have him out of my house for up to a year.

Its been a really long road to get here, and my whole life has been turned upside down in the process. My son went to juvie twice for attacking me, we had to apply, and appeal and fight for this placement, and while we did that... I had to find a way to keep my daughter safe and out of the local youth shelter where she had been staying every time my son became to aggressive. During his last stay at juvie, the judge told us he did not want to release my son if he would be going back to live with me and my daughter who he kept attacking.

SO... I asked my parents (who are retired and have been living in their motor home for a couple years now) to move into my house with my son and I rented a second home to take my daughter to. Now I am trying to manage my sons needs with my mother, from a second location. I am paying twice the rent, twice the utilities, and when he finally goes into this program... I will loose his SSI income to help maintain those payments.

I am still fighting and advocating for him and my family, and while he is away I will be spending more money and time to visit him and work with the team there to help him hopefully return home and be more successful.

His more aggressive attacks as of recently have left me with some pretty severe ptsd symptoms and I am finally seeking a therapist for myself.

Its so much, and I know I haven't really processed any of it yet. I know I need to start fitting in more self care to keep it up.

[Kelt]

I haven't seen my mother at Christmas for probably 20 or more years, we don't actually celebrate it. This year she is in the unfamiliar environment of the group home where is she staying for her rehab treatments and I decided to go be with her for it. This last couple of months I've spent just about 50 percent of my time in her state and I've been lucky with the weather since there are several mountain passes between us.

This year I am doing the "over the hills and through the woods to grandmothers house we go" (if she had grandkids). Of course all four passes are predicting snow today so it should be a lovely 9 or 10 Hour Drive crammed into maybe eight hours of daylight.

The good news is, that she is healing well and at least physically I believe over the hump. I hope to take her on a field trip while I'm there to her apartment so that she can see what it looks like and remember it so we can start the decision-making process for where she wants to live next starting in a month or so.

I had hoped that this weekend we would be able to make a joint call to my uncle, my father's brother, her last relative besides me that we know of. Four days ago he died but since she has already forgotten it by now I don't think it will bother her.

I keep telling her she has become the ultimate Buddha. No past, no future. Only the present. There are times when I envy her.

[Chad]

We are getting an exray of mom's knee because she fell in New Orleans yesterday. We came back early and will try to see her orthopedic doctor. Both of her knees are fake but she has a lot of swelling.

I appreciate the suggestions from friends here.

I hope for the best.

[girl_dee]

my mom is sick again, over Christmas. Seems to be a yearly thing, when i look back i only remember her being sick at Christmas and missing out.

i wonder if she does bring it on, her stomach issues. Whatever the cause, she’s really sick and i feel a million miles away. For my own sanity, i need to be a million miles away, but there are times i want to be there.

[Kelt]

I thought that watching my father starve to death for 2 months in a nursing home 2.5 years ago was tough, and we didn't even like each other.


Watching my mother deteriorate with dementia (unknown timeline) is worse.


The elderly are nothing but prey in this country.


Don't even know where to go with that...

[Chad]

Originally Posted by Kelt

I thought that watching my father starve to death for 2 months in a nursing home 2.5 years ago was tough, and we didn't even like each other.


Watching my mother deteriorate with dementia (unknown timeline) is worse.


The elderly are nothing but prey in this country.


Don't even know where to go with that...

I am so sorry for your pain. I will keep you in my thoughts .