Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[bcelly1894]

Originally Posted by Miss_Tia

She had on it, he had to open car doors and let her be seated at a restaurant before he sat down himself. She told me she wanted her men to treat her as well as she has seen my butches I dated, treat me.

Hats off to the ones she admired....and to all the good butches out there that are like that, too.

Comments like these makes me love being a butch.

[bcelly1894]

I just love the long, dark, preferably curly or wavy hair of a femme.

Seeing a femme's long, dark hair, Reminds me of a beautiful waterfall and waves in the ocean, and beautiful fluffy waves of clouds in the sky.

Just watching a femme brush her long hair mesmerizes me for a moment.
I actually enjoy when a femme fusses over her long hair, saying at times that it has a mind all its own.

I enjoy watching the way that the weather affects a femme's long hair.
How the femme's long hair flows and moves in the wind.
The rawness of a femme's long hair when I get the pleasure
of feeling her hair between my fingers,
when her hair is wet from a shower, or the rain.
How extra soft the femme's long hair feels within my finger's touch,
As the waves or curls makes different patterns,
glistening and sticking together because of the sweat from her skin.
This is usually the time when she is fussing that her hair is a mess.
But not to me.
I love all of the complexities as well as the simplicities of a femme's long hair.

I crave the sweaty wet feel of a femme's long hair on my face and on my body while we make love.
And how her hair makes different patterns that I can feel and see when I brush the sweaty hair from her face.
And I can even smell the scent of me in the femme's long beautiful hair,
from her making love to me.
I Enjoy the femme's natural body smell thru the locks of her long hair,
All mingled with the scents of her perfume or the shampoo,
or the hair beautifiers that she has put in her hair that day.

I love the fascinating way the femme's hair seems to change,
in thickness, body and shine,
When she gets her period or when she is pregnant.
I feel like a baby being cradled when I have my face in the femme's beautiful long hair-
Whenever I hold her in my arms.
My face surrounded by the comfort, softness and aroma,
of the femme's beautiful long hair.

But nothing beats the security that the femme feels,
while I'm holding her in my arms,
while we snuggle on the coach or in the bed.
Sometimes, I like to think that a big part of that femme's heartfelt love,
comes thru some kind of energy in her hair,
which is resting on my chest, my shoulder or under my chin.

[thedivahrrrself]

For me, the #1 thing is mental attraction. Someone who can really stimulate my mind will peak my curiosity regardless of how they look.

Physically, I tend to like Butch, and that's usually what I attract. I think regardless of how your partner sees herself, you see her masculine qualities as a turn on. I think those qualities would be present regardless of how she looks. Not all butches "look Butch", but there are certain traits that trigger us to respond to those we consider masculine. They are not always physical traits.

[Nomad]

yesterday someone said to me, "oh [Nomad]! you're not a stone femme. why would you call yourself that? it's totally homosexist"

homosexist?

'm glad that i'm not in a dating situation with that person because a lot of things attract me but one of the things that would kill every level of attraction for me is someone telling me how i feel, what i think, or how i ID. it wouldnt matter who you were, i'd no longer be attracted in any way. it takes a lot for me to relax and be myself these days. hanging out with someone who denies my identity would make it impossible.

[Fatale]

Regardless of how scathingly brilliant, handsome and witty you might be, if you light up a cigarette I am immediately turned off. Just can't do it.

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by Nomad

yesterday someone said to me, "oh [Nomad]! you're not a stone femme. why would you call yourself that? it's totally homosexist"

homosexist?

'm glad that i'm not in a dating situation with that person because a lot of things attract me but one of the things that would kill every level of attraction for me is someone telling me how i feel, what i think, or how i ID. it wouldnt matter who you were, i'd no longer be attracted in any way. it takes a lot for me to relax and be myself these days. hanging out with someone who denies my identity would make it impossible.

I bolded the part that jumped out at me. OMG Nomad, this is my number one trigger. I so relate!

[Electrocell]

A combination of all 3 and then some.

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by SassyLeo

Thanks for sharing! I definitely agree...in terms of your heart pulling you in a certain direction. But if you meet someone for the first time and on the initial appearance, the person is not your traditional "type" (if you have one), do you think you might still have some kind of initial attraction? If it is really about the person inside, how would you know from a 15 min conversation? I guess maybe I have not experienced that so I don't know? Curiosity

It took me THIS long to answer this question .... (not really, I actually just saw it)

In my case, I don't have a "traditional" type. Maybe that in itself makes a difference. Would I have an initial attraction? Probably. But that's because again, I don't always look at just the "packaging." The way the person presents themselves, their personality, their sense of humor, commonalities - all play in that factor. I'm all about getting to know the person (with the hopes that the person I am trying to know tells the truth, but that's another thread issue altogether) - and that takes more than 15 minutes.

In the past, anything I involved myself in based on purely physical attraction was basically a disaster in the making.

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Fatale

Regardless of how scathingly brilliant, handsome and witty you might be, if you light up a cigarette I am immediately turned off. Just can't do it.

<---- with Fatale here.

I know some couples who make the one non-, one smoker thing work, but I have not had any success with that.

[bcelly1894]

I hope that no one is offended by my last comments of being attracted to a femmes long hair.

I should have added all of this in my last post.

A femme can have beautiful long hair and be an evil person inside.

I am very attracted to a femme more physically if she keeps long hair.
But there are other physical features that turn me on about femmes too.

Mentally, I am attracted to femmes with an Inner Humanitarian type spirit,
When she actually helps others especially children in need.
Im attracted to femmes who have a love of God.
Im attracted to femmes who try their best to live a "green" sustainable life,
I dont mean a complete vegatable diet, because I eat meat.
I mean trying her best to live organic, from our foods, to the materials that we use in our home,
and the types of clothing that our family wears.

Emotionally, I am attracted to femmes who can understand me
and handle me and my inner most self within our romantic relationship.

Im attracted to a femme that can blend in harmony with me, Yet we dont cancel each other out,
Or blend with each other so much, That our individuality is erased or blurred.
Instead we compliment each other harmoniously, And can grow past any problems together.

[Beloved]

I like nerds. Intelligence is sexy.

[yotlyolqualli]

Physical appearance for me has never been all that important. There are certain traits that I am attracted to, however. Female IDd butch women..... someone who loves being a woman as much as I love them being a woman lol. Polite way of saying that I enjoy the sexual aspect of being with a woman, and so wouldnt care to be with someone who does not want touched.

But... I can't know that just from an initial "glance". That WOULD be a deal breaker for me, however.

Physical attributes that catch my eye...
I love long hair on a woman. I just do. No matter how they wear it. I generally prefer that she be taller than me (not difficult because I am only 5'2" in the mornings before gravity takes over) She definitely has to have a male energy and presence... counter balanced with a feminine softness. She has to be dominant.. not necessarily in a BDSM sort of way, but definitely in a way that she can be the "head" of the relationship. That energy, when it's there, is almost always immediately recognizable. She should be physically strong. I don't necessarily want her to be "cut" lol, but able to wrestle with me is a given LOL I am attracted to strength. Strength of will, of character, of body and of mind. Those things create an aura that is also easily recognizable. It will capture my attention and make my heart jump, each and every time.

I am femme. Not ultra femme, or high maintenance... but femme. Whether it's just a natural energy, or my upbringing brought it about.. I am definitely the "girl or wife" and while I am positive about my "label" I don't care if the woman I am with labels herself or not... as long as she has the(non physical) attributes that can capture and hold my attention.

The physical attributes are only initial attractions. If she opens her mouth and shows herself to be...vain, stupid, arrogant... or... like others have said... tries to tell me how I feel, what I think or how I SHOULD feel or what I SHOULD think... she could look like Xena (sighing) and I would lose interest in a snap!

The physical attributes are not essential for me, they are merely preferences, but they would definitely catch my eye.

The next thing she would have to do, however, is attract my mind, because for me.... appearance is only skin deep.. there also has to be substance.

[Angeltoes]

Originally Posted by yotlyolqualli

Physical appearance for me has never been all that important. There are certain traits that I am attracted to, however. Female IDd butch women..... someone who loves being a woman as much as I love them being a woman lol. Polite way of saying that I enjoy the sexual aspect of being with a woman, and so wouldnt care to be with someone who does not want touched.

But... I can't know that just from an initial "glance". That WOULD be a deal breaker for me, however.

Physical attributes that catch my eye...
I love long hair on a woman. I just do. No matter how they wear it. I generally prefer that she be taller than me (not difficult because I am only 5'2" in the mornings before gravity takes over) She definitely has to have a male energy and presence... counter balanced with a feminine softness. She has to be dominant.. not necessarily in a BDSM sort of way, but definitely in a way that she can be the "head" of the relationship. That energy, when it's there, is almost always immediately recognizable. She should be physically strong. I don't necessarily want her to be "cut" lol, but able to wrestle with me is a given LOL I am attracted to strength. Strength of will, of character, of body and of mind. Those things create an aura that is also easily recognizable. It will capture my attention and make my heart jump, each and every time.

I am femme. Not ultra femme, or high maintenance... but femme. Whether it's just a natural energy, or my upbringing brought it about.. I am definitely the "girl or wife" and while I am positive about my "label" I don't care if the woman I am with labels herself or not... as long as she has the(non physical) attributes that can capture and hold my attention.

The physical attributes are only initial attractions. If she opens her mouth and shows herself to be...vain, stupid, arrogant... or... like others have said... tries to tell me how I feel, what I think or how I SHOULD feel or what I SHOULD think... she could look like Xena (sighing) and I would lose interest in a snap!

The physical attributes are not essential for me, they are merely preferences, but they would definitely catch my eye.

The next thing she would have to do, however, is attract my mind, because for me.... appearance is only skin deep.. there also has to be substance.

You captured it almost exactly how I feel and what I want except for hair length. I prefer short hair but either way isn't a deal breaker. I do like the sense that my partner could lead in the relationship but not in a controlling sort of way.

[Nomad]

i'm learning more and more about myself this year than i have in possibly the last decade. being on the road alone with a huge and largely uninterrupted amount of time to process has made me realize that i crave someone who can handle me. someone strong, patient, dominant, loving and demanding; someone insightful enough to know me, "see" me, understand me and keep me safe.

i'm not a cake walk. not even close. i'm hard to get close to and i have some wicked effective defenses built up around me (a fact which is cleverly disguised by my brilliant sense of humor and my obvious charm). in short, i have baggage. and all the evidence points to the fact that it's permanent baggage at that. but i wouldnt refuse guidance to an interested party if they were hardy enough to stand their ground while we got to know one another. maybe i need to post a sign that says "The feint of heart need not apply"? translation: i'm too old to suffer wimps. handle me or move on.

everyone has baggage. some of us have managed to limit that baggage to the carry on variety and some of us have full monogrammed sets. we just need to go through it once in a while in order to understand what it represents. something that occurs to me as i type is that we also need to change our approach to that baggage. im beginning to think we need to treat it with respect rather than the more typical contempt or wariness response. no one volunteers for emotional turbulance (without a reason anyway - which is baggage in and of itself). maybe we need to start cutting ourselves and other people some slack or looking at the emotional baggage issue with a little more humility. after all, sometimes when you can examine the hard things with someone who truly cares for you it becomes possible to let some of it go.

behind my defenses is a girl who sincerely wants to be open and vulnerable and exposed to the gaze of someone who loves and respects what they find there and who will help safeguard it, but there's some climbing to be done to get that close. after years of taking flak and even beating myself up for erecting such intricate defenses i've come to realize that i'm more normal than i understood. more importantly, the people who dont want to make the climb or cant afford the effort wouldnt be a good fit for me anyway, nor i for them.

my baggage has its foundation in childhood. like most people with those kinds of emotional mementos i've created an adult version that dictates a certain pattern to the way i move through the world. today's version of me (which is different than yesterday and will be different tomorrow) knows that i can sometimes choose how much or how little influence that baggage has on what i do, say and think but i'm never going to be without it. the people that i have been sincerely attracted to throughout my life were those who took the time to understand how i became who i am. i did the same with regard to them. that kind of intimate knowlege is what makes it possible for us to "handle" one another. i would run -not walk- from someone who said they wouldnt consider a relationship with someone who has baggage. not only do i think that sort of talk/mindset is incredibly othering, it would also make me think that their self image had taken on a holy tone. personally, i'm not into perfection, giving or receiving.

[Nomad]

:bump:


heard today: i always date people who are uglier than i am so that i can feel good about myself. and people think i'm less shallow if i date an ugly person because i can obviously get someone cute but i'm with an ugly person so i must have looked deeper than the physical right? and ugly people are always so grateful that you give them a shot. (insert laughter) it's a win win situation. they get to be with me and i get to look good to myself and to everyone else!





as someone who fits into the non-pretty category, i found this stunning at best. but it brings up some relevant discussion points.

we're attracted to what we're attracted to. no sense pretending we're not. but if beauty is in the eye of the beholder AND what's inside counts more than what's outside - or at least that's what they tell the ugly kids while we're growing up - then why does being physically attractive appear to be more important than anything else? media fed cultural standards? are we just a truly superficial population? is there some kind of instinctual screening process that we have no control over?

what is it that makes people hope they'll meet and fall in love with someone good looking?

would you turn away an average looking or unattractive potential partner with whom you had a good connection if you also had a good connection with someone better looking?

do you settle for or accept less from a good looking person than you do from someone who was plain or considered ugly by your familiar cultural standards? (rumor has it that we ALL do this)

if the people who knew you best in the world (so they love you and have your very best interests at heart) set you up on a blind date with someone you had a lot in common with and who sounded perfect in every way and then you found out, before the date, that they were physically unattractive (by your standards) would you cancel the date? why or why not?

now no one is going to be schmuck enough to rush right up to say 'yes! me! i'm THAT shallow!' we all know this. but we also know that physical attraction is an extremely powerful motivator. ther's no need to deteriorate into 'she had great tits' or 'if hy has a nice ass' or 'i love his washboard abs' because it's dull and we're much cleverer than that. but i'd like to hear people's thoughts, whether they choose to answer any of the questions or not, on what it is that makes physical attraction so motivating.

[Tony]

Yea, I may be that shallow. However, I like this sort of forum because it pulls me up by my bootstraps. Forces me to "get to know" someone as it were thru their written word. And I like that. It's making me a better person. Are looks still important to me? Well, yes they are. Just as I assume they are to most people reading these posts. Difference is, unlike a bar situation, my curiosity is peaked, my intelligence tweaked and my humor ignited. I have already gotten some kind of attachment.
Hopefully I've made some sense.
My .02 that is.

[Scuba]

Great thread. I'll just say that what some may find undesirable I may find completely captivating. So the question of the hour for me is what defines ugly or not pretty or not handsome? How many times have you been sitting there with your best friend, people watching, and you go "OOOOOOO NICE" and you get that "You're kidding right?"

Lots of factors influence attraction for me, including the physical look. But I'd like to think that there is no ugly only different definitions of "attractive".

The media really does on a number on us when it comes defining beauty and it's just downright disturbing to see what it can do to one's psyche.

Just my two cents...

Scoobs

[Nomad]

Originally Posted by Tony

Yea, I may be that shallow. However, I like this sort of forum because it pulls me up by my bootstraps. Forces me to "get to know" someone as it were thru their written word. And I like that. It's making me a better person. Are looks still important to me? Well, yes they are. Just as I assume they are to most people reading these posts. Difference is, unlike a bar situation, my curiosity is peaked, my intelligence tweaked and my humor ignited. I have already gotten some kind of attachment.
Hopefully I've made some sense.
My .02 that is.

thank you for being so candid Tony. i like the idea of the thinking we do here cracking my head open for a little enlightenment too. i really hate the idea that i might wallow in my own little ideas and perspective forever. that's why i keep coming back.

i assume that physical appearance is important to most people too. just because it's a normal behavior to be drawn to what appeals to your visual filter. but, like you said, there's something about a pique to the curiosity. conversations that happen here strike me as little hooks for the brain cells that says 'find out more!' i really end up being glad i come back every day. and suddenly, while i'm often curious about what someone looks like i also find that i dont care what they look like, if that makes any sense. i just want a face with a name if that's possible.

i have a "type" of person i'm attracted to and that's just how my brain is wired. having said that, physical appearance matters to me more from a hygiene stance and a personal pride stance than anything else. where the option exists, do you bathe regularly and clean your clothes? do you take care of yourself in the best ways you can? do you consider your health important? (you dont have to be perfect, you just have to be willing to take care of yourself to the best of your ability and given your resources) that's what matters to me.

[*Anya*]

I have been attracted physically and sexually but that lasts about an hour and then what? If I can't talk to you, I will never fall in love with you.

Brains, brains, brains and more brains.

Intellect and ability to stimulate my mind comes first and my body will follow...

[Rockinonahigh]

Once I was told by someone they couldnt see a short butch being sexy,she was 6 ft in bare feet next to my 5' 4" in shoes.All I can say if thats how some folks feel,to bad they missed the boat.