What fart did you fart today? - Page 2

nycfem · 02-12-2014, 07:54 PM

One from yesterday, one from today:

Yesterday: THE FREUDIAN FART

I ran into someone I knew and didn't want to really do the "Hi, how are you, what have you been up to" thing with him but did anyway. So we were having our upbeat convo, and I asked about how his on-again, off-again girlfriend was doing. He said, "She's doing an internship in Oakland, California for a year. It's a fellowship on renewable energy. She's become really interested in fresh air." I don't know if it was the unconscious power of suggestion or what but the moment the words "fresh air" were spoken I let a "silent but deadly" rip. "Anyway nice seeing you!" he called over his shoulder as he trotted off at a brisk pace.

Today: THE "WAKE THE DEAD" FART

After a fine meal of collard greens, injera (Ethiopian bread), shiro (Ethiopian chick pea stew), and Red Velvet ice cream (Ben & Jerry's), I felt a loud fart coming on. Sometimes one could stifle it but a sense of "Seize the Day! You only live once!" takes over, and instead it's given red carpet treatment. In this case that meant, lifting a cheek off the chair and pushing with gusto. I was sitting at my computer desk and BB was sitting at the dining room table eating take-out Italian, so I thought maybe just maybe, somehow, I could get away with BB not having heard it. But instead, instantly, a sleeping cat woke and stared at me, and BB nearly dropped hys fork. I said, "I think I woke the cat." BB said, "Are you kidding, Honey? You woke the dead."

Julie · 02-12-2014, 07:58 PM

I FARTED for the Preacher today!
And the Preacker cackled.

Medusa · 02-12-2014, 08:02 PM

I can verify said fart

Dreamer · 02-12-2014, 08:06 PM

Omg I am already imagining the wedding and New Orleans farts... Look out guests.

RockOn · 02-12-2014, 08:58 PM

Silent Stealth plan goes awry

I did a long one cheek sneak (so I had planned) in my cubi today. The first part went swell, a genuine stealth, under the radar fart - made me proud but the last portion went into a long sort of high pitched zinger and the pitch continued to rise as it played out. I could not stop it in the middle when it became noisey ... I was trying so hard not to laugh but unable to help myself at that point ... each stifled giggle produced little bullet farts at the end. Hot little fart it was, I had lots of jalapeno peppers on the veggie sub I had for breakfast earlier. Pretty rough, had to abandon my cubicle.

Sweet Bliss · 02-12-2014, 10:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

Silent Stealth plan goes awry

I did a long one cheek sneak (so I had planned) in my cubi today. The first part went swell, a genuine stealth, under the radar fart - made me proud but the last portion went into a long sort of high pitched zinger and the pitch continued to rise as it played out. I could not stop it in the middle when it became noisey ... I was trying so hard not to laugh but unable to help myself at that point ... each stifled giggle produced little bullet farts at the end. Hot little fart it was, I had lots of jalapeno peppers on the veggie sub I had for breakfast earlier. Pretty rough, had to abandon my cubicle.

<……… Brock

me...>

......

Coworkers ... >

Gemme · 02-13-2014, 06:06 AM

The average person farts 16 times a day.

RockOn · 02-13-2014, 06:51 AM

Your image portrayal is hilarious! Thank you!
I think the only co-worker who heard it was a guy I don't like - so I could care less. I was just praying my supervisor would not walk in when things got out of control, his entry would have caused me to laugh even harder at myself ... and this surely would have generated lots more rump end melodies. I'm a freaking rock-star fartster! LOL! I think nycfem is too, word has it she can wake the dead.

Hey Gemme, interesting statistics!

Sweet Bliss · 02-13-2014, 08:46 PM

http://mistupid.com/facts/page070.htm

RockOn · 02-13-2014, 09:23 PM

Sweet Bliss was so kind to give us the link ... I copied and pasted the following information (see below ) from this site.

***************************
Stupid Facts - Fart Facts

Farts are created mostly by E. coli.

On the average a fart is composed of about 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen. Less than 1% is what makes them stink.

The temperature of a fart at time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit.

Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second.

A person produces about half a liter of farts a day.

Although they won't admit it, women fart as much as men.

Termites are the largest producers of farts.

Farts are flammable.

The word "fart" comes from the Old English "feortan" (meaning "to break wind").

Excess gas in the intestinal is medically termed "flatulence."

*****************************************
If you could get a tiny, very sensitive tape recorder and stick it inside your walls near wood, it would be unnecessary to pay a termite control company because on the tape recorder you'd hear all the little partying termites farting while they munched your wood.

I wonder how that clock speed at 10' per second was achieved. And yes, I can tell you for an absolute fact, farts are flammable.

Sweet Bliss · 02-13-2014, 10:00 PM

My senses tell me there is more to Brockie's story..... and why pray tell, did my Kindle call him Brockie????? Ummmm.... has someone been using it?!?!?

And for the record, eating gluten, if you are allergic to it, will create an abundance of foul flatulence.

Eliminate gluten folks.

RockOn · 02-13-2014, 10:03 PM

* laughing *
That is all you will get out of me about that story!

Sweet Bliss · 02-13-2014, 11:20 PM

Was a flicking BIC involved???? Inquiring minds want the whole story....

RockOn · 02-14-2014, 04:17 PM

LOL! SWEET BLISS, YOU GOTTA QUIT!
*laughing even harder now*

Sweet Bliss · 02-14-2014, 09:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

LOL! SWEET BLISS, YOU GOTTA QUIT!
*laughing even harder now*

Well, had to give it my best shot

Should I have bribed you with a frosted mug of beer?

RockOn · 02-14-2014, 09:40 PM

Sweet Bliss

Good try but too bad the bribe would have been futile. Been in recovery since late 80s. Beer makes me want to chase cars ... caught up with a '68 Firebird one time ... knawed off the left rear tire - couldn't tell you what all that was about ... and chased after women too - I knew what that was about

... it became problematic. I do not miss the chaos.

More serious note ... really love being sober and would not change it for anything in the world.

Sweet Bliss · 02-14-2014, 09:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brock

Sweet Bliss

Good try but too bad the bribe would have been futile. Been in recovery since late 80s. Beer makes me want to chase cars ... caught up with a '68 Firebird one time ... knawed off the left rear tire - couldn't tell you what all that was about ... and chased after women too - I knew what that was about

... it became problematic. I do not miss the chaos.

More serious note ... really love being sober and would not change it for anything in the world.

ditto

damn....shooda said Root Beer!!!

RockOn · 02-14-2014, 10:06 PM

ditto???????
You mean alcohol makes you want to chase cars too?
Wow, too cool! You are the only person who has ever admitted that to me.

Pssst ... come closer ... want to whisper something in your ear ... I think there are others who experience the odd behavior of alcohol-induced car chasing but they are unable to talk about it.

*wink*

solamite · 02-16-2014, 08:19 PM

Juz pullz meez finga & u willz noe wat kind of fart I didz todae.

GraffitiBoi · 02-16-2014, 10:50 PM

02-12-2014, 07:54 PM	#21
nycfem Moderator How Do You Identify?: femme sub Preferred Pronoun?: Baby Grrl Relationship Status: Attached Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NYC Posts: 6,768 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 52,825 Thanked 21,719 Times in 5,083 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	One from yesterday, one from today: Yesterday: THE FREUDIAN FART I ran into someone I knew and didn't want to really do the "Hi, how are you, what have you been up to" thing with him but did anyway. So we were having our upbeat convo, and I asked about how his on-again, off-again girlfriend was doing. He said, "She's doing an internship in Oakland, California for a year. It's a fellowship on renewable energy. She's become really interested in fresh air." I don't know if it was the unconscious power of suggestion or what but the moment the words "fresh air" were spoken I let a "silent but deadly" rip. "Anyway nice seeing you!" he called over his shoulder as he trotted off at a brisk pace. Today: THE "WAKE THE DEAD" FART After a fine meal of collard greens, injera (Ethiopian bread), shiro (Ethiopian chick pea stew), and Red Velvet ice cream (Ben & Jerry's), I felt a loud fart coming on. Sometimes one could stifle it but a sense of "Seize the Day! You only live once!" takes over, and instead it's given red carpet treatment. In this case that meant, lifting a cheek off the chair and pushing with gusto. I was sitting at my computer desk and BB was sitting at the dining room table eating take-out Italian, so I thought maybe just maybe, somehow, I could get away with BB not having heard it. But instead, instantly, a sleeping cat woke and stared at me, and BB nearly dropped hys fork. I said, "I think I woke the cat." BB said, "Are you kidding, Honey? You woke the dead." __________________ *** How do I... ?** Check out the Members Helping Members thread: http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...embers+Helping

02-12-2014, 07:58 PM	#22
Julie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Angel * Femme * Lesbian * Girl * Woman * Slut * Bitch * Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: No longer a Virgin Bride to Dreamer ~ May 17th, 2014 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New York Posts: 4,674 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,676 Thanked 18,160 Times in 3,633 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I FARTED for the Preacher today! And the Preacker cackled. __________________ “Sometimes only one person is missing and the whole world seems depopulated.” ~ Alphonse de Lamartine - 1790-1869 http://i374.photobucket.com/albums/o...ps4d9fb6c0.jpg I Love You ~ I Love Us May 17, 2014

02-12-2014, 08:02 PM	#23
Medusa Mentally Delicious How Do You Identify?: Queer High Femme, thank you very much Preferred Pronoun?: Mme. Relationship Status: Married to JD. Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Atlanta Posts: 10,446 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,995 Thanked 42,871 Times in 7,835 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	I can verify said fart __________________ . . . Buy ButchFemmePlanet Merch Here: https://teespring.com/stores/butchfemmeplanetcom-merch

02-12-2014, 08:06 PM	#24
Dreamer Member How Do You Identify?: butch Relationship Status: Dreams do come true... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Home with my beautiful wife Posts: 1,143 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,642 Thanked 4,233 Times in 949 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Omg I am already imagining the wedding and New Orleans farts... Look out guests. __________________ "Let your mind start a journey through a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be...Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you have never lived before" ~Erich~

02-13-2014, 06:06 AM	#27
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,587 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,179 Thanked 108,773 Times in 25,659 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	The average person farts 16 times a day. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

02-12-2014, 08:58 PM	#25
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,308 Times in 2,609 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Silent Stealth plan goes awry I did a long one cheek sneak (so I had planned) in my cubi today. The first part went swell, a genuine stealth, under the radar fart - made me proud but the last portion went into a long sort of high pitched zinger and the pitch continued to rise as it played out. I could not stop it in the middle when it became noisey ... I was trying so hard not to laugh but unable to help myself at that point ... each stifled giggle produced little bullet farts at the end. Hot little fart it was, I had lots of jalapeno peppers on the veggie sub I had for breakfast earlier. Pretty rough, had to abandon my cubicle.

02-13-2014, 06:51 AM	#28
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,308 Times in 2,609 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Sweet Bliss Your image portrayal is hilarious! Thank you! I think the only co-worker who heard it was a guy I don't like - so I could care less. I was just praying my supervisor would not walk in when things got out of control, his entry would have caused me to laugh even harder at myself ... and this surely would have generated lots more rump end melodies. I'm a freaking rock-star fartster! LOL! I think nycfem is too, word has it she can wake the dead. Hey Gemme, interesting statistics!

02-13-2014, 08:46 PM	#29
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,264 Times in 2,158 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	For your flatulence edification. http://mistupid.com/facts/page070.htm

02-13-2014, 09:23 PM	#30
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,308 Times in 2,609 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Sweet Bliss was so kind to give us the link ... I copied and pasted the following information (see below ) from this site. ************************* Stupid Facts - Fart Facts Farts are created mostly by E. coli. On the average a fart is composed of about 59% nitrogen, 21% hydrogen, 9% carbon dioxide, 7% methane, and 4% oxygen. Less than 1% is what makes them stink. The temperature of a fart at time of creation is 98.6 degrees Fahrenheit. Farts have been clocked at a speed of 10 feet per second. A person produces about half a liter of farts a day. Although they won't admit it, women fart as much as men. Termites are the largest producers of farts. Farts are flammable. The word "fart" comes from the Old English "feortan" (meaning "to break wind"). Excess gas in the intestinal is medically termed "flatulence." *************************************** If you could get a tiny, very sensitive tape recorder and stick it inside your walls near wood, it would be unnecessary to pay a termite control company because on the tape recorder you'd hear all the little partying termites farting while they munched your wood. I wonder how that clock speed at 10' per second was achieved. And yes, I can tell you for an absolute fact, farts are flammable.

02-13-2014, 10:00 PM	#31
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,264 Times in 2,158 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	My senses tell me there is more to Brockie's story..... and why pray tell, did my Kindle call him Brockie????? Ummmm.... has someone been using it?!?!? And for the record, eating gluten, if you are allergic to it, will create an abundance of foul flatulence. Eliminate gluten folks.

02-13-2014, 10:03 PM	#32
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,308 Times in 2,609 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	* laughing * That is all you will get out of me about that story!

02-13-2014, 11:20 PM	#33
Sweet Bliss Senior Member How Do You Identify?: I Am Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: solo Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: the Beach, Pacific side Posts: 4,160 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,354 Thanked 7,264 Times in 2,158 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Was a flicking BIC involved???? Inquiring minds want the whole story....

02-14-2014, 04:17 PM	#34
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,308 Times in 2,609 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	LOL! SWEET BLISS, YOU GOTTA QUIT! laughing even harder now

02-14-2014, 09:40 PM	#36
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,308 Times in 2,609 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Sweet Bliss Good try but too bad the bribe would have been futile. Been in recovery since late 80s. Beer makes me want to chase cars ... caught up with a '68 Firebird one time ... knawed off the left rear tire - couldn't tell you what all that was about ... and chased after women too - I knew what that was about ... it became problematic. I do not miss the chaos. More serious note ... really love being sober and would not change it for anything in the world.

02-14-2014, 10:06 PM	#38
RockOn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: sitting over there ----->>>>> :) Preferred Pronoun?: .... Relationship Status: .... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .... Posts: 3,522 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,081 Thanked 10,308 Times in 2,609 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	back to Sweet Bliss ... ditto??????? You mean alcohol makes you want to chase cars too? Wow, too cool! You are the only person who has ever admitted that to me. Pssst ... come closer ... want to whisper something in your ear ... I think there are others who experience the odd behavior of alcohol-induced car chasing but they are unable to talk about it. wink

02-16-2014, 08:19 PM	#39
solamite Junior Member How Do You Identify?: SOLAMITE Preferred Pronoun?: Agglutinative Relationship Status: SINGLE Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Shoe Box Posts: 66 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8 Thanked 28 Times in 12 Posts Rep Power: 488317	Juz pullz meez finga & u willz noe wat kind of fart I didz todae.

02-16-2014, 10:50 PM	#40
GraffitiBoi Member How Do You Identify?: Transmasculine Preferred Pronoun?: Male ones Relationship Status: Playing around and having fun Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Minnetonka, MN Posts: 903 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 990 Thanked 3,663 Times in 824 Posts Rep Power: 21474848