I don't think she's out there

[Heavenleahangel]

Originally Posted by 4everlonelyfemme

I know for a fact I'll be single for the rest of my life. I've met pretty much every butch here in Estonia, and lots of men as well.

Nobody wants me.

Everyone wants to chat to the pretty girls. I'm either one of the guys or invisible.

And that's with as much effort and money put into my appearance as I possibly can

So... Just taking it one day at a time, coping, trying to find comfort in alcohol and bars over the weekend, and sometimes into the week...At 21 the thought of a lifetime of this....I was born to suffer.

Pure hell.

Whenever I see couples I feel so much pain I want to strangle someone, seriously. And I'm about as cuddly and nonviolent as you can find. But we all have a breaking point.

Hi; I see you think that things are so bleak and hopeless, but I am going to put my 2cents out there and you can take my advice for whatever it is worth. (This coming from a much older femme that has socks older than you.)
Have you ever stopped to think that the negative energy you exert dwelling on how "unpretty" you are, how you were born to suffer, etc is what is keeping you from finding someone? Whether you want to believe it or not, you are sooo young. There is a whole world of possibilities out here just waiting for you, but if you keep dwelling on what you perceive as negative and unwanted issues, the positive can never happen.
With this being said, is it possible for you to go to some counseling to help with all this negativity in your life? I bet you would feel so much better about yourself and then the positive energies can flow and you will be able to find and accept love. I hink there are many of us both butch and femme that would love to go back to 21 and get to live life all over again! Life is way too short to be so down on yourself!

[Gráinne]

Originally Posted by 4everlonelyfemme

I know for a fact I'll be single for the rest of my life. I've met pretty much every butch here in Estonia, and lots of men as well.

Nobody wants me.

Everyone wants to chat to the pretty girls. I'm either one of the guys or invisible.

And that's with as much effort and money put into my appearance as I possibly can

So... Just taking it one day at a time, coping, trying to find comfort in alcohol and bars over the weekend, and sometimes into the week...At 21 the thought of a lifetime of this....I was born to suffer.

Pure hell.

Whenever I see couples I feel so much pain I want to strangle someone, seriously. And I'm about as cuddly and nonviolent as you can find. But we all have a breaking point.

Dr. Seuss said, "Why fit in when you were born to stand out?"

To be honest, negativity and hopelessness leak out and people pick up on that. What attracts folks is a positive attitude regardless of the fact you're single, and a realization that you are amazing on your own . I get lonliness-everyone feels that, even in a huge party. You can't always choose whether you're coupled or single, but you get to choose your attitude and your actions.

If you think it's suffering to be single, try being in the wrong relationship-one you get into when you feel that's as good as you can get.

I already know something that sets you apart from 99% of the rest of the femmes here-you probably speak Russian and a host of other languages (besides learning English), and you're surrounded by Estonia! When you focus on what makes you unique and on your good qualities, you will become attractive.

That genius Dr. Seuss also said "No one is youer than you".

Words of wisdom from the above two posters. I wholeheartedly agree. There is nothing more attractive than someone who's happy with their lives. When you're happy with your life, then, only then are you ready to share it I believe.

Being a couple doesn't solve anything.

Learn to love your life and yourself. I am fully aware of how easy it is to say and how hard it can be in practice.

[agape]

Originally Posted by Heavenleahangel

Hi; I see you think that things are so bleak and hopeless, but I am going to put my 2cents out there and you can take my advice for whatever it is worth. (This coming from a much older femme that has socks older than you.)
Have you ever stopped to think that the negative energy you exert dwelling on how "unpretty" you are, how you were born to suffer, etc is what is keeping you from finding someone? Whether you want to believe it or not, you are sooo young. There is a whole world of possibilities out here just waiting for you, but if you keep dwelling on what you perceive as negative and unwanted issues, the positive can never happen.
With this being said, is it possible for you to go to some counseling to help with all this negativity in your life? I bet you would feel so much better about yourself and then the positive energies can flow and you will be able to find and accept love. I hink there are many of us both butch and femme that would love to go back to 21 and get to live life all over again! Life is way too short to be so down on yourself!

You could be right but on the other hand, that would assume that the negativity came before ppls reactions and that we really don't know...

[agape]

Originally Posted by Daktari

Words of wisdom from the above two posters. I wholeheartedly agree. There is nothing more attractive than someone who's happy with their lives. When you're happy with your life, then, only then are you ready to share it I believe.

Being a couple doesn't solve anything.

Learn to love your life and yourself. I am fully aware of how easy it is to say and how hard it can be in practice.

Hmm... I both agree and disagree... I personally find overly happy and satisfied ppl not so attractive. I prefer realists, who often are read as pessimists in today's world... Nowdays everyone seems to be expected to be 99% happy and successfull (whatever that means)... At least that is my experience.

Being a couple maybe doesn't solve anything, just like food doesn't solve anything, but we do need food to survive. We also need love and human contact. I think it's perfectly normal to painfully miss love and human contact and express that pain. I don't see anything wrong with that.

Of course one should love one self but it's really hard to keep that going if the world "slapps" you too much for a too long time -if you know what I mean. Sometimes it just gets too much... And some things you just can't give yourself on your own. It's just not the same hugging yourself and having another person hugging you...

But I do agree that a positive attitude can help bring good things into your life. I just find it unnecessary telling someone suffering that since I'm pretty sure almost everyone is already painfully aware of that fact... (I could be wrong though...)

[snow white]

Originally Posted by lettertodaddy

Sorry for being a downer folks, especially after being away for such a long time, but I just wanted to share in a space where people might be sympathetic.

I've reached a point where I think my perfect partner isn't out there.

I've had a lot of false starts, misfires, and missteps this year. I've been dealing with my own emotional issues surrounding depression, but that, on top of having no luck meeting someone, has me thinking the worst -- that there just isn't a woman out there for me.

I am trying to learn to accept being single, to accept that I'll probably walk the rest of my life alone, but if I'm being honest, accepting that notion is breaking my heart. I have so much love to give. I don't think I'm a horrible person. So why can't I find someone to love?

I've heard people say that your perfect person shows up when you stop looking, but I think I've gone clear past "not looking" to "not caring" and "not being open", so I'd probably miss her even if she did show up.

In other news, my descent into the lesbian librarian stereotype is complete - I adopted a cat about a month ago. That's something to be happy about. As I write this, she's curled up on the couch having a snooze. She's so adorable.

Anyway, thank you for letting me share.

I can echo these sentiments almost *exactly*. Thank you. Now, at least, I can take comfort from knowing that I'm not alone in being alone...and neither are you : )

[Cid]

I've been thinking the same thing for a very long time. I just don't think that the person I'm looking for exists. Even if she does, I don't know that I would recognize her. I guess I've just got to the point where I don't even look anymore.
One thing that really hinders my search is that I had more than one psychic tell me that I won't meet anyone for another 5-7 years. So, that being put in my head makes it hard for me to take any searching seriously. I would love to prove them wrong.
I also figure that by that time....why bother? I'll be near 60 and don't think I would be prepared to share my life anymore....if I'm still alive then.
My sympathies and compassion to all those who share this feeling.
It's a hard road to walk alone.

[SaltyButch]

I can commiserate with you all, I myself have felt that more than once. The saying that someone when you least expect it will show up is possible, you have to be open to it though. I closed myself off for a long time while I rearranged my psyche so that I was in a better place and knew who I wanted in my life.

It does get lonely because you have so much you want to share, but you know what you can share it, you can share it by being good to yourself, by going out and enjoying your friends and life. This gets you out there and you know what the opportunity then exists that you may meet someone.

All I can say is don't give up, even if you are late in life you still have alot of life to live, and if you wear a smile on your face you are going to attract another smile.

Don't give up hope, she is out there in a place you haven't even thought of yet.

[Koffeelvr]

I am pretty much a newbie to BFP. I started reading a couple of threads over the weekend. I found this one interesting because I could relate to a late of the comments shared at various points in my life.

I just wanted to thank you all for taking the time to share your thoughts.

Have a great day!

[Asari]

I know that it's hard not to give way to despair but everyone is able to decide against it - I did.

To be honest I never had a relationship or even a real date and still doubt that I will find a Butch who shares my view of life and is interested in me, but fortunately I'm comfortable with staying a single maiden. I have so much love to give and if thre is no one interested in a relationship I'll explore other ways to share this love.